PSYCHO STAMMERER

"M... mom.... mom please don't... t... don't leave me."

"Mom p... p... pl... please."

"Mother!"

I didn't need to strain my ears to know that there will be a medical team and that woman at my door in no time.

I also didn't need to feel my temperature or the tears in my face to know I've had another nightmare.

It's the third in two days.

Neither did I need to check my calendar to know why.

She left this same day seven years ago.

But why?

Dad loved her, I did.

She said she loved me too, so why?

Why did she leave?

Why did she leave her only child?

Why did she leave the man she swore to love till eternity.

Why?!

Did she not want me anymore?

Was I too annoying as a child?

Was I so overbearing that she really wanted to escape?

Or did she never love me?.

No! No!! No!!!

My mother loved me. She loved me dearly.

She loved me more than her job, what else could I ask for.

I should wish her happiness instead.

I should pray to God for her safety instead.

I should wish her the best and work hard on my part, so that when she sees me in the future she will be proud of me.

Maybe she will want me back.

Maybe.....

No I shouldn't think that way. If she left me, she has her reasons, I shouldn't be selfish as to want her back.

What if she has another child and I make her sad by appearing in front of her.

No no.

I just have to hide.

Or?

"Vivian." No not this woman.

"D... don't co.. com.... come i... in,don't!" I can't let her come in.

I can't let her see me like this.

She will start to pity me.

No I can't let that happen. She will start to cuddle me and sing me those songs that make me happy.

No I can't let that happen.

Only my mother should do that.

Only mother.

I can't let this woman take care of me.

She would easily replace my mother, because she is amazing.

But I can't let that happen.

"Do n... not come i... i... inside if you are n... n... not my mother."

"No no no, I can't drag my mother into this. I can't," the rest of my words came out as whispers, "mother can't see me like this, what if I'm too troublesome and she leaves again, what if she doesn't like people like me."

"What if she left because she wanted to escape this part of my life."

"What if she hates her little stammerer."

"No I can't drag her into this no no."

I know she will call the doctors soon. I can let them in.

At least they don't try to be mother.

Only Nurse Ruby shows compassion, but she doesn't try to be mother.

I can let her give me my pills.

"Call nurse Ruby immediately." Professor Olive said outside my room.

"Was it another nightmare,my patient?" Nurse Ruby said as she unlocked the door.

Right I should be addressed this way. No one should disrespect my mother, even if she left me.

"Y... yes,I saw m.. mo... mother leave again."

I didn't need to switch on the lights to know that she had a small,pretty smile on her face.

She always did.

"I am about to switch the lights on patient."

Oh right. There's a reason for that too.

Seeing light flood into my room reminds me of the hollow and dark space my mother left in my heart.

So I try my best to maintain it.

Mother did it for a reason.

Mother left me for a reason.

Even if she hates me according to the blogs, it's for a reason.

"A reason."

"What's that patient?"

I was talking aloud again.

I did it all the time.

My school mates called me crazy.

My bestfriend only comes visiting because I'm crazy.

The adults love their children because of me.

Because of my story.

Because I'm crazy!

Because I'm the little sweet girl who went crazy after her mother left her.

So they love their children more.

"Patient are you crazy though?".

I had initially thought people could read my thoughts, maybe that's why they looked at me that way.

Maybe that's why they said I couldn't keep a secret.

It turns out that wasn't just the case.

It's that I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself.

My head was just so muddled that I talked aloud.

That I couldn't think straight.

"Mo.. mother didn't s... s... say say so." I said firmly.

The doctors are lying.

Only mother knows me so well. So I can't be crazy unless she says so.

Even if I cut myself because I want to see the blood mother gave me.

Even if I tried to drown, so I can almost die and maybe I'll see my mother.

Even though the reports say I'm mentally unstable and have a rare severe case of bipolar disorder, as long as mom doesn't say it, I am not crazy.

Only mother can be right.

"Good night patient." She said as she walked out of the room.

"Please let me see her."

"N... no no no I don't want to see you" I really don't want to see her. She makes me happy.

I can't bear to be happy when mother isn't around.

When she sings me to sleep, I usually have a smile on my face.

When she calls my name, I feel bright, I want to do things for myself.

But when I'm happy, I forget about mother.

No I can't bear it no.

"Patient?" The look on nurse Ruby's face told me she heard me.

It was supposed to be a secret.

Now she'll let her in.

No I don't want that.

Now she'll say she's my cure.

No I don't want that either.

I only want mother.

I don't mind the white walls, I don't mind that I can't bask in the sun used to be my favourite companion.

I don't mind if people call me crazy, I just can't afford to let her make me happy.

I don't mind that I'm bound by these chains so I don't cut myself.

I don't mind the sting from the injections which I dread so much, but I do mind that she's trying to be my mother.

Even without trying.

Without trying, she makes me happy.

Without trying she lifts my spirits.

No!

No!

I don't want that.

I can't afford it.

Or maybe I want it.

Maybe I want to be happy again.

Maybe I'm just scared.

Scared that she'll leave again.

Scared that I'll be in a worse place after another seven years.

Scared that she'll leave me for another man, just like my mother did.

I'm scared that she, just like my mother, will watch me cry and not bat am eyelash.

Maybe I'm scared.

Maybe I'm so scared to be whole again.

The concern on her face makes my heart throb,makes me want to reach out.

Makes me want to stroke her face gently and tell her that I'll be fine.

If not for myself, but for her.

Fearlessly,she hurried to my side like I'm the most precious thing to her.

"Why?" The tears in my eyes didn't prevent me from seeing the love in her eyes.

The sedative I was given didn't stop me from feeling the love that she shares.

But she's not mother.

"Why do you love me so much?"

"Why?"

"I'm crazy, I'm selfish, I'm me." I said, stressing on the 'me' but she didn't seem to notice.

However, the sedatives were beginning to wear my consciousness off.

But I didn't miss her reason.

"Because you are you." Equally stressing the pronoun.

Because I am me she loves me?

But mother left for that reason.

Maybe she won't be mother then.

Maybe she really won't leave me.

The familiar rhythm left a smile on my face, and I know I'll dream a good dream.

The lullaby sounds so beautiful.

Coming from her, it brings so much light, that I might get blind.

So much warmth the I might have a temperature.

But I don't mind.

Even if she's not mother, I don't mind because I'm happy.

Second chapter .Third book. and a big thank you to those who have being with me from start (Inverted) beginning with God and ending with God with man in-between .

Thank you fellow wattpaders ☺️ and who's your favourite character?🤔
√ Vivian, who still mourns her mother's absence after 7 years
√Nurse Ruby, her favourite caretaker.
√her mom, who doesn't seem to care about her sick child,
Or
√that woman, the one Vivian seems scared of.

My favourite character is all of them.

To be honest I'm curious to know when Vivian will eventually let the woman into her heart.

Like I can't wait.