Chapter Twenty-Two 

The smell of coffee is a strong toxic blend that often reminds me of hard work. It's a meeting drink that is shared over a broad section of topics – greetings, gossip, what's new, and goodbyes.

I stare at the freshly made coffee, then look up at Natalie. She easily commands the coffee machine like a goddess turned ninja with the speed she can put together a large order of exquisite drinks together.

"I don't know what to do," I explain. "Should I call him again?" I know I said I'd give Kol space – a week is enough, right?

"Yeah, I think you should call." Natalie nods her head.

"What about his sister?" I'm afraid she'll answer his phone, or I'll get into serious trouble. I just want to work things out. If Kol really wants to call this quits, at least we could leave on a better note. I feel torn up inside and my work is being affected by it.

"You should see what Kol wants, it is his life." Natalie pours the frothy milk into a takeaway cup. "His sister had no right to make those kind of decisions."

"That's true," I agree with her. "What if his sister answers the phone again?"

"Put your foot down and tell her you're going to keep calling until you talk with him."

"That sounds . . ."

"Like an amazing plan?" She laughs.

"Risky, but determined." I smile.

"You should call him now," encourages Natalie.

"What about Darla?" I look over my shoulder and towards her office. The door is closed, but I can hear her music seeping through the cracks. Since my mini melt down with the paparazzi, Darla and I have moved to good terms. She scares me less and I have a lot more respect for her. I don't want to slip into the bad list – that wouldn't be good.

"We both know she won't be moving anywhere for another three hours."

"True."

Natalie places her lid on the takeaway cup before walking around the machine to give it to the waiting customer. When they leave, the shop returns to its quiet state. I take out my phone and find there are no new messages. My heart slightly sinks. I'm getting used to the idea of not talking to Kol.

What's even worse, is the fact I still roll over in bed and expect to find Kol snuggled up. Instead, I'm greeted with a flat strip of bed and an aching heart.

When Natalie returns, she takes a sip from her bottle and slouches against the counter. She folds her arms across her chest and grimaces.

"If it's too much, you can always wait until later," offers Natalie.

"I'm worried I'll wait too long. I don't want to be those people who watch their lives flash past as they do nothing. What if Kol and I are supposed to be together and it's gone because of a stupid fear and a missed phone call?" I ask.

"Waiting a few more hours won't kill you, Lola." Natalie laughs. "Just don't rush things. Take it at your own pace."

"But?"

Natalie smiles. "Don't forget to fight for the people you love."

"I won't," I promise.

"Great, because I believe in you!" Natalie grins.

Holding up my phone, I tap the edge against my chin. "I'm going to make that Kol."

"Call?"

"Shoot, right." I blush.

"Good luck!" Natalie gives me a warm tight hug before taking over the register. I walk around the counter and pop outside. The sight of the pavement and slight bustle of movement makes me shiver. Subconsciously, I scan the crowd in hopes of seeing his face.

But after a few minutes of standing in the wind, I realise Kol isn't here. He's not going to run across the road, he isn't going to message me, and he isn't going to talk unless I make this call. I hope the only reason he hasn't gotten back to me is because he still needs space.

I unlock my phone and quickly bring up Kol's contact details. Pressing on the phone icon, I hold the phone to my ear and wait. Instead of a ringing tone, it goes straight to an automatic message.

"The number you have dialled is not in service at the point of time. Please try again."

"Shit," I cuss.

I look at the screen and frown. This is Kol's number, at least, it was his number. Maybe his sister is right, maybe he actually needs his own space? I can't believe he would disconnect his phone number before giving me a chance to speak with him.

I thought . . . I'm not sure what I was thinking. Part of me wanted to believe Kol and I could talk things through. Instead, he removes his belongings without a word, then storms out of my life without a decent explanation.

How am I supposed to apologise now?

As I click out of the contact app, the home screen appears. There's a picture of Kol and I set as the background. We took the picture one night curled up in bed. He was playing a game and I was testing out the new filters on Snapchat. He decided to poke his head in the shot as I took a selfie. It was cute, so I made it my phone background.

Now this picture is tearing me to pieces. Why, Kol?

Tucking the phone into my pocket, I head back into the store. I'm going to need another one of Natalie's hot chocolate and some advice. How do I win back a man with no number? I need to be very creative or learn smoke signalling.

At the end of my shift, I head back to my apartment. Instead of spending another night sulking in my bed, I take a seat by my piano.

If I can't tell Kol how I feel, maybe I can sing to him? Maybe this was the aim with Taylor Swift? Her ex's wouldn't talk with her, so she wrote a song to let them know how she felt. Seems farfetched, but hey, possibilities exist in the world.

My fingers run along the piano keys as I smile. There's a bubble of excitement and determination to make this work. Sometimes you have to be down in the dumps to find the drive to keep moving forwards. It hurts, but I think I've found it.

"I don't want to say goodbye, if goodbye means missing you," I sing. "I thought I'd be okay, but I'm a fucked up mess."

The words don't flow, they're not constructed to be catchy, but they feel raw and emotional. Sometimes the best songs are the ones that make you feel something between the letters. For the first time since Kol left, feeling doesn't hurt.

"I want to say that I don't miss you, but that would be a lie." I play a few notes and continue to sing.

Once I'm finished with the song, I grab the recording equipment from my bedroom and set it up by the piano. It's not the best, and frankly, this would be a whole lot easier with Kol's help, but I endure onwards. This is the only way I can reach Kol.

I film myself singing the song. The shots aren't perfect, but there's enough of my body in the frame to make it workable. I take the camera and my laptop to bed and snuggle in for the night. It's going to be a long journey, but I'm going to make this music video perfect. It's going to show Kol I'm sorry for hurting him, that I'm sorry for the things I said, and that I want him back.

Somehow, I hope he sees it.

CHAPTER QUESTION

Do you think Kol will see it?