★ You are my symphony ★

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- Reason to live -

Taehyung's POV

It was around ten when I found it in me to return to the headquarters. My heart was heavy but my tears were dried. I jumped off the tree I was perched on, flying into the night sky and staring down at the cities below me. Did the city ever sleep, or was it always awake?

My feet touched the bricks on the headquarters' rooftop, my wings disappearing as I stood up, looking off into the distance. My mind was blank, but my heart felt emotions it shouldn't feel. Maybe two hours ago, I was tired, but now, I felt more than awake.

I would prefer to be tired now, but sometimes we just don't get what we want.

So, I sat, letting my legs hang over the edge of the rooftop with my hands folded over my lap. My eyes focused on the streets below, watching the occasional car pass by with their headlights lighting up the street above them. I watched as stoplights changed from green to yellow, to red, flashing that green arrow every now and then.

I was so caught up in just staring ahead that I failed to hear the rooftop door open, along with the soft footsteps that appeared behind me. "Whatcha doing?" I heard Jungkook ask softly, his footsteps coming to a stop a few feet away from me. I turned, looking up at him and then turning away.

"Just staring," I replied, letting my shoulders slouch and my posture hunch over. He hummed, taking a seat beside me, throwing his legs over the edge just like I did. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" I asked, letting my fingertips play with the fabric of my jeans. His head turned, from what I could see out of the corner of my eye, and he looked at me.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" I shrugged, kicking my legs back and forth like a child who was too short to touch the ground from the chair they sat on. "Not tired." There was silence between us for a few seconds before Jungkook spoke again. "Well, neither am I." I glanced at him, noticing the small gap between us.

"You need your rest," I whispered, watching as his brown eyes met mine. "As do you, but here you are, just staring." I nodded, looking out at the city, letting the lights below illuminate my face. "What did Drift say?" He asked, palms pressing to the bricks below us while he leaned back a bit.

"Just that there are more enemies soon to come. Apparently, what we faced today was nothing compared to what's coming." Jungkook blinked, letting out a sigh. "I figured as much. I mean, we didn't do life-threatening simulations for nothing." I agreed, sighing as well. He had a point.

"Is that all he said?" I let my feet stop moving, my head turning in the opposite direction of where Jungkook was sitting. "Not quite." Jungkook didn't seem to question it, based on my current tone and the way my body fell awfully still. There was silence between us again, and I couldn't tell if it was uncomfortable or not.

"Do you think I'll lose control one day?" I turned my head to look at him, watching his eyes flutter open and meet my gaze. He studied my face, turning away and keeping his lips pressed together. Nervousness built up in my body, slithering through every muscle until my hands grew sweaty and my heart pounded.

"Yes," He said finally.

"But I don't think you're the only one who could lose control." I furrowed my eyebrows, turning my head a bit to look at him better. He was staring up at the stars, kicking his feet slowly. "I believe that we may all lose control one day, based on the situation we are in. If you think about it, we've only been doing this a month."

"In a matter of minutes, we were no longer just regular humans. Now, we're much different. Are we immortal? Are we still humans? There's so many questions, so many new things that we have- and at one point we didn't. We haven't been training for years, decades, or even centuries, just one month. I think," He paused, glancing my way.

"I think there's a really good chance that we may lose control one day. I'm not saying that you'll be the only one, or that I will be the one to lose my cool. I'm saying that all of us are at risk for it, not just one person." I hadn't considered that, and when he put it that way, it made sense. It was logical. "If that makes sense."

"It does," I said immediately, turning to face the city again. "Drift said I'd lose my control, and that I had to be careful." Jungkook turned to me, taking his hand and placing it over mine. "Do you believe him?" I shrugged because truthfully I'm not sure. Maybe, maybe not. There's a chance.

"Apparently," I whispered, clearing my throat, "darkness isn't stable, and I'm more at risk for losing my control than the rest of you are." Jungkook didn't say anything, he just intertwined our fingers. "But do you believe that?" I looked at him, my eyes scanning over his face. "According to Drift-"

"I'm not asking what Drift said, or what he believes. I'm asking you what do you believe." I frowned, taking a deep breath and shaking my head. "No, I don't believe that darkness isn't stable. The gods claim that Soros is evil, but I believe they think that just because he possesses darkness."

"You know Soros better than we do, Taehyung. I can't say that Drift is right, but I also can't say he's wrong. I don't know Soros as you do, and frankly, I may never know him at all. In the end, it just comes down to what you know about him. Others will always have opinions, but those opinions aren't facts. Don't listen to them." I nodded, knowing he was right.

