Rune's POV

Funeral day.

The worst kind of day.

I never liked Wednesday's, but now I like them even less. I never thought I'd see the day when I had to attend a funeral for my best friend.

I've been to them for my grandparents and aunts/uncles and family friends, but never, have I ever, thought I would have to attend Phoenix's funeral.

As if the day couldn't get any shittier, the whole funeral service and wake was going to be about 5 hours long.A sudden blaring noise startles me out of my thoughts and I roll over in my bed.

I snatch my alarm clock off the bedside table and fling it at the wall, causing it to smash into pieces. I hear my mothers voice shout something but I don't bother to make out the words, and pull my blankets over my face.

"I don't want to be awakeeeee.." I groan.

(A/N: same)

"Rune Lane Knight! Get your ass out of bed and get ready! We don't have all day! And if you break one more alarm clock you're going to get into big trouble!" My mothers banshee screeching reaches my ears as she slams the door open.

Groaning loudly, I roll out of bed onto the floor and slowly get up, grabbing my clothes which I have already picked out and head to the bathroom.

I shower and scrub myself thoroughly with soap, hoping to cleanse myself of the feelings swirling around inside.

Once finished showering, I dry myself and put on a grey button up long sleeve shirt, with a black vest and a blue, almost purple looking tie, followed by dark blue almost black jeans and black leather shoes.

Once I've finished dressing, I dry my hair some more before using a comb to brush out the knots and style it.

Sighing, I walk out of my room and head downstairs to eat breakfast reluctantly.

My parents converse casually, completely ignoring me. I move my food around in my bowl, unable to bring myself to eat it. Emotions swirl around inside me uncontainably and cause me to lose focus on what I'm supposed to be doing.

Sudden shaking causes me to snap out of it and look up at my father, who's looking at me worriedly.

"It's time to go now, Rune." He says.

I nod and stand up, putting my food in the fridge since I haven't touch any of it. My parents and I walk out of our house and solemnly climb into our car. The drive to North Park Memorial Park seems to go by way too quickly, and before I know it, we were parking amongst the other cars.

Slowly, I follow my parents out of the car and the three of us walk through the park to where people who arrived early, like Phoenix's mum and the funeral service people are waiting for everyone else to arrive.

I make my way to Mrs Star and hug her tightly.

"I'm so sorry..." I whisper softly as she hugs me back, just as tightly.

She nods in reply and hugs me tighter before letting me go and gently ruffling my hair, like she always has.

I force a realistic looking smile for her and follow Mrs Star to sit on the chairs at the front of the whole ceremony, which is reserved for family and close friends, near the hole that's dug, ready for Phoenix's empty casket.

I take a deep breath to keep myself from starting to cry and sit stiffly in the chair beside Mrs Star who has her daughter and friends sitting in the chairs nearest to her.

I bite the inner part of my cheek, drawing blood while clenching my fists so hard the nails dig into my palms and draw blood.

Nothing seems to help me stay grounded as I stare at the flowers and pictures of Nix surrounding the burial hole.

Slowly, water fills my eyes and the pictures of Nix's smiling face are blurred. I bow my head and look down at my lap as tear droplets land on my pants.

"I'm already crying before the funeral has even started.." I think to myself, disappointed.

I didn't want to cry, especially in front of so many people, including the mother and sister of my best friend. I wanted to be strong for them, but I can't even do that.

I'm a failure.

Coughing softly, as my thoughts and emotions choke me up, I quickly stand and run off to the public bathroom. I lock myself inside one of the stalls and pull myself together, blowing my nose and wiping the tears from my eyes.

I take deep calming breaths with my eyes closed, before I slowly make my way back to where the ceremony will take place, and sit back on the chair beside Melanie, Nix's mum.

The ceremony starts and different people stand up to give their euglogies. I tune them out, not caring with they have to say. Suddenly, Phoenix's sister, Eliza stands up and walks out the front.

She starts to read a poem, "you never said 'I'm leaving'. You never said goodbye.. you were gone before I knew it, and only God knew why.
A million times I needed you, a million times I cried. If love alone could save you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. In my heart you hold a place, that no one else could ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone, for part of me went with you, the day God took you home."

She finishes in tears and quickly makes her way to sit back down.

I bite my lip and force myself to keep my tears at bay. A couple more people stand up to deliver speeches or poems, or just talk about silly moments they've had with Phoenix.

The funeral service person talks for a while, but once again I tune it all out.

Suddenly, my legs are moving towards the front of the ceremony while the person is talking. They stop and everyone pauses their sniffling. I look up at them blankly and they step aside. I stand up on the platform type thing and look out at everyone.

"Hello." I start softly, starting to feel nervous.

A couple people chuckle softly and reply back.

I relax slowly.

"Where do I start?" I bite my lip. "Phoenix and I met in prep. We were about 5 at the time and became instant friends, though, we started off hating each other.." I pause talking to chuckle softly at the memory.

"I stole his shoe and ran away with it. It was one of those fancy ones with the lights in the soles." A few people smile or chuckle quietly, other nod to show they know what I mean.

"I hid his shoe and he searched for ages and even told the teacher. They searched together but they couldn't find his shoe, and then when it was hometime, he was nearly in tears." I wince slightly at the memory of his red face and tear filled eyes.

