Soundtrack for this chapter:
Swing Life Away—Rise Against
You Shook Me All Night Long—AC/DC
Shadow of the Day—Linkin Park

28

Theo

I'd extended our drive by about twenty minutes when I pulled off the main road to grab us something to eat. Jules protested (when doesn't she challenge me?), but I told her it may do well to have her food settle before we attack our first run. That was enough of a reason to satisfy her.

"How can skiing give me an upset stomach? It's not like we're spinning around or anything."

"Well, if you fall and tumble down the face of the mountain, it's likely you're going to agitate your stomach."

She twisted in her seat to face me so quickly she nearly gave herself whiplash. "What?"

I only felt a little badly for laughing. "Relax, Jules. You're going to be fine. There are barriers on the bunny slopes."

"But not on the others?"

"Not all of them. Where would the adrenaline come from if you didn't think that at any moment you could fall off the side of a cliff?"

She actually paled, and I put a reassuring hand on her thigh. "Fuck, Jules, I'm joking. I wouldn't take you anywhere near those runs, alright?"

She sat back in her seat and let the color come back into her face.

When we finally arrived at our little home away from home, it looked so fucking perfect. The moment Jules saw it, her eyes lit up with wonder. We were going to have our own cozy little cabin all to ourselves; it was going to be hard to leave to trudge to the lodge down the road when we could stay in our cabin in front of a roaring fire, snuggled up together.

Jules had the unique power of turning me into a sappy mess.

Once all of the food and our bags was inside, we changed into snow appropriate gear. Jules looked a bit puffier than usual in her jacket, snow pants, and hat with the little pompom on top, but she looked as perfect as always.

"You ready?"

"Is it too late to chicken out?"

"Yes."

She shrugged her shoulders at me. "Then I guess I'm ready."           

I couldn't help but laugh a little, and she turned from me with a roll of her eyes to bend to pick up her skis and boots.

"I'll get your poles, just keep going straight outside."

"Thanks."

With all of our gear in my hands, I followed her out of the cabin and then rested my skis against the doorframe to be able to lock the door, just to realize she had the key.

"Hey Jules, can you—" whack.

"Oh my goodness. Sorry! Here," she set down the skis she'd just smacked me with as she turned to give me the keys.

"Right. Thanks. You're stronger than you realize." I used my free hand to rub up and down my left arm.

"Hopefully that's the extent of our injuries this weekend."

I pocketed the keys, leaned into Jules, and set my lips down on hers. I loved her more than I could put into words, and sometimes I worried I wouldn't be able to express to her just how deeply I cared for her.

"Love you, Jules."

"I love you too, T."

***

Once we retrieved our lift tickets from the resort's lodge, I showed Jules a map of the slopes and the few options she had in terms of easy skiing.

"Which one do you want to try first?"

She just shrugged her shoulders. "They all look the same."

"Okay, well then just pick any of the ones marked with green circles."

"Mmm...okay, this one." She pointed to one that would require a ride on one of the little two person chair lifts.

"Perfect. Now, we need to get you in those skis so we can glide over to the lift. Here, use my arm for support."

She grabbed onto my forearm and hoisted her feet into the holdings of her skis. Once she was locked in, I handed her the poles and got into my own.

"Remember, you're in control of where you go and how fast you go. Just like when we went ice skating, you need to push off to make yourself go forward when on flat surfaces. When going downhill, if you bring your skis to a point in front of you and push in on the inside of your feet, that'll slow you down. Or, you can turn sideways and lean back a bit; that'll drive the edge of your skis into the snow to create enough resistance to slow you to a stop, okay?"

"Got it. You're pretty good at teaching people things. I think it's because you're so patient."

"That's something I reserve just for you." Her eyes softened as I dipped into her once again. Truth be told, my mind was less focused on skiing and more focused on helping her out of her layers of winter wear. Luckily I had on enough layers for the new tightness in my pants to go unnoticed. "Okay, let's go. Follow me to the lift."

And then we were off. She was perfectly fine on level ground; she was a little wobbly at first, but who isn't? Getting her into the chairlift was fucking hilarious. She was convinced it was going to knock her out from under her, but, of course, it just scooped us up and took us to the top of the mountain.

Once we made it there, we glided along to the green circle slope; it was far from steep, and ultra wide. I wasn't worried one bit for her.

"Want me to go first and you to follow? I can stop about halfway, or if at any point you want to go ahead of me, you can just straighten your skis rather than going back and forth across the path."

"You go first. I don't want to slow you."

"You won't slow me, Jules. Just take your time." I raised a pole at her and then headed down the slope. Every now and then I turned back to make sure she was okay, but she gained a steady footing quickly, and after a few wide sweeps back and forth across the slope, she narrowed her path. As promised, I stopped about halfway down the trail to wait for her, but moments after I stopped, she zipped right past me to the point where I had to double check that it was her.

