I spent hours looking only at the painting that Rad gave me, trying to figure out what's the meaning behind the mystery and fearsome portrait of a couple. Kahit saang anggulo ay hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang larawan. So, let's just appreciate the beauty of the painting despite the eerie feeling.

I decided to take a shower before giving one last glance to the portrait. Mom told me that they prepared a not-so-big birthday celebration tonight so I must get ready for it lalo na't babiyahe pa kami papunta sa venue na hindi naman ganoon kalayuan dito sa amin. Wala na akong magagawa pa kahit na ayaw kong makihalubilo sa ibang tao dahil handa na ang lahat.

So, I'm wearing a chic a-line square silver tulle applique short dress paired with a black stiletto and a messy updo hairstyle. Mom insisted on having a make-up artist and hair stylist for me and I can't go against it. But as much as possible, I want my look to be simple yet classy and elegant to fit with the classic setting on one of my Mom's hotel here in Calamba.

I'm only seventeen pero bakit mas lumalabas na parang debut ko na ito. Hindi ko na lang napigilang mapabuntong-hininga habang pinagmamasdan ang sarili ko sa isang malaking salamin na sakop ang buo kong katawan. Kahit anong ayos ng tindig ay hindi pa rin maiibsan ang bigat na pumapaimbabaw sa buong sistema ko.

Sa loob ng labimpitong taon ay dalawang salita lamang ang makapaglalarawan ng naging buhay ko- sakal at pagod. Ang hirap maging anak ng isang bilyunaryong magulang. It's so hard to live with their expectations and demands.

Nabalik ako sa reyalidad nang marinig ko ang ilang katok mula sa pinto ng kuwarto ko. Napalingon ako roon kasabay ng pagbukas nito. Bahagya siyang pumasok ng magalang at maingat bago sinabi ang pakay niya.

"Miss, Madame is calling you already," Mom's handmaiden said.

"Sige po. Salamat."

I deeply sigh for the last time while trying to compose myself in front of the huge mirror. Naglakad na ako palabas ng kuwarto ko nang makontento na ako sa ayos ko. Pero bago ko pa man tuluyang maisara ang pinto ay hindi ko maiwasang mapabulong sa sarili ko.

"Here we go again." I can sense tiredness in my voice even though the celebration for my seventeenth birthday is not yet starting.

Wala pang trenta minutos ay nakarating na agad kami sa hotel. Sa likod kami dumaan dahil marami na agad ang mga dumating na bisita sa unahan. Pina-retouch pa ako ni Mom sa nakalaang kuwarto sa akin bago tuluyang magpakita sa guests.

Mom's being paranoid again kahit na hindi niya ipahalata kaya nauna na sila ni Dad sa baba para maasikaso na nila ang mga bisita. She's always meticulous on time, that's why.

I stayed for an hour in the room to gain my confidence back before going to the venue. While walking gracefully on the long and narrow hallway, I'm preparing my delicate figure to expose it to the rich and elite people. Mahirap magkamali sa harap nila lalo na't sa harap ng mga magulang ko. Pero ano pa bang bago? In fact, I'm also living in the house of elite people so I should get used to it already.

Inilibot ko ang paningin sa dagat ng tao bago tuluyang bumaba ng hagdan and I just realized that I'm looking for him again. Masyado pa yatang maaga para dumating siya. I should refrain myself from thinking about him to avoid committing any mistakes. Alam ko ring mali na isipin at hintayin ko ang ibang tao, knowing that the person that I want to see will not be here.

"Mom, Dad," I greeted my parents with a kiss on their cheeks.

"Finally!" my Mom said using her jaunty tone before facing her business associates.

"Everyone, the birthday heiress!" anunsiyo niya pa.

I have no choice but to greet everyone who came tonight for my birthday, particularly those who are in the table with us. I'm also pretty sure that this is not just about my birthday. This will also serve as an event for their business to gain and attract more investors, customers and partnerships. Oh, it's quite annoying, you know. Also, para bang palagi na lang nakakabit sa akin ang titulong 'heiress' that made me want to roll my eyes everytime I heard that.

