Sans woke up incredibly happy.

He was actually in love. Love love. Full on happy couple type of love. He had a cool girlfriend he was going to build a relationship further with. A beautiful daughter. Amazing friends. This was... he was actually happy. Excited.

So he rolled out of bed, in a rather good mood, letting Laughing Jack change Bean out of her pajamas while he threw on his newly washed hoodie. Maybe Sans should go clothing shopping soon. He really needed to. Most of the time he just ordered stuff for everyone else, but his size clothing was rather rare in adult clothing. Much like Laughing Jack.

"Hey uh..." He paused, glancing over. "Mind if I just straight up called you babe from now on? Or Jackie? Which would you prefer?"

Laughing Jack glanced down at Bean, buttoning her shirt as he thought for a moment. "I like both! Do both whenever, my little potato."

"Okay, Babe-alicious Jackie," Sans said.

Laughing Jack giggled at that statement, picking up Bean and patting her back gently as she started to pull at his hair in her tiny little fingers. He lightly moved his body by rocking on and off of his heels, giving little Bean a ride.

"Did ya meet the new guy? I feel bad, kinda went right past him," Sans said, glancing over.

"Yes! I did! He's one the people who worked for Slenderman. So I hate him."

Sans' soul dropped at that statement. It took him a moment to breath, but when he regained his composure he found Laughing Jack leaning down towards him.

"Slenderman? He works for him?" Sans asked.

"He quit. Everyone knows about it." His boyfriend blinked.

Quit? Can CreepyPasta even do that? Sans assumed it was a lifetime sort of deal. You couldn't really just unbecome some things on a whim.

"Can you guys do that?" Sans asked.

Laughing Jack snorted. "No."

"So is he a CreepyPasta or not?"

Laughing Jack tapped a finger to his lips, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly. Shit. He looked kind of cute like that. Hips slightly tilted to the side, Bean cradled to his chest, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Soul wise, yes, but in practice no," Laughing Jack said, finally returning his gaze down to Sans, crouching down to hold one of his free hands. "It's silly to think about. Like his soul is still a CreepyPasta but he disowned the name."

"You think everything is silly, babe."

"Well, yeah, everything is funny and silly. And so are you! Yay!" Jack moved to clap, but quickly readjusted to a simple nod when he realized clapping would probably make him drop his child.

Heh.

Sans snorted at that, patting his shoulder before he went to go walk downstairs. His feet lightly tapped down the stairs compared to the loud, pounding footsteps Laughing Jack had despite his bare feet. His claws almost scraped against the floor with each step, as if taunting the likely outcome of a scratch that they all knew was inevitable.

Only a few people were awake by now. Jane, who was an early riser, was standing in the kitchen with her arms folded as she and Jeff debated lightly about the better fruit accompaniment for pancakes. Jeff was proudly defending strawberries as he flipped a pancake on the fireless stovetop. Jane, with a tilted head, was adamant about blueberries.

"That's the thing with them, their juices spread out and flavor more of the pancake. You can't do that with strawberries. And don't even get me started on Zero's ridiculous idea of bananas," Jane said. "If she were awake she'd ask for one. I don't know where she even thought of that but she's firm on the idea."

"I think she just likes bananas," Jeff had said, flipping a pancake. "And what about Clockwork?"

"Oh, she just likes plain with syrup, the classic - oh, hi Sans. Good morning."

"Sup," Jeff said, sticking out his tongue at Sans.

Sans gave a short wave. "Morning guys."

One thing about living with serial killers was that he couldn't sneak up on them for shit. Probably didn't help that his nine foot tall clown boyfriend was only a few inches behind him, like a lingering shadow.

"What fruit would you have with you pancakes, Sans?" Jane asked, "I know you eat them with ketchup, so you can't say that."

"Has to be a fruit!" Jeff said, patting away some flour that gathered onto his pants.

As Laughing Jack set Bean down into her high chair, Sans grinned. "Tomatoes. The fruit of ketchup, obviously."

