I hate it when I know something doesn't exist. I hate it. I detest it. I abhor it. And I hate it because they should exist. We should have consulting detectives and two-hearted, regenerating aliens. We should have demon-hunters and Force-wielders. We should have things that we can't understand, but we don't. We don't have impossible things even though we need them. And I am crying right now, that's a given, but not just because of the emotion from the story. I am crying because I know, and I have been trained to believe that the things we need -the impossible things- cannot, will not, and never will exist. And that breaks my heart even more than this story. It breaks my heart that it is only a story... a story that is impossible.

What if gravity generated time? Like, each celestial body had its own time progression, and when you’re just in dead space time freezes? –Samara’s idea.

 You're going somewhere. You're in an unfamiliar car, on an unfamiliar road. It's a gravel road, and the sound of the crunch comforts you against the total unfamiliarity of everything. You don’t even recognize the stars that twinkle mischievously over your head. One thing you do recognize is a photo on the dashboard. A place, one you seem familiar with and love. But you can’t remember anything about it. Where is that place? Why is it important? Is that where you are driving to? The scenery around you though unfortunately snuffs that hope. Should you turn around and try to find it? You feel a deep urge to do so, to find a little clue about your past you can’t remember... but there is an even stronger urge to keep going, to move forward, even if in the end you have to crawl on hands and knees to get there. But until then you have a car that came from nowhere, and is going nowhere. –Kaela’s bit.

Words (First Draft)

Chapter One: Average-

“Mom!” Eli screamed, banging down our staircase. Mom sighed and turned around in front of the stove where she was cooking dinner. “Mom! Liz won’t give me my game!” The seven-year-old whined, standing in front of his mother.

“Is it really yours?” Mom asked, putting a hand on her apron-clad hip.

“Yes! It’s my chess game!” Harry complained.

“It’s not his! It’s the house’s chess board!” His eleven-year-old sister fought, shouting from upstairs. I sighed and rolled my eyes, wanting my music but not wanting to get up and get it.

                “There you go, Eli.” Mom negotiated. “If you want to play, play with Liz or Rachel.”  Eli immediately turned his head to me, making his bright blonde hair flop in front of his big brown eyes. I sighed again.

                “But whenever you lose you get mad, and you don’t like it if I go easy on you.” I told him, looking at him from the couch.

                “Well, instead of going in your stupid ‘mind palace’ for a strategy, try just playing without one!” He said sarcastically, using air quotes around “mind palace” for extra effect.

                “I don’t with you. I only do that with Liz cos she’s older.” I explained.

                “Liz? Will you play chess with me?” Eli shouted, still in his spot from complaining to Mom.

                “Only if you don’t whine when I win!” She replied. Eli smiled and went back upstairs, skipping a stair with each stride. I smiled, glad to be left alone and turned back to my laptop.

                “When’s Andrew coming?” Mom asked, stirring the bubbling liquid on the stove. Andrew was our church’s youth pastor, and was coming to pick me up. He was going to let me drive since I finally had my permit.

                I looked at the clock above the fireplace, which read five thirty-two.

                “'Bout half hour.” I replied, having a burst of sudden inspiration and turning back to my computer. I quickly typed as Mom talked to the dog about dinner.

                Before I knew it, the doorbell rang. Wild thumping immediately presented itself above my head as Liz and Eli raced to get the door. Liz made it first (as usual) and, after asking who it was, let Andrew in. He took off his hat as he poked his head around the doorway and looked inside.

                “Hello.” He said, smiling politely like he always did. “Is Rachel here?” He asked. I raised my hand from on the couch as I shut down my computer.

                “Right here.” I announced, getting up and cracking my back. He smiled and I went around to the entryway as he conversed with Mom.

                “And thank you again. She has been dying to drive.” Mom said.

                “No problem, I’m glad to help.” I pulled my black stocking cap on over my copper, chest-length hair and watched Andrew from behind. “Where’s Jay?” He asked, referring to my dad.

                “Working late.” Mom replied, sounding a bit sad. Dad had to work late sometimes, but it wasn’t very often so we didn’t mind too much.

                “Ah.” Andrew thanked Mom and turned around, following me out the door. As I walked into the yard, my brown eyes scanned in for anything unusual like they always did. But, as usual, nothing was different. I felt on edge today. For some reason it felt like something was going to happen. I knew nothing would; nothing ever happened to me. I was average, my family was average, my church and friends were average. Well, maybe not Tanya. She was... very unique. But I hated being average. I had boring hair, boring eyes, boring life. Really nothing was special about me, but I had a feeling something was going to happen. I didn’t know what, but something.

