Burhan's PoV

I was switching off the desktop and returning to the surrounding. By half psyche here and half always tied with Mahnoor,I don't know what I do.

I went to the kitchen and stretched my arms. I sighed,sighed....all that I do. I look out of the kitchen into the sky,even when the sun shines,the moon is there. The nature tells my story these days. The moon is always there,day or night. She is constantly looking from upon the sky. The moon reminds me of her. I should have stayed in the office,I don't even want to attend his wedding but he's my friend. My life's totally changed,not in a good way though. I wish to sit back and relax but I'm always thinking,there's a serpent of restlessness crawling inside my brain,no matter where I am,no matter what I do,I'm always trapped.

Mehreen entered the kitchen,I stood straight.

"You could ask me,I would've brought you water Burhan" she said with her almost suited smile.

I just smiled back. I don't know why this feels so wrong when I look at her. Even though I never can imagine not marrying Mahnoor.

I went into the bathroom and switched on the shower. The water when now falls on my skin never can bring out any sensation,I feel absurdly numb.

I try every single morning to talk to Dad about Mahnoor,every single time I see brother to mention her. When ever I look at Ma,I feel the need to rush to her knees and cry out the pain I've stored so gallantly.

But I fail everyday,every single moment. I see them so happy,I see Mehreen so happy. She gets well with everybody and it makes me guilty to be a suspect of an unknown crime yet I want them to welcome Mahnoor happily with all the honour and love she deserves; what more selfish reason would I escort these thoughts with than to only say I wish so because I love her.

Mehreen is great,she is a perfect wife,she matches with all,then why I do only wish to see that match to happen with Mahnoor. I want Mahnoor to be instead of her,when Ma smiles at her proudly and when Baba calls her to ask for things.

I fear all the words of that old man on the day of our wedding,if I ever be unfair,oh I wish not to displease my Lord!

However my heart's feelings cannot be measured,I'm glad I won't be taken in question for that,so for that I cannot help if I would never be able to love Mehreen as I love Mahnoor.

I try to be his husband but I'm quite surprised with the very artificial act I put up,she is always splendid and content.

I wish sometimes that she was harder to be fooled; so that she would have questioned me,why am I so distant from her? But Mehreen only smiles like she is in love with me,like rather little or more I give,is hers and she cherishes it.

She makes me so vulnerable and full of life ceasing guilt.

Everyday as I plan to take all that away from her and hand another hand to her,how would I say: she's my wife? What would I answer to her questions?

I fear so dreadfully the reaction of all the members of my family. My father,my ma,my brother and my sister!?

I walked out,pulling myself in the civility of being a husband and how Much it pains me,I cannot put in words rather I remind myself I'm doing this for my lord,to make this easier.

She has kept my suit on the bed, she smiles as I  slip on my clothes.

I feel terrible.

She packed her bag and looked at me. "I'll be leaving now,take care"

She's going to Aunt's house for a week. Aabid has come to take her. I feel nothing at all about that.

"Take care" I said.

"Okay.....you would call me?" She nervously asked.

"Of course I will,I love you" I said as I hardly leaned in to let her kiss me.

I mean nothing that I say these days.

She looks at me with so much hope and love that makes me vague.

I walked with her to the living room,escorted her till the car. Aabid hugged me and I knew that maybe we would never be this good at relations again,if I tell everybody what I've done but I want to do it. I feel insanely driven to do it.

She smiled and waved till she left,mum sighs like she sighs when Basheera leaves. Ma really admires her.

Everything has proved to be expensive but I only feel the regret of marrying Mehreen and nothing more so.

I returned to my room. 6:45pm.

I should leave for the wedding but I can't move, my head hurts.

There's someone at door. I went to see,to my surprise Mahnoor is inside the living room standing with a bag and Brother looking at her puzzled.

Ma was also present. "Mahnoor but where's Aunt?" Brother asked.

"I came by myself" she stated not looking at anybody. My heart speeded,my eyes were widened in bewilderment.

"All by yourself, alone?" Ma spoke in astonishment.

Mahnoor looked at me,I didn't knew if I wanted to reach for her bring her close to me or have this be restricted for some more of moments.

I'm terrified. I looked at her and shook my head slightly. She left the bag on the floor and walked to Ma. My nerves stood on the edge.

"I came here alone because I cannot stay no more at my mother's house. You should ask Burhan why I'm here" she spoke softly but it sliced my heart in halves.

Ma turned to me, "Burhan?" She said at this point utterly confused because she could not even imagine the coming possibility.

If Mahnoor is here,she must have been really in a bad place to have taken such decision. Like a coward I cannot hide behind,it's my turn to shield her now.

I walked and stood before Mahnoor. "Ma...." I spoke in shivers "Ma I married Mahnoor, Ma...I love her"

For a moment silence settled in the room and then... disbelief.

