Soundtrack for this chapter:
Daughter—Pearl Jam
A Better Son/Daughter—Rilo Kiley
The Cave—Mumford and Sons

3

Jules

Freshman arrival was quickly approaching, but I had too much on my mind to even consider getting myself ready for the new group of students.

That email to my lawyer was never composed; I choose willful ignorance over responsibility. Besides, any progress I made towards further separating myself from Will by sleeping with someone else was rescinded the morning after.

I managed to get my cab driver to pull right up to the staff housing rather than the entrance of campus, which meant my nighttime excursion went undetected by my colleagues. There was a little shame brewing in my stomach, but I wasn't sure if it was over the fact that I'd slept with someone other than Will, did something my parents would be down right horrified over, or snuck out of Theo's house like a coward.

I tried to rationalize things in my head by telling myself that men like Theo probably brought girls back all the time, by telling myself he clearly wasn't looking for anything serious and that I was nothing more than another notch in his belt; he even called me out that it was my first time going home with someone; I'd bet he got a thrill out of being my first one night stand. But that didn't stop those what if vultures. "What if he actually felt something for you, Jules?" they crooned. "What if he's hurt that you just used him for your own selfish means?" they teased. On every hunting trip I'd been forced on I only ever shot clays, but damn did I wish I had my old rifle and could shoot down those vultures.

Then, for the first time in weeks, my phone lit up with Will's name and number. All I wanted to do was sleep. I'd gotten less than four hours by making sure I could get out before the counterpart of my midnight rendezvous woke up, and I just wanted to let the feeling of breaking away from Will in every way seep in; of course, he couldn't let me do that. I answered the call with a yawn.

"Good morning, Will."

"Is it?"

Here we go.

"It's a little early, but sure, as far as mornings go, pretty good. Why are you calling?"

"I thought you were coming back after a year, after you got this out of your system."

"There's nothing to get out of my system."

He sighed and let his southern drawl take over. "We both know this is temporary. You can't ignore your family forever. As their only daughter, you have a duty—"

"The PhD program here is five years. As far as their story is concerned, they'll manage to keep up the facade they've created for at least four more years."

"You need to start coming home around the holidays. People are getting suspicious as to why my wife is absent from all the gatherings, and they're starting to talk. I've lied enough this past year. "

"Let me make something clear to you: we are separated. The titles of husband and wife are nothing more than technicalities. As soon as those papers are signed—"

"Come on. You've had over a year to sign them. Do you really think I believe you're actually going to go through with it, sweetheart? It's time to stop playing this game and come home."

My free hand balled into a fist; patronizing Will was my least favorite Will. "It's not a game."

"We can try counseling again; that would make your parents, and mine, more than happy to see us trying to work things out."

"And what of my happiness? What of yours? It's no secret that we rushed into things. Neither of us are happy anymore, Will. You haven't been happy for just as long as me. You made that abundantly clear when you started coming home later and later from work; exactly how many hunting trips was it that you went on the last year I was in Savannah? We can't keep doing this."

"You were so fucking miserable around the house that I couldn't stand to be in it."

"Exactly. A marriage shouldn't be like that."

"We have to figure it out, Jules. You know how our families feel about divorce. You know how we'd, how they'd be viewed in our community, among their friends. This little scandal won't just go away; they'd be livid, with both of us. I know that you're not willing to go that far against their wishes."

"I need to go. I'll have my lawyer call yours."

"Jules, my father threatened—"

"Then you'll have to work it out with him."

And with that, I hung up, not because I didn't want to hear any more about how we could potentially "work things out," but because I didn't want to hear any more about how I would never actually disobey my parents to their faces. I knew that if I were to finalize our divorce, I'd never be able to go home again.

I flopped down onto my bed and rubbed my palms into my eyes. Will and I met while in college, albeit we were more or less set up by our parents at some party they'd really only gone to for appearances, but we were twenty and young and looking for acceptance in each other when we couldn't get it from the people who raised us.

In the beginning everything was good, great even. The wedding was something out of a fairytale, and why wouldn't it be? The son and daughter of two prominent Southern families to be married? Social standing gold—no, platinum.

The only problem was that with each passing year, Will conformed more and more to the mold his parents set for him, as I tried to break free from mine. When he started pushing for kids just a few months into our marriage, I knew I had to do something. That was when I went back to school for my Masters in Counseling. I actually thought that I may be able to help myself with it, but as it turns out, I'm much better at giving advice than receiving it. It took me two years to finish my degree as I had to split my studying time between being the dutiful daughter and the dutiful wife.

