❥ dear diary,
i talked about deleting starters today but people said things,,, i guess i understand what their saying but i don't see the point. sure when other people see my starter book its mostly like kaito anons,,,, ive noticed from other oumas starter books that they get a lot of kaitos and shuichis. its always the romantic type of thing,,,, im not a fan of kaito so i think just saying only friends steers them away.

then my talentswap anon is just dead, i find it funny,,,,, i knew he was a bad idea. mikan is worthless honestly,,,, im not doing a damn thing with it. ah my new anon seems to be doing okay,,, i want aesthetics for all my new accounts as comfort. the comfort of what you may ask? the comfort of just,,,,, my life feels more together having aesthetics. my main account is a mess and i hate it, everyone still reads my chatfic,,,,, i dont want to take it down but they wont stop

is this the hell i have to live through? shuichis hunt, usaihara, and my chatfic,,,,,, people only really follow me for those damn books. sometimes deleting the whole account seems better and fixing it for myself. but people would probably say its stupid and they would be right. i means come on man,,, someone said boobs on my mb today for no reason. i can't get my new book done at this rate. distractions,,,,, its my fault for getting distracted.

i want my damn therapy i was supposed to get so i can lie to someone about my feelings! cant i just get the art one ive heard about? i can draw my feelings away! let me do that. im supposed to draw requests but thats hard to do,,,,,, everything feels different now. why is that? is it my fault again? i hope its not,,, you know yesterday was nice,,,

i heard kai-san again and i was happy,,,, best himiko ever honestly. i should've posted about that for yesterdays entry damn it! oh well,,,, it was fun. i wanna do my saihara voice but im scared ill fuck it up,,,, ill probably practice so i dont die doing it. um,,, i woke up earlier from my dad calling me then my mom came into the room and started asking me who i was talking to,,,, i was overwhelmed by just waking up,,, after she left i started crying quietly so no one would hear me.

i just wanna curl up and cry,,, well i actually started crying a few seconds ago so yes,,,, im doing that while hugging momokuma,,, of course im doing the little kissing thing, i hate it. why am i such a damn 4 year old child? i read a thing saying that since im not a little that i suffered some sort of trauma at a young age but i havent,,,,, im confused just why me? why cant i be like all the preppy girls?

oh this is really long,,, i should go now,,, bye bye

thursday, july 30 2020