Kaz's lips moved against mine and all I could think of was Kaz telling me to sink or swim. I was not just sinking right now; I was positively drowning.

My hand tangled into Kaz's stupid hair, brushing against the shaved part of his head. I could feel his hair gel, making it difficult to slide my fingers through his hair. Of course absolutely everything about Kaz had to be difficult, right down to his damn hair.

His hands moved down to my arms and he drew me closer to his body. Everything about him had to be a fight and his lips were determined to win this battle. His kisses were barely contained in their desire, and I could hear my breath hitching as I tried to keep up with him.

The fog of surprise cleared from my brain just enough for me to realize that I was currently headed towards a make out with Kaz Warrick. Oh dear.

I pulled away from him, stumbling backwards. He kept his hands on me and steadied me before letting his arms fall to his sides.

Alright, Killian. Say something smooth. Say something that won't make this horribly awkward.

"The only thing I thought my lips would touch today was food." Nailed it, Killian. Absolutely nailed it.

"You're so oblivious," he repeated.

"So you...like me?" My brain was struggling to keep up. How could someone have a crush on me?

"No, O'Malley, kissing people is my way of apologizing," he said. "Yes, you idiot. I like you."

"But...you can't," I said in confusion.

"I can't? Well, I'll sit my heart down and have a long chat with it about its behavior tonight," Kaz assured.

"I'm..." I gestured to myself, as if that explained how undesirable I was. I was embarrassing and clumsy and out of shape and barely passed as decently appealing to look at.

"I wish you saw yourself the way I see you," he said, reaching up and fixing his hair. "People never seem to give themselves the credit they're due."

I thought back to everything Kaz had done around me since I'd first come here, and I guess I had just passing off the hints of his crush. Now that I knew the truth, it seemed so glaringly obvious.

"The others knew," I said slowly. "They knew you had a crush on me."

"They did," he said with a nod.

I sat down on the ground and stared up at Kaz blankly. Me. A boy liked me. As in, wanted to date me and kiss me. And not just because I was desperate and willing to hook up with anything that breathed.

"You going to be alright there, O'Malley?" he asked, lightly kicking me.

"Oh yea. Just in total shock," I said. "So that Aaron kid?"

"I guess you could say we dated," Kaz said with a shrug. "I sold my dignity for a cute boyfriend with a shitty moral code."

"I tongued a friend of mine out of sheer desperation," I said. "I win the pathetic competition. I should also learn to stop talking, okie dokie Killian, great job."

Kaz snickered. "Trust me, nothing was more pathetic than my relationship with Aaron."

He held his hand out to me and I took it. He pulled me to my feet and I expected him to go for another kiss, but he just released my hand and stepped back.

"Let's go inside," he said.

"That's it? You kiss me and then want to just go inside like nothing happened?" I asked in disbelief.

"What, did you want me to kiss you again?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Inside sounds good!" I said, hurrying past him and into the building.

Kaz laughed and followed after me. We went upstairs and to Kaz's room, where the others were waiting.

"My flaming homosexuality is no longer off topic," I announced since I was on a roll when it came to making a fool of myself today.

"Does that mean you two are finally tonguing each other? I can't stand the tension anymore," Mikayla said.

I blushed heavily and glared at her. "Don't you have somewhere else to go be angry?"

Kaz laughed, but I noticed that the tips of his ears were red. Oh my god. This boy was an ear blusher.

"Can you at least make sure you lock the door if you guys are going to do anything? I really don't want to walk in on it," Leo said.

"You're all overdramatic," Kaz, the king of overdramatic, said.

The door opened and we watched as Siggy came in. He shut the door and reached up to pull his hair into that small ponytail of his.

"I heard that you stopped Sudlow from hurting Rogan," he said.

Kaz shrugged. "I can't let someone as hot headed as Rogan take the title of most hated student."

"Thanks," Siggy said, dropping his gaze.

"I don't get it. Why do you have to be so secretive about talking to him? Isn't he your brother?" I said.

"Our parents were worried he was going to be a bad influence on me. When he got in trouble, so did I. That's just how things went. They told me if they found out I was still talking with Rogan here, they would pull me from the Academy. They took away Rogan's phone when they sent him here. They said he's here to fix his behavior and until he does that, he's not allowed to talk to me," Siggy said.

"That's stupid. He's your brother. If I were you, I'd just say fuck it to my parents," I said, which was a total lie because I was a coward and my mom's temper scared the shit out of me, but still.

Siggy shrugged and left the room without another word. Kaz hopped up on his bed next to Beckett.

"I'm going to go do my homework," I said and hurried out of the room. I went down the hallway into my own room, shutting the door and collapsing into the chair at my desk.

What the hell was I doing? Why was I kissing Kaz? Did I even like him?

I folded my arms over my desk and rested my head on them, closing my eyes. Okay. Okay, Killian, just think this through logically.

Sure, some stupid part of me trusted Kaz. And I thought of him as an overall good guy. But, oh god, could I really date someone with an undercut?