I righted my skis in her direction and followed closely behind her, the sounds of her laughter trailing the crunch of the snow beneath her feet. She continued that way until the very bottom of the trail where the slope evened out to a flat surface. There was a split second where I wasn't sure how easily she was going to be able to stop, but she turned her skis as I'd shown her and bit into the snow enough to slow her completely.

I let the dwindling speed of my skis across the frozen snow carry me to her laughter. Her hair that was sticking out of her hat was all windblown, and there was a crisp redness on the tip of her nose and her cheeks. I don't think I'd ever seen her look so beautiful.

"Again! Let's ride up again."

"Whoa there, daredevil. I take it you liked it?"

"Theo, that was incredible. The wind on my face, the snow beneath my feet, the rush. I, I've never felt so alive." She pushed off from where she was stopped and crashed into me, causing both of our skis to unbuckle and taking us down to the ground. "I love you, I love you, I love you!" Her body shook again with giggles as she laid on top of me and tried to squeeze every last ounce of air from my lungs. "Thank you, T."

I squeezed her right back, hoping the love I felt for her would pass through the layers of fabric between us. "Anytime, Jules. Ready to go back up?"

She peeled herself off me and snapped back into her skis. "Yes! What's the next hardest? The blue square trails, right? Let's try a blue square trail!"

"Okay, okay, maybe one more practice run on the green circle before a blue square. I never meant to create an adrenaline junkie out of you."

"Is this how you feel when you do something crazy? Like that canyon swinging thing you told me about? We should go do that over the summer."

And with that she was off in the direction of the chair lift, but I was stuck planted to where we'd stopped. Over the summer. Just a few weeks ago Jules had made a comment about how she wasn't sure if she'd be around in March for St. Patrick's Day, and now she's seeing us together in the summer. She was finally free to do as she wanted, and she wanted to do things with me.

I followed after her like the lovesick puppy I was at twenty-nine years old, and except for a quick half hour break to eat dinner at the lodge, we skied down the mountain until the resort announced it was shutting down the lifts for the night.

Back at our cabin, we barely got through the door before we'd crashed into each other once again. Hands worked quickly to remove layer after layer of coat and scarf and sweatshirt and thermal. I felt her shiver in my arms, and I instinctively pulled her closer into me. She smelled like a combination of snow and salt and she seemed to read my mind as she looked up into my eyes and then nodded her head towards the bathroom.

"Yeah?"

Jules nodded into my chest, then unwrapped herself from me, took my hand, and led me into the bathroom where she turned the shower knob all the way to the left until a warm steam filled the room.

I really don't think there's anything more sensual than sharing a shower. She let me lather shampoo in her hair and work it into her roots with the tips of my fingers, and then she returned the gesture. Trails of foamy soap streaked across our arms and legs and backs, followed by fingers and hands and a closeness that only two people who were meant to be together can share.

That night, as we laid in our borrowed bed, she slept peacefully in my arms, and I thought of the journey we'd been on to get us to that point. It was far from perfect; it was far from ideal. But it was ours, and there wasn't a single thing I'd change about it.

***

Our getaway to Vermont ended too quickly. Getting Jules away from the mountain on our last night there was nearly impossible, but it was New Year's Eve, and I wanted to be able to kiss her on midnight.

Back at our cabin, snuggled up in pajamas, a roaring fire in the background, and each of us sipping a glass of champagne, we counted down together as the magnificent ball in Times Square dropped. The second the clocks turned, I took her face in my hands and kissed her to within an inch of her life.

"Dance with me." Her voice was breathless against my lips.

I stood with her, and as "Auld Lang Syne" played through the television, she sang along. My right arm wrapped around her waist as she settled into me, her right hand resting right above my heart. We stayed like that, swaying back and forth, far after the music had stopped.

"I know I've said it a lot this weekend, but I really, truly love you, Jules."

She blinked up at me. "I love you, too. And I have a surprise planned for you tomorrow. If it's okay with you, I'll drive us home, because I need to take us on a little detour."

I felt my eyebrows furrow down at her.

"It's nothing bad. It's the second half of your Christmas present."

"This was more than enough, Jules."

"Save your judgements until tomorrow." She picked up on her tiptoes and kissed me. "Let's go to bed. We have an early rise time."

***

The next morning, I showered after Jules to give her time to run through the cabin without me getting in the way to gather our things. By the time I was done getting dressed, I went to locate our bags to put them in the car just to find that she'd already done it.

"Jules—"

"I'm a big girl. I can load a car. But, I'm not tall enough to strap the skis to the roof, so you're still going to have to do that." She handed me a travel mug full of coffee.

"I don't deserve you."

"Then we're perfect for each other because I don't deserve you." She tilted her head towards me and I set my lips down on hers.

Once we set off, I sat back and just let Jules take us wherever she was going to take us. I trusted her with everything I had, and I couldn't see that fading any time soon.

