Witnessing someone crying and you feel like crying ... This may be a normal human behavior.. But , why did I sense the incident close to my heart...

I was unable to find the answer and honestly I didn't want to....

I was happy with just being with her... She taught me the language... She taught me their culture... She taught me their rituals...

She was very friendly and helpful ... She was there readily available to hold me whenever I feel like crying... Though she was at my age she behaved mature enough to handle me... That itself created a crazy bond between us.. 

A crazy boy and a mature girl...!!!

I began to forget the hopeless path I have crossed in my life as She had been my angel...

    I wasn't much worried as the forthcoming days were rejoiced as always..

She used to pack an extra box for me  if it's sambar idlies ..

I remember the incident even now...

once  , as usual she had brought an extra box of sambar idlies for me .. unfortunately ,  the tiffin box opened  and  all the sambar spilled  into her bag and spoilt her books..

She was scared and Anish anna scolded her much knowing that she had brought the extra box for me...

For no reason Anish anna didn't like me...

Perhaps , the brother nature??!

I didn't know...!

Honestly , I  didn't intend to be close to her.. But situations made me to feel in that way... 

I was an introvert and chose only Suman to be my  friend... Infact ,my everything...

When ever I missed my family she had been my parents knowingly or unknowingly..

Though I was good at academics there was a time when I needed someone badly at my side to live my childhood...

She had been my bestie... The word bestie didn't mean what it actually was...

The word  means everything you can do for the one you call your bestie.. that's what we understood with the word bestie...

I was longing for my parents love as a kid...

Strangely ,when my parents came to bring me back I wasn't happy...

The days we spent in watching stars... !The days we played for long time... !The days we were reading story books together...!

I wanted all  of them... !I badly wanted all  those things to continue...!

    I didn't want to go with my parents...  The reason was , I wanted to be with her... I badly wanted to be with her...

  But , who was there to understand a poor  kid's mind...

My parents were happy to bring me back with them... Because ,they solved all their issues...

Divya akka was happy as she was engaged and getting married...

Divya akka's family was happy as their daughter had got a good marriage proposal...

Anish anna was happy that he didn't have to see my face again..

Suman was happy that I will be  happy  with my parents...

But... The excruciating fact was that I didn't want to go with my parents but needed only Suman ...

You can name it anything... I don't care... The only thing my mind rooted with was   , to be with my  suman...

  I had no choice but to accept the practical situation...

I had to accept the situation again like  I had in the beginning... I had to live the life which I was used to..

Yet,

I wished I could tell Suman how I feel for her...

Before leaving , I promised her ... I still remember the words I told her...

" Suman.. You're in my entire heart..  I won't let anyone to replace you..  remember always  that someone called shravan admired  you so much...loved to be with you forever..."

   While writing this , I smile sheepishly... How naive we were in our childhood...?!

But... Those were the golden days...!!! As I  presumed it was impossible to meet her again . Divya akka settled in London after her marriage.. when I grew up , I tried to search my bestie  which went vain as suman 's family had shifted somewhere...

   Huffff....!!!

I didn't know whether she would be remembering me as I do..  but ,the promise which I gave to her was true..

I didn't know how she would be now..  where's she now...

Still , she lives in the silences between my thoughts...!!!

I have seen so many girls in my life - colleagues , relatives , friends... I found no attachment with any girl as I had with Suman...

It wasn't that much hard  to  have a girl  friend.. but , having  a bestie is really tough..

  My Mom started to worry when I always chose to be away from girls..  sometimes , she used to tease me that I am going to be a saint one-day...

And , I don't mind to be a saint..   seriously.. !!

But , when I saw you the first time at the  ice cream shop , you were one amongst the  attractive girls...  But , the moment I  have noticed your glittering nose pin  , you seemed to be different from others...

  a  South Indian girl...!!!

I felt like talking with you ..  yes , I followed you...  The way you enjoyed the snow fall  , that - close up ad moment....

Something inside me  urged to talk with you... From the very first meeting my mind was fascinated for  your friendship...

Note it babe... ! Only friendship...!!!

When we became friends , I started to corelate you with my bestie  , Suman...

You may not know ...

The day when you said ...

" Shravan... Without darkness you can't see stars"

I was stunned... Because , those were our favorites - darkness and the stars!!!

    You were so close to my heart when you have gifted me the South Indian attire... The way you smeared the sandalwood paste made me to recall my childhood...

 
  I was attracted to you Sam... !!The first and foremost reason is - you somewhere resembled my suman... Somewhere I imagined Suman to be your appearance..

Sorry... I know ,  this must be hurting you... I  am comparing you with another girl ... Sorry for this dear... But , I wanted you to know me inside out..  I wanted to let my heart out...

Trust me Sam... The day when I hold you in my hands ( though it was an accident!) , I felt like you are the rest of my life...

I fell in love with you Sam... I madly , crazily fell in love with you...

Still , I hesitated ... I thought I have time where I could exhibit my heart slowly...

But...

Fate is very cruel..  suddenly you told that you're leaving...

How dare you...?!?!

How could you leave me so easily...?!

You were like a polestar in my wanderlust life... You were truly a boon ... You were the raindrop amidst the ocean...

I was unhappy that I couldn't confess my love to you.. 

  What if , I loose  again....?!?!

Hence , I thought to propose you .. I was looking for the moment...

In shopping mall , When I saw you at the corner  with  teary eyes  , I was literally  dead...

I couldn't hold my emotions... I hugged you...  You kissed my forehead to console me... That was the  moment I understood that you're my angel and I am not going to miss you at any cost....

I didn't know anything about you...I only knew that when you kissed me , I felt alive again... My whole world became something different...I felt the heaven and hell , rain and draught , sweet and bitter  dancing together in my head...  and ,  I would love to  burn there happily...

But , it hurts Sam...

I need you to be with me... I want you to call me quirky... I wish to hold your hand and discuss  the sweet nothings...

I will miss you and it hurts me a lot that I am alone again...

  Yea...

If it doesn't hurt me  a little then ,  what's the point of being with love .?!?!

Am I right?!?!

Love you Sam...will miss you very badly...

Call me when you reach home...

With Love...

Your Shravan.. 

When I close his diary , my heart weighs  heavy...

Tears make it's way down  , beyond the chin... I clench the jaw to control the  lump that struck my throat heavily...

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

Dear besties...

Hope you all doing good...

belated Diwali wishes to all... Sorry , I have planned to update but couldn't as I was stuck with work...

Now , Suman knew that Shravan is her childhood friend...

What's her next move.. ?

Pen down your views...

Stay safe...

Love ...

arulpirai...