Soundtrack for this chapter:
Praying—Kesha
Every Little Thing—Carly Pearce
I'm Not The Girl—Rachel Farris

23

Jules

A soft knock on my door pulled my attention from the mess that was my postponed meeting with my attorney.

Instinctively, my fingers moved to wipe away the tears I assumed would be there, but there were none.

Drawing back the door revealed Kathleen's bright and cheery face once again.

"Good morning, Mrs. Buchan—"

I held up a hand to stop her. "Please, just Jules."

With her ever-present smile she continued, "Your mother is requesting your presence at breakfast."

"Well, I decline her request."

"Mrs—Jules, you must be hungry without dinner last night."

My stomach was feeling quite empty, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want to face any of them again. It was bad enough I was going to have to put on a smile for the party that evening.

"I appreciate your concern, but maybe just a cup of chamomile tea?"

"Sure thing. What shall I tell your mother?"

"That I'm not feeling well and am reserving my energy for the party tonight."

She gave me a sympathetic nod and turned out of the room.

Once left alone again, I pulled back the curtains and stood in the spot where the sunlight was coming through the strongest. It was warm, and the Savannah sun melted the goosebumps that had risen on my skin. If I had to name something I missed, it was the plentiful sunshine and warmth of the south. With my body leaned up against the window frame, I peered out to get lost in the sight of the gardens, still somewhat green with life, unlike the decaying landscapes I left back in Boston.

Theo.

But I didn't have much time to think of him; he was ripped from my mind with a second knock on the door. Turning towards it, I outstretched my hand to pull it open, anticipating the steaming cup of tea that would hopefully calm my senses, but it popped open by another's doing.

"Jules?"

His was the last voice I wanted replaying in my head. Will pushed the door the rest of the way open and sauntered into the room.

"I ran into your parents' newest housekeeper just as I was coming in the door. She said this was for you." He held the tea, contained in the most precious gold-rimmed China mother owned, out towards me.

"Yeah, thanks." I took the cup from him and retreated to the edge of the bed to take a seat. Will looked more relaxed that morning. His jeans sat snug on his hips, and his sweater looked just one size too big; he looked like the Will I fell in love with.

"Here's your dress for tonight." He moved towards the wardrobe, unwrapped the folded dress from his arm, and set the hanger on the edge of one of the doors. "Your mother said she has someone coming over to fix up your hair and makeup."

I scoffed, unable to hold back any longer. "I can do my own hair and makeup."

"It's better not to fight her, dear."

For the first time in over a year, Will's voice held something other than malice and condescension as he spoke to me; he sounded...defeated. When he sat next to me on the bed, I didn't feel the need to immediately jump to standing.

Will's eyes took me in, as if he were seeing me for the first time. His eyes stopped at the exact point where mother's had the night before.

"That's new."

I looked down at my tattoo, proud. "Not for me. It's over a year old at this point. To say mother didn't approve wouldn't do it justice."

Will reached out, grazing his fingers over the inked skin of my arm. "This isn't you, Jules."

I pulled back beyond his reach. "It is. This is me. This is the me that was crushed and buried and repressed for twenty-six years."

"The Jules I met when I was twenty would have never dared to ink her skin like that."

"Because that wasn't me. It took me leaving this place, figuring things out on my own, making decisions on my own, for my true self to finally come to light."

He stared back at me, brows furrowed in confusion, eyes clouded in misunderstanding. "Do you remember the night we met?"

"What?" And my confusion mirrored his.

"The night we met, just about seven years ago, at one of the infamous Calhoun Christmas parties. I saw you standing by one of the windows in that plum-colored gown you were wearing, talking to one of your cousins. I was captivated by you before we even met."

His recollection of that pivotal moment in our history took me by surprise. "My parents told me they had friends coming with a son my age; your parents had to have told you that you were going to meet me."

"Sure they did, but I was a junior in college. I really wasn't concerned with anything beyond getting laid. But when I saw you...when I saw you, Jules, none of that mattered anymore. I fell in love with you instantly, and you fell in love with me."

My head was shaking back and forth on its own. "We rushed things, Will."

His eyes looked so gentle; they were the eyes I fell in love with when I was barely more than a teenager, and they were the eyes that haunted my dreams.

"I know you loved me, Jules. You wouldn't have fought so hard for us to work out if you didn't. I'm asking you to give me the same chance to fight for us."

"It's too late to—"

"It can't be, Jules. I need you to give us one more try, to allow me to fight for us."

"Why would you be interested in fighting for us? You've been absolutely horrible to me for the last two years. How many threatening phone calls did you make to me while I was in Boston? And before then, when I still lived in our home, when I was still trying everything in my power to get us on the same page, how many nights did I sleep alone because you were on one of your hunting trips?"

A sharp breath filled Will's lungs. "I never—"

"Don't lie to me, Will. I'm not stupid, regardless of how naive you may think I am. I'm not some plaything you can toss around wherever you please. I know exactly what you were doing while I was alone in our bed."

He closed his eyes, concealing the darkness that laid behind them. "I'm sorry, Jules. I really didn't know what I had until you left Savannah."