"Still, it upsets me." Jungkook nodded too, leaning his head on my shoulder. "Look up at the sky," I spoke, letting my finger point upwards. "You can see the stars, right?" Jungkook hummed in response, tilting his head back so that he could see the sky. "What do you think makes you able to see those stars? Do you think that light allows you to see the stars in the sky?"

"No," Jungkook whispered. I nodded. "If that were the case, you'd be able to see the stars in the day, but you can't. You need darkness to see the stars, and I mean that in more ways than one. Without the night, we wouldn't know what day was. Without the night, we wouldn't know what a new beginning looked like." His eyes met mine and I felt something swirling within me.

"Not a lot of people understand that, but that's my view on it. That's also Soros' view. For you to see the stars, you have to have the darkness. For you to cherish the light, you have to have the darkness. Otherwise, what's the point of lights? What's the point of having a lamp, or a light fixture, without darkness?" Jungkook let his fingers card through my hair, smiling softly.

"Not everyone will see it the way you do, Taehyung, and you'll just have to accept that. Otherwise, you'll be wasting your time trying to change the world when the world doesn't want to be changed." I let his words sink into my heart, taking another deep breath. Yeah, he's right. It seems he's always right.

"I understand what you're saying, and frankly I believe that you're saying the truth. You bring out points that I didn't know before, and you're right about them. But just because you can make me believe what you believe, doesn't mean you can do that for the rest of humanity." I found it in me to laugh, letting my lips turn upwards as my chest rumbled.

"You're right," I laughed, letting my fingertips slide over his cheek. "It just tests my patience when I see the way the gods treat Soros." Jungkook sat up more, turning my head with his hand. "Why is that?" Jungkook doesn't entirely know my history- with my family and the people at university- and there's something in me that desires to tell him.

But was this truly the right time?

"I-" I paused, finding my nerves all over the place. "I've always been an outcast. I've always been the one who's different, and as a kid, I enjoyed that, yet as I grew older I hated it. I was constantly kicked out of groups and just viewed differently. I was bullied, constantly getting into fights. I was the outcast, the one everyone knew yet didn't talk to."

"And, well, I see myself in Soros. He's not a part of the whole crew of Gods, he's only there when they need him to be. To me, he seems like the outcast of the Gods, and I feel like I relate to him." Jungkook's eyes softened on me, his fingers sliding over my cheek and lips. "That's why it upsets me when they still mistreat him, despite them being together for centuries."

"Because you went through the same thing," Jungkook whispered, his eyes gazing into my own. I nodded, looking at him. "I'm sorry," He whispered again, letting his thumb slide over my cheek. "Don't be," I said, "You weren't there and you are in no way responsible for it. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I feel bad that that's what you want through." I shrugged carelessly, turning to look at the city. "I grew used to it. I didn't like it, sure, but I was used to it." He didn't say anything, only slid his fingers over mine and intertwined them. "It was the same at home," I said, breaking the silence.

"My family cared more about my siblings than I did. They were only supposed to have five kids, I was an accident." I could hear his breath hitch, my eyes finding his. "They told me constantly that I wasn't supposed to even be in the world, and for a long time I really thought they were joking."

"Until my older sister made it obvious and said I was a mistake. They constantly picked on me, but I thought it was just what older siblings did. Yet, as I grew older I realized that they just didn't like me. I'm sure my parents told them something, and it's just been that way my whole life." Jungkook shook his head, squeezing my hand in his.

"They're wrong. You aren't a mistake." I shrugged, looking at my lap.

"Then tell me why I feel as though I am."

He shook his head again, forcing me to meet his gaze. His eyes were glossy and his cheeks looked puffy, almost like he was frustrated and sad at the same time. Maybe he was. "They were wrong, okay? Maybe you weren't planned, and maybe you were an accident but that doesn't make you a mistake! It's never the child's fault."

"You need to realize that you may not have been what they wanted, but that doesn't mean you won't be someone's reason for living." I rolled my eyes, unable to look away from him. Someone's reason for living. Who might that be? Why would anyone consider me their reason to live? "I'm serious, Taehyung. Open your eyes!"

Tears streamed down his cheeks, my thumbs lifting up to wipe them away. "Shh, Cupcake. Don't cry," I whispered, turning my body a bit and pressing my lips to his. His arms wrapped around my neck, sliding down my back as he pulled me close to him. I kissed him, passionately and full of love, pulling away after a few seconds.

"You truly believe I could be someone's reason to live?" I asked in a hushed whisper, pressing my forehead to his. "Yes. You already are." I pulled away to look at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I am? Whose?"

"Mine, Taehyung. You're my reason to live."

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See Taehyung, you have a purpose.

This goes for everyone else too. Just because you may not have been planned doesn't make you a mistake. It's never the child's fault.

Remember that.

I purple you 💜

~Pisanthrophobia.