His heart was racing as he shot up in bed. This time, Jesse managed to smother the scream that threatened to slip past his lips.

Cold sweat rushed over his entire body, making Jesse shiver as he looked around the room. Eyes wide, desperate to dispel the dream, the nightmare that had shown him James.

Blaming Jesse for his murder.

Jesse had known it was a nightmare. James would've never said something as horrible, would never have blamed him. After all, both Jesse and James had been victims to the Improba plot.

Yet dream James had insisted it was all Jesse's fault. After all, James would've never been murdered if he hadn't met Jesse. Would never have been in that alleyway to begin with.

Fingers gently skated over his back, gently squeezing the back of his neck before Jesse was drawn into Xavier's warm chest.

"You're alright darling. It's okay, just a dream." Lips whispered against his temple, chasing the last lingering fragments of fear away.

Jesse leaned into the touch, the sweat providing a clammy sensation that made him feel disgusted with himself.

Hisoka hadn't been lying ; the nightmares had become hyper realistic to the point where Jesse didn't even know if he was awake or sleeping.

It was only on those extremely painful moments that he realized it must be a dream. He knew James would never have said something like that, would never have blamed him to begin with.

However the words had been familiar, as they had been nothing that Jesse hadn't thrown at himself. Dark, twisted remarks that blamed him for gaining the Improba's attention, drawing their eye to a newly mated victim.

And as he said so against Xavier's clavicle, he felt the man's muscles tighten, pulling him closer against his body.

"No sweetheart." He murmured, voice sounding pained at the very notion that Jesse blamed himself. "You are not to blame for the vile, twisted actions of these monsters."

"But-"

Hands gently grabbed his face, twisting it to face Xavier. "No buts. Did you walk up to the Improba and ask them to murder James? Did you tell them you wanted to be tormented and raped?"

The questions were rhetorical but they cracked the last part of the dream, releasing its hold on Jesse. "Of course not. I never, never-" His breathing rasped, shoulders shivering at the strain of not breaking into sobs.

Xavier looked at him with kindness, sadness and love mixed into one potent emotion.

It was a harsh truth but one he needed to hear, needed to remind himself of. Jesse was as much a victim as James, if not more.

James had been murdered and while his death wasn't gentle or quick, it was nothing like Jesse's seemingly endless torture. Not even mentioning his permanent alteration to becoming a Deprived.

Jesse struggled to keep reminding himself he wasn't at fault. The blame laid with Draco and his followers.

"Deep breaths, honey. Focus on your surroundings." Xavier reminded gently, allowing Jesse to take a deep breath, following the now familiar routine.

Slowly, he named five things he could see, following it up with four things he could hear. As he went down each sense, removing a single object along the way, Jesse eventually found himself calmer than before.

"There you go." Xavier pressed a kiss against his temple, sending a small burst of shivers down Jesse's spine. Jesse was glad that Xavier didn't ask the unnecessary question whether or not he was okay.

They both knew he wasn't.

"Do you think you can sleep some more? Or do you want to go downstairs and have a cup of tea?" The improba beside him asked, leaning fully against the headboard of their bed.

Heart still thumping in his chest, the memories that lingered was enough to make Jesse's stomach churn sickly.

He didn't even need to say it out loud. The covers moved before Xavier pushed out of the bed, padding towards the closet. Before long, he threw a pair of fluffy socks on the bed, allowing a smile to slip on Jesse's lip.

Within a few moments they were both dressed warmer before padding down the stairs. Jesse threw a questioning look at the kitchen clock before letting his shoulders drop.

5 am.

It could've been worse. He had nights were he didn't sleep, where he wanted to sleep but couldn't from the back to back nightmares.

Appreciation grew in his chest as Jesse watched Xavier walk to the fireplace before lighting it with ease. The cinders and steady snaps of burning wood filled the air with a cozy feeling as Jesse prepared them both a hot drink.

