After watching Riley stagger all the way to her security door, I continued to spy on her through the large glass panels that went from floor to ceiling, covering the front of the brick building. She was in such a bad state I needed to stay long enough to make sure she made it inside safely. 

It was for her own good.

At least that was the lie I was telling myself at the moment. 

I was able to track every move the blond made up the stairs and could even see her standing in front of her door, fumbling to unlock it. It seemed to take Riley forever to get her key inside and turn it, but it wasn't long enough either. I wanted to savor every second I had near my girl. 

My heart dropped with despair, laced with a touch of loneliness, when the door opened and she quickly disappeared inside.  After about five minutes of staring at the door, unsure if I wanted her to walk through it again or not, I gave up and decided to take the long way home to Sean's. It was getting pretty late and the party would be dying down soon enough. If I timed it about right, I would get there and be able to get up to my room unnoticed.

The long walk home was a mistake. It gave me time by myself to get lost in my head.  I replayed the whole timeline of Riley's and my confusing relationship, even inventing new things that never happened—including some I wish did. 

When I walked through the front door, the house was quiet, to my relief.  Half of the bodies still here were strewn about haphazardly, decorating the place like confetti. Most of them were passed out and dealing with their bad decision to overindulge. 

Sean's parties never disappointed and would leave you upside down for days. Then, as soon as you found the rope to right yourself, he would have another one to flip you around again.

Sean was brilliant in that way.  All guys who dealt seemed to have the knack to know how to keep you coming back for more.  

I stepped over some guy at the foot of the stairs.  He was frowning in his sleep, wearing only plaid boxers while lying sideways with his head propped up on the bottom step.

The guy had a long night—not as rough as mine, but close.

When I got to the top of the stairs, I made a pit stop in the bathroom to clean myself up for the night. Unfortunately, the bathroom was already occupied by two girls—one girl with jet-black hair holding back the hair of a brunette who had her head buried inside the toilet bowl. The brunette was emitting demonic sounds that echoed against the walls. The smell coming out was foul and curdled like expired milk.

I cringed and gagged, fighting back the urge to add to the smell by yakking all over the floor.

Getting a cold shower could wait until the morning.

My room was pitch black when I walked in. Fortunately, nobody was inhabiting my bed this time around.  The blanket on top was a little mussy from my tussle with the guy from earlier who I had mistakenly thought was attacking my girl.

But it could have been so much worse.

The guy's naked ass could be in the bed, leaving stains on my sheets.

I shut the door and sat down on the bed, unlacing my heavy boots and groaning when I freed my sore feet from their clutches.  Every muscle in my body was tight, sore, and unforgiving.

Fuck, I felt so much older than ever before. 

Anger and stress have a way of catching up with your body in disordered waves.  Walking with Riley and having her in my arms, if only for a brief second, had sobered me for the first real time in my life and I couldn't understand why. 

It felt different this time—I felt different. 

I already knew I was head over fucking heels for the beautiful girl the first time I laid eyes on her, but I fell even deeper each second that passed. I didn't even know that was possible.  Most people lose that fire and passion for someone over time.

For me, time just made it grow stronger. 

I would do anything to have Riley back. I wanted to see her smile, hear her laugh, and just have one more opportunity to watch her again while she did absolutely nothing for no reason at all.

I had to dig deep and get my shit together before she discovered the real me that I was hiding from her.

I stripped down to just my boxer briefs and pulled back the covers to my bed to pin myself under their weight. The pressure was almost convincing enough for me to pretend she was lying next to me. I stuck my hands behind my head, stretching out my torso to take some of the ache away. I left them there to hold up my head while I lost myself in thought and willed my exhausted body to go to sleep.

My eyes wouldn't close no matter how hard I fought them and I just laid there completely awake in the darkness, wishing my body would give in. It was never going to work because I could still smell Riley on my skin and hear her voice in my head.

"Will you ever come back to see me again?" Her sweet voice purred in my ear.

I could still see her little black panties peeking out under her dress when her thighs were spread open for me.  Her pink cheeks were flushed and her parted lips—fuck, her lips alone had my dick throbbing under the sheets.

I was so fucking hard for her that it hurt. 

My right hand wandered down from the back of my head. It removed the tented blanket back from my body, exposing my bare chest to the chill in the room. Goosebumps spread across my skin as I trailed my fingers down my chest and traced the music notes at the base of my hip.  I closed my eyes and tried to pretend it was Riley's hand.  She always loved touching the little black lines, trying to figure out what song they made. 

I had them inked on my body long before I met her, but I realized they were always meant to be hers.

Just like I was—and just like she was mine.

I bit my lip ring and slid my hand down inside my boxers. They were damp near the tip of my cock even before I wrapped my hand around it, squeezing the damn thing harder than necessary to get the job done. 

