Maya

"I was married, Taehyung," I reply, nodding in confirmation when I sense that he's confused by my response.

"What do you mean?" His hand quickly leaves my arm and returns to his side, his face still aghast and devoid of any color at this sudden and unexpected revelation.

"Yeah, I was married to my boyfriend of three years from college. But we really didn't get to live our happily forever," I smile sadly. "It all ended like an illusion," my words are punctuated by a few seconds of profound silence.

"I'm sorry. But what happened? Tell me more only if you're comfortable talking about it," Taehyung breaks the short silence, his tone grows deeper, and it oozes concern and warmth.

"I can talk, hold on," I sit up and pull open the drawer on my nightstand and dig through it to fetch the framed photo of Richard and I taken on the day of our wedding.

I take a moment to look at the picture as the fond memories of Richard and me, and us invade my mind. In the photo, Richard towers over me, dressed in a wedding tuxedo and looking effortlessly handsome as always. I'm standing on his right, literally throwing myself on him and flashing such a big smile—something that I have almost forgotten how to do.

Smiling a little to myself, I turn to look at Taehyung who is now sitting up cross-legged on the bed and combing his hair with his fingers.

"This is Richard" I hand over the photo to Taehyung, and he takes it from my hand, keenly studying the image with his sharp eyes.

"We met at a swimming tournament during my first year of college, and soon we were madly in love with each other, and he was three years older than me. We got married while I was still in college because we just couldn't wait," I laugh softly, folding my legs to sit in a cross-legged position.

Taehyung's eyes lift to look at my face as I continue speaking.

"We lived as a happily married couple only for a week, and then he suddenly started experiencing severe pain in various joints in his body, accompanied with swelling of some joints. On the first few days we assumed that it could be because we got too wild in bed, and probably his body got all worked up. But it just didn't seem to get better even with abundant rest, and no medicine was giving him relief from his pain," I look down at my joined hands that are resting on my lap.

"What was it?" Taehyung's question is laced with worry and more confusion.

"We met a doctor after a few days, and then after numerous painful tests and long hours of waiting at the hospital corridors, Richie was diagnosed with stage three osteosarcoma, which is bone cancer," I inform him in a tone so deep and grave with grief.

"Oh my God," Taehyung's voice shakes, and I nod a few times, keeping my eyes still glued to my hands.

"Yeah... it was shocking, unacceptable and terrifying for us. We just couldn't come to terms with the fact that he was living with a cancer that was rapidly growing and spreading over all of his bones. And he was only twenty-four at that time. It was pure devastation not just for us, but also for his father. His mother died when Richie was still little," my eyes grow moist, and I quickly raise my head and look up at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling down.

"I'm sorry, Maya. I didn't mean to trigger you. I'm really sorry," Taehyung apologizes, taking my right hand in his and holding it with both his hands while I dismiss the tears in my eyes with my other hand.

"No, no, that's okay, Taehyung," I reassure him. "We had to choose to go in for chemotherapy, which literally shrunk him down to nothing. He was just a heap of bones, and I felt horrible seeing him that way. And then he underwent a surgery to get his left leg amputated when he was literally nothing but bones and skin. He was a swimming champion with such a fit body, and I literally shed tears of blood every day seeing his shriveled form," more tears fall from my eyes, and this time, I don't try to stop them.

Taehyung is quiet, and I continue spilling,
"Despite the amputated leg and a total loss of hair and appetite, he still had a smile on his face each day. But then the disease rebounded stronger than before and began spreading into his bloodstream. After that, it was unstoppable. We were going through a lot," I pause for a breath, nodding. "Do you know something...at one point, I even prayed for his life to end and relieve him from all the pain and misery. I just couldn't see him suffering like that. It was like dying while still being alive," my voice cracks, and my whimpers are making my nose clog and making it harder for me to breathe.

Taehyung is listening to me, not interrupting my grieving and uttering empty words like everyone else has ever done.

"Finally, my prayers were answered. One morning Richard decided not to wake up to the pain anymore. He had to give up, but he fought....he fought so hard, and he fought till the end. The enemy was just too formidable, and he had to give up when every last ounce of his strength died down," I finally find it in me to look into Taehyung's eyes which are slightly teary, his hand still holding mine firmly, yet in a comforting manner, silently supporting me through this turbulence.

"I really didn't know whether to cry and bawl because I lost him or whether to feel relieved that he was finally alleviated of all his pain and that he would live peacefully in a better place. It was such a bitter moment in life where I didn't even know how to react," I smile a little as my tears begin to slow down.

Taehyung's thumb starts making soft circles at the back of my hand while he keeps his eyes on our joined hands; the little gesture holding so much warmth and comfort, more than what any words could ever offer.

"It took me a very long time to get over everything, and I didn't even have anyone to talk to when I so badly needed strength, company and comfort. Keeping myself busy at work helped a bit," our eyes meet once again.

"I don't wear our wedding ring anymore for almost five years now, but this one is special because Richie bought it for me with his first paycheck," I show him the ring on my finger, and he smiles a little, nodding.