When Will regained eye contact with me, his weren't the same eyes I'd been avoiding for so long, and it was enough emotional torment to bring sharp pains to my temples.

"Why are you doing this?"

Seemingly genuine confusion masked his features.

"Doing what?"

"Just yesterday you were whispering threatening words in my ear, and now this? I'm supposed to believe you think everything could be just peachy between us?"

He reached forward and set one of his hands on mine. It wasn't nearly as cold as I'd expected it to be.

"I won't deny that I've said awful things to you. I won't deny that I've been unfair to you in more ways than you can count. But Jules, we have to figure this out. I'll go to counseling if you want. I'll be the husband I promised to be to you on our wedding day. We're about to visit the place where we committed ourselves to each other for the first time in five years. I want us to walk in and be able to relive the moment you took my name."

"I—"

"I know you have doubts. I know this is going to take a while to build back up, but, darling, I'm ready to give you all of me, to give you everything you've ever wanted."

While Will kept talking, I found it hard to focus as Theo's departing proclamation kept repeating in my head: "This was a waste of time."

Maybe Theo was right. I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I wasn't the woman he thought I was. He made it clear he didn't want to be with me; if he did, if he wanted to rescind a single word he spoke against us when he stormed out of my apartment, he would have called or texted or something, anything. But there was nothing, as if I had never even existed in his world. I was certain he didn't want anything to do with me after the lies I'd told him anyways. With no one left in Boston, what did I have to return to?

I met Will's gaze; he was staring back at me with a light in his eyes I'd never before seen. In one swift motion, his head bent forward and his warm lips set down on my forehead.

"Whatever it takes to bring us to a better place, I'm willing to do it, Jules. You just have to tell me what you need."

The St. Michael medallion resting on my chest felt cool against my skin. My brain didn't seem capable of forming a coherent thought, so a simple nod was all I could give him.

"I'll see you tonight." With one last kiss on the top of my head, Will departed my room and left me questioning just about every piece of me.

***

Moments before the limo was to arrive to take us to the party, I stood in our foyer, staring at my reflection in the massive gold framed mirror mother kept by the door to always catch a peek of herself as she left the house.

My hair was swept up in a tight updo, despite my protests for a slightly undone bun at the nape of my neck, and my cheeks were void of their freckles. Mother made sure to remind the makeup artist multiple times that they were to be completely covered; she never did like them. The silvery gown I wore had sleeves, something mother referred to as a "blessing," so my tattoo was invisible to the outside world; it struck me that I didn't deserve that image of freedom and independence anyways.

Theo's medallion was still strung around my neck. I'd tried to remove it earlier, but my fingers were shaking too much to properly undo the clasp. It was the first thing my father noticed when he saw me standing before the door.

"What cheap piece of metal is that hanging on your neck?"

My hand clasped over it instantly, protecting it from his scrutiny, but my mother had already heard his remark.

"I told her to remove it earlier. It doesn't belong with that dress, let alone around the neck of our daughter. I'm shocked it hasn't yet discolored her skin."

Her words woke something in me: rebellion? stupidity?

"The, um, the clasp is broken. I didn't have time to try to fix it, and I don't want to break it further."

My mother rolled her eyes. "You might as well snap it off; it belongs in the trash."

Something loosened in my mind; her claws?

Theo didn't belong in the trash, and my only reminder of him was resting just above my heart, and that was exactly where he belonged. If I reached out to him, if I asked for forgiveness, maybe he'd at least hear me out. If he was willing to forgive me for keeping such a weighty secret from him, I'd turn from Savannah and never look back. How was it that it took my mother unknowingly criticizing him for me to realize how much I loved him?

Just as my heart was beginning to pick up its pace at the thought of contacting Theo, Will came strolling through the front door of my parents' house. He took me in with gentle eyes, walked towards me, and placed a soft kiss on my cheek.

"You look beautiful."

I don't look like me. I forced the smile I knew I needed to wear. "Thank you. Your tux suits you well." It was a stuffy black tuxedo, formal to a fault.

"Ready, Mrs. Buchanan?"

I stifled the cringe. "Actually, I need to go grab my phone—"

"No. The limo is here, and I won't have my daughter distracted on her phone at our event." My father had spoken, and when Thomas Calhoun spoke, you were sure to listen.

I took the hand Will was offering me and allowed him to lead me out of the house to the awaiting limo; it would be the last time I'd ever let him lead me anywhere.

The ride over to the Manorhill Estate was almost unbearable. He was the perfect son-in-law, the perfect husband; I started to believe that even if my parents knew he'd been unfaithful to me, they still would have held him in a higher regard than they did me.

Yet mother's hard eyes were still trained on St. Michael, and I started to think she was going to rip him off herself. She appealed to Will as her last effort.

"William, will you please ask your wife to remove that trinket from her neck? I can't help but shudder every time I see it dangling there."

But I was no longer in the mood to play nice. "I told you, the clasp is broken. I don't want to tear it off."

Will looked down at me with a shrug. "It doesn't really fit with your dress, dear. Let me try to get it off." He reached a hand towards my neck, and I shrunk from him.

