I looked around me and noticed that I was the only one standing still like an idiot while everyone danced so I moved away.

Feeling a little thirsty I went over to the bar to get water.

"Just a water." I told the barman who nodded and handed me a bottle of water.

I unscrewed the cap and gulped half the bottle in one sip. Guess I was more thirsty than I thought.

I was about to walk away until I seen Gerald by the bar, he was drinking what looked to be bourbon and looked to be drunk; more drunk than he usually does but not wasted drunk.

What was wrong with him? I worried in my mind and went over to him.

"Hey, what are you doing here all alone?" I asked and sat on stool next him.

He just shrugged in reply and kept his gaze on his glass which he was twirling around.

Something was wrong with him, I could see it.

"Everything okay?" I asked him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Everything is just perfect." He said, his tone laced with sarcasm.

What's wrong with him? He seemed just perfectly fine earlier, then why was he acting like this now?

"Gerald, what's troubling you?" I asked him softly.

"Nothing." He said harshly and shoved my hand of his shoulder.

He gulped the remaining bourbon in his glass and walked away. Gerald was generally always happy and chirpy so as a drunk he was pretty much the same only a little louder. Right now I don't know what was the cause of his mood switch.

I decided to give him his space and not be clingy and follow him; so I sat one the stool and finished up my bottle of water getting lost in my thoughts.

Just as I realised that Nate hadn't put my mask back on it dawned on me; Gerald must have seen Nate and I kiss. He was probably drowning out his emotions with alcohol and got drunk which caused him to get more emotional.

A wave of guilt hit me as that thought dawned on me. How could I have let Nate kiss me? I should've known that Gerald would get hurt. God, I'm such an idiot!

I got up from the stool, lifted my dress a little so I won't trip, and ran after Gerald not knowing what to say to him but I didn't care, I needed to fix things.

I searched for him everywhere but I couldn't find him. I went upstairs and searched the whole floor but still nothing. Where the hell could he be?

Then I remembered that when he felt emotional after his mother died where he would go so I went there and knew I'd find him there.

I went up the stairs leading to the roof of the house and I was right, there was Gerald just staring off.

"I know why you're angry." I said, standing a few feet away from him.

"Is that so?" He said hardly. I was facing his back so I couldn't read his expression but I had a feeling that he was showing nothing.

I walked to him and came face to face with him and once again I was right, his eyes were hard and emotionless.

"Yeah, you seen Nate and I kiss." I told him and his jaw clenched at my words.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to tell him but I was just going to go with the flow.

"And because of that you're mad, but Ger-" he cut me off before I could complete my sentence.

"Victoria, please just save it, I don't wanna hear anymore of your shitty excuses. I know that you're going to say it was an accident, but seriously? How the fuck do you accidentally kiss somebody?!" He snapped.

I was a little taken aback by his harsh tone but I brushed it off. "No, it was not an accident Gerald, he kissed me and I willingly kissed him back. I'm not going to lie and say it was an accident when it wasn't. What I was going to say was I'm confused, Gerald, I have feelings for two guys at the same time and it's just fucking everything up."

He snorted. "You don't have feelings for me, you just pity me that's all. You love Nate, you always have; I'm just your little shoulder to cry on whenever you're hurt."

I felt angry at his words. I couldn't believe he thought that low of me, of course I had feelings for him; more than I'd like to admit.

"Shoulder to cry on? Is that what you think? You think I have no fucking feelings for you?!" I yelled and shoved his shoulder. "If I didn't care for you, would I have spent everyday with you in a hospital waiting for you to wake up? No, I wouldn't have, instead I wouldn't have given a fuck about you!"

"Ahh, that accident. If only I had actually died there then I would've been out of yours and my dad's hair for good." He said with a humourless laugh.

I was about to yell back until I heard him mention his dad. Why would Mr. Iver want him out of his hair? Could his dad be causing his edginess lately?

"Why your dad?" I asked him cautiously, my anger slowly draining away.

He just ignored me and walked away, but I grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"Answer me." I demanded.

"I don't have to." He said hardly and yanked his hand away from my grasp.

I sighed in frustration and decided to make him tell me.

"Fine, if you don't tell me I'll just jump off." I said and crossed my arms across my chest.

He turned around and faced me with a slight challenging smirk. "You wouldn't."

I narrowed my eyes at him and moved my feet back. I looked behind me and seen that I wasn't too far from the edge so I walked backwards and felt the heel of my shoe on my left foot slip off causing me to lose my balance. I closed my eyes expecting to feel my body fall but instead I felt a strong grip pull forward and my chest crashed against a much harder one.