I slowly ran my hand up and down the length, imagining Riley kneeling in front of me in the black stockings, bra, and panties under her dress tonight. I didn't get to see much of them, but knowing Riley, she had on a perfectly matching set.  I loved how she would blush for me and act surprised when she took her clothes off to reveal the naughty things she hid underneath.

Her playful innocence was such a huge fucking turn-on.

"Please, Ezra," Riley begged me. She was eagerly sucking on her pouty little lip in anticipation of what I was about to give her.

My girl was so fucking beautiful.

I sped up my pace, stroking myself furiously for her pretty little mouth.  She was pleading for her tongue to be coated with my cum. 

"Mmm...Riley." I threw my head back as the muscles in my stomach began to tighten. 

Riley pulled the top of her bra down and the wires underneath hugged her breasts tightly, making them even larger than before. Her tiny hands started pushing her breasts together while she pinched and tugged at her nipples, moaning my name.

"Fuck...yes baby... just like that. Show me how much you want me." I hissed out my groan through clenched teeth. 

I pumped my cock in my hand as hard as I could until it felt like it was going to bruise. The rapid motion brought me right to the edge, but it wasn't bringing me over like it should.  I cursed at my dick and yanked my boxers completely off with my other hand, annoyed with how they restricted my movements.

I needed to relieve the tension. 

I fucking needed to come right now. 

My teeth ground together and my jaw tightened as I closed my eyes to picture Riley again. This time she was on the bed, completely naked and bent over on all fours with her greedy little ass in the air facing me.  

Riley turned her head towards me and lifted one of her hands to rub her clit.  Her back arched up and she leaned over further, placing her weight on one of her elbows with her head turned sideways on the mattress so she could still see me. The position spread her out further to give me a fantastic view of what she was doing to herself.

Riley grew impatient with her hand and stuck her bottom lip out at me. Then, she looked over her shoulder and began whining, begging me to put something big and hard inside her tight little pussy. 

I smiled, more than willing to give her what she needed. I started to get up on my knees to take her the way she wanted when a shadow stepped out of the corner. It walked over and took the place meant for me. She smiled warmly at it, turning her attention from me to the intruder in the room.

The intruder with the most nauseating red hair.

My dick went limp in my hand as I watched her lift her hips to him.  I was frozen beside them on the bed, watching him position himself behind her. The asshole pushed his whole dick inside her in one thrust with a massive smirk on his face. He began thrusting violently into her, fucking her hard and tearing her apart the way she liked. 

I collapsed on the bed next to her, unable to move away. Our noses were almost touching; we were so close.  I tangled my hand in Riley's golden curls and held on to her, touching my forehead to hers while he buried himself inside her.  The sounds of his skin smashing against hers was deafening.

"Don't do this to me, Riley. I love you." My words weakened every time he slammed into her.

"Aiden, please let me come on your cock." She mewled for him while staring directly at me. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she was gone. 

No. No. Fuck—no.

I lost control of my head. I opened my eyes and was still lying on my back. I wasn't sure if I was awake or asleep.

I jumped up from the bed and picked up the clock off my nightstand to smash it.  It didn't break the way I wanted and I sent it soaring across the room.  I ripped apart everything around me within my reach and when that wasn't enough to satisfy me, I stood up to search for more shit to break. 

"Aiden, please let me come on your cock." Riley's voice pleaded for him again.

Even though the images had dissipated into a cloud of smoke, I could still hear her voice, wanting him instead of me. Riley whispered to me that I was nothing and would never be enough for her, unlike Aiden—who was a real man and not some little boy like me.  She told me I was a weak pussy and I should hide again behind my drugs because it was the only thing I was good at. 

Riley kept screaming at me until her voice changed, dropping pitch and warping until she sounded like my mom.  My mom told me I was a terrible son and that she never wanted to have me in the first place. She said her life would have been better without me. 

Then my dad's voice was the only thing I could hear in the room. He called me worthless and beat me until my mouth was full of blood. He kept yelling that he wished he would have killed me when he found out about me. He said I deserved to die the same way I killed my baby in Riley's belly. 

My shaking hands opened my dresser drawer and found the baggie of Oxy that I had crushed earlier before the party in case I needed it. 

I fucking needed it to get them all to go away. 

I opened the bag and grabbed a guitar pick lying on my dresser, using it to pick up a small pile of the only friend I had left.  I raised the pick to my nose and closed off the other nostril. 

I inhaled deep and sharp, letting the burn fly back into my head until it reached the back of my throat.    

I repeated the action more times than I could count until the only thing left in the bag was the residue I couldn't scrape out.  I dropped the baggie and pick down onto the floor and walked my naked ass over to the bed.

My nose itched and my head felt detached from my body, but the voices were finally gone.

It was silent once more.

I could finally get some peace until tomorrow when I finally got to see my girl again.

Hopefully tonight would be the last night I ever had to spend without her.