After our heated exchange, neither of us spoke a word during the entirety of our journey, like two complete strangers compelled to travel together.

Grand Duke Averill must've sensed that I have no ounce of willingness to converse with him, so he kept his mouth shut. For once, he acted correctly.

For days, our carriage did the talk as it rattled on the bumpy ground amidst the silence of its passengers. We had to make a number of stops and let the horses rest. Even so, we never spoke.

More than the journey itself, being confined in that small space with Alistair was so exhausting.

As we ventured across Surinam on the way to the capital, I witnessed how the southern lands were raw and untouched. It's neither dense like Izumo of the east, nor civilized like Muehler of the west.

We only passed by a few notable estates, and the rest of the lands were filled with trees and mountains. A suitable place to raise an army.

I can see why Princess Odette chose Surinam.

"What are you thinking?"

We were already near the capital when the grand duke broke the hostile silence between us that has been going on for days. He should've stayed quiet.

"Don't you think it's too late to be making small talks at this point? We're almost in the capital."

He heaved out a deep sigh. "Whether you like it or not, you will have to stick with me in the palace."

"No thanks," I scoffed. "I'd rather be surrounded by enemies than a backstabber of a companion."

"Isabelle!" Alistair growled, seemingly getting tired of our kerfuffle. "Until when are you-!"

"It's Kallen." I corrected him firmly. "Isabelle is dead. If you want us to work together, start by calling me properly, not by your dead woman's name. You seem to be confusing the two of us."

The grand duke stared at me intensely. It seemed like he was one second away from erupting into rage, but he managed to keep his cool. Barely so.

"Kallen," He inhaled deeply. "I know you resent me, you loathe me, and you hate the sight of me."

My eyebrows lifted. "It's good that you know."

"Still, our cooperation is crucial." He continued, ignoring my innuendo. "Can't we at least try to clear the air between us, for the princess' sake?"

I crossed my arms, unwilling to give in to him.

"Do you intend to barge into the palace without a single plan on mind?" His Grace questioned. "Her Highness sent you with me because I need you."

This time, his golden eyes stared at me earnestly.

"And that goes both ways. Once you step into the palace, you won't be able to do as you please." He pointed out. "To move freely there, you need me."

Of course, I understand that much. After all, I'm entering the palace under the pretext of being his personal maid. So I need to stick to that narrative and play my part as Grand Duke Averill's servant.

I understand, but it still makes my blood boil.

"Fine," I muttered grimly. "What's the plan?"

It was only for a split second, but the side of his lips lifted. He seemed please that I backed down.

"Thank you, Kallen."

My face crumpled. "Shut up."

This time, Alistair couldn't hold back his smile.

At that point, I wanted to beat the crap out of him because he seemed to be enjoying my discomfort.

Still, I fought against the urge, since I didn't want to waste my energy on him. He's not worth shit.

"The plan is simple." He crossed his legs. "You will enter the palace as my personal maid, so you're not allowed to move around on your own."

I quietly tilted my head, urging him to go on.

"Both the head butler and the chief maid are strict to the servants who step foot on the palace, so they will likely keep an eye on you, despite my vouch.

"And so, the only chance you would get is the time for you to fetch my meals. I already slipped in one of my people in the kitchen, who will prepare all my food exactly the same as His Majesty's meals."

I raised a brow. "So I need to switch them out?"

"Yes," He affirmed. "The emperor's food has been laced with poison for quite some time. At this rate, he will die if we don't stop him from taking them."

"Wait," I rubbed my chin. "If our goal is to save the emperor, the princess should have prevented His Majesty from consuming poison in the first place."

Grand Duke Averill listened attentively to me.

"From what I've heard, he's already been reduced to a vegetative state." I added, confused. "Why did Her Highness let it go that far if she knew that her father was being poisoned by the crown prince?"

He smiled. "Because she wants him dead, too?"

I frowned.

"You seem to have misunderstood." Alistair leaned on his seat. "Our goal isn't to save His Majesty, but to delay his death while the prince is hastening it."

