It was too quiet. Walking to catch the bus meant being assaulted by a barrage of noises, but there weren't any. Even the ambulance that flew past me with its siren blaring was quieter than usual. The strangers I passed made no sounds, even when their mouths moved. My own feet made no sound against the pavement.

I swallowed and glanced around. People went around their daily business: Jamie delivering baked goods, Carla walking her mail route, Jocelyn giving out parking tickets. None of them so much as glanced at me, despite our morning ritual of greetings. Jocelyn looked at her watch and scanned the sidewalks, before frowning. I waved; she didn't respond. She typed a number into her phone, a gift from my dad, and held it to her ear. Just like the others, no sound left her mouth. If this was a joke, it was a damn good one. I kept walking. With each step I took, the remaining sound in the world faded away, leaving me in complete silence.

I stopped in the bakery, hoping to grab a bagel before school. Nobody paid attention to me, even when I waved my hand in Jessie's face. I huffed and walked out. If everyone kept ignoring me, what was the point of going to school? Instead of heading towards the bus stop, I turned and walked down an alley. Some part of me hoped for sound, but none came.

When I made it halfway through the poorly lit alleyway, I heard footsteps behind me. The noise echoed off everything: the walls, the window, even the air itself. I sped up, hand slipping into my pocket. No pocket knife. A creeping chill crawled up my spine until it locked me in place. I couldn't continue, but whoever those footsteps belonged to could. They stopped; I could feel their stare on my back.

I wanted to turn. I wanted to look. I wanted to know why they decided to follow me, but I couldn't work up the nerve.

"Ardia," a soft voice said. "You've lived your life to the span you were given. At one point you were the latest being to enter the world, and now you are the next to exit. This is the time for your final goodbye."

My lips pressed together. They didn't sound dangerous. The threat in their words did, but the certainty they spoke with meant the person behind the words was as dangerous as the threat. Swallowing back the fear in my chest, I turned.

In front of me stood a hooded figure. A shadow concealed any trace of a face, but I wasn't sure they had one. The figure's dark, tattered cloak hung to their ankles. A stream of sunlight, the only one in the alley, glinted off the razor sharp scythe dangling from their left hand; their right held outstretched, reaching towards me. My eyes widened, mouth suddenly dry. The Grim Reaper stood in front of me with their hand offered.

"Can I- uh, can I get back to you on that? I kinda want to go haunt some people or something?" It came out as a question, but I didn't care already forcing my feet to move. Even if that moment was a slow shuffle backwards, it was better than standing still.

They lowered their head, hand falling to their side. My slow retreated ended as I froze and tensed. Eyes trained on the scythe, I prepared myself to feel the cold metal bite into my body. It didn't move.

"Hauntings make a lot of paperwork. A kid like you isn't going to do it," the reaper said, voice louder than the first time they spoke.

"I'll do it."

They laughed and shook their head. "I think I have a better idea." They took a step towards me. I stumbled backward until my back hit a hard brick wall. No matter how hard I tried to pass through it, I couldn't. If the Grim Reaper stood in front if me, that meant I was dead, so why couldn't I pass through? Said Grim Reaper drawing closer to me meant i didn't have time to think about it.

"Jeez, kid," they said, though I swore they said cheese. "I'm not going to hurt you. I have an offer for you."

"What is it?" I asked, wary. Something must've shown on my face because they took a small step back. I nodded in appreciation, feeling a lit less like a cornered animal. It might've been stupid to feel relieved, considering the offer could be something like jumping into an active volcano or supporting PETA. If it were the latter, I'd rather die again.

"You, Miss Ardia, get to be my apprentice."

"That's not an offer," I pointed out.

"Nope. Not at all. You're getting absolutely no choice in this whatsoever." They lunged forward. A gloved hand clasped my arm in an iron grip, making my futile escape attempts just that, futile. Fear burned through my veins as they raised their scythe. They sliced it through the air with a loud whoosh.

Around me the world fizzled away, pieces and parts drifting away like the burnt pieces of garbage the world was. What was left? A world devoid of life. Dead trees, dead grass, rocks, and the occasional cow skull, only the skull though, no body. A house off in the distance the only hint of something actually living here.

Of course, that's the direction the reaper started in. They paused, realizing I was no longer in their grasp. "This way," they said, and they started walking again.

"Um, do you ever take off the hood?" I asked. I kicked at a pebble. It skittered across the dirt before disappearing into the weeds.

The reaper stopped in their tracks. I almost ran into them. They turned to look at me and lifted a hand. Without ceremony, the hood was pulled down. I blinked a couple time. With all of the ways I'd seen the Grim Reaper portrayed, I expected a skeleton or an angel or a skeleton angel. Not him.