                I climbed into the driver’s seat confidently, sitting up straight as Andrew climbed in shotgun. I looked at his head. His red hair was touching the roof. I smiled to myself and started the car.

                Chapter Two:  Something-

                After our Bible study, Andrew offered to drive us all home. We all gladly accepted and piled into his black Jeep. Tanya, my ‘unique’ friend was jumping in her seat with a stupid derp face. We were laughing and the rest of us experimented with our own derp faces. We dropped Sky, Sam, and Kay off and headed to Tanya’s house.

                “Hey Mr. Andrew?” Tanya asked. She always called him that, no matter what. I didn’t know why, but it was fun. She’s Tanya. “I’m going to be gone next week. Do you think you could manage without me?” She asked, bouncing again. Andrew laughed and quickly looked in the mirror.

                “I think so.” He answered playfully, smiling. I chuckled and looked at Tanya, who as making a mock surprise face. We laughed and Andrew smiled. We slowed to a stop at the turn, and we slowly began again when out of nowhere came a gold Honda, going well over the speed limit. It ran right into the passenger side door and we all jerked to the right, screaming. I hit my head on something and everything went dark.

                Chapter Three: Memory-

                Light came back. I didn’t know why, but it seemed like I hadn’t seen any in a long time. I blinked a few times to get used to it and I put a hand on my brow line to shade my eyes. I looked around. The place looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I seemed to be in some type of clearing with lush green grass dotted with blue and purple flowers. There were no bees, which was good. I hated bees. In a perfect circle around the grass were tall, very tall but thin oak trees with the darkest leaves I had ever seen. They were almost black, but light enough to see that they were, in fact, green. I would have seen shadows, but the sun was in the perfect center of the circle of clear, crisp blue sky above me. High noon. I walked into the trees, easily making my way. The ground was not forest-like, but exactly like the clearing. I sniffed the air, feeling it thicken nearer to the trees. It was not moist, just thick if that makes any sense.

                No bugs, no birds, no wind, no noise. On and on there was no sound but the noise of my footsteps and my breathing. It seemed like I wouldn’t like the dead silence, but I enjoyed it. My thoughts were clear and sharp. I suddenly heard laughter. I looked around, seeing nothing but the rays of sun breaking through the foliage. I went toward the noise, knowing where it was immediately because of the silence.

                I found myself in another clearing. This one was not the same, but the only thing different was the flowers; instead of blue and purple they were red and yellow. But I saw three people lying on a blue and white checkered blanket on the grass. Two adults and a child –a girl. They were laughing and pointing at the sky. I looked up to where they were pointing and saw nothing.  I cocked my head a bit and looked closer at them. The woman was young and her hair was a pretty light brown that matched her eyes. The man looked a few years older and had bright blonde hair that was in a neat buzz cut. His eyes were a dark, dark brown. They looked very familiar. The girl looked exactly like the woman, her hair the same color, but her eyes were almost identical to the man.

                “Daughter.” I thought immediately. She looked very young, probably only three or four. I walked closer to them, listening to their laughter. It sounded familiar. The Mother and Father kissed, meeting over their daughter, who squealed and covered her eyes. The Dad laughed and looked down at her, gently pulling down her hands.

                “Rachel, honey. I love your mom and it is perfectly fine for me to kiss her.” He said kindly. The mom smiled. My eyes widened in realization. Those people were my Mom and Dad, and the girl was me. How was that possible? I walked close enough to touch them, and I tried to. But my fingers brushed through them like they were air. I stepped back, not sure how to react. My hand flew to my mouth as I peered at them. I heard crying and I turned my head toward the noise. I looked back to the family, but they were gone. A last laugh faded as the crying took over. I ran towards the crying, not knowing what was going on. As I ran, the thin forest slowly morphed into a palely-lit hospital hallway. Doctors, nurses and patients brushed passed, looking like faded images as if they didn’t matter. I burst into a room to see Mom and Dad again. Mom was holding a newborn that was very pale and small on a hospital bed. She was crying, and Dad was too. I was six or seven this time and I held Dad’s hand, trying to see over the railing of the bed. The baby was not crying, and I knew what that meant. I started choking up. A Doctor came in the room silently from behind me. He walked around me and I caught a glimpse of his face, or what would have been his face. It was blurry like on TV when they block out brands. He went over to Mom and Dad and spoke, but his words were just buzzes. The young me looked at the Doctor innocently. When the Doctor finished his... “Speaking” Mom and Dad gaped and Mom broke down crying again. The Doctor left and Mom cried as Dad put a hand on the newborn’s forehead and prayed. He was crying and speaking rapidly as he did and Mom joined in. The young me joined in, not sure what else to do. Suddenly throughout the praying, screaming broke out. I looked at the baby, and it was crying and screaming and waving its little fists. Dad opened his eyes in shock and Mom laughed and kissed the baby over and over. Dad left and the young me climbed up on his chair and looked at Mom and the baby.

