Chapter Twenty 

A droplet of sweat trickles down the side of my forehead. I use the back of my hand to rub away the beads of perspiration. It brings me slight comfort, but the warm glow of the morning sun feels suffocating.

"Kol, did you open the curtains again?" I ask.

When I don't hear a reply from his chirpy morning self, I pat down the side of his bed. As my fingers travel over the soft fabric of the bed sheets, I find them cold and empty. Hm, I wonder where he went. Usually, he's sleeping or poking me for cuddles in the morning.

"Kol?" I call out. "Are you here?"

I climb out of bed and wander into the main living section of the apartment. As I gaze around the room, I instantly notice the large brown packing boxes are missing from the lounge room floor. There's can only be one reason to why they're gone, and I don't think it's because he finished unpacking them.

The next thing I notice is the paper note resting on the bench top. My heart drops through the floor. Oh no, please don't be what I think it is.

I rush into the kitchen and grab the letter off the table. I open it up and find the words 'I'm sorry' printed in bold scrawny letters.

"Shit," I curse. "If I knew I was such a problem, I'd have . . ." Well, no, I suppose I wouldn't have changed because I didn't do it when he asked.

You know what, if Kol wants to live his own life, he can. Kol can be free in this world and do what he wants. I wish he'd have the guts to tell it to my face. Tell me I was a horrible person for making him feel afraid, worried, anxious, anything else he wants to add to the list of things I've screwed up.

"I need to." I look around the apartment and shiver. "I need to get out of this apartment."

Walking back to the bedroom, I grab my joggers and a change of comfortable jogging clothes. I tie my hair up and shove my phone into my bra. With haste, I leave the apartment and hit the streets with full force.

My feet hit the ground in short quick strides. My heart thumps against my ribcage as I suck in a deep breath. I'm so unfit right now, but this oddly makes me feel better.

As I jog down the street, I notice the coffee shop from a distance. The prospect of grabbing a coffee and talking to Natalie about Kol makes me smile. I need someone to tell me I'm not as bad as I think I am.

Slowing to a walk, I take a couple of minutes to get my breath under wrap. I stretch out my limbs and wiggle my body around. As I walk into the shop, I come face to face with a brooding Kol.

My heart just about leaves from my chest from fright. Finding Kol in the coffee shop is that last place I'd expect to find him. I'd have thought he'd be halfway to wherever the hell he's running off too.

"Uh, Kol?" I mutter.

"I have somewhere to be," Kol dismisses.

I see the anger and sadness swirling within his eyes. I want to reach out and hug him just as much as I want to slap him.

"Please talk to me, Kol?"

"We have nothing to talk about," he replies.

"Tell me you're not being serious,' I start. "Or I at least think I deserve a better explanation." I huff.

I watch as Kol grinds his teeth with irritation. That's how I know I've hit a nerve. He glances at the ground and sighs heavily.

"I can't be your fall back guy, Lola. I need to live my life and not be caged in an apartment worrying about a girl who doesn't reply to my messages."

"I'm sorry I've been busy. I thought this is what you wanted for me?" I ask. "You helped me get here but now you want me to walk away?" Sometimes I don't understand boys. They're more hot and cold than women are. At least we act with logic most of the times. Kol seems to be taking the easy way out and that upsets me. After all the times he'd told me to fight, to keep going, he's walking.

"No, Lola, I never wanted you to ignore me. You did that by yourself. If that's the life you want to lead, then I implore you to go for it." Kol brushes past my shoulder and walks onto the street without another word.

Fire burns the pit of my stomach. He doesn't get to leave me like that. I step onto the street and glare at his retreating frame.

"No mate, I implore you to have a long happy life, Kol with no last name," I shout.

Kol doesn't react to my words, which just makes me upset. I watch as he slides out of my life. It's almost like he was never here, yet I'd always bear the scar of his words, hit actions, his hugs . . . his every bloody thing else.

"Fuck it, I don't need Kol and I don't need this coffee either." I walk back to the apartment with my heart squished on the pavement outside the coffee shop. One day I'd scrape the remains off and build myself a better heart. Until then, I intend to stuff the hole with ice-cream and rants with Annalise.

When I get inside, I grab my phone and call Annalise. Thankfully, she picks up on the first call.

"Hey babe, what's up?" she asks.

"Kol's gone and I need ice-cream," I say.

"Wait, what happened?" inquires Annalise. "You guys were so cute."

"He doesn't like the person I've become, Annalise." I can't completely change myself because he didn't like me. You're supposed to love and accept people for who they are, not who they could be if they changed themselves.

"What's that supposed to mean? Why would he say that?"

"Because things can't be perfect forever. People change and things need to be done. I don't know what else to say," I groan.

"That you're going to fight for him, that's what you say!" encourages Annalise.

"What are you going on about? Kol isn't interested in my like that," I explain.

"Lola, you're the smartest yet dumbest person I've ever met. He has feelings for you and if leaving over something so tedious isn't proof, I'm not sure what would be." She sighs with annoyance.

"We were cuddle buddies and that's it." Even if there was the slightest chance I might light Kol, things would never work. He's made that clear enough.

"Stop being afraid Lola. The world isn't set out to break your heart, so don't treat people as if they're about to ruin you."

"Just." I frown. "I'll give him space. I have a tub of chocolate ice-cream with our names on it." I smile.

"You're an utter fool, but I'll come over. Please tell me you've got chocolate sauce to accompany it."

"Yes, I do," I reply.

"Great. I'll see you soon." Hanging the phone up, I walk into my bedroom and toss the phone onto the bed. I open the draws I'd cleared for Kol to find them empty. So, he really is gone.

I strip out of my clothes and throw them on the ground. As I go to collect them, I notice the black shirt tucked under the bed. As I pull it out, I realise it's one of Kol's. He must have forgotten it.

As I hold onto the fabric, it feels like the world has crushed me. Kol's gone and it's all my fault. No amount of ice-cream is going to make it better. I could try and fill the hole, but the ice-cream would melt and I'd be rendered empty and broken. Not only had I lost someone important, I'd found myself back to square one. Alone, sad, and in need of a cuddle.

 Questions: What makes you feel better (chocolate and rants too?), and thoughts on Kola? I cry.