Jane only sighed. "I knew you'd say that."

"Tomatoes are not a fruit! I get the whole seed thing but you don't put them into a fruit salad, so bullshit, not a fruit!" Jeff said.

This was the life. Sans liked this. Domestic bliss. No stress about Slenderman possibly stalking him, no more family drama, just a simple, nice life. Where he got to debate pancake toppings with his girlfriend and brother. His socks bagged as Sans pulled himself into a seat at the counter, grinning his usual grin at Jeff.

"I'm a scientist, so I do gotta follow official classifications." He winked.

Jeff stood in silence for a moment, his blooming chef instincts likely scowling internally at what Sans just said. A moment passed before he turned to Jane, pointing at the skeleton.

"We need to set our pancake differences aside to defeat this evil," Jeff said.

Overall, a good morning. He went to go wake up Sally for breakfast later, watched Ben play some video games, then let Smile Dog play peekaboo with Bean for a bit while he washed off the kitchen counters.

Until the god damn front door bell rang.

That made him practically freeze at the counter, wash cloth dropping from hand as several thoughts and realizations ran through his mind. First was the depressing fact that Sans never anticipated someone knocking ever because he had no more normal friends. The second was that his car was very obviously parked in the driveway so he couldn't play it as if no one was home.

Everyone else immediately dove into their hiding positions. Ben grabbed Sally and Smile Dog from the T.V. and dragged them into it, Jane ducked behind the couch, and Jeff tossed aside his apron and threw himself into the washing room. Laughing Jack just... stood there. He already had his hiding handled rather nicely.

"Watch Bean for me," Sans said.

He hoped, desperately, that it was someone just talking about their lord and savior or something. Something he could spend a few minutes on before quickly shutting the door to their face as they were probably used to. But no. It was something much, much worse.

A neighborhood Mom with a container of homemade food within her hands.

Oh no.

Preparing to be exhausted later, Sans forced an already tired smile onto his face and gently opened the door. "Hello?"

"Hello!"

The woman looked to be in her early thirties, wearing the cliché Mom outfit from every show featuring a Mother character ever. Blondie hair tied to the side, soft but firm smile on her face that demanded he pay attention.

"I'm Martha, I live down the street from you! I wasn't able to greet you earlier because my husband and I were busy for the past couple of months, but now we're not so here I am!" She tilted the container within her hands forward. "I brought you homemade fudge."

"Oh, uh... thank you," Sans said, accepting the outstretched offering. "I'm Sans. Nice to meet you."

"I'm so happy that we have a new neighbor, it's been forever since we've had someone. I feel bad I wasn't able to properly introduce you to everyone around the neighborhood," She said, "But I'm glad you accepted for the gathering today."

"I... what?" Sans asked.

"Oh, don't act all silly like that, you agreed to bring your husband to our brunch today." She waved her hand with a chuckle.

Sans did what? He didn't...

"Everyone's been buzzing about this mysterious husband of yours, none of us have seen him," Martha said, "Remember, it's at two this afternoon."

"The... brunch?" Sans asked, barley able to process what he was hearing.

When they hell did he agree to a brunch?

"Everyone's been so worried since you never interact with us, we barely see you around, some people have been going crazy for the deets. At this rate they're talking about peeking in through your windows out of curiosity!" She clapped her hands together.

Fucking shit. That was a threat if he's ever heard one. Sans only could really hide the CreepyPasta when the doorbell rang. If one of them happened to just walk past a window, if Sally forgot her bandages one time... it just took one poorly timed event for things to go to shit.

"Oh, are they?" Sans asked, internally screaming. "How come?"

"I'm sure they're just worried, none of us have seen you and your husband around very much, some of the parents were worried some abuse was going on with your husband because we've heard some screaming from your house, so I figured I'd invite you both out to show you guys are fine!"

Oh, screaming. Like how Jane and Jeff yelled at each other one night. Or how Ben ended up shrieking after losing a game. Or the fact that literally no one has seen Sans' husband around because he doesn't have one and his boyfriend is fucking invisible to everyone else.