"We really had so many big dreams, but everything just shattered into pieces. We were even advised to consider assisted conception before his chemo was started, so that we could have a baby that he could meet and hold, but again we were going through too much that even the thought of a pregnancy seemed so overwhelming at that point. And he too didn't want anything forced upon us," I speak softly, fighting a few tears in vain.

"Do you miss him?" Taehyung asks me a question which no one has asked before. Everyone just assumes on their own that I miss Richard a lot and keeps telling me to move on.

"I do. Some days more than others. It has been almost twelve years already, but I'm moving on. Richie too wanted me to move on, and be successful, and buy our dream house and get married some day, have many kids and live happily. These were his only wishes for me which he always kept talking about in his last days, and given that I was almost naked in bed with you last night, I think I'm moving on faster than I thought," I chuckle, trying to change the topic and lighten the mood to dodge any sympathy that might be coming my way, also earning a small smile from Taehyung whose cheeks turn a shade of pink at my words.

"I'm sorry for what you had to go through. But you're a strong woman, Maya. I admire you a lot, and I'm so proud of you. I really mean it. Losing a lover and husband, and staying strong through all of it isn't an easy thing to do...and you were like what? Twenty-one when you lost him?" He asks, and I nod a little in response to his question.

"I was still pulling my life together at that age and trying to finish college without having any idea about anything in life. And you literally went through so much pain at the same age. I wouldn't have survived it as strong as you did. You're truly amazing," his long fingers lace through mine, squeezing my hand a little and making me smile.

"I'm doing okay now, Taehyung, and I'm sorry to have ranted out my life to you first thing in the morning," I wrap my fingers around his hand and wipe away my tears with my other hand as I speak.

"Don't ever be sorry, Maya. I'm happy that you chose to talk to me. I will always be here to listen to anything that you want to talk to me about. It's a promise," he says, tugging my pinky finger with his and sending a big smile my way.

I wasn't expecting him to promise me anything at all, yet he just did, and it is such a warm thing to do. He just managed to occupy a huge space inside my heart, and I would gladly let him stay there forever.

"Thank you, Taehyung," I say, and we smile at each other.

"What time is it?" I check with him, picking up the photo and returning it to the drawer of my nightstand.

"I have no idea," he declares, getting up from the bed and adjusting his sweatpants that have ridden lower down his body.

I get up too, still wearing his T-shirt from last night. Taehyung opts to use the bathroom in the guest bedroom while I use the one in my bedroom, brush my teeth and relieve myself. After washing my face and tying my hair up in a top bun, I step out of the bathroom and head straight to the kitchen.

Taehyung is already sitting on the couch in the living room and scrolling through something on his phone. I decide to cook breakfast for us and then think about what to do next.

It takes me five minutes to mix up the pancake batter and turn on the coffee pot by when Taehyung walks into the kitchen.

"I want to help," he says as he smoothly hugs me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder, and I chuckle softly.

"You can pour out the coffee for us. Use these mugs," I use the spatula to point to the two coffee mugs—with the captions 'His' and 'Hers' printed on them—hanging along the wall behind the stove. It used to be Richard's and mine, but for the past few years, only I have been using both the mugs.

Taehyung leans over and grabs the two mugs carefully and studies them as they rest in his large hands. His eyes then meet mine before he smiles and proceeds to fill them with the freshly brewed coffee.

I make about a dozen pancakes for us, some studded with chocolate chips and some just plain, and place them all on two plates. Moving the plates to the island, I sit down facing Taehyung and place the two plates in the middle.

"Do you like the ones with chocolate chips?" I stab my fork into one of the chocolate chip pancakes and bring it to my lips, taking a big bite out of it thereafter.

"I love them. We'll only have chocolate chip pancakes hereafter," he picks up another one of the choco-chip pancakes and bites into it and chews his food with a pout on his lips, his eyes not leaving the food on his plate.

Hereafter?

"Okay," I laugh a little at how cute and adorable he looks while eating, as opposed to his usual hot and manly demeanor.

We douse the remaining pancakes in syrup and eat them all up, and gulp down the coffee too and move all the dishes to the sink. I decide to do the dishes later, and we both proceed to the living room where we sit down close to each other, and Taehyung wraps an arm around my shoulder while I lean my head on him.

"Do you have any plans today?" He quizzes me, and I shake my head.

"Nothing at all. What about you?" My hand somehow lands on his bare chest and begins caressing him.

"No plans," he replies, powering off his phone and tossing it on the coffee table in front of us.

"So what do we do today?" I question him while drawing patterns on his chest with my fingertips and curling up closer to him to feel the entirety of his warmth.

"What do you want to do?" Taehyung tugs his arm tighter and pulls our bodies closer.

"Can we go out somewhere? I usually never leave home on the weekends, but the movies are full of energy on Sundays. How about we go to the theater and watch something and then eat out?" I raise my head to look at him, awaiting an answer.

But confusion settles over me when I see a shock-wave slapping his face.

Richard's character is based on one of my very dear friends who gave up his battle with Osteosarcoma 12 years ago. He died single at the age of 24, but, hey 'R', I just couldn't not give you your Maya.
💕

And the 27th of April happened to be his 12th death anniversary.

Also, does anyone remember Maya's thoughts during their reunion when she met her classmate who is an Oncologist?

Published on : 04/30/2022