"I took the shoe out of my bag and handed it back. He slapped me in the face for it and I slapped him back. Then both our parents got called to the school." I grimace at the memory of how annoyed our mums were.

"The next day we started talking and playing together, and that was it. We were friends for life." I smile lightly at everyone present and struggle to keep my tears at bay.

"Our favourite memory is when we got handcuffed together, and lost the key." A couple people chuckle and whisper.

"We looked everywhere, and were stuck together for a week. I learnt so many things about him during that week. Like his fear of the dark. I'm sure Nix also learnt a few things about me too. How I'm scared of being completely alone, and how I was worried he'd find someone else to be friends with." I pause and rub the back of my neck while clearing my throat.

I've never admitted that to anyone except Nix, and now I'm admitting it to so, so many people..

"I think that week is what solidified our friendship." I say.

Clearing my throat, I walk over to one of the pictures of Nix's smiling face and pick it up.

"I never got to tell you a proper goodbye, Nix. There was just a lot of yelling.." I pause to take a deep breath as tears start to slip down my cheeks.

"I never got to thank you.. for being the greatest best friend in the whole wide world, I never deserved you, but I'm so glad you were my best friend. I would have been so lost without you, like I am now, Nix. I'm sorry, I couldn't save you.. it's all my fault you're gone now.." my words are cut off by a soft sob.

People around me start to sniffle and cry too, while listening to my words closely.

"I'm sorry I couldn't have been a better friend for you... I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.." I quickly put the picture down and make my way back to my seat, covering my face with my hands to hide my tears.

The funeral service people continue talking but I tune it out.

***

After almost 3 hours of people talking and recounting things about Phoenix, the funeral was over.

Everyone started placing flowers on the coffin and once they were finished, they lowered the coffin into the hole and everyone was told where the wake would be held and soon, everyone started to leave until my parents and I were the only ones left.

Walking over to the funeral service people, I grab a shovel and help them fill in the hole.

***

My parents and I arrive at the Star house some time later, since I decided to hang back around the grave for a while and my parents didn't want to rush me.

Upon walking into the house, multiple people stop to talk to me about Phoenix and the speech I made, along with others that just wanted to give me their sympathies.

Finally, I manage to escape all the teary eyed and snotty faced people and make my way to a quiet spot to be alone with my thoughts. Which really isn't a very good idea.

Sighing deeply, I take my earphones and phone out of my pocket. I put in my earphones and put my favourite playlist on shuffle and turn the music up before putting down my phone and watching the people chatting, eating and comforting each other.

I watch people give the Stars their sympathies and hugs. They talk but I obviously can't hear them. They cry, but I don't hear them either, and eventually, people start to leave.

Everyone leaves after some hours, until it's just my parents, Eliza, Melanie and I left at the house. I don't remove my earphones or turn down my music as I watch my parents talk to Melanie, nor do I move when Eliza walks past me to go to her room.

I watch my parents talk to Melanie for what seems like 30 minutes before all three of them gloomily walk towards me. Sighing deeply, I remove my earphones and pause my music before putting my phone and earphones back into my pocket.

"Come along, Rune, it's time we head home and let Melanie head to bed. It's been a long day, for everyone." My mum says and wraps one arm around my shoulders.

I shrug her off and ignore the hurt glinting in her eye. I step forward and hug Mrs Star before walking out of her house and getting in the car, placing my earphones back in my ears. I restart my playlist and stare out the window while I wait for my parents to get into the car.

No one speaks as we drive back home, at least, I don't think they do. My music is playing so loudly, I can't tell if my parents are speaking, but I don't really care to find out.

Finally, we arrive home and we all get out, I head straight to my room, ignoring the looks my parents give me and climb into bed, I take out my earphones and put my phone on charge.

I lay in bed for ages before I end up drifting off to sleep, only to wake with a start some hours later.

***

Yesterday was horrible, and I never want to experience this pain ever again.

The pain in my chest. The clenching cruel feeling of someone grabbing my heart and twisting it in my chest while squeezing it with all their might. The pain is so intense, it takes my breath away. I hate it. This feeling. This pain. I wish it would go away.

But it never will, not after losing Phoenix. Not after losing a part of myself. Not after losing my only reason to continue breathing.

My anchor, my most trusted secret keeper, my greatest best friend.

Gone.

Soft silky tears stray down my face, landing on my legs. No sounds are made as I silently fall apart in the darkness of my room, my only friend now being the tears that don't seem to be stopping any time soon.

The darkness and silence cause my tears to fall more rapidly, increasing in their dramatic race to get to the ground. Shuddering breaths echo past my lips as I try to keep my sobbing silent, but even in the quiet of night, my noises of distress are silent to all that is around me. No nocturnal animals squeak in the night, no barking dogs are heard, nothing.

Absolutely nothing but the sounds of my shuddering breath and soft destroyed sobs can be heard, and even then, only I am around to hear them.

Can pain killers kill my emotional pain the way they kill physical pain?

Why not?

I never realised just how completely alone I was until I lost Phoenix, until my world was shattered and turned in on itself.

I never realised how much I needed Nix to be my anchor and my best friend until now.

Until now, when I'm crying alone in my room, with no one to call or talk to my problems about.

I have no one...