"Don't touch it!" It came out more shrill than intended, but it was my only piece of Theo left. My hand moved protectively over the medallion once again.

Will's eyes widened and his hands came up between us. "Okay, okay. I don't know why you're getting so uppity over a silly little necklace that you're going to have to break off eventually anyways."

I was on the verge of saying something I'd regret, the verge of saying something that would shatter what needed to happen in my remaining time in Savannah. I kept my mouth closed for fear of what may come out of it.

Once we arrived at the estate, I was bombarded with exclamations of "We haven't seen you in so long" and "I hear your doctoral program is going well" and "I'm sure Will is happy to have you back."

I'd learned how to hide my true feelings and put on whatever front was required of me at a young age, and that still hadn't worn away one bit during my retreat to Boston.

Soon enough, the event staff were shuffling people further into the garden for the string quartet mother and father hired. Before the musicians were to begin, mother made her way up to the front of the crowd and stood before a microphone. I'll give her this: she was equally good at hiding her true self; when she spoke to the crowd, you'd think that nothing but sunshine and rainbows filled her days.

"Good evening, everyone. To start, Thomas and I would like to thank you all for joining us yet again for our annual Christmas celebration." She paused, waiting for applause from the crowd to fill the air. My soft clapping was accompanied by a subtle roll of my eyes. "Tonight, we have a special treat for you, a surprise for you, and for our daughter, something her husband has been planning for weeks."

Excuse me? I turned to Will, whose face bore a devilish grin.

Mother continued, "As some of you may remember, this is the very location where they were wed, and few months ago, they celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary."

False. We did no such thing. I was with Theo that night; I didn't even realize it had been our anniversary until the next day.

"And tonight, you will get to witness them renew their vows of love and commitment to each other."

And just like that, everything set into place: Will's sweetness that morning, mother's insistence that I look perfect. I felt like the air had been forcibly ripped from my lungs. Will's arm was around me, and he was smiling and waving at everyone as they clapped in our direction.

The moment their attention was directed back at my mother, who was then introducing the quartet, my legs weakened, and I slumped into Will. He strengthened his hold along my back.

"Alright, darling?" That time, his "darling" reflected the way I was used to hearing it from both him and my parents.

I tried to push off him. "I...I just need to go to the bathroom."

"Sweetheart, I told you this morning that I wanted us to relive our wedding day, so you're going to need to stick around. Besides, if you think I'm going to leave you to yourself right now, you really are naive."

My head felt impossibly light; when was the last time I'd eaten? All I could think about was how I'd walked right into their trap, fell for every little grain of deception they'd laid down because I was too stupid to realize what was happening. My palm went to my forehead, and I felt the clamminess of my skin. What judge would ever entertain signed divorce papers when a renewal of vows happened the day before they were signed? Just as my knees felt as though they'd buckle, a second arm wrapped around my waist.

"Are you alright, Miss?" His voice broke through the fog clouding my mind.

Before I could respond, before I could even attempt to wrap my head around what was happening, Will took the lead.

"Hey, buddy. She's fine. Just got a little excited. I've got her."

My heart felt like it would beat right out of my chest, but I kept my eyes down, too afraid to look up. His hand gave my side a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm an EMT, and I'm telling you, she needs to sit down and drink some water."

Will's cold hand left my back as he broke contact with me. "And who exactly are you? I don't recall ever seeing you at one of our parties before."

He cleared his throat. "My father works with Mr. Calhoun. My mother wasn't feeling well, so I came here with him in her place. Now, really, she needs to sit down and drink some water."

"Listen, pal, I'm fully capable of taking care of my wife. Let's go, Jules." Will held out his hand to me, but there wasn't a chance in hell I was going to take it. I didn't even have to deny him as someone up above seemed to have sent a stranger to save me from that disaster.

"William! William Buchanan!" A deep burley voice broke the air between us as a heavyset man sidled up next to Will. "Mind if I chat with you a moment? Got a very promising business venture I think you're going to be interested in." He then noticed me, and furrowed his brows. "Looks like the Mrs. could use some crackers."

Will gave a frustrated sigh. "Yes, right. Mr.—what's your name?"

His ever-present tone of condescension embarrassed me more than anything else in that moment.

"Bryne."

"Ah, yes. Mr. Bryne was just taking her inside. He's an EMT, you know." Will's eyebrows raised up and down.

The large man gave Theo a nod and said, "Good thing there are people like you who are willing to take the jobs that don't pay for the sake of helping others, right?" He clasped Will on the shoulder as his belly shook with laughter and led him away from us as a fresh wave of embarrassment and shame flowed over me.

But I knew Will would be quick to realize what was happening as I mustered up whatever strength I had left to get us off the grounds of the estate; as awful as Will was, he was too sharp to be fooled for long.

A/N: Hi!

This one flowed out so easily. I think it's because I've had these scenes in my head for so long. From the very beginning of my planning process for this novel, I could see the scene in my head where Jules just slipped right back under her parents' reign.

I'm super excited to write Theo's next chapter. It's another one I've had planned out for what feels like forever!

I hope you enjoyed this and will vote and comment and chat with me :)

Have a lovely weekend!
-L