But it still wasn't enough. Mother and father wanted grandchildren. So did my in-laws. But I didn't feel ready. There was so much I still wanted to do with my life, so many experiences I still wanted to have, but that didn't matter to anyone, not even Will. Just because I was his wife I had to have children on his timeline?

I set up a session with a couples counselor before I gave up. I just wanted there to be someone who could translate my needs to Will, but that didn't happen. My greatest mistake was bringing us to a therapist who decided to side with him. I'll never forget what he said when I expressed that my own happiness was at stake: "But what of the happiness of Will? Of your parents and his? Sometimes you must think of others, young lady."

I'd been thinking of others for my entire life. That was when I applied for the counseling job at Parnassus. I was in the trenches of online job search engines and the opening caught my eye. The day I got the job was the day I met with a lawyer to begin the process of filing for divorce.

I wished I was stronger. I wished that when I approached Will about separating he hadn't gone straight to my parents. I wished they hadn't told me they would never support such a decision. When they fabricated this story to tell people I was moving to Boston for a Doctoral Program at the best university in the country but that Will had to stay in town to continue helping his father run the company, their pride in upholding the family name was clearer than ever. Their reputation was more important than their daughter, and yet I still couldn't bring myself to fully separate from them.

I wanted so badly to make the final severing cut to my life in Savannah, but they were my parents, my family, and the sense of duty I had to them refused to fade, regardless of the distance I put between us. The only thing I could do was stay away for as long as possible and hope that something would change, hope that they would finally let me be me.

***

I managed to sleep for a little after the phonecall with Will, but I was pulled out of my dreamless sleep when a barrage of texts came through from Nora.

All were inquiring about my night, and rather than try to come up with some formulaic response, I told her to come over. There was a knock on my door less than three minutes later.

"I look like trash. Don't judge."

She walked in and sat at the kitchen island in my apartment before looking me up and down. "Still in last night's clothes I see."

My eyes narrowed at her. "Yep. But he gave me one of his t-shirts to sleep in."

And her eyes grew wide. "You actually went home with him?"

"Don't act so surprised. You knew what my intentions were."

"Well, shit. I'm feeling both proud and intrigued. Tell me everything."

"What's there to tell? We made out at the bar, he asked me if I wanted to go home with him, and I said yes."

"And..."

"Listen, I'm not the kind of girl who's going to give you a play-by-play. It was nice. He was really sweet, which just confused me a bit because of the whole drummer/tattoos thing he had going, but he could tell it was the first time I'd ever done something like that, so maybe that was why."

She was nodding. "And it was good for you?"

"Oh, yeah. Great. I actually, I don't know, felt something, like beyond just the physical act. I guess in my head I pictured it being very detached, purely physical given the fact that I barely knew him, but it was really...nice."

"Interesting. Would you consider—"

I knew where she was headed. "No. I left before he woke up. Didn't leave my number or anything. I'm really not looking for a relationship, and I didn't want to lead him on."

Her phone buzzed on the counter. "Damn. I'm supposed to meet Abby from Admissions in fifteen for lunch. I'm guessing you're not interested in joining."

I stole a glance at my reflection and cringed. "Nope. Really need to shower. Tell her I said hi though."

"You got it."

As she got up and I walked to open the door to my apartment, my eyes caught a glimpse of my guitar. "Oh! I almost forgot to remind you. Don't make plans for next Saturday night. I signed up for that open mic at the Public Garden next to Boston Common."

"Wouldn't miss it. See you later!" And with that, she was out the door.

***

Before either of us could really come to terms with the fact that summer was officially over (at least for us), Nora and I were stationed in the main lobby of Thorson Hall, one of the freshman dorms, greeting parents, distributing our counseling cards, and pointing bright eyed teenagers in the direction of their first ever tastes of freedom. It was always fun to watch how quickly the mass of students divided into one of three categories.

First, there were the kids who couldn't wait to party. The ones we could see scheming with the other cool kids on their floors the moment their parents' backs were turned. Then there were the kids who happily waved goodbye to their parents and trekked back to their rooms, eager to decorate and get to know their roommates better. Lastly, we had the kids Nora and I would get to know rather quickly. The ones making nervous movements every few minutes, the ones who kept checking to make sure their parents hadn't left yet. I too was that kid when I entered my freshman year; after being told exactly how to live my life every second of it until the first night in my dorm, how couldn't I have some form of a meltdown? Sometimes, too much freedom can be overwhelming; I knew that better than anyone.