                “Rachel honey, this is your new sister.” Mom said shakily, smiling happily. Both me’s smiled. “Liz Anne Grace.” Mom finished, looking down at my sister. Another moment of realization hit me and I actually got dizzy for a moment. That was my sister when she was born. She was born and she wasn’t crying or breathing. She was also born prematurely. I remembered the story well. Mom and Dad told me when I was old enough to understand. Mom and Dad prayed and amazingly she began to cry. It was a miracle. And it was one of my most vivid memories. I was visiting one of my memories. Did that mean the picnic was a memory too? That would explain me not being able to touch.

                “Rachel!” I heard my name being called, and it wasn’t by anyone in the memory I was in. I looked happily back at my memory and kissed my fingers. I waved at them and ran out towards my name.

                Chapter Four: Nothing-

                The hospital faded back to the thin forest as I ran. I smiled, happy I knew at least some of what was going on. But I didn’t know where I was, or how I got there, so that needed to be figured out.

                “Rachel!?” The person calling my name became more frantic. I stopped at a big clearing. It was bigger than the last two, and there were no flowers. Across from where I was there was a wooden, arched bridge that went over a noisy river. In the middle of the clearing were Andrew and Tanya. They were both looking around frantically.

                “I’m here!” I replied, waving and going forward. They ran up to me and Andrew bent down to my level, looking me down worriedly. Tanya pushed him out of the way and gave me a bone-crushing hug.

                “Rachel! Oh my word, are you okay!?” She asked, sounding very worried. Andrew was standing behind her, looking very angry and upset.

                “Yes, of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked skeptically, hugging her back awkwardly and looking at Andrew. Tanya looked at Andrew and back at me. She looked very upset.

                “Don’t you remember?” Andrew asked, looking like he was about to cry.

                “What do you mean...?” I asked, looking back at them and getting worried. “What happened?” I stammered.

                “Rachel, look at me.” Tanya instructed, grabbing my shoulders and turning me towards her. The sky had turned from the sunny blue to a dark grey, and a chilly wind was picking up. I looked at her, genuinely confused. “You have to forgive Mr. Andrew. He didn’t do anything wrong.” She began.

                “Tanya-” Andrew started, but he was cut off.

                “-No. It was not your fault and she doesn’t need to think that.” Tanya argued, looking away from me for a moment and pointing at Andrew. She looked back to me and stared at me straight into my eyes.

                “You have to forgive him. No matter what. Do you understand?” She demanded. I nodded, afraid to argue. When she was serious, it meant that you had to be too. She smiled softly and stood back up. She went and stood next to Andrew. They both smiled weakly at me and began to fade. I ran up to them, trying to get them solid again.

                “What? No! Where am I? What happened?” I asked frantically, waving my hands.

                “I’m sorry.” Andrew said quietly, just as he faded. I yelled out in anger and breathed deeply to calm myself down. The wind was blowing violently now and the sky was almost black. My unzipped hoodie was threatening to fly off of me and my clothes were pressed up against my body. My hair whipped wildly behind me as big drops of rain began to fall. I growled and wrapped my hoodie around me, making my way for the bridge. I had to find shelter; this was going to be a bad storm.

                Once across the bridge, I saw a small wooden door surrounded by some mossy stone bricks several yards away. Leaves obscured everything above the door, so I only saw around four by four feet of man-made shelter. A small glass-encased lantern lit it up and was unaffected by the heavy rain beating on it. I reached the door and it was just barely big enough for me to fit through. I gently ran my hand on it. It was solid oak wood with a shiny varnish on it that made it waterproof. It had one of those old cast iron handles that was just a ring attached to the door. I pushed on it and it opened easily. I stepped in and closed it behind me. As soon as I entered I was a lot warmer than when I had been outside. I turned around and reached for my hair to wring it out. What met my eyes was impossible. I was at the beginning of a gigantic, carpeted, well-lit entryway. It looked like what you might expect the dining room of a medieval castle to look like, except it was much more modern. It had a huge chandelier that was lit with candles hanging from the ceiling, but had electric lamps beside every door. The walls were made of a dark wood that had the same varnish as the door did. There were at least eight doors on each side of the hallway and they all had a small plaque with words on them. I couldn’t read them from where I was, but I was too distracted with the end of the hallway. A royal staircase on the right and left side of the circular room led to a balcony that faced the door I had just came in from. There was a modern crystal-and- electric-light chandelier in that room that lit everything with the same yellow light that the candle chandelier did for the hallway. There were also doors at the top of the staircase that were labeled heavily with “Keep Out” and “Caution” signs. I was overwhelmed by everything so I closed my eyes as I finished wringing out my hair. I could hear the rain on the roof pounding and it reminded me of Liz and Eli. I wanted to see them very badly. I opened my eyes again and I looked down at the carpet. It was very plush and it was dark blue –my favorite color. It was even darker where it was wet. I sat down and slid my white converse off, just thinking about everything.