The room was packed with different people that I don't know. Wala man lang akong kaibigan o kaya kaklase na nandito ngayon. Even in making friends, Mom's always interfering. Isn't that frustrating and dejecting? But when it comes to Rad, Mom's somewhat soft. So, tell me, paano ko mapapakilala sa kanila ang taong mahal ko someday?

May ilan pang sinabi si Mom pero hindi ko na iyon masyadong pinagtuonan pa ng pansin. Tahimik lang akong nakatayo sa gilid niya habang inililibot ang paningin sa paligid. I sighed heavily as I push myself to create a smile in front of them all.

Naupo naman agad kami pagkatapos. May nagbukas na agad ng mapag-uusapan habang kumakain na.

"I heard about your new project in Germany. How is it going so far?" One of my Mom's associates said.

Narinig ko ang bahagyang pagtawa ni Mom dahil doon na agad niya namang binigyan ng sagot.

"Oh, someone spilled the tea already, huh? Well, I was planning to do it in secret but I guess, I failed for the nth time again," she said as she sipped on her wine. "But anyway, I'm taking things slow according to the plan and it will be established next month. As much as possible, I want the project to be done by next year."

After she said those, everyone in the table is giving her praises especially Dad.

"I guess, having that skills and ability touches my heart everytime you do the work, honey," si Dad suot ang malawak na ngiti sa kanyang mga labi habang tinitignan si Mom.

I can't help but to smile. Siguro masuwerte talaga ako sa kanila kasi kinasal sila dahil sa pagmamahalan nila, hindi dahil sa pera at kapangyarihan. Pero minsan hindi ko maiwasang isipin na may pagmamahal pa ba talaga sa kanila ngayon? Knowing that they are always busy with their own business at nakakalimutan na nilang may anak sila. Naaalala at napapansin lang nila ako kapag may mga ganitong okasyon at kapag nagkakamali ako.

Nagpatuloy ang usapan nila tungkol sa negosyo na hindi man lang ako interesadong makinig o kahit malaman pa. Nagbingi-bingihan na lang ako habang nakatitig lang sa pagkain ko. Sinubukan ko rin sanang umalis para makisalamuha sa ibang bisita, but Mom never allowed me.

"Learn to listen when it comes to business, Aislinn. This is important to us," si Mom saka na ulit itinuon ang pansin sa mga kasamahan niya.

Nang mapunta kay Dad ang usapan ay doon ko piniling makinig kahit papaano. I always wanted to know how Dad manage to built his business into an empire.

"How 'bout you, Arieto? How's your business? Are you going to build a new project too or just focus on what you have right now?" Mr. Brickson said. Natandaan ko siya kasi ilang beses ko na siyang nakita at nakasalamuha. Now that I think about it, he's the only person that I know in this table. Though, I'm quite familiar with their faces, not with their names.

"My business is doing just great," my Dad proudly said with a big smile on lips that made his wrinkles on the forehead and at the corner of his eyes became more visible. Dad is getting older, but here he is, still working.

Mr. Brickson chortled. "As expected from you."

"What I do is more than enough for us. I'll let my wife manage whatever she wants to build to flourish since that's what she's capable of and I'm for the profits and values of the company."

Their passion for business is burning but what about us? The word 'balance' is not included in this matter and that's what they need to flourish.

"We'll take that as the secret of the top multibillionaire in Asia in managing the business, then?" Mr. Brickson joked that made everyone in the table laugh. They also made a toast for the continuous success of our family which I find malicious.

"It still depends to the person who manages the business. The secret is none other than yourself and the people around you."

"Oh, will that also answer to the marriage arrangement of your heiress? You know, there's a saying that too much hunger could only cause death. Am I right, Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair?" Someone made a big blow that put everyone into a deafening silence.

Parang panandaliang tumigil ang pag-ikot ng mundo ko dahil doon. Ang ilang na namumutawi ay napalitan din ng nakababahalang tensyon. Am I just hearing things because of being silent the whole time or... not?

