POSSIBLE TRIGGERS (last time for a while though!)

I'm out most of the time but I'm awake for a few parts, my mind hazy and the way the hospital lights were burning only allowed me to focus on bits and pieces. Broken ribs....dehydration....possible concussion....Serious stitches.... Anal tears...trauma...sensitivity to light. I can recall someone's hand slipped gently below my waistline and how I jerked away, painfully ripping the IV out of my arm.

I hid away in the bleached corner clawing at my eyes and at the walls, one minute I was in the hospital and in the next my mind was forcing me back in the basement. The nurse touched me slightly, instantly regretting it as I bit a deep gash into her hand. She screamed in agonizing terror and I fled from the hospital room sobbing and trembling.

Apparently they put me down after finding me locked and alone in a storage closet. They stitched up my back, scalp, and bottom. Gave me medicine for my eyes and plenty of fluids and food though I was too high off painkillers to even dream of having an appetite.

I wake in a black room with fluffy white carpet and light green walls. There is a tree painted in the corner and I lay on my bruised back in a memory foam canopy bed. The silky fabric tickles my nose as I rise, groggy and drugged, into a sitting position. Pressing the heel of my hand to my eyes, I attempt to rid myself of the headache begging to be unleashed. Julius snores quietly beside me, knocking me out of my peaceful state and causing me to jump away in shock and terror.

No. No...calm down. My body shakes and my mind flashes back to when I was that scared little boy in the tub, confused and hurt by their wandering hands. Stop! I claw at my hair, trying to halt the memories but with no luck. Locked in the bedroom. So dark and red. Bloody. Think of something else! My mind screams but it's too occupied with tormenting me to notice. Crying while he hurt me. Kept hurting me.

Flash backs of being chained to a wall with my mother dead, her last words echoing in my mind. Every moment comes crawling back until I'm in the street. The hospital. Stitches inside of me from the metal pole. I barely notice my breaths quickening or the blood trickling down between my knuckles. I don't even realize that Julius is holding me with an expression of pure panic etched on his face.

"Calm down," He sings. "please don't cry, it's going to be alright just don't cry."

My tears are hot and furious as anger boils in me for all of them. "I hate them!" My sobs are hysterical as I growl the words through clenched teeth. "I hate them so much! I hate them!" I scream as black crowds the corners of my eyes, my body jolting from that familiar feeling of falling. The screaming, the night sweats, the pain is all flooding back as I keep falling further and further down the rabbit hole.

But this time I have someone to catch me.

The feeling subsides and I calm down remarkably now that I'm aware of Julius's arms around me, but the sobbing rocks my body still. "They hurt me...they all hurt me." I sink down into the memory foam mattress, gripping his chest like I had when he carried me away, his breathing deathly slow.

His voice is just a whisper, too plagued by emotions to come out any stronger. "I'll never hurt you, Moon. I promise you I won't."

"They all do..." The mental and physical exhaustion finally takes effect and I drift off.

•••

It hurts to stand due to the stitches and pounding headache so I stay seated and allow the other servants to...well...serve me. Breakfast is simple: smoothies because my throat was torn from...activities and I can't swallow solids. "Doctor's orders." A mousy blonde had told me, apologetically smiling before placing the glass before me.

Julius stays in bed with me in case my flashbacks come back and I collapse into an accident like before. He swears it's a type of seizure but I continue to deny it, not wanting to burden him or myself with the thoughts of another hospital visit. As I walk down the steps the strongest hits yet. My body rumbles like a California earthquake and I collapse quickly, tremors coursing through my body.

He is watching me from afar before grabbing me, dragging me by the wrist into my mental darkness without Julius here to retrieve me. I shudder as the memories explode and my mind shuts off, not even trying to save itself. Images soar past my fluttering eyelids, tears rolling off my coal eyelashes as panic ensues.

'Father' and the money he made from me that was so rightfully mine are the first to wreck havoc on my mind. I can only slightly feel my skull pounding against the stairs, my mind too occupied by the flashback to register the pain.

Tears and screams are erupting in both sides of my mind but I'm only able to focus on my imagination. Father forcing me to do things to him, touch him. All the men that paid him to go inside of me are at the front of my mind now, too far gone to be pulled out.

My body heat skyrockets as I continue to relive everything. The warm liquid exploding on my eight year old chest as I cried. Somewhere I can see Julius panicking, my head getting cut terribly from the fall from the stairs.

'Father' dressed me up that day, beautiful in my best robes and with makeup that rivaled a grown woman's. He stood in the doorway eyeing me hungrily as a man in his forties entered. He climbed into the bed with me slowly, pulling softly at my silk robes and done up hair, my body tensing up from what's to come.