I slowly lifted my eyelids open and met Gerald's brown eyes staring down at me.

"You could've died." He whispered. His face was so close to mine that I could smell the alcohol in his breath, but that didn't stop the urge to place my lips onto his. Of course I knew better so I refrained.

"So you're going to tell or not?" I asked, my breathing a little irregular because of the feel of his body pressed against mine.

___

Gerald's POV

Her body was pressed against mine and I had my arms wrapped around her waist. Her face was so close to mine that I could feel her irregular breathing brush against my face.

Just a moment ago I was furious at her for kissing Nate; I was so furious that I didn't even care that she threatened to jump down. Only when she actually did almost fall common sense hit me and I realised that I was once again hurting my precious Victoria.

Now as she stayed in my arms and I stared down at her beautiful green eyes I realised what I dick I acted like.

I shifted my gaze from her eyes down to her red stained,plump lips. I tilted my head down and gently brushed my lips on hers, I could feel that familiar sensation in the pit of my stomach return as it always did when I touched her. Maybe it was just the alcohol screwing around with me but I was sure I seen lush flicker in her eyes at the feel of my lips against her beautiful, plump ones.

My lips tingled, wanting more than just a gentle brush; fuck I wanted to shove my tongue down her throat and make her mine, but I knew better and if I did that we'd just end up going around in that same circle over and over again. So I pulled away and set her straight on her feet.

She looked disappointed but it quickly changed to a stern look. "If you don't explain I will jump down again and this time you won't be able to do anything."

She crossed her arms and stared at me with a look that said, 'talk now or you will regret'. Even though she looked like a mother lecturing her child she still looked beautiful; her eyes were sparkling, and the way her hair was it made her look like a goddess. The moonlight was shining down on her making her diamonds sparkle along with her eyes.

I shook my head at myself; I was doing it again, I was falling more and more in love with her even though I knew it was going to go absolutely no where. I really need to stop myself from falling for her before I ended up fucked for life.

___

Victoria's POV

He stared down at me for a moment with the same loving look that he always did until his expression hardened and turned emotionless.

"You wanna know so badly, here it goes. Since my mother died, my dad and I have been closer than ever; he wasn't just my father he was also my best friend. Ever since that bitch and her fucking son came into his life he hardly even spares me a glance, the most communication between us is just a good morning and goodnight." He said, losing his hard expression to a more soft and vulnerable one. I didn't say anything and instead I held his hand in a comforting gesture and surprisingly he never shove it off.

"Before everyday we used to eat dinner together, but now he eats dinner with Grace and Dave every night and I'm left to eat dinner alone with just the silent air as company." His voice was soft and vulnerable; full of pain as if he was a boy that was losing his dad to another family which was exactly what was happening to him only he wasn't a little boy.

My heart broke at his tone. I didn't even know he was going through so much of pain because of his dad, and I of course had to have made it worst and kissed Nate. Why the fuck must I always screw up so badly?

"Now you know why I was cruel to Dave, I just can't handle to look at him." He said bitterly.

Instead of saying anything I let go of his hand and brought his head down onto my shoulders and held him in a comforting embrace.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"I'm sorry for making things worse for you, if I could I would undo that kiss but I unfortunately can't, Gerald." I said softly. I did mean my words, I was regretting that kiss more and more and I wish I could've went back in time to undo it but unfortunately I couldn't.

"You didn't make things worse, alcohol did." He said and I chuckled lightly.

"Kind of you to blame alcohol instead of me."

He pulled away from me and looked at me intensely. "Fine if you want me to blame you then here it goes, Victoria Aldaine you have been causing more and more fucking issues in my life and I hate it, I fucking hate it. Every time I see you with Nate it makes my blood boil but then when I see you without him again I wanna pin you against a wall and kiss you with so much of passion that it hurts. Like right now for instance, I wanna be mad at you and just storm away but you're pulling me more and more towards you and I really just wanna kiss you on your lips and show everyone that you're mine and mine only."

A part of me wanted to crash my lips against his and to just forget everything and be with him, but the other part of me kept on reminding me of soft, gentle brown eyes that stared at me with so much of love and affection; that part was stronger and because of that I did what I did next.

"I'm sorry Gerald, I just can't." I told him softly and ran down the stairs, away from him.

I wanted to be away from everyone so I walked into the TV room where it was deserted, leaving me to myself.