Nanginig ang mga kamay ko kaya nabitawan ko ang mga kubyertos na hawak ko na siyang lumikha ng matinis na tunog. Ramdam ko ang sabay-sabay na pagbaling nila ng tingin sa direksiyon ko. Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko at unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pamumuo ng pawis sa noo at leeg ko. Hindi ko magawang makaimik o makakibo. Hinayaan ko lang na matulala ang sarili ko sa platong may lamang pagkain na hindi pa nangangalahati.

"My... I forgot that she's here with us. Forgive me for that," mapakla siyang tumawa pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon.

Then, he's really talking about me!

Mom cleared her throat and I can already picture out her face in my mind while looking at that particular person.

"I didn't expect that you'll cross the line in this said birthday celebration of my daughter, Mr. Hillier."

Hindi ko maiwasang mapangisi ng may pait sa utak ko nang sabihin iyon ni Mom. Now, she calls me her daughter. It's been a while since she calls me that. Funny yet I still find it sweet, even though I know that it didn't actually said the way she wanted it to be.

"Uhm, if you'll excuse me, please," I stuttered as I force myself to stand carefully. I tried to create a smile but my lips is not in a good condition right now so I just bowed my head down. Sa pag-angat ko ulit ng ulo ko ay saka ko nakita ang taong kailangan ko sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. He came just in time.

Naglakad ako palapit sa kanya dala ang mabigat na pakiramdam pero nang ngumiti siya ay hindi ko na maiwasang mapangiti ng wala sa oras. Oh, my foolish heart is playing with my innocent mind again.

"You came!" I can still feel the stutters in my voice.

"By the look on your face, I can see that you're not enjoying this party of yours. Did you longed for me that much, my beloved?" Oh, he really is full of himself.

I awkwardly laughed at that while looking at his eyes pero kalaunan ay unti-unti na lang ulit akong napayuko. I bit my lower lip to suppress my tears from falling. Damn! Why does I always get emotional whenever he's here? Bakit parang palagi na lang siyang dumadating kapag kailangan ko ng masasandalan? Is this a coincidence or it's the destiny's will?

Nagulat ako nang hawakan niya ang baba ko para iangat ang paningin ko sa kanya.

"Will I take this as a sign that you really miss me that much, huh?"

"Hindi, ano ka ba!" Tinapik ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa baba ko nang may puwersa saka siya tinarayan.

Napangiti ulit siya habang nakatitig sa akin. He took a step forward to reach for my ears that made my heart skipped a beat.

"I have a gift for you," he whispered. Kinilabutan ako bigla nang magdampi sa balat ko ang hininga niya at talaga namang nanuot sa ilong ko ang suot niyang pabango.

Bumalik siya sa puwesto niya kanina na hindi nagigiba ang tindig na mayroon siya habang nasa loob ng bulsa ng pantalon ang dalawa niyang kamay.

"I already received your gift this afternoon. It's a beautiful yet fearsome portrait. Why did you gave me that, anyway? Marami namang ibang bagay na puwede mong iregalo sa akin, pero bakit iyon pa? I mean, it's not that I don't like it. It's just that, uhm, it gives me chills everytime I look at it," taranta kong saad sa kanya habang umuutal-utal pa. Nagmumukha tuloy akong tanga sa harap niya. Knowing that he's so composed whenever I'm with him while me, okay, nevermind.

"That was just a part of my gift."

I think he finds me funny again right now because of that smile of him. Bakit ba kasi nagkakaganito ako kapag siya na ang kaharap ko? I'm confusing myself for christ's sake!

"But you don't need to spend your money on expensive things just to give me a gift," I clearly said.

"It's not for you to decide," aniya. "So..." Inilahad niya ang kamay niya sa akin and I didn't hesitate to hold it because I know that he will protect me no matter what. In him, I found my inner peace. Kahit na ano ang dahilan at saan ay patuloy kong hahawakan ang kamay niya ng walang duda.

Habang naglalakad ay ramdam ko ang pasulyap-sulyap niya ng tingin sa akin. Wala naman akong magagawa kundi ang hayaan na lang siya.

Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw ng kamay niya habang hawak ang kamay ko. I can't help but to admire the softness of his hand just like his heart. Hindi ako makapaniwalang lumaki ako na parte siya ng buhay ko. Now, I don't know what will happen to my life without him.

Sa pagbukas ng elevator ay siya ring pagbitaw niya sa kamay ko na agad ko namang binigyan ng pansin. Nauna siyang lumabas. Sumunod naman ako but I stopped myself from walking when he face me again. He's smiling from ear to ear, showing his lofty manner as usual.

"Surprise!" He took a step backward saka na tuluyang gumilid para makita ko kung ano man ang inihanda niya para sa akin.

There I found a chopper. Speechless for what I am seeing right now, I still walked towards it to see my name clearly etched on it. Gulat at namamanghang hinaplos ang pangalan ko saka ito marahang sinambit.

"Aislinn..."

"For you," agap niya.

Napangiti ako ngunit hindi ko maiwasang mapailing dahil sa pagkalito. "Rad, this is too much. I-" I stared at his eyes looking jovially at me. Now I feel so guilty for what I am going to say to him.

"I cannot... accept this, I'm sorry," pagpapatuloy ko.

Nakita ko ang unti-unting pagkawala ng kislap sa mga mata niya at ngiti sa labi. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit ang hirap niyang tanggihan.

Matagal bago siya nakapagsalita ulit kaya naman ay tanging titigan lang ang nagawa namin. I'm sorry, Rad. If I don't reject you now, when? I know this is his way to express himself but as a friend, I don't want to take advantage on his kindness. Sapat na sa akin ang pagbibigay niya ng mga regalo kapag may okasyon at kaarawan ko, but now that I think about it, it's too much. This is just too much. Masyado yata akong nawili at nadala kaya masyado na ring huli para i-reject ko siya sa mga bagay na gusto niyang gawin, sabihin o ibigay.

I heard his tongue clicked then licked his lips after. "Why? Don't you like it?"

"I like it! But, don't you think this is way too much? I mean..." I trailed off.

"As long as it's for you."

"What do you mean, Rad? I get that you just want to give me these kind of expensive things to make me happy and comfort me. But, Rad, are you also aware of our relationship? Are you aware of my feelings for you? We're... just friends at masyado na itong magara sa relasyon na meron tayo."

I saw how his jaw clenched and the way his eyes changed into something I cannot understand. Bigla akong kinabahan at hindi ko na magawang makakibo pa.

"I'm aware of that, Ace, but I don't want to get rejected by you so you don't have a choice but to accept the goddamn chopper."

He's furious even with his calm outward appearance. Ramdam ko kasi ang diin ng mga salitang binitawan niya.

"Rad," nanginig ang boses ko habang tinititigan pa rin siya.

Before I could start talking again, he already see his way out of the rooftop. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako habang nakatingin sa papalayo niyang pigura. Napapikit ako sandali at napahawak sa dibdib ko. Ngayon lang yata ako natakot kay Rad ng ganito after all these years.

I've seen different sides of him but this time, it's something that I don't get or catch up. I can feel it. There's something strange that's happening to him.

Nanghihina akong pumasok sa kuwarto saka pagod na dumapa sa kama. What an unfortunate birthday.

Nadapo ang tingin ko sa cellphone ko dahil sa biglaang pag-vibrate nito. Napabangon ako at agad na napaayos ng upo bago kunin sa bed side table ang cell phone. Nang pipindutin ko na sana ang answer button ay saka naman ito napatay. Doon ko nakita ang siyam na missed calls at tatlong texts ni Van. Napasapo ako sa ulo nang hindi ko mapigilan ang pagguhit ng ngiti sa labi ko.

Oh this man, he always find a way to make my mood lighter even with his simple calls and texts. Guess, I'm really in love with this man, huh?

Razvan:

Hey, how are you?

Razvan:

I miss you. Fuck! I'm going crazy.

Razvan:

Can I call?

I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from smiling wider while reading his texts. In that texts, I feel appreciated and more valuable. Matatawag na ba akong marupok nito?