TW: Rape & Molestation

The door closed and the man removed his clothing, proceeding to do the same to me. His fingers tore at the fabric of my robes, beady black eyes widening at what he saw when he forced my legs apart. I was fourteen. Fourteen. His fingers groped my bare skin, touching everywhere at once and leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. I was terrified of him. My breath stopped as he rubbed his body against mine, confused moans breaking through my trembling lips.

He grabbed my member, rubbing furiously until I bucked up where he held me. My tongue bled as I bit down to ease my hiccuping tears. I cried silently, the pungent smell of smoke heavy on his tongue. My head had slammed against the stiff mattress as he forcefully flipped me around and entered me, my entire body erupting into a wave of painful tremors.

I screamed the whole time as he clawed at my aching back. "Faster... faster you little whore!" He panted, face red from built up pleasure. My face pounded against the bed repeatedly as he tore my ass to fit, tear stains marking where I had previously fallen. Rough hands were cupping me accompanied by moans of delight. I tried to hold mine in, not wanting to give him the idea that I was liking it.

"Come on the bed, come on and do it you little slut!" He'd growl his insults while I cried, my ass ripped and emotions killed. I didn't understand what he wanted since I had only had female customers up to this point, but he beat me bloody until he got it.

The thick red liquid poured from my mouth and the large gash in my skull. My body ached for it to be over with as the man harshly flipped me back over. Giving me head he continued his sexual demands, the contents of my stomach ready to come back up. I broke down on the inside as I sprayed my load on the bloody sheets, ashamed that I was even able to.

Julius quietly cradles me at the bottom of the stairs shaking his head in clear distress. My T-shirt and sweatpants are drenched with sweat and wet with...other things. I know Julius had seen it all, one touch and my mind was an open book for him, the contents of my mind replaying in his.

It's too much to try and take in. One part of me is with Julius, the other is back in time with him. I match our breaths as he carries me back to an unfamiliar bedroom, panic striking me for a split second.

This one is simple shades of blue and violet with dark blue curtains and lavender purple blankets that appear empty without a canopy protecting them. This must be Julius's room.

I'm laid flat on the strikingly soft mattress, a nightlight lit in the darkest corner of the room casting about warm shadows. Julius is in bed beside me, holding me against his chest and wiping away my drying tears. It's perfect, his cold embrace making the nightmares go away as he replaces bad memories with happy ones.

I'm not exactly prepared for Julius and the sexual tasks we must perform as master and servant are expected to. My body heals fast due to my 'gift' but I'm not sure if he understands this yet. That I'm not prepared physically, and from what today's episode has to show, mentally. No biting or scratching or hair pulling just yet. I turn away from the light blue wall when I hear his gentle snoring and about scream.

His hair has turned an off white blondish color, eyes black as space, skin colder and paler than before. There is no white in his eyes just two black orbs stuck in his skull. I hit him accidentally in my fit of panic (God he is hard as a rock) and the white hair slowly fades to brown, eyes returning to violet, and his skin darkening and warming.

And his lips are on mine.

This is stronger than the kisses at the Coca-Cola factory, colder, tastier. My mind explodes with the scent of oranges as his jagged teeth bite down hard. I scream and gasp, my eyes rolling back as his tongue explores my mouth in every corner. It scrapes at the roof of my mouth as he shifts his body on top of mine and I entangle my fingers in his hair. I'm straight, scarred, and in Heaven.

There are slight pinches on my arms and chest before a vacuuming sensation takes over but I don't mind it. I can't sense that his tongue has left my mouth barren or that my arm is bloody and burning or even that I've been pricked repeatedly by two teeth. I can honestly say that I am on cloud nine as he spreads my no-longer-boxer-clad legs on his shoulders.

But I'm aware. Awakened by the unbearable pain suddenly coming from my shoulder, my own screams ringing dimly in my ears. My mind feels fuzzy and poisoned but Julius and his razor teeth swim to the surface. Gripping my numb arm I push him away with my foot in a drunk manner trying terribly to make my slurred words of pain audible.

His venom is quickly causing me to go numb, making feeding painless and foggy with less than half an ounce of fluid. It's like magic.

Magic never depends on species, it's genetics or learned or both. Julius most likely got the sad, boring end of the stick and never thought to learn it himself. Through all my studying of magic and species I never thought to read up on Breeding and Feeding terms/procedures though. I did happen to know that we were finished, the burning in my arm dying down. Julius licks all of my wounds to speed up the healing, stop the bleeding, extract venom, and clear my head.

The procedure should be painless for me and beneficial for him but tiring for both I soon realize. I'm just worried about what this could bring. What if he hurts me or this jump starts Mating for me? I'm already getting up in age! Would Julius let me feed or reject the practices of my species?

At least I'm not a werewolf that would be an instant death. I chuckle for the first time in months at the thought of him seeing me covered in ugly, dull, brown fur in bed beside him. I slide my fingers across my Tag and drift back to sleep, dreaming of werewolves and canopy beds.