And who in the hell replied to her damn email?

"Oh, of course, we're totally fine," Sans said, waving his hand. "We'll be there, of course!"

He couldn't reject it now because that'd definitely look like some abuse situation. He replied easily at the email, but when the day came he suddenly seemed nervous at the door and turned her down? That'd be suspicious as shit.

And curtains. Sans needed to buy a lot of damn curtains.

"That's perfect! Thank you! Again, sorry for the rumors going around. Honestly, if you hadn't accepted, I would have just told everyone you guys are fine, don't worry, but since you did we might as well enjoy a good brunch!"

"Would you have?" Sans' grip slightly tightened at the door. "Thank you. I have to go get ready with my husband now."

They expressed their eagerness to see each other later, alligator, before he tried to shut the door as normally and calmly as possible. Once firmly closed, he rushed back into the kitchen, slamming his hands onto the counter with the fudge in his grasp.

"Alright, who in the FUCK replied to some email one of our neighbors sent?" Sans demanded.

Laughing Jack tilted his head to the side. "Hm?"

Everyone slowly exited from their hiding spots as Sans sighed, running a hand down his face. "Apparently there's been some god damn rumors going around that I'm in an abusive relationship with my so called husband. Not only did the neighbors hear screaming from my house, ahem - Jeff and Jane - but they've never seen me or my husband around and I've never made an effort to talk to any of my neighbors. So now they all think my husband is an abuser." Sans threw his hands into the air with annoyance. "And this nice sweet lady named Martha decided to be such a saint and invite me out to a brunch with an email for both me and my husband to go to, but would have dispelled these rumors anyways but since I somehow replied to her email, I now have to go! So who the fuck someone let out my email for her to find, then replied to her message?"

Out of the corner of his vision, he could see Smile Dog turn away and Ben start to creep towards the T.V.

"What the fuck did you two do?" Sans asked them.

"I didn't think that was for you, to be honest," Smile Dog explained, "It was to my email. I made an email years ago to find victims. You know how I used to do it. I sent out cursed images, crawled out of the screen and - that was just my thing. I used that email. And sometimes it gets spam email so sometimes I pretend to be someone random and respond because I get bored!" He shook his head. "The email never even mentioned your name, I seriously thought they just got the wrong email so I figured I'd reply with a confirmation about a husband. I have no idea how she got my email thinking it was yours."

"That would be, uh, me," Ben said awkwardly, raising his hand slightly to draw attention to himself. "I used his email pretending to be you. So she probably got it from one of them."

Sans blinked. "Why did you use his email pretending to be me to the neighbors?"

With a nervous smile, he gently pressed his fingers together. "... I was looking for a hardcopy of some old video game and wondered if they have any of them. Figured it wouldn't hurt to ask?"

Ah. So they joined together to create this specific situation. Ben sent out Smile Dog's email and Smile Dog replied thinking they got the wrong email, not knowing he just set in stone Sans' fate for the evening. This was several layers of "everyone fucked up" in small circumstances and now Sans was paying the price.

"Well, it hurts a fucking lot now apparently," Sans said. "I can't exactly cancel or else I'll look like some abuse victim."

"It's not all that bad, you just have to bring a husband to the brunch, right?" Ben asked.

It would have been fine if Sans said partner, or wife. He could bring Jane along. Her eyes could be easily hidden behind sunglasses, and there was an easy explanation to her black void eyes. That she had some eye disease, a discoloration, or maybe she just absorbed some of his magic and it turned her eyes like that. But no. He said husband.

"Well, the only man I'm dating right now is this guy" Sans said, jerking a thumb towards Laughing Jack.

"Hello!" Laughing Jack said, waving to Ben.