Brother laughed saying it is a petty joke to be played while mum didn't took notice of it to be any true and it aches me to see this kind of surreal trust in them,I cannot do it but since Mahnoor was here all by herself and there were words spoken of immorality, doubt resided gradually.

My mouth was dry and my lips trembled. "What is all this Burhan! Where is your mother Mahnoor? Did you come with Zahid?" Ma spoke in little sparks of anger in her words now.

"It is true that we have married each other,I love Burhan" Mahnoor spoke scared.

"No! No! Burhan stop! This isn't looking good on you" Brother pushed me.

I couldn't hold back my tears,I repeated the same words.

The whole air changed,the silence seeped in the rooms,the walls rose higher and we stood there feeling small.

"Get out!" Ma at once bursted.

It shook me.

Enaya had been listening from the corner,she now came to stop ma. "Mum please" she requested.

"Take Mahnoor inside and tell him to get out!" Ma spoke throwing her hands on her head.

It was killing me,my ma was crying. I never have made her so upset but she hates me now and this look on her face is tormenting me.

I left the house as Mahnoor was taken inside.

I cried and cried. I have done this! I hate myself!

I kept crying till the darkness and hollowness of the lanes touched me to be alike.

I tracked till my house but I could not enter. How can I? Ma told me to get out! For the first time now I regret marrying Mahnoor. I shouldn't have without Ma's permission.

The streets turned chilly. There was no sound,my mind thought about the facts that would be existing presently. Dad would have returned and he would have known about my doings. I'm scared to see him ashamed of me. What if they never forgive me?

Tears run again. No,I cannot see them hating me. Oh Allah save me!

My neighbor came from his house to me "Burhan,why are you standing outside?"

I couldn't speak,my throats were jammed,the more I was trying,the more my tears were accumulating. I just kept shaking my head.

"Is everything okay?" He asked me suspectedly.

I nodded as tears fall to him witness.

I crossed the lane and knocked the door.
Enaya opened the door,I was shaking. She looked like she was sorry for me but entirely sure I was that she was also angry.

She let me enter. I want this all to be over so badly. I fear for Mahnoor. What she might be going through, I hope it isn't this worse....I walked slowly to Ma's room. I saw dad and brother Bareek there too.

I sat beside my mother's lap and cried.

"Ma please forgive me. Please Ma,please. Please don't despise me" I pleaded guiltily.

She didn't move, her tears fell on my fingers. My dad looked numb and everyone was sad and it was all my fault.

"Please Ma don't cry,please Ma..pl--"

"But you've made sure we cry all rest of our remaining life Burhan. Burhan why?' She said crying.

"No MA! Please don't say that! I am sorry Ma,I was in love with Mahnoor,I couldn't tell you. I married Mehreen but I couldn't move on.....I married her Ma because I couldn't live without her!" I hurled at once.

"In a day? In a day you decided you couldn't move on? Married Mahnoor within  a week you married Mehreen! Do you realize how shallow and immensely petty this act is!" She snatched her hands away from me.

"I'm sorry !I realize I've been insane but I sincerely love her Ma. I'm only asking for her. I haven't asked for anything; please accept her Ma" desperation leaked in my voice.

"You really have no idea of how shameless and awful your action is!" My dad rose hotly from his chair and claimed.

"I have never disobeyed you! Please! Please accept her!" I begged.

"So do you think that of all years of your obedience you are now asking us to pay for it! Do you want us to accept this shameless and absurd marriage as the return of favour you have paid to us!" Brother yelled and threw the chair bolting at me.

"Please..." I gathered my last piece of breath to request.

"Get out of my sight Burhan,your face reminds me of your woeful act! It shames me!" My father said.

I assembled to stand on my legs and walk shamefully out of the door. Why did I ever do this!

I was weakening as I reflected,perhaps they are right,it is one shallow act....

I sat in the lawn. I prayed,I prayed over and over asking for forgiveness but it all seemed like the dark have fell upon light. It startled me when I thought,I married Mahnoor a a few days after I married Mehreen,nobody knows the feelings beneath and only visible is the surface and the surface show this marriage a vile constitution.

I asked myself,what now?

I had no strength to face the world now,thinking how everyone would react to this,made me shiver to my bones.

Mahnoor came and sat beside. I want to cry for her for I cannot protect her,nor can I help her in this demise.
I cry for myself,for the son in me is no more to be proud of. Before my thoughts would evolve Mahnoor looked and said "you just went away....just like that. You left me when I needed you....Burhan,you just walked away"

I was yearning for consolidation but her words made me weary again. I felt more guilt.

"I'm sorry" I apologized.

"Why bother for the words too" she spoke bitterly.

"I am trying Mahnoor. Ma has never spoken to me suchlike, I was felt broken I--"

"Burhan,I came running from my house and you left my hand and walked away!" She spoke with her pitch rising.

"What did you want from me at the moment!?  I asked as I hated myself.

"You didn't even fight for me!" She said gritting her teeth.

"Fight for you? Fight with my family?" I spoke in anguish.

