I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning.

Ben and Claire and arranged to share a room with their daughter. Kyle shared one with Jon. I had one that I shared with Chris, right next to their's. Michael had a room on his own and had decided he wouldn't leave now that Pearl was dead.

Kyle and Michael's parents were together. Jon's parents were together. Chris's parents the same.

I felt guilty. I felt like I could have saved her. If Jon had let me go get her, maybe we wouldn't be mourning for her.

But I didn't blame him. I blamed myself for daring to look weak. I should have looked strong, even if I could barely breathe. The thought that someone close to me died again because I showed weakness tortured me.

It was that weakness that made Jon prevent me from saving his sister. When you give people the right to see you as vulnerable, they stop you from doing important things. Sometimes it's just tiny unimportant stuff that may seem like they matter at the time, but that night people had died.

I should have known that Jessie would plant a bug. I should have been more careful about the Union. I should have pushed Jon aside and saved Pearl.

I should have been a savior. Not a coward.

In the morning, Claire knocked on my door and we all went downstairs for breakfast.

The room she shared with Ben and Alice was down the hall, at the same corridor as mine. Jon and Kyle were opposite me and Michael's room was next to Claire's. Next to mine and Chris' room were his parents. Jon and Kyle's room was between their parents'. This is too confusing. I know and I'm sorry.

The food was really good there, but I couldn't really enjoy it after everything that had happened. I found it hard to settle dowin in the hotel, even if it wasn't forever.

I didn't have a home anymore. Most of my friends had either died or betrayed us. There was a war coming.

The weirdest thing happened on the third day we stayed there. We had just returned from Pearl's funeral, even though there was nothing left of her to bury. I had changed into something more comfortable and Chris was having a shower, when someone knocked on the door.

To my surprise, it was Kim.

«What are you doing here?» I asked her. I wasn't aggressive, I was exhaused, so my voice came out really calm and soft.

«Look, before you slam that door in my face, I have to tell you something. I come in peace.» she rushed. I let her in.

«Tell me.» I told her. She sat down on my bed. I leaned against the wardrobe opposite her.

«I know we've never been on good terms and that you probably think I'm a self-centered idiot that doesn't know anything.» she said. I didn't disagree. «I want to join your union. My home was burned too. I'm on the floor above yours and I'm sharing a room with my little brother. He's two. I want to fight for him, at least.»

«How do I know this isn't some trick?» I asked her suspiciously.

«I told you, I don't expect much. You probably don't trust me, but I'm telling the truth. Even if I don't make it, I want Jack to have a future and I'm going to fight for that.» she begged.

«Okay. You're in. Just go over at Jon's room so he can sign you up. Tell him I sent you.» I told her. She nodded in gratefulness and left the room.

Chris came out of the bathroom.

«Was that Kim I heard?» he asked.

«Yep.» I sighed and sat in my bed.

«What did she want?» he asked again.

«To join the Union. I didn't really buy her story, even though she seems to care about her brother a lot.» I explained.

«Maybe she's not that bad if you get to know her.» he shrugged.

«Are you talking from experience?» I raised an eyebrow. Before he could reply, there was another knock on the door. I looked at Chris in a way that meant that I wasn't dome with him.

This time, it was Kyle.

«Jinx! What the hell? Kim?!» he said the moment I opened the door. He hadn't changed out of his suit yet.

«Do I look like I'm joking about it? I don't like the idea either, but we need as many people as we can.» I told him.

«Fine, but don't act surprised if she betrays us. It's Kim.» he rolled his eyes and stormed off.

I went in for a shower. Chris said he was going for a walk, to get some air.

Do you know that feeling when you get in the shower and just want to cry? Yeah, that happened to me that day and it was neither the first nor the last time. In fact, this happened more and more often since Pearl's death.

I hadn't really talked with Jon after the fire. It hadn't been long, but I had talked with Chris and Kyle and Claire and Ben... I had even talked with Michael.

I didn't know if I was avoiding him or if he was the one doing so.

I had told him I needed space. I was hoping that was why we hadn't discussed the whole thing. I couldn't look him in the eye after what happened.

I got out of the shower and lied down to take a nap. It was all I could do. It kept my mind off the painful thoughts.

Which meant it focused on the nightmares, even though in reality, my nightmares were slowly coming true. I was worried that soon, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I didn't want any more of my loved ones to die, but there was a war coming. Escaping death was a dream that didn't come true for everyone.

The Union was close to falling apart. We still got requests from people who wanted to join, but things weren't looking good. At that moment the Defender Union was the only one taking Jasmine seriously and trying to make a move.

