The one where Monica gets a new roomate ( The pilot)

Monica: There's nothing to tell ! He's just some guy I work with !
Joey: C'mon , you're going out with the guy ! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler : So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait , does he eat chalk?
( The others stare , bemused )
Phoebe: Just ,' cause , I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- Oh !
Monica: Okay , everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and - not having s*x.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
( Cut to same set)
Chandler: Alright , so I'm back in high school , I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria , and I realise I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah . Had that dream
Chandler: Then I look down ,and I realise there's a phone ... there .
Joey : Instead of ...
Chandler: That's right .
Joey: Never had that dream .
Phoebe: No.
Chandler : All of a sudden , the phone starts to ring. And it turns out it's my mother , which is very weird , because - she never calls me!
( Cut to same set. Ross and Charlotte have now entered )
Ross: ( Mortified) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello , I wanna kill myself.
Charlotte: Hi Dad. Hi uncle Chandler, Aunt Monica and Aunt phoebe.
Monica: Hi Lottie. Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat , grabbed my small intestine , pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck ...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica : ( Explaining to the others ) Carol moved her stuff out today. ( To Ross) Let me get you some coffee .
Phoebe: Ooh ! Oh ! ( starts to pluck at the Air just in front of Ross)
Ross: No , no don't ! Stop cleansing my aura! No , just leave my aura alone, okay ? I'll be fine , alright ? Really , everyone . I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No you don't .
Ross: No I don't , to hell with her , she left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay ?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that ? She didn't know , how should I know? 
Chandler : Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian ... ( The  others stare at him) Did I say that out loud?
Charlotte: Dad What does lesbian mean ?
Joey : Alright Ross, look . You're feeling a lot of pain right now . You're angry . You're hurting . Can I tell you what the answer is ? And char you're too young to understand .   
Ross: 7 year old in the room so if I was you I would think very carefully about the words that are about to come out of your mouth?
Joey: Right thanks Ross.
( Enter Rachel in a wet wedding dress . She starts to search around the room)
Chandler: And i just want a million dollars ! ( Extends his hand hopefully)
Charlotte: And I just want a double chocolate chip cookie ( Extends her hand hopefully).
Monica: Rachel ? 
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi ! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are , you are !
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee ?
Monica: ( pointing at Rachel) De - caff . ( to the gang ) okay , everybody , this is Rachel , another Lincoln High survivor .( To Rachel ) This is everybody , this is Chandler , and phoebe , and Joey , Joey's daughter Charlotte , and - you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi , sure !
Ross: Hi.
( They Go to Hug But Ross' umbrella opens. He sits , defeated again.)
( A moment of silence As Rachel sits : the others expect her to explain )
Monica: So You wanna tell us now , or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids ?
Charlotte : Hey , not to be rude but Aunt Mon I'm still waiting for that double chocolate chip cookie?
Monica: Oh , you were being serious I just thought you were being cute and joking around with your uncle Chandler?
Charlotte: No , Aunt Mon you know when it comes to my food I don't joke around.
Chandler: Dw I'll go and get Charlie that double chocolate chip cookie ?
Rachel: Oh God ... Well , it started about a half hour before the wedding . I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents , and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauage gravy boat . When all of a sudden -( to Waitress , who has brought her coffee ) Sweet ' n' Lo ? - I realised I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry ! And then I got really freaked out , and that's when it hit me : how much Barry looks like Mr . Potato head . Y'know , I mean. , he always looked familiar , but ... Anyway , I just had to get out of there , and I started wondering ' why am I doing this , and who am I doing this for ?'.  ( To Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go , and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding .
Rachel: Ooh , I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue ...
( Scene 2:Monica's apartment : All present and watching a Spanish soap on Tv)
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ , and she's really not happy about it.
Rachel: ( on Phone) Dad, I just ... I can't marry him! I'm sorry . I just don't love him . Well , it matters to me !.
Charlotte: Daddy what is love ?
Joey : Char . Love is an intense feeling of deep affection .
Charlotte: Okay thanks dad.
Chandler: ( Re Tv) Ooh , she should not be wearing those pants .
Joey : I say push her down the stairs .
Phoebe + Ross +Chandler + Joey : Push her down the stairs ! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs ! ( she is pushed Down the stairs . They cheer).
Rachel: C' mon Daddy , listen to me ! All of my life , everyone has always told me , you're a shoe , you're a shoe . And today I just stopped and I said ' What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a - a purse , y' know ? Or a - or a hat! No I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat , I'm saying I am a ha - it's a metaphor , Daddy !