It took Ben a moment to figure out what Sans was implying, but once he did, his face fell at the realization. He had to find a husband by two o'clock so people wouldn't question him. If people questioned him, they'd start to poke and prod into his life. Possibly call police, or even just stalk his house to see any signs of abuse. Which meant the CreepyPasta possibly being seen. Which meant this whole operation would go down the drain.

So Sans had to look like a normal ass family. Which meant Laughing Jack was out of the selection. So were any of the girls. And, obviously, the children weren't good options either. At that point he wouldn't blame them for calling the police on him.

"This is what I get for adopting in serial killer children instead of finding more adults, because now I have no good husband faking material," Sans groaned.

What could he do? Use Eyeless Jack? Bean could pass as his child. They both had sharp teeth. But he was going through that demon thing, whatever the hell it was. Laughing Jack confirmed it was something serious when Eyeless Jack mentioned he'd be busy. The clown gave a firm nod, with a big grin, and said he should not be interrupted. So he was out of the option.

That left only one person Sans could pass as his husband.

One person that was still a human. That could look like a normal man.

A person he spoke about four or five sentences to and barely fucking knew.

Toby and Clockwork were in the garage. Sans has only seen them together in the short days he's interacted with him.

They both popped up when Sans walked in, Clockwork having been showing Toby all of the work she did on her bike. She seemed real happy to have him around.

"Oh, uh... hi?" Toby said carefully, giving Sans a small wave before his fingers clicked.

"Hey, sorry for not giving a proper introduction last night," Sans said, giving Toby a small wave. "It was the first time I've ever fallen in love so I was a bit distracted."

Toby seemed a little hesitant, but not outright nervous like Eyeless Jack had been when he entered. Yup, Sans left a bad impression. And he was only going to make it worse now.

"I need to ask you for a really ridiculous but important request, Toby," Sans said. "You're the only one who can do this request."

"Me?" Toby tilted his head to the side, disbelief worn across his face. An expression he better get used to making, because Sans knew he was going to make it worse. "What do you n... need me for?"

Sans sighed. Well, here it went.

"I need you to be my husband," Sans said.

That certainly got a reaction. Immediately, almost if on cue, Toby's hands jerked out in random movements. His eyes darted around nervously, confused on why the hell Sans was asking such a question.

"W... wh..." He barely could get any words out, face now bright red.

"I'm not asking you to marry me!" Sans said quickly, sticking out his hands. "It's just for a few hours! It's a pretend date sorta situation."

As Toby managed to get himself to calm down, Clockwork was standing up in an instant. "Why the hell do you need him to be your husband?"

"Because a neighbor invited me to a brunch and is expecting me and a human like husband to come along," Sans explained, "And Toby's the only one that can pass as a normal human. You want me to bring Laughing Jack?"

"... Fair point," She said.

"I can't... are you s.. Sure? Have you seen me - fuck - like this? I have Tourette's. I can't l... look normal." Toby said, pointing towards his face. Still hesitant to talk to Sans much. "And under my mask I have a scar. I can't... can't look normal."

He looked almost sad over that fact. Like him not being a 'perfect' human would never be enough. Right. Some humans were bent with this idea of perfection that they held everyone to. It was why monsters were sent Underground, after all.

"I'm not asking you to look like some classic white boy protagonist from some harem, I'm just asking for yer to be a human husband to me," Sans said. His head tilted to the side. "Your Tourette's doesn't make you any less like a normal human to me. And if it makes you any less human to the people I'll just beat the shit outta them for ya."

He looked to the side, fiddling with his face mask. "Oh."

Clockwork looked between them, before sighing. "It's your decision, Tobbs."

"I uh... sorta really need someone to be a husband for me, like this whole home can come crashing down if we don't go," Sans said with a nervous chuckle. "I'll even go and buy ya something, or take you to some restaurant. Whatever you want."

Toby decided to nod, standing up gently. "Okay, yeah," He said, "I'll do... do it."

"Okay, great, great, because, heh," Sans said nervously, pointing to his phone clock. "We have to leave in a few minutes, there's only enough time for us to change and grab something from the store to bring."