I laughed, incredulous. "So both want him dead?"

"Yes, but what matters is the timing." The grand duke stated. "If His Majesty dies now, the crown prince will rise to the throne. But if the princess arrives then and catches her brother poisoning the emperor, he'll be branded as a dirty traitor."

"Thus, Her Highness will be hailed as the imperial child who saved her father." My eyes widened in shock. I see it now. "But at this point of time, the emperor is already bedridden and will die soon."

He nodded in agreement. "That's right."

"And so, with Prince Dion punished for treason, Her Highness will claim the crown rightfully!"

"Precisely." Alistair smiled at my excitement.

"Whoa," I spread my arms on my seat, shaking my head in disbelief. "I'm apalled. Both siblings want their father dead. What filial children they are."

Princess Odette scares me. She acts and talks so innocently like a blameless sheep, but she's no different from her brother. Both are so cruel.

"Is this okay with you, though?" I eyed him.

Alistair tilted his head cluelessly. "Me?"

"You're also related to His Majesty by blood, and you two were in good terms." I curiously pointed out to him. "I heard he was fond of you as well."

"Ah," he blurted out. "It doesn't matter."

Grand Duke Averill stared at nowhere, as if he were remembering the past. There was a bitter smile on his face as he drowned in reminiscence.

"The moment he allowed your execution, despite knowing that I love you dearly..." Alistair trailed, staring at me. "He already lost all of my respect."

I was rendered speechless.

For a moment, I forgot everything that happened between us while talking to him. It just shows how I actually enjoy his company, whether I admit it or not. After all, he was an astute and sensible man.

Until he betrayed me in the past, that is.

His words reminded me that at some point, we were each other's world. That he was someone who loved me, so much that he cut ties with the emperor himself when I was executed wrongly.

My fists grabbed the hem of my dress. "I see."

I lifted my gaze to him, but I wish I hadn't.

Because when I saw the expression on his face, filled with guilt and longing, my heart faltered.

"Isabelle," He called softly. "Can't we try again?"

As if on cue, another man's face came to mind.

His purple eyes, so dark and enigmatic, were gazing down on me like the midnight skies.

The way his lips were slightly lifted, the smile on his face barely reached his eyes. Even so, he had such a gentle countenance while looking at me.

There was a mole on the side of his left eye. Some strands of his jet black hair covered his forehead, while the rest of it cascaded past his shoulders.

That's when I realized... I had no reason to falter.

Because even at a time like this when I'm enticed by the sweet taste of my first love, I think of him.

That the more time we spend away from each other, the more I grow to love him. That even at this moment, all I want is to run into his arms.

Before I knew it, my eyes were filled with tears.

I cried, not out of sadness but joy. I realized just how much I love him, and it moved me to tears.

"No," My lips quivered. "I'm sorry."

The truth is, I understand why you did it.

You did it because you love me, and you were sick of the novel taking away my life. I know that you, a man with a strong sense of justice, ultimately decided to dirty your hands because of love.

It was twisted and wretched, but love nonetheless.

That's why I also owe you an apology.

I turned you into that very kind of person, and yet I couldn't stick with you until the end. You once told me that you were willing to kill for me, but perhaps I wasn't ready to love that part of you.

Whenever I see you now, I always feel compelled to hate you. I realized that I was afraid. My hatred comes from the fear that I might love you again.

But it's okay. I'm not afraid anymore.

I know for sure that my heart already belongs to somebody else. His name is Haniel Calypso Astana, and he taught me a love so beautiful.

That's why it's fine. I'm certainly fine now.

I won't hate you anymore, Alistair. I forgive you, but my forgiveness comes with a price. It marks the end. I'm done hating you. I'm done fearing you. I'm done loving you. I'm done with you.

I'm no longer hurt by the spring, I already healed from the summer, and I've learned to love the fall.

I pray that you also heal from all our seasons.

That way, we can be done with each other.

Once and for all.

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