"Stop being shallow!" I hissed, banging my head against my arms.

I needed to get my shit together. I didn't want to go after Kaz just because he had a crush on me. I had to know if I liked him back. But how the hell was I supposed to know that? My crushes were always unrequited and I'd never been in a real relationship before. Just that whole friends with benefits thing with Tanner.

The door opened and I picked my head up, dreading to see Kaz. But it wasn't Kaz.

Mikayla stepped into the room and shut the door. She studied me for a moment before going over to Leo's side of the room and digging around his desk.

"There. He always forgets where he put his phone," she said, picking it up and tucking it into her pocket. She turned to me and struggled for a moment before finally speaking. "I used to really hate God. My parents divorced when I was little and by some miserable stroke of luck for her, my mom won full custody. She used to beat the shit out of us. And Drake tried to make it end, and you know what? He gets locked up and the doctors tell my mom she'll be able to walk again. Then I finally start to get my life back together with the help of Jake, only to find out he raped his own boyfriend multiple times. I never wanted to forgive God."

Wow, okay, this was so much information I didn't have a response to.

"But you're right, I think. I thought coming here was miserable. But then I met Leo, and I wouldn't trade him for anything. Then Kaz came along and we pulled together into this unshakable group. Maybe God did give me them," she said, hugging her arms to her chest. "I think I can make peace with that."

She left the room without waiting for a response from me. I stared at the door after she closed it and slowly shook my head. Had I just helped Mikayla come to terms with her own internal religious struggle?

I groaned and leaned back in the chair. This was such a strange day.

Deciding I needed a distraction, I found myself actually doing my homework, focusing on that instead of my current situation with Kaz. I never thought I'd be relieved to have homework that required me to think a lot.

When I had finished my homework, I got up and left the room. I couldn't hide from Kaz forever. I needed to talk to him about this.

I went into his room, where the others were still gathered. Leo was helping Mikayla with her math homework, Beckett was playing with his yo-yo, and Pete was watching Netflix on his laptop.

Kaz noticed me and motioned at me to come into the room. He'd been texting on his phone, still seated next to Beckett.

But instead of coming into the room, I just stood in the doorway and hoped Kaz got the point. Lucky for me, he climbed off the bed, ignoring Beckett's scowl, and came over to me.

We left the room together and walked out of the building in silence, starting down the usual path. I struggled to come up with a way to start this conversation, and Kaz waited patiently for me to start speaking.

"Why me?" I asked at last.

"You remind me of myself, you know," he said.

"Wow, that was egotistical at all," I said.

He shook his head. "No, I mean...You did all these things, knowing they were bad and knowing you could get caught. But you trusted us not to let you get in trouble. You let us use you."

"That does not answer my question," I said.

"What do you want me to say? That you're a cute piece of shit who should piss me off but turns me on instead?" He shrugged. "You're just different, I guess. You pay attention to things. You just don't always believe them. You knew I had feelings for you. I could tell when you found after Constance got to me. But you just couldn't believe that someone could possibly have feelings for you."

"I don't know if I can do this," I said.

"I'm not pressuring you to. I probably shouldn't have kissed you, but I couldn't help myself. I tend to be impulsive," he said.

"No, no. I mean I don't know if I can kiss someone with hair as bad as yours," I said. "Seriously man, the undercut is killing me."

Kaz laughed. "I like my hair."

"You should've left it long and messy," I said, thinking of that picture of him and Aaron.

Kaz looked at me in confusion. "How did you know about that?"

I blushed. "Uh, lucky guess?" He gave me a disbelieving look and I glared at him. "Fine, fine, I stalked you on the internet and I saw a picture of you and that Aaron kid eating ice cream. I was just trying to figure out what Constance used against you."

Kaz laughed a little. "Oh, man, that was a while ago. I remember that day. I stole a keychain for Aaron and I think he still has it. We made out in his car after."

"Romantic," I grumbled.

"He was one of my many bad decisions," Kaz said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "But we had a strong relationship while it lasted. What about you, O'Malley?"

"Just got my dick sucked by Tanner a few times," I said, classy as always. "My mom caught us making out and groping and, well, here I am. Lucky me."

"A stupid thing to send your child away for," Kaz said. "You're healthy and smart and well-behaved and they're broken hearted because you kiss boys. Some parents disgust me."

"Your parents are cool with you?" I asked, trying to tone down my jealousy.

Kaz nodded. "My mom would love me no matter what. I told her you had my interest and she wanted to know all about you. My mom isn't concerned with the gender of who I date; she's just concerned about how they treat me."

"I wish my parents were like that," I said, bitter and jealous and endlessly hurt.

Kaz stopped walking and surprised me by grabbing my arm. He forced me to look into his eyes.

"You are not wrong. Your parents are wrong. They are disgusting people for abandoning you over your sexuality. I can tell it's been tearing you up inside since you got here. You have every right to be hurt and angry over it, but you have no right to tell yourself that you're wrong for who you're attracted to. O'Malley, there is nothing about you that needs to be changed." His tone was more serious than I had ever heard it, and I blushed as I felt my eyes watering. God, I was blushing a lot today.

