lately, it has become a reoccurrence

that there is something wrong with me

perhaps not even lately,

but for a long long time

and lately, it has become a realisation

that there is something wrong with me

perhaps something that needs more than a warm bath

fresh linen, hugs and cuddles

because this has been like this for a long time

and if I'm not down

I'm paranoid and 

if I'm not paranoid

I'm numb

and every feeling is as bad as another