Things She Never Said~

Evelyn groaned and reached for her checkout scanner.

As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, something from the night before suddenly came back to her.

The mark.

She sat up. Her eyes immediately went to her wrist.

Nothing.

Evelyn frowned.

She turned her wrist over and examined it beneath the morning light.

Her skin was completely normal.

No redness. No dark smudge. No strange eye.

She rubbed the spot with her thumb anyway.

Nothing.

“Huh.”

Maybe she'd imagined it.

She'd been exhausted. Stressed. Probably half asleep. That had to be it.

Evelyn pulled her sleeve over her wrist. She didn't think about the mark again.

At least, she tried not to.

Lately, Evelyn had become very good at pretending.

She pretended she wasn't worried when she checked her bank balance.

She pretended rejection emails didn't hurt.

She pretended she didn't care when people forgot to invite her places.

She pretended she didn't notice when conversations suddenly became quieter after she joined them.

Most importantly, she pretended she was fine.

It was easier that way.

People didn't know what to do with someone who wasn't fine.

They gave you advice.

They told you to think positively.

They told you that things would get better.

And Evelyn was tired of hearing things would get better.

She wanted them to actually get better.

Her bank balance was ₹2,666.

Evelyn stared at the number.

Then refreshed the page.

₹2,666.

Still there.

"Fantastic."

She closed the banking app.

Her salary from her part-time job would come in a few days, she worked as a checkout clerk at a makeup store.

Even with that little salary all she could think of was her transportation and phone bill. A contribution toward groceries.

And the small amount she had promised herself she'd save.

What was left would barely survive the month.

She opened a travel app instead.

She had been doing that a lot lately.

Looking at places she couldn't afford to visit.

There was a little beach town she'd seen in a reel that morning. White sand. Blue water. Tiny cafés along the shore.

The hotel room looked beautiful.

Evelyn clicked on it.

₹6,800 per night.

She stared at the price.

Then laughed.

"Maybe in another lifetime."

She closed the app.

She had never taken a proper vacation.

Not the kind where you packed a suitcase and went somewhere simply because you wanted to.

Every trip she'd ever taken had involved family, school, college, or some other practical reason.

She wanted to know what it felt like to disappear somewhere for three days.

No responsibilities.

No awkward conversations.

No people who knew her.

Just a little room somewhere far away and the freedom to wake up without immediately worrying about what she was supposed to do with her life.

But even dreaming was becoming expensive.

"Evelyn?"

She looked up.

Her manager was standing beside her.

"Yes?"

"Can you stay another hour?"

Evelyn glanced at the clock.

"I actually have something..."

"It's just an hour."

She swallowed.

"Okay."

"Thanks."

He walked away. Evelyn sighed. Another hour. It wasn't much.

But lately, everything felt like one more hour.

One more shift.

One more application.

One more rejection.

One more day.

She opened her phone during her break.

There was a new email.

Her heart jumped.

For a ridiculous second, she thought it might be good news.

Application Update for Marketing Assistant-

She opened it.

Dear Evelyn,

Thank you for taking the time to interview with us.

She already knew what came next.

Unfortunately, we have decided to proceed with another candidate.

Her thumb hovered over the screen.

She had spent three days preparing for that interview.

She'd practiced answers in front of her mirror.

Changed outfits six times.

Looked up the company.

Read their website.

Even rehearsed how she'd introduce herself so she wouldn't stumble over her words.

She'd walked out of the interview thinking...Maybe.

Just maybe.

Apparently not.

Evelyn locked her phone.

"It's fine."

She whispered it to herself.

"It wasn't even a good job."

The lie sounded convincing enough.

Almost.

That day, she got home later than usual.

Her mother was in the kitchen.

"You're late."

"Cause of work."

"Did you eat?"

"Yes." She lied. But a mother always knows the truth.

Her mother looked at her.

Evelyn looked back.

"No."

"I knew it."

Her mother placed a plate on the table.

"Sit."

"I'm not hungry."

"You're always not hungry when you're upset."

Evelyn froze. She can't reveal her facade.

"I'm not upset."

Her mother sighed.

"Evelyn."

"What?"

"Nothing."

The answer was gentle. Too gentle.

Evelyn hated that. She sat down.

Her mother placed food in front of her.

For a while, neither of them spoke.

Then her mother said, "You know, you don't have to figure everything out immediately."