                Chapter 5: Knowledge-

                I got up, having decided to go along with whatever was happening and try and figure it all out. I walked in the center of the hallway, looking at the doors and reading their plaques.

                “Quotes” Was one.

                “Names/Addresses/Phone Numbers” was another.

                “Facts” was the one that seemed the most familiar to me for some reason. The whole place looked familiar, just like the clearings and forests.

                “Scenes” was a couple after that one, and I almost opened that door because of all the noise coming from behind it. I moved on, going up the left staircase and to the first door that had the “Caution” labels on it. I was just about to open it, but a voice stopped me.

                “You don’t want to go in there.” It warned. I didn’t turn around and kept my hand on the handle.

                “Why not? I don’t know where I am, how I got here, or who you are.” I retorted snappily.

                “Because you told me to not let anyone in.” The voice –a male voice- said, taking a couple steps closer. I finally turned around, placing a hand on my still-wet waist.  “And of course you know where you are; you come here every day.” A man who looked remarkably like Jeremy Renner added. I blinked a few times, taking in the supposed-celebrity in front of me. He looked at me like he knew every single thing about me. I didn’t like that.

                “What do you mean? I didn’t tell you anything, and I do not come here at all. I have never been here before.” I said, my sarcastic feeling gone. He walked closer to me, peering at me curiously. I raised an eyebrow.

                “Do you… know what happened?” He asked gently. I shook my head, looking at him suspiciously. He sighed. “You aren’t here because you need something?” He asked again, getting worried.

                “No, I don’t even know where ‘here’ is… I kind of just… ended up here. I don’t…” My head began to hurt as I trailed off. I put a hand to my head and closed my eyes momentarily. He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a sideways hug. My head hurt too much for me to resist. “Where was I before I got here? Where am I?” I asked, my voice getting shaky.

                “Rachel… You- You’re in your Mind Palace, like you are every night. You just… went to sleep. You must not remember falling asleep.” He said, pulling me into a full hug. I was confused. That made sense but it didn’t sound right. But my Mind Palace! That is why… and why I have Jeremy Renner guarding a door. My head stopped hurting and Jeremy… or whoever he really was, released me. He ruffled my hair and smiled sadly. I didn’t question any more.

                “So… my Mind Palace. And you’re Jeremy Renner, who I put in here to guard these doors.” I said, everything having to do with my Mind Palace flooding into my memory. The clearings and the forest, those were my route to my Palace. I put those memories there for me to see every time I come here. He really was Jeremy Renner. I groaned and realized I talked to him every day. He chuckled and folded his arms, shifting his weight onto his left foot. I smiled. “But… wait. If the first two things were memories, and I couldn’t touch them, why were Tanya and Andrew here, and I could touch them?” I asked. He seemed sad again.

                “Let’s go to the Library.” He suggested, beginning to walk towards the stairs.

                “Jeremy, no. Why did Tanya tell me to forgive Andrew? Why were they so upset?” I demanded stopping and putting one hand on the banister.

                “I can’t tell you now. You have to see some things before you can know.” He explained, sounding tired. I sighed and went down the stairs, hearing him follow me.

                Chapter Six: Understanding-

                I led Jeremy to a door labeled, “Continued” and the hallway I had been in so many times greeted me. The hardwood floor was slick, and I remembered a few times I had run down the hall and slid with fuzzy socks on and smiled. It was much like the Main Hall, but smaller. There were doors all along it and on either side, all with different plaques. The walls were mossy stone like outside and vintage steam punk-style lanterns hung over every door. I didn’t bother to read the labels; I knew them all by heart. They were mostly the worlds of my different stories, but a few were information-baring.

                We found the Main Library and I slowly entered, knowing what I was going to see but still expecting something else. I sighed happily when it was the same library. The beanbags, fuzzy rugs, ceiling-high bookshelves, six-headed lamps with the bendable necks, and finally the floating orb of light in the middle of the room. I ran to the biggest bean bag and jumped onto it, making a book appear in my hands. Jeremy watched me from the door like a parent would watch a young child.