I pulled away from him and rubbed at my eyes hastily. "Wow, yea, woo, okay, this is getting emotional."

He started walking and I followed him. He didn't look at me until I had gotten myself back under control.

"Still want to be part of the crew, even after I was an asshole about it?" he said, holding his hand out to me.

I took his hand. "Yea, I guess I need some entertainment around this place.

He grinned and shook my hand, releasing it. "I was trying to save you from what I fell for two years ago. But I'm not going to treat you the way I got treated. I'm not just going to use you like you're a tool instead of a human. You guys are my friends."

"Friends is a big step. Slow down there, buddy," I said.

"We were kissing earlier and you think friends is a big step?"

"Tanner sucked my dick and I consider him an acquaintance at most."

"Is that what it takes to step up to acquaintance with you? I can't imagine what I have to do to be your friend."

"Wipe that smirk off your face and stay away from my ass, Warrick."

Kaz laughed and I shook my head, cracking a small smile. Okay, so I guess Kaz wasn't all that bad. Don't judge a book by its haircut and all that.

"Let's get back to the others," Kaz said, rounding the path so that we were headed back towards the dorm.

"Do I have to deal with Beckett's constant jealousy?" I asked.

"Probably. You've seen Emmett. Can you blame Beckett for replacing his brother with me?" Kaz said. "Of course he's going to get jealous. He's 11 years old."

"Great," I said, totally excited to spend the rest of my time here getting glared at by an insecure 11 year old child.

Kaz and I walked in comfortable silence until we made it back to the dorm building. We went inside and upstairs, finding everyone gathered in mine and Leo's room watching a movie.

Kaz laid on my bed, folding his arms and resting his chin on them as he watched the movie. I glared at him and struggled up onto the tall bed, sitting at his feet.

Leo and Mikayla were on Leo's bed, and Pete and Beckett were on the floor together. They were passing around a bag of chips, which Beckett tossed up to Kaz. Kaz took a handful and offered the bag to me.

The whole thing was normal. When the first movie ended, we put on a horror film and turned the lights off. The chip bag was passed around until it was empty, and Leo opened another one. We grabbed drinks out of the refrigerator and got comfortable where we were.

Kaz passed a pillow back to me and I put it against the wall, leaning on it. Kaz moved his legs so I could sit back, eventually placing his legs across my lap as he stretched his body out and got himself comfortable against my pillows. I glared at him but didn't waste my energy trying to push his feet off, knowing he'd just keep putting them back.

I thought of back home, sitting with my friends as we watched movies and threw popcorn at each other. This wasn't the same, but it still felt normal and helped ease me into a good mood.

As it got later, Beckett said bye to us and left to make his way back home. Pete took a sleeping pill and left to let it do its job.

Kaz rolled against the wall and tugged my covers up to his shoulders, looking barely awake. I shook him.

"Hey, you're not sleeping on my bed! Wake up!" I said impatiently.

"Deal with it, O'Malley," he mumbled, burying his head against my pillows and closing his eyes. He was fast asleep in less than two minutes.

I glared, but didn't move him. After what Constance had put him through, I doubted he'd slept much last night.

"Kaz always gets his way. He's spoiled," Leo said, voice also tired. Mikayla had fallen asleep on his bed, and he shifted her off to the side, pulling his blanket over her body. "Just make sure no one can see him when they come in to check on us. I bet Pete already set up his bed to look like Kaz was there."

"I'll just sleep on the floor," I said, pushing Kaz's legs off of me and starting to move.

"Why?" Leo said in confusion. "You can sleep on your bed, Killian. We're not all going to jump to conclusions. Do you know how many times Mika passes out on my bed? I had to share my bed with Pete a few times, too."

I sighed and laid down on the edge of my bed, as far as I could from Kaz without being in danger of falling off. I got comfortable under the blankets and made sure no one could see Kaz when they came in the room.

Leo turned the movie off and the room went dark. My heart sped up as a few minutes later the door opened for a Blue to check on us.

But they didn't scream and beat the shit out of us for sneaking Kaz and Mikayla into the room. They just shut the door and moved on to the next room.

I relaxed and peeked over at Kaz. He was out cold, breathing softly and curled in on himself. His hair was messy against the pillow, making Kaz look completely different than the neat and put-together Kaz that I was used to seeing.

I rolled over so that I was facing out towards the room instead of facing Kaz. Just what we'd need at this stage in our relationship: waking up to morning breath and bad hair. How cute.

I closed my eyes, wondering what our relationship even was at this point. We weren't really friends but we also weren't really dating but I also wanted to punch him in the face and kiss him at the same time.

Too tired to deal with it right now, I'd just put it off until tomorrow. I knew Kaz wouldn't let things change too much just because his crush was out in the open between us now, and that made this a little easier to deal with. He'd let me figure things out at my own pace, and with those thoughts to comfort me, I fell asleep.