The government had only just started admitting that this sixteen-year-old was causing them trouble.

As much as I hated to say it, I couldn't bring myself to hate Jax as much as I hated Jessie for what had happened.

Jax had been abused her entire life. She felt like she couldn't confide in us about what was going on in her life and decided to trust the one person that could be a bad influence to her. Call me stupid, but I don't think anyone is born evil and I doubt the tattoos are part of our DNA. They're most probably built up out of the drama in our lives.

Jasmine was just really unlucky to turn out to be like this. If our parents had given me away, maybe I would have been the one pairing up with Jessie or maybe none of this would even be happening.

There were so many things that could have gone differently, that I doubted fate played a part anymore. Everything looked like a coincidence. There were so many choices and so many details, that if they were changed in the slightest, maybe none of us would have died. Maybe Jax and Jess would still be on our side and maybe there wouldn't be a war coming.

Fate and destiny are tricky. Here in Moiral, you are taught to believe in them your entire life, and the moment you doubt them they strike. But it's not like it matters to me anymore.

After the final battle broke out, survival became a privilege that not everyone got the opportunity to have.

But that's not the point right now.

I woke up to someone knocking on the door. Again.

«God... Don't you guys have your own rooms?» I grumbled, groggily, as I opened the door. It was Jon.

«I could come back later.» he shrugged.

«Well, you're here now and I'm already up, so you might as well come in.» I rolled my eyes and opened the door for him to get in the room.

I resisted the temptation to punch my stomach again. The bloody butterflies... I hope they would bloody die.

«What's wrong?» I cringed the moment I asked this. «I mean, apart from all the stuff that has been wrong lately.» I shook my head rapidly.

«We haven't talked since the fire, and I don't mean silly discussions and small-talk. I mean seriously.» he frowned, sitting on my bed. There it was again, I jinxed it. No pun intended.

The moment I thought of the fact that I hadn't talked with Jon at all, BOOM. He appears at my doorstep and asks to talk.

I'd been avoiding this talk for a while.

Sometimes I wonder if my parents named me Jinx because I'm bad luck.

I sat on the bed next to Jon.

«I know you've been blaming yourself.» he started.

«No, I haven't!» I lied. He raised an eyebrow.

«Yes, you have. Let me finish and then you can protest all you want.» he replied. I sighed.

«Fine...» I grumbled.

«You have withdrawn yourself from all of us. You do that when you're scared or blaming yourself about something. In this case, both.» I opened my mouth to say something. He shushed me. «You said you'd wait until I'm done.» he glared at me and I frowned. «Chris told me you haven't been sleeping either. He's worried, Jinxie, we all are!»

«First of all, when did you become my therapist? Secondly, I'm going to kill Chris.» I muttered the last part to myself.

«To answer your question, I've always been. And Chris was just worried.»

«Yeah, but it's none of his business! You shouldn't be worried about me, you should be worried about Jasmine!»

«Jasmine has gone off the radar again, so I'm going to worry about you until you're better or she reappears. For now, neither is happening so you'd better start talking about what's been bothering you.»

Your sister just died, our houses got burnt to the ground, Felicia died a month ago, Jessie betrayed us, Jasmine is losing it, I'm supposed to save the entire country from them and I just realised I might be falling for you. Worst timing ever. Oh, and I'm probably going to die.

«Nothing has been bothering me!» I lied instead. Maybe I would have saved us some time if I had been straightforward with him.

«Jinxie, I'm trying to help out, but you're not letting me! Just bloody tell me what's wrong!» he snapped and got up.

«You want to know what's wrong? People are dying! And you're sitting here lecturing me for not talking about my feelings!» I stood up. He was still taller than me, but I tried to look intimidating.

Someone cleared his throat at the door. We hadn't even noticed how long Chris had been standing in the doorway.

Jon glared at him and rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I flinched at that.

«Wanna talk about it?» Chris asked hesitantly. I glared at him and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I tried to be mad at him, but I couldn't. I tried to hate him for what had just happened, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Once again, I blamed myself.

That monkey knew me too well.

A/N: Bello! I haven't left you a note in a while! Probably because I've been causing massacres you'd kill me for.

Felicia...

Pearl...

Jinx's soul (and probably sanity)...

Anyway! In the next chapter there will be a ball announcement. Jinxie and the monkey will probably make up. No promises.

Kyle and Chris are going through tough times too...

There's also a character you've only seen once, but she's coming back in the next chapter. Can you guess who she is?

That's all I have for you now. Sorry, no more spoilers. You'll just have to wait until next week.

Bye!

-Riri<3