I collapsed on the floor, feeling frustrated and confused; frustrated because of this whole pathetic, dramatic soap known as my life and confused with my feelings. I loved Nate once but that was two years ago, feelings don't last that long if you haven't even spoken to each other in so long. Then why? Why did my heart start beating faster every time he just touched me? Why does my heart skip a beat every time I hear his voice? Why do I feel like melting every time I see him smile?

And then there's Gerald, I've known him longer than I know Nate. He means the world to me and I cannot stand to see him in pain. I care for him and I know I feel something for him, maybe even love...

Ugh this is so fucking confusing! I just wish I didn't have any of this drama in my life and my only concern was getting into college and not worrying about who the fuck I love.

I leaned my head against the wall and let out a frustrated sigh.

I could hear someone's heels clicking closer and closer towards me. I looked up and seen Ashley walking towards me with a look of concern.

"Why are you sitting here when there's a party going on inside for you?" She asked and sat down next to me on the floor.

"Because I'm annoyed as hell."

"And why exactly are you annoyed?" She raised a brow at me.

I don't know, maybe because my life if full of conflict!

"I'm annoyed at Gerald and Nate." I said irritably.

She rolled her eyes. "What did they do this time?"

"Make everything so fucking complicated."

"Has this got to do with their feelings towards you?" She asked me and I grimly nodded.

"What happened, Victoria? Did they fight or something?"

I sighed. "Guess I should explain..." And then I explained everything, from my little moment with Nate, which I was still regretting, right to the little incident with Gerald moments ago.

"And now I'm confused as hell. I don't know who I love, I mean I care about both of them but I don't know which one I'm truly in love with. I don't know even know if I wanna find out." I told Ashley after explaining tonight's events.

"I guess you just gotta do what your heart says." She said.

I looked at her like she was crazy. "My heart? I've done that with Nate and it just got me in a shitty situation. I mean, how the hell am I going to face Gerald again after this? I fucked up and it's all because I listened to my stupid heart."

"So your heart told you to kiss Nate and not run?" She questioned, with a serious look on her face. Seriously? What was she like an FBI agent and I'm the suspect that she's questioning?

"Yes, and I unfortunately listened to it." I said bitterly.

"There's your answer then." She said casually, dropping her serious look.

I frowned. "What is my answer?"

"The answer your heart gave you."

"I'm conf-

Then it dawned it on me, she was referring to me kissing Nate meaning he's the one.

"Are you saying that I should choose Nate?" I raised my brows.

She nodded. "Yes, it makes sense. You've loved him since two years ago, like loved him a lot and feelings like that don't just leave."

Yeah two years ago he was my everything but I left and we lost contact; I completely cut him off. Sure I was heartbroken by the loss of Nate but I eventually got over it and moved on. I'm pretty sure all my feelings have left just like I left him.

I shook my head at her. "I don't love him, those feelings have died a long time ago."

"That's what you're telling yourself, Victoria, but the truth is that you still love him; you've never stopped. Now that he's back those old feelings are coming out again and you're too scared to face them." She said seriously.

"But Gerald? I feel something for him too."

She let out a huff of air. "That's the confusing part, I'm still trying to figure out whether you actually love him or..." She trailed off.

I raised my brows. "You're trying to figure it out? What are you watching a teen drama and trying to figure out who the girl's gonna end up with?"

She rolled her eyes. "No of course not, it's just that you're terrible at figuring things like this by yourself, so me, your fantastic best friend, has to do it for you."

I laughed at her. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"That's what makes me awesome." She said confidently and flicked her long, blonde tresses back in a smug way. 

I could feel myself feeling less annoyed than earlier and that was thanks to Ashley, a good talk with her always made me feel better because she's the only one who understood me. Now the only question was, is she right about Nate or not?

****

I groaned when I heard my phone ring and covered my ears to block out the noise. Seriously? Who the fuck has the nerve to phone me while I'm sleeping?

After it stopped ringing I uncovered my ears and went back to sleep.

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

"Ugh not again!" I got up from the covers and groggily wiped my eyes. I decided to answer my phone in case it was important.

I grabbed my phone, not bothering to look at the caller ID and answered.

"You better be dying!" I said irritably to whoever was on the phone because they broke my beauty sleep.

"Oh Victoria, thank god you answered. I thought you-"

"Are you dying?" I asked him, still irritated.

"What? No I'm not dying." He said sounding confused.

"Goodbye Gerald." 

"Wait no, I need to speak to you." He said, stopping me from cutting the call.

I sighed. "Fine then speak, and make it quick, I need to go to back to sleep."

"But it's 1 pm?"

I rolled my eyes. "Does it look like I fucking care?"

"Technically I can't see you..." He pointed out.