His eyes shone bright green, no, they glowed bright green, casting light onto his olive skin. Messy white hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in a week. A red scarf obscures the lower part of his face. He pulled it down, revealing a broad, blinding, and very much faked smile.

"My name's Death, by the way," he said, turning to continue to the house. "You coming?" "Yeah."

The rest of the walk wasn't long and soon we stood on the front porch. Which is where we stood as Death dug through his pockets. "Where did I pit those keys?" he mumbled. I stood there, awkwardly waiting for him to find them. I didn't want to make him angry. I couldn't help it as a small sigh slipped through my lips when he finally pulled out a small set of keys.

"I know it's not much, bit it's home." Death opened the door; he walked in. I followed, only to stop inside the door. Death stood tensed, glaring at another man, though demon would probably describe him better.

Burnt, crooked wings hung limp from the demon's back. Soot coated his hair with spots of blond poking through. His burning red eyes ignored me, electing to stare at Death. Chocolate bars peeked out the pockets of his Alan Walker hoodie. Neither man moved.

"Stop stealing my chocolate!" Faster than I could follow, Death reached to the side, grabbed a vase, and threw it. With a flick of his wrist, the demon sent the vase careening into a wall. It shattered on impact. I winced, hands moving to cover my ears before I stilled them.

"Then put up some wards!" The demon's wide smile revealed small fangs.

"Lucifer, don't make me-" Lucifer disappeared through the floor. "-and he's gone." Death sighed. "Well, are you hungry, kid? I could go for a grilled cheese." He didn't wait for my answer, walking to the fridge.

"Okay, so, let me get this straight," I said. "The literal devil breaks into your house, and you want to make grilled cheese?"

"It only bothered me about the first thousand times. Now I just do my best to put up with him. I mean, what else would I do? Fight Lucifer? No, thank you. You can sit down if you want."

"Table or counter?"

"Either's fine," he said. I nodded and sat at the table. I absently rubbed at a smudge until a plate with a grilled cheese was placed in front of me. Death slid into the chair across from me and started eating his own grilled cheese. I didn't touch mine; instead, I stared at it.

"I'm not going to poison you. You're already dead," Death said. He kept his head down, eyes on his plate. "Poisoning you would be a waste of good poison."

"Uh-"

"I'm joking. It wouldn't be a total waste." A grin appeared on his face, no less forced than the one earlier.

My brow furrowed. "We're you wearing a cloak earlier?" I asked, staring. He was, I know he was, but I never saw him take it off.

"By the door." He gestured towards a coat rack. Sure enough, his cloak hung off of it along with his scarf. A nearby umbrella stand held Death's scythe, along with a couple of umbrellas.

I nodded and picked up my cooled sandwich. I took a bite, and my eyes widened. Far warmer on the inside than the outside would've led me to believe, flavor spread through my mouth. I smiled and took another bite. "This is good!" I said.

"Thanks," Death said. He took his empty plate the sink. China clinked against metal as he placed it in the basin. "I used to- uh, never mind. I'll give you a tour of the house later."

"No, that's okay. You don't have to do that."

"Yeah, kid, I do. If not because it's standard procedure for when souls arrive in a plane of existence, then it's for my peace of mind. I do not need another person falling out a window."

I thought about questioning him, but, honestly, eating sounded a lot better than making him upset. As I ate, from the corner of my eyes. I could see shards of porcelain fly through the air. I turned my head to watch. Each and every piece rearranged itself until one undamaged vase sat on the stand, like a magical self-completing jigsaw puzzle.

"How'd you do that?" I asked, looking at Death. He leaned against the counter, gloved hands resting on its edge.

"The vase? Technically speaking, I'm a divine being, so I can do stuff like that," he said. "If I couldn't, well, I'd be going through more vases than a suburban mom who can't decide on a color scheme."

A small smile lit my face. I stood and carried my plate to the sink. "Do you want me to wash the dishes?" With each second that passed, dread piled on me.
It disappeared with a snap of his fingers, along with the plate in my hands. "Again, divine being. It comes-"

In a bright flash of light, a single piece of paper appeared in my hand. I scanned it, trying to makes heads or tails of the strange symbols covering it. I tilted my head. They weren't any language I'd seen before.

"Give me that." Death snatched the paper from my hands. He read it, lips silently forming each word. He scowled and crumpled it up into a ball. "Guess you get to see the pearly gates after all, kid." 

Chapter: 1,943

Book: 1,943

New book?

How you like it so far?

Also full disclosure,

My full goal with this book is just to one day publish it and get it banned from a Catholic school's library

So I am screwing with every part of Christianity, Judaism...anything that has angels, one god, demons, and some version of Lucifer

So I mean no offense but also kinda I do because this is supposed to be kinda funny, though I'm not good with humor but...

Eh

(Please keep reading this book, cause feedback helps)

See yah