That night, Nora and I took turns waiting by the phone of the counseling office and walking up and down the halls of Thorson.

On my third round of the night, just after eleven, when I walked past the study lounge on the top floor I saw a girl furiously tapping on her phone. I pushed open the door, and she looked up at me, eyes a bit watery.

"Everything okay?"

Before she could get a word out, she broke down in tears. "He's just...such..he's an asshole!"

"Whoa, whoa, okay," I moved through the room and took a seat across from her at one of the study tables. "Who?"

She turned her eyes back to her phone and typed out another text. "My so-called boyfriend! He, he's suggesting that we end things. He's saying we can't be together at two different colleges and that he wants to be able to party and not worry about some girl back home. Some girl! We've been together for over a year, and I'm just some girl?"

In that moment I really wished Nora had been the one to make the rounds. How was I supposed to give this girl relationship advice? While my brain sputtered for something logical to say to her, she turned back to her phone again.

"Okay, let's hold off on texting him for a moment. Before we get into anything, I just want to let you know that I'm one of the freshman counselors, Jules Calhoun."

"I know. You gave my mom your card this morning. My name's Mel." She wiped away a tear from her cheek.

"Alright. Do you want to try to sort this out together, Mel? I kind of crashed in on you, but you're under no obligation to talk to me about whatever's going on. I'll only stay if you want me to."

She looked at her phone, then at me, then at her phone again. It lit up with an incoming call.

"I'm not ready to answer that. He's going to tell me we're done."

"You don't need to answer it right now. Though, you can't ignore whatever is going on forever. If you were to answer, do you think you could accurately describe to him what's going on in your head?"

"I, I don't know. I don't understand why he's saying these things. He's never said he didn't want to be together while we were away."

"This could all just be first night nerves. Did he move in today, too?"

She nodded.

"Okay, it's possible that he's overwhelmed right now by all the new people and the new things that are going on. But you also need to think about how his first reaction was to push your relationship off to the side."

She didn't say anything, but instead kept nodding her head amid hiccups.

"Would it be so bad to send him one last text tonight telling him that this isn't a healthy way to communicate and that you wanted to wait until the morning to discuss things? This way, you can clear your head and write down all of the things you need to talk to him about."

She started crying again and then blurted out, "but, but what if he—he kisses another girl tonight? What if he's drunk and he's mad and he makes out with someone, or does something, something...worse?"

"Then in the morning you'll need to ask yourself if he's someone you want to be with. If you think he would do that now, just because you're having a little disagreement, do you think he'd be willing to do it again?"

"I...I didn't really think of it that way."

Will and his late office hours and his hunting trips tried to snake their ways into my head.

Mel tapped around on her phone again and slid it in front of me.

"How's that?"

I read over the message in my head: "I'm really confused right now. Yesterday everything was fine, and now we're having the biggest fight we've ever had. I don't think it's a good idea for us to talk right now, so let's plan on calling each other in the morning. I love you."

I looked up at her with a smile. "It's good. Very direct and dignified."

"Thank you for checking on me, Ms. Calhoun."

"Just Jules, okay? If you need anything else, you have my card."

She smiled at me, stood from her seat, and disappeared around a corner in the hallway.

I sank back in the chair I was occupying and closed my eyes. I often had moments where I thought that there would never be anyone who would want to deal with someone with a romantic history and a family like mine; sometimes I feared Will was my only option. My family had made that abundantly clear: stay married to Will and keep us or leave him and be on your own.

I knew that if I divorced him they'd make me out as the villain in all of this. They'd tell people I betrayed him or that I was too selfish or that I wasn't wifely material. His parents weren't much better, but he was the one who stayed in town. Who would choose their reputation over the happiness of their only child?

The Calhouns of Savannah, Georgia.

A/N: Hi my lovely readers!

I am getting so much joy out of writing this story, so I hope you're enjoying reading it. Hopefully I'll be able to get another Theo chapter to you before Friday!

Any predictions? I always love seeing if you can tell where the story is going ☺️ Sometimes you all are right on the nose, and sometimes you bring up things I never even thought of while writing!

Also, who are you picturing? I really had no one in mind while creating Jules and Theo, so I'd love to know who you see in your head!

Please remember to vote and comment and tell your friends about this story! I have so many plans in mind for these two and I cannot wait to get them to you ❤️

Have a great weekend!

L