After a rough day of reaping, which left me collapsed from exhaustion, Death decided we should get some rest before we went after the next immortal. He stole my scythe and warped us back to his dimension. I would have smiled in relief, if I hadn't landed on a pile of rocks.

"Sorry, kid. You okay?"

"Why do we always show up outside?" I groaned, picking myself up. The sharp rocks dug into my palms and left marks in my skin. "It's not like it's rude to show up unannounced in your own house."

"It's another one of those things to do with Life. Don't want her to be able to teleport right into the house. She'd put a bunch of poison ivy in there, again."

"What about those ward things Lici mentioned? Couldn't you use those things?"

"Then I wouldn't be able to get messages from God or Lucifer. And believe me, I didn't get it is not a valid reason when it comes to them." Death started towards the house. I followed after him, dry blades of grass scratching my hands. I winced, and rubbed the small scratches. Dark liquid welled along them.

Death stopped in front of the door and looked back at me. "We should probably train some more. You're nowhere near good enough to face Life if she decides to come after you."

"I'll be fine," I said, pushing past him. I undid my cloak and tossed it onto the coat rack. "Worst comes to worse, my soul gets destroyed. And honestly, it might be nice to not exist."

"You okay, kid?"

I nodded, sliding onto a chair. I rested my head on the table. The whole reaping souls thing was starting to get to me. Killing people, whether I'm technically doing it or not, wasn't what I planned on doing. I don't know how Death could deal with it, with taking so many people, so many kids, away from their families. I don't get how he was taking watching a woman dissolve into dust so easily.

I heard the refrigerator open and shut. Death walked over, and I expected him to pull out a chair and sit down. Instead, he pushed me out of my seat. Pain shot through my shoulder.

I glared up at Death, who was laughing. "What was that for?"

He snorted. "To get you out of your chair. Come on."

"I thought we were done for the day?"

"We are. I made popcorn." He lowered the bowl in his hands so I could see into it. My mouth watered at the scent wafting up from the butter and cheese  covered popcorn. Well, it was covered in cheese powder and butter flavoring, but it was close enough.

"Wait," my eyebrows furrowed. "You got this from the fridge."

"You don't keep popcorn in yours? Weird." Death rolled his eyes." I thought by now you'd stop questioning stuff like this. Now hurry up, Gilligan's Island is on tonight. I don't want to miss it."

"You can watch it by yourself."

"I've been watching stuff by myself since projectors were invented. Excuse me if I don't want to do that anymore. Now, come on." He grabbed my pant leg. He pulled me across the floor like I was some sort of mop. It wasn't that bad on the wood, but when he dragged me across the carpet my shirt rode up. The skin on my back burned.

At last Death hauled my legs onto the couch. He flopped down. He turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. I clambered onto the couch. The ceiling above me caught my attention, not that there was anything cool about it. It was a white ceiling, that's it.

"Hey, Death?" I asked, glancing at him.

"What?"

"What kind of ceilings are there in Hell?"

"Popcorn ceilings. Those are the only kind there. All kitchens are carpeted. And I don't know if you noticed, but the only music played on the first level is What's New Pussycat with the occasional It's Not Unusual. Now unless you're going to sing the song with me, shush."

I stared blankly at him as he sang. My brain didn't care about how good his singing was. All it cared about was how unfazed he was. In the middle of the song, Death looked at me and cut off. His jaw clenched, before he went back to singing. The moment the show went to commercial, Death threw a piece of popcorn at me.

"Are you sure you're okay? Cause you're not acting normal."

"I'm fine." I mumbled, rolling onto my side. "Just tired." He knew it was a lie the moment it left my lips, I felt his gaze on me. His eyes drilled into me like woodpecker into a tree, startling and obvious.

"You know, most animals aren't like humans," he said, the movement of the couch my only clue to him having stood up.

"And?"

Death sat in front of me. "They don't think of things as good or evil. That's a  human invention. Humans have morals, and they expect everything else to adhere to them. They see the world in black and white, ignoring the shades of gray in between. Animals will kill to eat, but humans will look at a source of food in front of them and turn it away because they think it's wrong to eat meat, that it's wrong to drink milk from a cow that needs to be milked. They'll go on and on about upholding religions and then break rules held with the Holy Texts. I don't understand mortals, and I don't pretend to. There's one thing I do know about mortals though, and that's how to tell when one's upset. So how about you tell me what's wrong, and I won't make you use a mop as a weapon."

"What kind of mop?"

"Kid." Death's tone was warning. I swallowed. I stared at him. A half-frown lingered on his lips.

"I wish you just would've sent me on my way." My words, only a whisper, seemed to echo around the living room. Death sighed and dropped his head. A few strands of his white hair moved in an invisible wind.

"I'm desperate. The balance is teetering on the edge of failing. Life has had millennia to slowly increase her lead on me. These last few years, we've been nearing the apocalypse." Death glanced up at me. "The sky will fall, rivers will overflow with blood, Earth will be ravaged. Lucifer will lead his forces against Michael. All the while God will sit watching. I...I know this doesn't make sense, but I love watching humans live. I love it when they try to stall me because in the end I'll claim them. I don't want the world to end."

"What does this half to do with forcing me to be your apprentice? Couldn't you just get an angel and a demon to help you? And speaking of which, couldn't you just start doing a lot of favors for Luci? That would draw you closer to Hell, right?"

Death shook his head. "The balance is finicky. You never know how your actions will affect it, unless you fill out your purpose. My purpose is to kill, to keep the world from becoming overcrowded. Life's is to keep the world from going bare." His hands grasped at the loose denim of his jeans. "The two of us are supposed to keep things in balance. We are the balance. But somehow the balance tends to weigh heavy in her favor. Kid, I don't know what will happen to me after the apocalypse. I don't know if people will still die in the new paradise on Earth, I don't know if I'll cease to exist. I existed before man, but time means nothing to me. I thought having you to help me would make things better, help us prolong the inevitable, but it looks like its bringing us closer to the end of days."

A few tears slipped down his face, only a few, and he wiped them away. I sat up, reaching over to grab the popcorn.

"I was only upset about you not being fazed by turning a lady to dust. I did not sign up to be a therapist so I'm going to eat your popcorn."

A soft chuckle rang through the air. Death's face lit up with a bright smile. It was different than the others, it made him look years younger, almost as if a huge weight had lifted from his shoulders. The moment didn't last. Within seconds, his smile fell and his eyes held a sorrow that hadn't been there before.

He stood. I leaned so I could see the TV, barely reacting as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"I thought you wanted to watch this?" I asked over both the TV and the clinking of mugs.

"I think I'm going to go read some stuff in my study. If you need me, don't. If Lucifer shows up, well, I'll let you decide what to do. Just don't give him all of my chocolate."

"I make no promises."

Chapter: 1,529

Book: 28,297

So how'd you like the chapter?

I thought it'd be nice to throw in some serious stuff.

Also if any of you try to tell me cows don't need to be milked I will fight you. (I've been around Holsteins my entire life)

Anyway

See yah