"That's it, I'm cutting this call."

"Okay, okay I'm sorry." He chuckled.

"I'm surprised you're not asleep right now due to a terrible hangover."

Last night after my talk with Ashley I hadn't seen Gerald the whole night and avoided Nate, not waning to make things more messy than it was already. So after hanging out with a few distant friends from school it was already late and Michael and I were obviously the last ones to leave at 5 am, so now you know why I was still sleeping at 1 pm.

"You could say that to my head which feels like I got hurt with a fucking brick." He muttered.

"Then go to sleep, it helps." I told him and sunk back down in my bed, under the covers.

"I can't sleep, not after how I acted to you last night. I probably ruined your night and it's been killing me much worse than this fucking headache." He said and I could hear the guilt in his voice.

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine. I'm not angry at you or hurt so it's all fine. I promise." I assured him.

"I still need to apologise, so I'm going to do so." And with that I heard my door click open and I seen him walk in.

Damn me for forgetting to lock my door.

Even though he was probably suffering a hangover he still looked hot. He had a simple black t-shirt on and a pair of grey jogger pants. His hair was slightly messy in a very hot way.

"You were seriously outside my room this whole while?" I raised a brow.

"Yeah I kinda was." He said sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck.

I laughed. "For how long?"

"About half an hour." He said and walked over to my bed.

"Mind if I sit?" He pointed down and I shifted from the bed, giving him space since I slept like a starfish and took up all the space.

He sat down on the edge of the bed leaving a fair bit of distance between us.

"Look about last night, I was drunk and I guess when I get emotional I become a fucking jerk. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way or even fight with you, I'm really sorry Victoria. If I could undo it I would without even thinking twice." He apologised sincerely, I could see the genuineness reflect in his eyes; he looked like my Gerald, the one I've known for years and not the jerk he acted as last night.

"I should apologise, I hurt you by kissing Nate so it was my fault, Gerald. So I'm sorry." I told him genuinely.

"No it's not your fault, I overreacted Victoria, I'm a terrible drunk and I fucked up not you." He said and gently grabbed my hand which was fidgeting with the sheets.

He stroked my hand lightly and I felt my skin tingling by his touch.

"Well I'm not going to deny that, you most definitely are a terrible drunk." I said with a light laugh in an attempt to lighten up the tension.

He chuckled. "Unfortunately, I am."

"Anyway, I should go and you can go back to sleep." He let go of my hand and got off the bed.

As tempting going back to sleep sounded, I wanted to spend more time with him because knowing him and his new moody behaviour I don't know when he'll be chirpy again, so I grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"What you just came to apologise and not actually spend time with me?" I arched a brow.

"Fine it you want me to stay then I'll do so." He said casually and sat back down on my bed, only this time a lot closer.

I rested my head against his chest and pulled the covers up on both of us.

"I think I could do with going back to sleep." I said with a yawn while he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I thought you wanted me to spend time with you?" He asked, and I could hear the amusement in his tone.

I rolled my eyes. "Are you find my sleepiness funny?" 

"No of course not." He said with sarcasm this time.

I lifted my head up from his chest, with my body still pressed against his, and shot him a deadly glare.

"Sorry, I'm just kidding." He laughed and I lightly punched his arm.

"Ouch!" He whined, feigning pain. I rolled my eyes at him and placed my head back on his chest.

"So what gifts did you get?" He asked casually.

"I have no idea, I have this huge pile downstairs that's waiting to be unwrapped. The only one I opened was Ashley's." I answered and decided not to tell him about Nate's or things would just get awkward and I liked the way we currently were; it felt like old times.

"I can see that you're wearing her present now." He said and gently ran his fingers over the charms. I hadn't taken the bracelet off because since it was a symbol of my friendship with Ashley I was going to wear it everyday.

"And I seen that you were wearing Nate's last night." He said stiffly.

Wait what? How did he know that Nate bought my necklace? I never told him and I highly doubt that Nate did. But then how?

"How did you know Nate got it for me?" I asked and sat up straight, facing him.

"I found the drawing on my bed and I put two and two together."

Fuck! I forgot the drawing in his room! I'm so stupid! Ugh!

"Oh." I muttered.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper. "Thought you might want it back."

I pressed on a small smile and took the paper from him. I hated whenever Nate came up in a conversation between us because things always got awkward.

He cleared his throat to break the awkward silence that was forming.

"Uhh, I should probably give you this." He pulled out a rectangle box from his pocket. The box was neatly wrapped in red with a black bow on top.