Magtitipa na sana ako ng mensahe sa kanya nang biglang mag-pop up sa screen ang pangalan niya. Sinagot ko na agad ang tawag dahil baka kung ano na ang mga iniisip niya. Damn! I can also imagine his expressions.

"Hello?"

Wala akong narinig na sagot mula sa kanya nang sabihin ko iyon. Inulit ko dahil baka hindi niya narinig ang boses ko pero wala pa rin siyang naging tugon. Imbes na mag-alala o magtaka ay mas nagawa ko pa ring ngumiti na parang timang.

"Akala ko ba miss mo na ako? Bakit hindi ka man lang diyan nagsasalita?"

Naghintay ako ng ilang segundo sa pagsagot niya pero wala pa rin. Tiningnan ko ang screen just to make sure that I am still on my right mind talking to him.

"Hindi ka man lang ba talaga magsasalita? Ibababa ko na ito, kung ganoon." I tried to threaten him but even with those, he's still not talking!

Now, I'm getting annoyed. What is wrong with you, Van? Wala lang akong naging paramdam buong araw dahil naging busy ako sa school at paghahanda sa pagdiriwang ng kaarawan ko ay ganito ka na? It's also not my fault that we're not on the same grade and building.

"Guess, you're not going to speak a word so..."

I was about to end the call when I heard him sighed heavily as he calls for my name.

"Aislinn."

Ako naman ngayon ang hindi nagsalita para pakinggan siya.

"I'm sorry, umiinom kasi ako and I just want to hear your voice," he said in a hoarse voice.

"Na naman? Bakit parang napapadalas yata ang pag-inom mo gabi-gabi?"

Okay, I don't like where this is going again. Unti-unti na naman akong nilulukob ng pagkairita ko sa kanya. Kung kanina lang ay masaya at kinikilig pa ako sa kanya, ngayon ay hindi na. Dadagdag na naman ba siya sa sitwasyon na meron ako ngayon? Oh, please.

"Just enjoying this shit."

Wow! And he's still so cool about it?

Hindi ako nagsalita kaya may dinagdag pa siya.

"Sige na, matatapos din 'to."

"Anong oras? Kapag sumikat na naman ang araw? Ano palagi ka na lang papasok sa school ng ganyan?" Punong-puno ng iritasyon ang boses ko. Sana naman ay mapansin niya iyon dahil sinasadya ko talaga!

"We're almost done," marahan niyang sabi.

"Don't fool me, Razvan Cronin. Ilang gabi mo pang balak gamitin ang excuse na iyan? Hindi ka ba nagsasawa kakainom mo? Sinisira mo lang ang kalusugan mo! Palagi na lang bang ganito ang usapan natin? Magpaparamdam ka lang kung kailan mo gusto. Pupuntahan mo lang ako kapag hindi ka na bored. At kapag ako naman ang sumusubok na makipag-usap sa 'yo, ang ikli naman ng mga reply mo sa akin. Minsan na nga lang tayo magkita kahit na same school lang tayo tapos ganito ka pa? Buti pa 'yan ay masyado mong nabibigyan ng oras at atensyon kaysa sa nililigawan mo." Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. Why does it always have to be this way? How can I manage this emotions of mine especially when I'm angry and too emotional?

Narinig ko ang malalim at mukhang iritadong buntong-hininga niya sa kabilang linya bago niya ako sagutin sa mga sinabi ko.

"You're making a big fuss about my drinking habits again. Come on, babe, don't make this one a big deal again. You know me."

"Yes, I know you and this isn't about your drinking habits. This is about you, Van! Why don't you listen to me? Are you still interested on having a relationship with me?"

"Hell, yeah, of course, babe! Pag-uusapan na naman ba natin ang tungkol diyan?"

Now, I can really feel his frustration.

"Bakit anong masama kung pag-uusapan natin ang mga ganyang bagay?"

"I hate it. You know that too."

"So, what are you trying to say? That I am just one of your conquests?"

"No!" he shouted angrily.

I sighed tiredly as I bowed my head down because of disappointment and aggravation.

"You just proved to me that I really am one of them. Goodbye."

And by that, our conversation ended with a blast.