To fully understand the train of thought, or rather, lack of it, an explanation is offered. The original document was labelled, "10 minute writing assignment," and its objective was to write, endlessly, thoughtlessly and impulsively for 10 consecutive minutes.

❝The things I want to say shouldn't be said, and I don't talk much. I bottle my emotions, which leads me to exploding at the people that I care about. I've had a horrible morning and I don't know how I'm staying together right now. I can feel the tears being repressed. All I want to do is cry, but when I do that, I don't ever want to stop. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've silenced myself for so long that I don't know how to say what's wrong with me. Even if I could tell someone, I don't feel anyone would understand.

I feel like... I don't have a right to feel the way I feel, but how can I feel anything else but this? This is me, and I can't change it, and for whatever reason, I don't like that. I don't like myself, I think lowly of myself. I don't think I'm worth it, I don't think I'll amount to anything or accomplish anything. All the while, feeling like I can do anything, I am deserving, and I am worth this. I am worth it. One shouldn't have to repeat that to oneself every day, and I've been finding that's what I do. I don't want to talk about how fucking broken I am because then that means I'll have to feel it and I have been repressing this for a long time. I want to talk, but I don't know what to say. Who do I tell? When do I say it? I can't wake up in the morning and tell my family I don't feel like I amount to anything today. My family has been through a lot... I'm aware that's the case in every family. I don't even know how to talk about most of the things that have happened to me and the things I've seen and heard. I don't want to feel this. I want to keep it inside. Nobody can know this but me. Nobody will ever know, but me... such has always been the case.❞

Tuesday, October 11, 2016
9:57 A.M.