Hey, hi you there, yeah you, hi...

Welcome to... to... whatever you call this... my dating life?... Yea... that will do, my 'Sad and pathetic dating life'... I wanna kill myself...

Anyways...... Welcome....

So lets get straight to the point, since that is what you are here for. Right? Okay...

So, my dating life is not really... the best, but it is not the worst... even though my friends say that it is, I just ignore them... because I know for a fact that they are not wrong, but I like to think optimistically. (Actually let's be honest, there is not a lot of room in my life for optimism if you ask me).

Now, if you are wondering how bad my dating life actually is, let me give you an example of a date that went so bad, it could have not gotten any worse. Legit, if One Direction were there, they would have went the other direction because of how bad it was... okay...

Sooo... it was some time in high school... I was a senior and I met... okay, no... I layed my eyes upon this really cute guy, don't mind me but in my head, I was like, "my future boyfriend, my future husband, the future dad of our kids, okay... MY FUTURE DADDY", he seemed perfect...

He had deep ocean blue eyes, side swipped, messy hair... looks SO sexy on him. Then his smile... his smile was... like... a blessing, like I felt reborn... fresh out of an oven and I guess it will be weird of me to already think of what he looks like naked... and how he is going to inseminate me... mmm... all the images... it was literally a living heaven.

Anyways...

I continue to examine him... I look at his chest, which looked bigger that the average that I would see around the school, although he was wearing a jacket... but still! I continue looking down, reaching his torso, crotch, thighs and legs... 'thank you lord and univerese for this gift...' I thought to myself while looking at this delicious piece of meat!

Sooo... the next few weeks dragged on slowly as each day all I would see is him... and trust me... it would literally be an accident, I will physically try an avoid him... but still... my eyes would lay upon him... Mr. Perfect. Also... since I am a shy bitch... I cannot get myself to go and talk to this sexy beast... who I see each and every FUCKING day, and it is driving me mental, but then I had an idea... what are best friends for?... Other then sharing food, drinks and basicaly your whole life... Correct... they are also there to do you favours. I know kinda bitchy... but... hey! Friends rock!

So yes... as you may have guessed...

My best friends, Tina and Betty, managed to set me up with this hunk. Needless to say, I was thrilled, I felt like I was on cloud nine and yeah, he invited me over to his place... but... it was alright... I guess...

And then, i swear, there is something with god and universe, it is like some kind of a sign or something, but... one week later... I SHIT YOU NOT... he asks me on a date... A REAL fucking date, a dinner type of date... So I said yes! Because I want him to be mine... ONLY MINE!!

And with that being said, this is where the story begins... THE DATE THAT CANNOT GET ANY WORSE...