SUMMER 2018 (8 Years earlier)

RYE

"Where's your friend?" I ask Launi.

The sun is hot, making it uncomfortable to stay in it too long. Sitting on the dock helps somehow, the proximity to the water or the way it seems to cool the air near it. I've been watching her for a while, breaking and then throwing pieces of a long reed into the lake. Usually, her little partner in crime is right at her side.

"She had to go home early for some soccer camp," she says sadly.

"That sucks," I say, but if I'm honest, I've prayed for this moment. I've had this crush on Launi since we were little. I can't quiet put a finger on the age, but it was sometime around nine or ten and it has been relentless ever since. I sit down on the dock beside her.

"Where's everyone else?" she asks. It crushes me a little that she doesn't like spending time with just me, but I get it. I haven't exactly been nice to her over the years. All these feelings and no idea what to do with them. I can never be with her, not that she'd have me anyway, but our fathers wouldn't allow it. If anything is going to break up the band, it can't be the children.

"I think everyone rode bikes into town," I answer. The distant sound of a new song floats down to the dock.

"You didn't go?" she asks surprised.

I shrug. I hadn't known where she was and there was no way I was going anywhere for hours without her. The only reason I still agreed to come to the cabin for the summer was the chance to get some time with her. Trust me, I had tried to like other girls. I had girlfriends and took dates to school dances. It's not like I lived my life waiting for the day that I might be cool enough or good enough for Launi Kline, but the thought crossed my mind a few times a year, especially as I packed for the trip.

"This song blows," she says, tossing the last of the reed from her hand into the water.

I laugh, she's right. This summer the band is struggling. My dad almost didn't make the trip, but my mom was able to convince him to come and sober up enough to contribute. I'm watching my mom get sicker every day, his disease is killing them both.

"Maybe they'll give up," I say, laying back on the old wood planks.

"Never," she says.

"They will always have 'Baby Girl'," I say sarcastically and as if I summoned the damn song they start to play it. I feel my jaw tighten. Not now, any time but now. I know she will shut down and shut me out like she always does with this stupid melody does it's work on her.

"Can I tell you a secret?" she asks softly.

Yes, yes, yes, I want to scream, but I turn my head to look at her instead. It's enough of an answer.

Launi's eyes meet mine and I wish I could stay right here forever. No matter how horrible the fight was with my father before this trip, this moment right here made it all worth it. Maybe to my father I was a loser that couldn't play the drums right, or a disrespectful kid that got into his business when I shouldn't, but right now in this moment, to Launi I was worthy of being told a secret.

"I hate this fucking song," she declares as if I should be shocked by this news.

I can't help but smile. "I know," I tell her.

She turns her head back up so the sun is directly on her face. I tell myself not to ask because I don't want to ruin the moment, but I have to know.

"What I don't understand is why?" I ask gently. "Not everyone gets a song written about them."

I turn my face back to the sky also, the intensity of the intimate question between us even more fierce than the sun. The silence is loud for what feels like forever. I almost tell her never mind. I've ruined the moment and I hate myself for it, but then she lets out a long breath.

"That's exactly why," she says.

I don't understand so I stay quiet as I try to figure out what she means.

"I'm the second born, Rye," she says, "I'm the planned baby that was supposed to fix the marriage the first unplanned baby had nearly destroyed."

"Your parents told you that?" I ask.

"They didn't have to," she responds. "It's in the lyrics and every family photo album if you look close enough."

"Shit," is all I can think to say. "What does your brother think about it?" I ask.

"He hates the song almost as much as he hates me," she says sadly.

"You never asked for this," I say adamantly, "none of us did."

"You want to hear another secret?" she asks almost so softly I barely can hear her.

"Of course."

"Every year for my birthday for as long as I can remember, I wish that song would be cleared from the charts," she laughs, but when I turn my head, I see a tear escape her eye. I can't help myself and reach up to wipe it away.

My skin on hers makes us both freeze. Maybe I've crossed a boundary, or scared her off, but I couldn't just watch it run down her face. I don't want her to leave, and I worry she might, so I offer a secret of my own. "Want to know a secret?" I ask.

Launi smiles and nods with excitement. Everyone loves a good secret.

"I only play the drums so my dad will love me," I confess for the first time out loud in my entire life. I have to hold my breath from the shock of it. I hadn't meant to share that, I was going to tell her about stealing the beer for Homecoming or how I have straight A's even though everyone thinks I'm a fuck up like my dad. But in the moment, I wanted to share with her something that felt as heavy and honest as her secret.

I'm embarrassed and not sure what to do, so I lay there, vulnerable with my eyes wide open staring into hers, waiting for teasing or judgement or anything really.

"Does it work?" she asks quietly. She's not joking, I can sense from her tone and the way she is searching for the answer in my eyes before I can even give it to her. We are two kids in a fucked up world, just longing for the love of someone who hates us for just existing.

I shake my head slowly.

We stay like this for what feels like hours, but I know is only a few minutes. When I think I can't handle the heaviness of our confessions any longer, in the distance the song that sits at the top of the charts every summer begins again, and I want to scream and rip the sticks out of my dad's hands.

Launi reaches for my arm and squeezes my wrist. "I think you should learn to play the guitar instead," she tells me. It's funny, but also not.

I don't have the solution to her brother hating her, but I make my only promise I've ever made to girl and mean it. "One day this song will be buried and when it is, you and I will have a beer with you brother to celebrate. Fuck this song," I say.

"Fuck this song," she agrees. 

******I will be doing more updates soon. Please add this story to your library so you get the notifications! Thanks for your patience and I'm sorry life got a little busy and I wasn't able to update it until now.