"I didn't get any time to give it to you yesterday and I didn't wanna leave it with the rest of your presents so I thought I'd give it to you today." He handed me the box and I smiled at him.

I gently unwrapped it and opened the box. Inside was a gold necklace with a locket as a pendent which had a 'V' engraved onto it.

"I know it's not much compared to diamonds and stuff but I hope you like it." He said.

I lifted the necklace up from the box and opened the clasp. The inside was blank, there was no photo inside.

I frowned. "Where's the photo?"

He shrugged. "I didn't put one."

The necklace and locket was beautiful and looked like real gold and I honestly loved it, but if you're going to gift a locket isn't it normal to put a picture in it?

"It truly is beautiful, I really love it and if it's pure gold I'm going to kill you." I told him and he chuckled. "But why didn't you add a picture in?"

"I didn't wanna put just any picture in. What if you didn't like it? Then you're going to be obligated to keep it in because it was part of the gift."

"Fine," I said and hopped off my bed. "Then I'm going to put one now." I walked to my closet and grabbed a photo album.

I grabbed a pair of scissors and sat back on my bed next to Gerald.

"Now let's see what I can use..."

After going through many photos from freshman year right to the most recent photos I found a picture from exactly a year ago.

"How about this one?" I asked him. It was a picture of Gerald and I from my birthday last year, I was facing the camera while Gerald smeared cream onto my face with a wide grin on his face. Things were so much easier back then, no complications; just us being normal.

He chuckled. "I remember that, you were looking at the camera to actually take a picture while I decided to mess you with cream."

"I got you back though." I smirked.

Which was true, after he messed my face with cream I shove the whole slice of cake on his face. I still remember how annoyed he was that I ruined his expensive jacket.

"It was a designer jacket, Victoria. Designer. I paid a shit load of money for it." He told me and pointed down at his jacket in the photo.

I childishly stuck my tongue out at him. "Too bad."

I shoved his finger off the photo and cut it out so it could fit in. After cutting it I slid it in.

"There, now it's perfect." I said and put it around my neck.

"See that's why I didn't put a picture because I wanted you to put whatever you wanted to in there." He said softly and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling my back against his chest.

"You could've just chosen one with the two of us." I breathed. I could feel his heartbeat against me, making my own heartbeat a little erratic with the closeness between us.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be happy with that."

Why wouldn't I? Of course I'd be happy, I valued our friendship and I cared for him more than I did for myself.

"Of course I'd be happy, it's something that shows how much you mean to me." I told him and subconsciously stroked his hand which was resting on my waist.

"How much I mean to you?" He asked and I could hear the doubt in his tone; doubt that I actually cared about him.

"You really don't think I care for you, do you?" I asked him, feeling annoyed how he always thinks that I don't give a fuck about him, when in reality I would lose my mind if I ever have to lose him.

"I never said that, Victoria." He said calmly.

"But you think it, I know you do! Do you have any idea how much you mean to me? When you decided to be a reckless asshole and almost got yourself killed, do you have any idea how scared I was of losing you?!" I yelled at him and tried to wriggle out of his hold but he held me tightly which earned him a glare from me but he just ignored it.

"Yes sometimes I do think that, Victoria. Sometimes I just think that maybe I'm a burden to you and that if me and my feelings weren't there to hold you back you could've been happy with...Nate." His voice was filled with remorse and pain, like he felt remorse for me and it pained him to say it.

My heart broke at his words. I couldn't believe he thought he was a burden to me. I turned around and faced him; his eyes were filled with pain but he when I looked at him it quickly disappeared.

"Gerald, you are not a burden to me and neither are you holding me back from anything. If you never had feelings for me I still wouldn't have been with Nate because my feelings for you would've held me back, not you. As much as I hate to admit it, I have feelings for you and Nate and it's really fucking around with me." I told him softly and inched my face closer to his. I placed my hand on the side of his face and before I knew what I was doing I closed my eyes and placed my lips on his slightly chapped ones.

For a moment he stayed still until he softly started moving his mouth against mine. He moved his hands from my waist and placed them on my cheeks, gently brushing my cheekbones while he gently kissed me.

We broke apart and he placed his forehead against mine, his hands still on my cheeks.

"Victoria, we're going around in circles, because I know after this kiss you're going to pretend that this never happened; just like we've done countless times before." He said softly, his minty breath fanning my face.

I placed my hand against his and closed my eyes. Maybe it's time we stopped going in circles, maybe it was time I made my mind up.

"I think I know what I want to do." I told him.

He moved his head away from mine and looked at me. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I wanna stop going around in circles." I whispered.

_______