"HOW DID A HUMAN GIRL SNEAK OUT OF A HOUSE FULL OF VAMPIRES WITH SUPERIOR SENSES?"

"SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT EVERYTHING IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS WITH THAT GIRL."

CAST

DIANA SILVERS as EVERETTE HAWTHORNE

"you got the wrong guy! I'm innocent!"

"I'm never letting you sit in the back of the cruiser ever again, kid."

"I need to speak to my lawyer."

"ever, you have the right to remain silent. so, please be silent."

"damn, belly, never thought I'd see the day where you joined the force. hate to see a good one go."

PETER FACINELLI as CARLISLE CULLEN

"what have you taken?"

"some tylenol to keep off a headache in the morning."

"no, what are you under the influence of?"

"your charming aura and debonair personality."

"not the time to be cute, darling. tell me exactly what you've consumed tonight, and just maybe I won't let emmett make your hungover life miserable when the sun rises."

ROBERT PATTINSON as EDWARD CULLEN

"do you intentionally hide specific thoughts from me? or is it a magical safeguard?"

"hide my thoughts? you read minds? jesus christ, thank god you can't hear mine or I'd be embarrassed."

"to be clear, I can't hear your thoughts that incriminate you for being a witch. I can very much hear the vulgar thoughts you have about the majority of my coven, myself included."

NIKKI REED as ROSALIE HALE

"well, if it isn't beauty pageant barbie and anabolic steroids ken."

"you're drunk. it's not a good look on you."

"baby, everything is a good look on me."

KELLAN LUTZ as EMMETT CULLEN

"you're a dangerous little thing."

"well, yeah, I'm a chaos witch."

"I more-so meant in that dress with a slit so high, but yeah, that too."

"also, don't call me little. I'm five-foot-fucking-ten!"

"and still you're the shortest of us all because rose is always in heels."

JACKSON RATHBONE as JASPER HALE

"I am so not scared."

"right, and you're lying to the empath during scary movie night for what reason?"

"your powers must be on the fritz because I'm so brave right now."

"so, why are you clinging to me for protection?"

"oh, you silly fool. this was my evil plan all along — use the scary movie as an excuse for physical contact."

ADDITIONAL CAST

BELLA SWAN

"what did you say when alice asked you about me?"

"I told her what you always say — you're not her or her family's business."

"and that is why you're the best friend that ever was, belly."

ALICE CULLEN

"this family has been waiting a long time for you to come around. you complete us."

"I know that I'm great and have a killer sense of fashion, but I feel like you're being a little dramatic."

"you don't have a killer sense of fashion."

"wow. and you've lost my blessing to date bella."

ESME CULLEN

"there's always been a certain type of loneliness that hangs over the other's heads — well, not so much emmett and rosalie, but even they aren't complete."

"and you don't feel that loneliness too?"

"some days. but in truth, all I've ever wanted was a family of my own to love and cherish. they've all given me that. whether I have a mate down the line doesn't matter so long as I have all the others."

CHARLIE SWAN

"you don't have to do this, you know?"

"do what?"

"cook and clean and help pay the bills. your stay here with us isn't conditional. this is your home just as much as it's bella's."

LEAH CLEARWATER

"why are you ending things? is the whole werewolf thing too overwhelming?"

"it's because I'm not stupid. the family is back in town. yeah, you're still pissed right now, but I know you. I know you'll take them back. I get I was just a placeholder."

"leah clearwater, you look me in the eye right now. you're one of my best friends — who also lets me make out with her. but you're sure as hell not a fucking placeholder."

JACOB BLACK

"I don't like you."

"the feeling is mutual."

SAM ULEY

"witches and spirit shifters have a long history together. so, if you ever need anything at all, the pack is here for you."

"I do need something, actually. a date to make me forget my exes. you got any hot, single mutts lying around?"

"I DON'T EXACTLY DO WHAT I'M TOLD, DOCTOR CULLEN. "

"TRUST ME, MY DARLING — YOU'LL LEARN."

PLAYLIST

evolve | 5 seconds of summer

invisible string | taylor swift

messy | lola young

the old religion | florence + the machine

party girl | hey violet

woman is a tree | the last dinner party

cycle breaker | brye

paul revere | noah kahan

yours & mine | lucy dacus

right where you left me | taylor swift

the dream | diana silvers

actor | conan gray

hurricane | halsey

back to friends | sombr

caravel | greta van fleet

how did it end? | taylor swift

"YOU ASKED ME TO MAKE IT STORM SO YOU CAN PLAY BASEBALL. WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS GONNA DO? SAY BIBBIDI-BOBBIDI-BOO AND WAVE A WAND?"

"WELL, I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE GONNA SLICE OPEN A DEER OVER A SACRIFICIAL ALTAR AND PAINT ITS BLOOD ON YOUR FACE!"

"YOU'RE SUCH A SISSY, EMMETT."

SUMMARY

—in which bella swan and everette hawthorne have attachment issues, meaning that if one moved to forks, washington, the other had to follow.

OR

—in which alice cullen has known for years that the final addition to the cullen family was coming, but they never expected for their shared mate to be a powerful witch who partied more than she practiced her magic.

"YOU'RE, LIKE, STUPID PRETTY — OH, MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY I SAID THAT."

"IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE IDIOTICALLY BEAUTIFUL AS WELL."

TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR:

— drug usage (casual and recreational, not addiction)

— mentioned past parental abuse (not described and we never meet said character)

— smut

REANNA'S ADDITIONS:

— we're going with the cullen heights in the books because they're all taller and that's hot.

— alice and bella will end up together.

— esme will have an end relationship, I just still don't know who yet. open to all pairings and options.