After just about two hours of driving in the opposite direction of home, she took us off the main road and we began driving through a little town. Something about it felt familiar. I knew I'd never been there before, but somehow I knew it.

It wasn't until I saw the long drive ahead of us, until she turned into an enclosed property off the road that I realized where we were, why I knew where we were. My heart felt as if it were going to burst from my broken ribcage.

She pulled off to the side of the paved drive, and I felt her hand come to a rest on my thigh, but my face was buried in my hands. She leaned over as far as she could and wrapped her arms around me.

"T?"

But I didn't have any words to give her.

"I...I can turn around if you want. We don't have to get out of the car."

I didn't want to turn around. "I want to stay."

She turned the engine off, and I took a moment to let my hands run over my face. I never thought I'd find myself back in the same space as him.

I turned to Jules, and the subtle tears in my eyes meant that hers were getting watery too.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

I nodded at her because I really wasn't sure I could do it alone.

"Okay. Just, just meet me in front of the car. I need to get something from the back."

She got out of the car, and I did as she said, waiting in front for her. She was gone for only a few seconds before she reemerged from behind the car with a wreath of white roses. I didn't have to ask for her to explain.

"They were delivered when you were in the shower this morning. I guess I got lucky. That was why I had to pack the car."

Again, all I could give her was a nod. She offered me an encouraging smile, one that was understanding, as she took my hand and led me down the drive a few feet. When we had to walk on the frost covered grass, it crunched beneath my feet, and then, before I realized it, he was right in front of me.

I took in Gabe's gravestone with a new level of pain. Somehow, seeing it before me meant that everything was beyond real. There was no going back from that. I turned to Jules and took the wreath from her, placing it right at the center of the headstone.

The worst part of all wasn't seeing his name or the words transcribed beneath it, loving son, brother, and friend. It was the short date range. 1988-2010.

One of my hands grasped for Jules as the other set down on Gabe's gravestone. For so long I hated the fact that I'd never been given the chance to say goodbye, and now Jules had given it to me; like so many times I'd pushed her beyond her comfort zone, made her face her fears, she pushed me to mine.

The warmth her hand was spreading through the left side of my body combatted the cool touch of the stone until my body sank to the ground. Jules was right beside me on her knees, one arm around me as I brought my hands together and prayed.

I'm not sure how long we were there. It felt like hours, but I don't think I could've stood the cold for more than thirty minutes. Back in the car, Jules drove us on towards home in silence. She didn't ask any questions or force me to talk about my feelings. She didn't even suggest for me to write things down. She knew exactly what I needed, and for that I loved her more than words could convey.

***

When I started recognizing the sights around me as things that meant we were almost home, I realized I'd made Jules drive in silence for hours.

My left hand came to rest on her thigh, and she offered me a quick sideways glance.

"You okay?"

"How did you find him?"

Her chest decompressed with a sigh. "Wasn't too hard. I had a name, a year, the place where it happened. I eventually found his obituary, and that led to finding where he was buried."

"Oh."

She was quiet for a moment, and then, "You helped me move on from my old life, and for that I'll be forever grateful. I knew you were still harboring guilt, or maybe anger, for not having been able to go to the funeral. You never got to—"

"Say goodbye."

She nodded. "I wanted to give you the freedom to move on, to close that chapter. I hope I wasn't out of line." She placed her hand on top of mine on her thigh, and I pulled it up to my lips and kissed it.

"Not at all. I knew he was from upstate New York. I knew a long car ride or a bus or even a short flight could take me there, but I always made an excuse as to why I couldn't go."

She let me sit on my words for a little while; I almost couldn't believe I'd finally be able to move on from that time of my life.

"Thank you for bringing the flowers."

"Of course, T."

And with that, she pulled up into the driveway of my house.

"This is going to be our year, Jules. I can feel it."

"Me too. Jules and Theo take on 2018. For better or for worse."

"For richer or poorer."

She laughed, her head shaking back and forth. "Let's wait until I can officially say my first marriage is over before throwing sentiments like those around." She winked at me, as if she could read my fucking mind, and I once again realized there was never going to be a time where she ceased surprising me.

I was going to be her husband one day, I knew that for a fact deep in my soul, and I was fairly certain she knew it deep in hers as well.

A/N: AH. Two more chapters!

But in all honesty, I'm ready to leave Jules and Theo where they need to be :) I've had such a lovely time with them, and while I've always thought of this as a one and done book, I've learned to never say never now that I'm in the process of planning a third Elle and Jude book 😂

I have a set number of things I want to tie up in the final chapters, but I was wondering if there was anything you were really wanting closure on. I think I've got everything covered I need to smooth out in the last two chapters, but I just wanted to check with you to make sure I'm not missing something you really want or need (no promises though!).

I love you all, and I hope you'll vote and comment and chat with me.

Have a lovely weekend,
L