Evelyn poked at her food.

"I know."

"You're young."

"I know."

"You'll find something."

"I know, Mom."

Her mother smiled sadly.

"You always say that."

"Because you always say the same thing."

"Maybe because you need to hear it."

Evelyn looked down.

Her mother reached across the table and squeezed her hand.

"You're doing better than you think."

Something inside Evelyn tightened.

She smiled.

"Thanks."

She didn't tell her mother about the rejection.

She didn't tell her about the money.

She didn't tell her that she'd been crying in the bathroom at work that afternoon.

She didn't tell her that sometimes she felt like everyone else had received instructions for life and somehow she'd missed the meeting.

She simply smiled.

Because that was what she did.

She smiled.

Later that night, Evelyn opened Binstagram.

Bad idea.

The first post was from an old friend.

Samantha.

Once upon a time, Samantha had been the person Evelyn told everything to.

Every embarrassing secret.

Every crush.

Every insecurity.

Every stupid dream.

Especially the one about Daniel.

Evelyn had liked Daniel for almost a year.

Samantha knew. She knew everything.

Then one Friday night, Evelyn had discovered that Samantha had been texting him.

Flirting with him. Meeting him. And eventually, dating him.

Evelyn remembered confronting her.

She remembered standing outside a café, trying not to cry.

"You knew I liked him."

Samantha had rolled her eyes.

"I know."

"Then why?" Evelyn asked as her eyes filled with tears.

"Because he liked me."

That sentence had stayed with Evelyn.

Not because it was cruel.

Because it was simple.

He liked her. Not Evelyn.

Her.

Pretty, confident, effortlessly charming Samantha.

The girl who could walk into a room and immediately belong there.

Evelyn had gone home that night and stared at herself in the mirror for almost an hour.

She had decided then that there must be something wrong with her.

Maybe she wasn't pretty enough or maybe she wasn't interesting enough.

Maybe some people were simply meant to be chosen.

And some weren't.

She had never told anyone that.

Not even her mother.

She scrolled past Samantha's post.

Then stopped.

A photograph of Samantha and Daniel.

Still together, four years later.

Evelyn's stomach twisted.

She locked her phone.

"Enough."

She threw it onto the bed.

Five seconds later, she picked it up again. Cause without the phone, only bad thoughts had appeared like a dark cloud hovering on her head.

She hated herself for caring.

At eleven forty-six, Evelyn sat on the floor beside her bed.

Her laptop was open.

A job application stared back at her.

Tell us why you would be a good fit for this position.

She had written three paragraphs.

Deleted them. Written another. Deleted that too.

Finally, she typed:

I am hardworking and willing to learn.

She stared at it. It sounded pathetic, so she deleted it.

Her eyes burned.

She didn't want to cry. She was tired of crying. But the tears came anyway.

Quietly.

She pressed the heel of her hand against her eyes. Nothing dramatic happened.

She didn't scream. She didn't throw anything. She didn't call anyone.

She simply sat on the floor and cried as silently as she could.

Because somewhere along the way, Evelyn had learned that even sadness had to be quiet.

She cried until her chest hurt.

Then she wiped her face.

Opened the notes app on her phone.

There was a note she'd created months ago. It was a wishlist.

She had named it:

"Someday"

She opened it. There were only a few lines.

Get a proper job.

Travel somewhere alone.

Make enough money to stop checking my bank balance.

Buy Mom something nice.

Buy that beautiful dress that she has seen online few days back.

She scrolled more.

Fall in love.

Her finger stopped.

The next line was one she'd added only a few weeks ago.

Have someone choose me.

She stared at it.

A tear rolled down her cheek.

She added another line.

Making Life Worth While.

Then she stared at the list for a long time.

It was stupid, childish and impossible.

She selected everything.

Then pressed delete. The screen went blank. Evelyn put the phone down.

She lay on her bed and pulled the blanket over herself.

Tomorrow she'd wake up.

Go to work.

Come home.

Apply for another job.

Scrolls her phone.

Pretend everything was okay.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Until something changed.

Or until she stopped hoping it would.

Outside her bedroom window, once again the same crow sat silently on the roof.

Its black eyes reflected the faint light from her room.

Evelyn didn't notice it.

She was already asleep.

The crow remained there long after the lights went out.

Watching and waiting.