Ross : You can see Where He'd have trouble . 
Rachel: Look Daddy , it's my life . Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica . 
Monica : Well , i guess we've established who's staying here with Monica ... 
Rachel: Well , maybe that's my decision . Well , maybe I don't need your money . Wait!! Wait , I said maybe !!
Monica : Just breathe , breathe .. that's it . Just try to think of nice calm things ...
Phoebe: ( sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, ( Rachel end Monica turn to look at her) ... bluebells and sleighbells and -something with mittens ...La la la la ...
Rachel: I'm all better now .
Phoebe: ( Grins and walks to kitchen. To Chandler and Joey ) I helped! 
Monica : Okay , look , this is probably for the best, y, know ? Independence . Taking control of your life.
Joey: ( Sitting beside Her)And hey , you need anything , you can always come to Joey . Me , chandler and Charlotte live across the hall. And he and char are away a lot.
Monica: Joey stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day and isn't it Lottie 's nap time.
Joey: What , like there's a rule or something and char Is fine , she's not tired .
Chandler: Really , Really Joe she's practically knocked out she fell asleep on my lap.
Joey: Oh ok maybe she's a little tired but can you blame her she's had a really long day?
( The door buzzer sounds. Chandler gets it).
Chandler: Please don't do that again , it's a horrible sound .
Paul: ( Over intercom )it's , uh , it's Paul .
Monica : Buzz him in!
Joey: Who's Paul ?
Ross : Paul the Wine guy , Paul?
Monica: Maybe.
Joey: Wait. Your ' not a real date ' tonight is with Paul the Wine guy?
Ross : He finally asked you out?
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: Ooh , this is a Dear diary moment .
Monica: Rach , wait , I can cancel ...
Rachel: Please , no go , that'd be fine .  
Monica: ( To Ross ) is that ,okay ? I mean , do you want me to stay?
Ross : ( choked voice) That'd be good...
Monica: (Horrified ) Really?
Ross : ( Normal voice) No , go on ! It's Paul the Wine guy!
( A Knock at the door. Monica gets It: It's Paul)
Monica: Hi , come in! Paul , this is ...( They are all except Charlotte lined up next to the door ) ... everybody , everybody , this is Paul.
All : ( except Charlotte) Hey ! Paul! The Wine guy ! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry , I didn't catch your name . Paul , was it ? 
Monica: ( shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Phoebe: Ooh , I just pulled out four eyelashes . That can't be good. 
Ross: So Rachel , what're you , uh ... what're you up to tonight?
Rachel: Well , I was kinda supposed to be headed to Aruba on my honeymoon , so nothing !
Ross: Right , you're not even getting your honeymoon , God .. No , no, although Aruba , this time of year ... talk about your - ( thinks) -big lizards ... anyway if you don't feel like being alone tonight , Joey and chandler are coming over to put together my new furniture.
Chandler : ( Deadpan) Yes , and were very excited about it .
Rachel: Well actually thanks , but I think I'm just going to hang out here tonight with princess Lola. 
Ross: Okay , sure.
Joey: thank you you'll get to spend some time with your granddaughter and hey pheebs  ,you wanna help?
Phoebe : Oh , I wish I could , but I don't want to and I need to catch Rachel up on a few things about Lott.
( Cute moment between Rachel and Charlotte )
Rachel : Hi Lola , I'm your Aunt Rachel and I promise to spoil you and be like a Fourth mother to you.
Charlotte: Hi  Aunt Rachel can I ask you a question?
Rachel: Sure , you can ask me anything.
Charlotte : Why did my birth mother give me up?
Rachel: I guess because she wasn't ready to take care of a child but she doesn't know what she's missing.
Charlotte: Aunt Rach , can I have ice cream and watch icarly before I go to bed? 
Rachel: Does your Dad let your have ice cream before bed and watch Icarly before bed?
Charlotte: Yes he does .
Rachel: Ok then yes you can have ice cream and watch icarly before you go to bed?
Charlotte: Ok thanks will you please watch it with me ?
Rachel: Yes I will.
I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I tried to fit Charlotte in most of the scenes except for the inappropriate ones in those ones Charlotte will either be asleep or at a friends house.  Sorry I haven't been updating That much lately I recently finished my GCSEs and am on study leave but it took me a while to see how I wanted this story to go and how I will fit Charlotte in most of the chapters. I hope you have a lovely morning/ afternoon/ evening and always remember to celebrate life . I'll try and update this book on either Tuesdays or Fridays.

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