Rose_Petal: I miss you, how are you today?

Jake86: Same as usual, did you have fun last night?

Rose_Petal: Oh, you know, nothing too wild. Katie was sick though.

Jake86: She's always wild, that Katie.

I promised myself that I'd stay away, that I would just never log on to the forum again. I prepared myself for it to be hard, and ultimately, I was scared that it would hurt Jake a lot too, but I couldn't see any other way out. Going cold turkey, was it...

Yet, it was only 10 AM and I'd already caved.

I was weak, pathetic even, but my heart ached without him. It hurt so badly I almost couldn't breathe under the pain. If anything, I thought about him more knowing that I wouldn't be able to talk to him again. My brain became obsessed with what he might be doing.

I was addicted, totally consumed by Jake.

Rose_Petal: Yes, tell me about it! At least she always has me to look out for her.

Jake86: You're a good person, Rose.

That probably should've filled me with guilt, since I so clearly wasn't a good person, but it didn't. Hearing Jake say that gave me a sense of pride, I became Rose Petal, the good person.

Rose_Petal: I try to be. So, do you have any plans this week?

Jake86: Work, work, work...

Rose_Petal: Ooh, you will become a dull boy! Haven't you heard the rhyme?

Jake86: As if you're any better, all you seem to do is write.

Rose_Petal: Got to make a living somehow. Anyway, I like what I do so it's okay

Jake86: Yeah, you're right, time for me to make an escape.

I absentmindedly traced my finger over his words while I tried to think of a reply. Jake was so sweet, so innocent, I wished that I could be everything I said I was for him. He deserved it. He deserved the world, actually.

I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to tell him everything. With intense adrenaline coursing through my veins my hands moved manically.

Rose_Petal: I have something to tell you... Jake86: Yeah? Sure, what's up.

I just had to type the words 'I've been lying to you', and everything would be over. This powerful weight would be lifted from my chest. Yes, there would be a blowout, one that would leave the both of us sobbing and sad, but ultimately, it'd be the right thing for us.

That was all I had to say.

I just needed to connect my fingers with the keyboard and write just that...

Rose_Petal: I love you.

My head fell on the desk, despair overcame me. I was weak, this was why I couldn't let Jake go.

Jake86: I love you too, babe. You know that. I just can't wait until I can finally hold you.

Rose_Petal: Me neither, you make me feel so safe.

I jumped, right off the chair as a horrible sensation washed over me. Goosebumps popped up and down my arm, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, I had the intense feeling that I'd been caught.

Someone was watching me.

I twisted my neck painfully slowly to see who it was. I kept expecting to see Alex, I thought that maybe he'd come back from work early just to catch me red-handed. Arguments and accusations span through my mind, my brain preparing myself for the worst, but unexpectedly there was no one there.

"Hello?" I called out quietly. "Is anyone there?"

Silence, a painful silence rang out so loudly it made my pulse beat in my ears. I slowly stood up and made my way from room-to-room, the whole time my mouth running increasingly dry with terror. The fact that I couldn't see anyone was doing nothing to shake that feeling that someone had their eyes on me. I could almost feel their judgment weighing on my shoulders.

"Just leave me alone," I gasped, but this time my voice was hoarse and rasping. "I don't mean to do what I'm doing."

Before I knew it, my body had slumped to the ground and I was weeping. I wasn't even sure what I was truly crying for, but I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

Maybe it was just because I'd made such a hash of absolutely everything. The sides of the hole were now so high around me that I couldn't see the light. Even if I did manage to find a way out of it, I would never be the same person again.

Jake86: I feel the same, I just can't wait to start our lives together.

Jake86: Rose? Are you there?

Jake86: I have to go back to work now, I'm sorry. Hopefully, I can speak to you later?

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry."

At that moment another sound made me jump, my phone ringing out. The sound pierced through the air so violently it took everything I had not to scream. I grabbed it with a shaking hand to see my husband's name plastered across the screen.

"Hello, Alex, is everything okay?" He didn't usually call me when he was working, which left me with only one possible conclusion, there was an emergency of some kind. This idea was confirmed when all I could hear was heavy breathing on the other end. "Alex?"

"Oh, babe, I...I..."

"What? What's the matter?" I didn't know what to do until I had more information there was nothing I could do.

"Alex, talk to me."

"Oh, Stacey."

Stacey? Wasn't that...his secretary?

My heart sunk, was this for real? A sex-related pocket dial? Had he actually become so much of a cliché that he was screwing his secretary? I hadn't ever met her, but I'd heard a bit about her in the beginning. I felt certain that she was stunning, especially now.

Rather than yelling, like maybe I should've done, I dropped the phone in shock and raced to the bathroom to throw up. All this time I'd been worrying about talking to another man and Alex had his pants down for someone else. At least I never acted on my feelings, however much I wanted to.

Well, maybe it was time to do just that. Maybe I'd been putting off meeting Jake for far too long and it was time to overcome that.

I pushed my body up off the cold, tiled floor with determination flooding me and I made my way to the computer. I wanted to act on this rage now before I had time to think better of it. Alex could mess around, then I could too. Only before I did anything physical I would tell him the truth. I just wanted to find out if it was real between me and Jake first, if the chemistry we felt through messages translated into real life.

That was the smart thing to do.

Rose_Petal: Hey, Jake, I want to meet.

Jake86: OMG, for real?

Rose_Petal: Aren't you supposed to be at work?

Jake86: This is more important, are you actually serious?

I couldn't help but grin brightly, at least someone was glad to see me.

Rose_Petal: Yes, how about tonight? No time like the present.

Jake86: Yes, yes, so much yes. When? Where? OMG, I'm too excited for words.

Rose_Petal: At 8 pm, at the supermarket at the edge of the town?

Jake86: That's not very sexy, is it?

Rose_Petal: No, but it'll do for our first meeting, won't it?

Jake86: Yes, anything you say. I'll do anything for you.

Rose_Petal: There's just one thing...

Jake86: What's that?

Rose_Petal: I don't look exactly like I do in my photo.

I had to at least be honest about that part, I didn't want him to be totally stunned when I turned up. I'd make myself look as good as I could for him, but it wouldn't be enough.

Jake86: I don't love your picture, I love you.

Rose_Petal: I love you too.

Jake86: I know you'll be perfect, this will be the best time ever.

Rose_Petal: Tonight, it is then. Jake86: See you then.

I raced up the stairs, happiness coursing through my veins. This probably wasn't supposed to be how I felt after finding out my husband had a mistress, but in all honesty, I didn't care about that anymore. I just needed to decide how I wanted to look, pick up the kids from school, sort them out, then make up some mother's meeting that I needed to go to.

Alex wouldn't care, not now. He had much more important things to be worrying about.

I yanked all the clothes from my closet, wondering how I should look. Would my little black dress be good, or my favorite jeans? Should I go all out or casual?

It didn't totally matter; this night was going to utterly life changing in one way or another. I couldn't help but hope it'd be the happy ever after I'd been chasing forever.

Thelove and life I'd always wanted.