The violet bedroom melts away and I'm left running. A spider tattoo, the mark of the Videl, on Julius fully noticeable and crawling up his paling bicep, chasing me as I sprint into the woods. The sticks trail across my skin, burning me with cuts as I try to escape death. I trip into a circle of trees each with it's own slash of claws draped on it's peeling trunk as a bear enters.

I'm trapped in foreign territory. As the bear slams his paw down onto my tiny body the dream turns from black and white to sepia to blood red as it charges from the distance. It's feet heavy and large, running to the rescue on all fours with it's horns already bloody from it's last victim. The bear has disappeared and the beast slowly turns to face me. Once again I stare into darkness before it's heavy paw and claws strikes me. The beast vanishes quickly leaving me alone in the woods.

I wake sweaty and crying. My Tag burns uncontrollably but I manage to turn and check Julius over for a spider tattoo none the less. None. I glide three fingers through the large silver slashes in my chest and breath. It's rare that my other half takes control over my dreams but it happens. Black and white and bloody and terrifying.

Julius is up in a flash, eyes wide and alert. "What's going on Moon?"

I'm not ready to tell.

"Moon tell me!" The panic etched in his tone is fogged by my not-so-silent tears. "God, Moon! Jesus! Did you have a nightmare?!" I shake weakly as an excuse for a nod, his features slightly calming. He flips around on his side to face me with his head propped on his shoulders. He looks so tired...

"Mhm." I moan not bothering to open my mouth.

"Say it clearly or I can't help you!"

"Bears..." Julius laughs. I can't believe he just laughed at me!

"Bears aren't scary unless they're hairless. Was your bear hairless?" He jokes, shocking me by wiping away a stray hair of mine.

"No but he was trying to kill me!"

He speaks up soothingly, voice full of reassuring authority. "It was only a dream." He falls to his back, smiling warmly at me as he holds his legs to his chest insecurely. "Nightmares will come and go." He curls the stray lock around his index finger, placing it back behind my reddening ears.

I want to bring up the spider tattoo but it seems far away and forgotten in the distance. People change all the time though, what if he has...intentions...

I sigh at my insecurities, curling into a ball against the mattress and catching up on some well deserved shut-eye.

•••

Julius Rose Matthews. Early twenties, appears Caucasian, and rich if he can afford servants. He disappeared at sea according to an ever faulty Wikipedia yet he stands cooking bacon and chia pancakes on the stovetop in front of me. Tall and slender yet muscular but agile and everything in between.

Violet eyes (contacts? Birth? Chemical reaction to being changed?), brown sloppy hair he constantly flips to keep himself occupied. He's the definition of the average man give or take a flaw, but something about him has me checking my hair when he walks by and staring at my toes when he flashes me a gentle smile.

He always seems nervous in my presence like he expects me to attack him at any second. His back tenses when I scoot my chair in slightly and take a deep breath.

Moon Takashi Hiroshi. Nationality? Thai. Age? Never told him. Background? Abused childhood, prostitute adolescence, not many good things to say. I examine myself then examine him and back at myself. I am only a few inches shorter than Julius and match his muscles to a T.

I'm African compared to his poster paper skin tone. My eyes are just a plain dark brown, dulled with age and life. My hair is attractive and long almost touching my shoulders while his stays neat and cut. I don't believe in hair cutting and let it grow and shed naturally. It is jet black and choppy in some places because of irresponsible running spots chosen by my other side.

Julius turns back to me with a plate of bacon-chia pancakes in cute shapes like bows and hearts. Not that that stuff is cute or anything unless you're a teenage girl...which I'm not. Julius takes a seat across from me at the circular table, swaying his feet slightly and staring intensely at the wall. I take a deep breath.

How long will we be like this towards each other? I want to at least get to know him before we have to do -shudder- things. "Is this weird?"

Julius won't look me in the eye insisting on having a staring contest with the wall instead.

"No." I lie.

"Be honest with me, Moon..." With a sigh of defeat I drop my fork with a small clatter. He finally stares me in the eye but nervously takes a hand through his hair. Good God that's...cool? Not hot. No so not hot. Boobs are hot. The way they bounce as she runs to you happily. Boobs just think of boobs and not about his eyes. Lord his eyes! Violet and violent yet sweet and harmless.

"Yes." I half moan half murmur as I bite my lip.

"What do you want to do to make this less weird? Go somewhere? Get to know each other? Watch a movie? I've never done this before, Moon." I shovel the pancakes into my happily open mouth and give him a devious smile. Get to know the man I'm being paid to sleep with? That's a first. There are so many things to I want to ask him but I need to keep it personal. I want to drag it on somehow and see where it goes.

"Get to know each other sounds good."

Julius returns my smile with a kinder one. "Then ask away."