She shook her head in rage and stormed away. Why can she not see the I'm dealing with this! For a secluded period within myself my feelings now changed,I felt angry at myself for pushing off Mahnoor like that! Lord knows what hell she is going through? What everybody might have said to her in my absence and what made her run away? I felt bad for her now,she is going through a lot. I was selfish,I walked in the guest room not making a sound.

"I am sorry Mahnoor" I said watching her rising her head from the pillow,she hasn't slept and  most definitely have been crying all night.

I embraced her. I am really sorry. She cried on my shoulder and I secretly cried in her arms.

I waited in her room till she had fallen asleep and then I carried her to the bed and closed the windows.

When I passed from my dad's room,I could see my baba sitting in his vain solidarities. Mum was awake on the bed,what have I done to my family. I reached to my prayers again. My eyes have not dried for a second.

The next day went as dull and sorrowful as the day before. Dad did not go to work,he had just recovered from his health but now he is again deteriorating. Mum stayed in her room. Enaya had to force food on everyone,brother didn't talk to me. I felt deserted. I so desperately wanted them to forgive me but I was forlorn in this fight.

Three more days passed without my eyes seeing the light in our house, as the house was consumed by a pitiful guilt in everyone's eyes and regret and disbelief rode on the wind inside the rooms.

I would not talk to Mahnoor,she would not talk to me. We felt like criminals in a jail. More or less I felt I was the most guilty.
Mahnoor's Dad was in a shock,her family denied such allegations until Mahnoor herself confessed on the phone that she had done so,I was there when she spoke,I held her hand. She would not stop crying,the feeling of losing one's family is gigantic. We felt the debris falling on us and we crept underneath like half dead mortals.

I consoled Mahnoor,I kept looking at her door to see nobody seeks her. I feared someone talking to her ill- behaviorally. No one should hurt,this is only my fault. Than again thought if I saw this marriage as fault,no I didn't. I loved the fact that I married her still just not in the right way I'm afraid.

I admired Mahnoor's strength,she was full of a heroic patience and standard in terms of her appearance.

Occasionally I thought,what made her run away from her house,I had not been in contact with her since she had switched off her phone. But something terrible must have happened,I thought. Thought I did not ask her,for I thought I shouldn't trouble her anymore.

But if she didn't come here at this moment things would be a bit controlled. I beforehand planned that after Mehreen's leave I would first tell brother and then gradually get everyone's permits,though I knew they would still loathe me,it would be only me. I had always determined to keep Mahnoor out of this.

Afterwards when it would all be done,I would have brought her with the precise love and honour of my wife.

But poor Mahnoor,she has to bear all of it!

My father called me on the fifth day. I was frightful.

I walked scared steps towards his study room.
All were present there.

"What have you thought Burhan?" He patiently asked. Then he took a deep sigh,like he has now lost,Painfully.

I just shood my head. He presumably said "I thought so. You we're bright Burhan,best of men. How did you fall for such a weak sin?"

I was on the floor beside my mum again,my face down in shame.

"What do I now Burhan, please tell me because I don't know?" baba said rather pleadingly.

"I don't know" I cried.

"I don't understand, I love both my sisters dearly,it is no question that they both love their own daughter more than life. Now like they are two hands,which do you wish cut off and which do you save?" He asked with tearful eyes.

"No baba" I cried! No I cannot do this!

"You cannot keep both,you'll bruise them together. I haven't called my sisters yet,I feel so ashamed. This heinous and gruesome act of marrying both sisters has taken away my peace from me forever" he said bridging away tears from his cheeks. "Burhan,I've called for them both tomorrow. You will not decide anything now. If any of the girls want to leave you,they can. If they want to stay, I beg you to behave like a man with them. For you are an animal with no sentiments. I don't know if I ever will be forgiven by my sisters"

I just nodded.

My dad left. Brother pulled me and hugged me,helplessly I broke down.

"Why did you do it?" He cried.

"I really loved her" I stuttered seeing mum break down on chair.

"Hold up now,be strong. Now take charge of it. Do as said Burhan" he said pulling my chin up.

"Please don't hate me" I broke again.

"..oh Burhan.... I don't hate you but you cannot be so easily done driven to do such big things,for this marriage shouldn't have happened. We have two dear one's to answer who we have wronged! Dad is only mad as he should be,you shouldn't break down but now take responsibility. Say what it is,as it is. I'm there" he said rubbing my back to gain me.

It seemed so small as a mistake, when did this grow to be so large and so big that I cannot past deal with it?

The next day was when both my aunt's were to assemble to talk,dad even informed Uncle Umar to come and settle the dispute coming. Mahnoor's family at first denied to be a part cause they felt embarrassed of her and Mehreen and  her family had no clue of what they had been called for. I felt like a fish out of the water,incapable to breathe and unable to seek. And Mahnoor, she was as unattended and embarrassed as I was. I felt little bad for me but what was killing was seeing her in that state.........