There was a slight tapping of rain on the windows as the room slowly warmed up. When Xavier's coffee and Jesse's tea was ready, both gravitated towards the couch, huddled under soft blankets.

They shared a look, smiling over the rim of their cups as if sharing a small secret between them. Blowing on the hot liquid while letting the heat seep through the ceramic, warming their fingers.

"Not your doing, I take it." Xavier stated with a look at the raindrops, chasing one another down the windows. Jesse shook his head with a sigh. This time, it was just the weather and not him.

A few moments later, the rain lessened and sun started to breach through the grey clouds. Their eyes widened at the sight of a gorgeous rainbow stretching over the compound, glittering in the air.

Jesse spotted a few elves wandering through the forest and instinctively knew they were the cause for the better weather. After all of Jesse's magically induced rainstorms, nature needed a bit of reprieve.

So Jesse enjoyed the shared warmth between them. Sank into Xavier's arms with a content sigh as sunlight started creeping through their house and people started roaming about.

His mind, while no longer haunted my nightmarish memories created through the drug in his veins, was not calm either. It jumped from one topic to the next, the jittery thoughts and confusion seemingly never-ending.

"What am I going to do with my life? I mean, I can never leave the compound again, can I? And I can't really risk doing a job that involves visitors coming here.

My job...do I still even have a job back at the club? All the people I've left behind, not even reaching out to contact them once. I should've reached out, should've said something, anything-"

A finger brushed against his cheek, making Jesse blink out of his thoughts. "Sorry." He murmured, knowing he had unwillingly projected his thoughts to Xavier.

"Don't be. You're allowed to feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and you're definitely more than allowed and welcomed to ask for help, even subconsciously so."

Motioning towards the windows and the view beyond, Xavier continued "As for what to do with your life, there are still others who work from their homes here. There are a few artists among the Deprived, editors, song writers and many other professions you can perform from the comforts of your home."

Xavier cuddled Jesse closer as he added, "Plus, you don't need to work. There are plenty of Deprived here who have more than enough on their plates both physically and mentally, and everyone is perfectly fine with allowing those that need it, to simply stay at home and do nothing."

Jesse's confusion lessened a tiny bit, but only after Xavier pointed out the handmade cookies on their plate. "One of the Deprived here, Sophie, made those. She's an excellent baker and has a ton of patience for baking."

Grabbing one of the cookies, Jesse bit down on it and enjoyed the caramel chocolate goodness that melted on his tongue. His eyes flitted to the professional packaging before raising his brows in surprise.

His mate chuckled, devouring a cookie himself before he replied to the unspoken question. "We have a representative that sells the cookies in their own store. Currently they're on order only."

Instantly, Jesse understood. Thanks to internet and their own magical abilities, a whole world of opportunities was available to them, to him.

Jesse didn't need to return to his old job, nor was anyone going to force him to. He could reach out to his old friends with ease, all from the comforts of his own home.

And on top of that, as long as Jesse had something to do at home, he could work whenever he wanted and relax whenever he needed.

This could work.

No, this will work.

All he needed to do, was find a job he was willing and capable to do. Something that held his attention and wouldn't bore him after a few days.

"I...I'm good with....accounting." Jesse looked up at Xavier with a hesitant smile forming on his lips. "I kept the books at the club whenever the owner needed help. A-and I can draw. I could perhaps do both, seeing how drawing takes more time?"

His stomach fluttered at the breathtaking smile on Xavier's lips, the sensation growing when the Improba nuzzled against his cheek with an elated sound.

"Whichever you prefer, darling. I can get in touch with a few coworkers and see who needs help in their accounting. Just make sure that you don't take up too much work at once."

Jesse nodded, feeling the odd bubble of excitement in his chest. It had been ages since he felt like this and for once, he could enjoy being giddy.

It was a single step forwards, but it was a massive one. A step back to normality, to being able to sustain himself at least for a small amount.

Jesse knew he'd never be considered normal again. But if he could fix his broken self to the best of his abilities, at least his friends wouldn't need to worry about him any longer.