Dearest Allah,

I’m not good, not at all. *sighs*

It’s wrong, right… not being able to thank you for the blessings, not being able to say I’ve got the best?

My final exams have ended…you know about them Allah. My matriculation exams (10th class); they’re going to decide my future. My result has arrived.  I’ve got an A+ grade. My family’s blissful and I’m happy too. Alhumdulillah. It’s just that I’m a bit disappointed, dear Allah. You know every thing… how can I try to lie with you? I have to be honest.

I’ve got good grades but I expected a bit more…not much much more…just a tiny teeny bit more. That’s what humans are like? You’ve made them in this way. They have high expectations…they have great wishes.  

Now that every thing’s clear it is the time to fill in my admission forms for college. But, I’m confused oh Allah. You know this, right? My family has seen me as a doctor throughout their lives. When I was a four year kid, I’d been hearing them planning about my brilliant future.

But- but I don’t want to be a doctor. NO! I’ve a mathematical mind and opting biology means leaving my maths passion. Dear Allah this is so easy to tell you. Can you please help me telling this to my family?

I’m afraid…really terrified about what’s going to happen. How are my family members going to react? Am I really going to crush their dreams like a blooming bud is withered?

It’s like murdering their wishes. How can I ever try to do that… how can I be cruel to the ones who have loved me throughout their lives, the ones who are my shady trees… the ones who’ve protected me from the nasty world.

I think about this every night. Every body is satisfied after my result whereas I’m spending sleepless nights talking to you.  It’s like I’m standing on a dead end of a black road. I can’t see any thing. I don’t have any clue, where to go.

But I know you’re going to help me, you’re going to be my guiding light, like every time Ya Allah! I just know that.

A light hopeful laugh escapes my mouth as I convey my message to Allah Almighty.

                    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up, rubbing my eyes after hearing the Azan. Doing ablution and taking out my prayer mat I get ready for Fajr namaz (prayer). Taking my hijab carefully so that all my hair is covered, I stand on my prayer mat and say Takbeer.  Like all other days, I feel my heart comfortable and my mind peaceful as I try to make my connection stronger with Allah.

It’s a very different feeling, very unique… something I can’t even explain in words. It’s like I’ve escaped from worldly problems and I’m residing in some heavenly place.

Finishing up my prayer, I sit down and raise my hands for the Du’aa. I know Allah’s going to listen whatever I say. He’s going to show me the best of all paths. Tears trickle down my cheeks as I make my du’aa.

“Oh my Allah, please bless my family with a long, healthy and prosperous life. May the problems we face be vanished forever. Please show me the best of all ways and be my golden guiding light. Please forgive my sins and make me a stronger muslimah. Please help my country’s people. Ya Allah please save the innocent people who’re being cruelly attacked in my country, Afghanistan, Syria, Palestine and all other countries. Oh Allah please make my future bright so that I can make my parents proud…so that I can be an amazing muslimah and help in spreading my religion. Ameen.”

I rub my hands on my cheek and stand up, folding the prayer mat.

I ask a lot, right? But if I’m not going to pray to you then how can I have my wishes granted oh sweet Allah.

It’s time to bring up the admission forms and fill them up. I’m pretty nervous. I’m hoping things will be in my favor. Getting ready I reach the kitchen where my mother is busy making my breakfast.

I take a glass of milk along with some chocolate chips cookies, still lost in my thoughts.

“It’s the day, honey.” Mama speaks excitedly.

“Yeah mama. But- I a- am a bit nervous” I manage to speak up.

“Every body feels the same. But you know, He’s there, looking and taking care of every thing from there.” She points towards the sky as we get out of the home and lock the doors.

I start staring at the blue sheet that’s spread as far as I can look. White cotton candies are also visible at some distances and it’s like I’m examining the sky for the first time in my life.

“Oh Allah, please help me.” I pray.

“Sabeen sabeeeeen! Come inside kid. What are you doing there?” It’s my dad, waiting for me inside the car.

I get out of my fantasy world, running towards the car.

The whole journey continues in awkward silence.

We return back after receiving the forms. I put them on the side table of my room and begin looking at them helplessly.

Oh Allah, you know how I feel right now. My future- my future depends on these. A wrong choice may ruin things entirely. Staring the ceiling, I begin thinking everything again when suddenly my brother comes in.

“Mama’s calling you, appi. Hurry up.” He conveys the message and runs away.

I stand up weakly, making my way half-heartedly to my parents’ room. I find my parents sitting on the sofa, nervousness covering their faces. I become even more worried, thinking what’s wrong.

“Mama, papa- you called me?” I manage to speak up.

“Sit down sabeen. No need to worry.” Mama replies.

I sit down waiting for them to speak up.

“Dear, you’ve the choice to do whatever you want; you can choose whatever subjects like. Do what your hearts says. You’re our daughter, not our slave and we’re happy with the choices you make.” I hear my dad saying.

My stomach starts fluttering, my heart’s dancing and my ears are not believing what they’ve heard.

“Papa I don’t understand- you mean I can opt maths instead of biology. Is it what you mean?”

He nods and I see a smile spreading on my mama’s face.

“Yay yay yay.” I jump up and down running all over the room, throwing cushions in the air and dancing like a fool.

I run back to my room and kneel down on the floor.

Ya Allah thank you… thank you for showing me the right path. Thanking you for making my parents believe in me.

I made the right decision; I was correct leaving things UP TO YOU. Thank you for increasing my FAITH and thank you for all the blessings in my life. I promise I’m going to work hard and make my parents proud. I promise I’m neither going to let you down and nor my parents.

I love you, my dearest Allah!

Yours faithfully,

Sabeen.

Author's note: Today i.e. : 2nd aug 2014 is my first anniversary at wattpad. I'm very happy to be here and i'm so glad to share this amaaaazing friendship with you guys.  Thank you so much for every thing! :')