The next day, I decided to go for a little walk once I woke up. Sometimes walking helped me clear my mind and ease my stress a bit.

But, man, I wish I had just stayed in bed. Seriously Killian, learn that physical exercise always ends badly.

And it did. Because when I was walking back to the dorm, I saw Mikayla sitting against the side of the building.

And me, trying to be a nice guy, walked up to her. "Hey. You okay?"

She glared at me. "Go away."

I frowned. "What's wrong?"

"It's Sunday," she said, as if that explained everything.

"Uh...yea, you're right, it is. And tomorrow is Monday. So what?" I asked.

"Sunday is..." She hugged her knees to her chest. "My dad is in church right now. I bet someone took my mom to church, too."

"Okay," I said in confusion. "Are your parents not supposed to go to church? Are they cheating on the synagogue?"

She glared at me again. "What the fuck is the point of going to church?"

I shrugged. "Some people believe in God. I went to church when I was a kid. My mom still goes every weekend."

"But why? I don't get it. Why would you worship God if he's just an asshole," she said bitterly.

"Oh my insulted god," I said, staring at her. "Did you just call God an asshole?"

She nodded, dropping her gaze. "He is. I mean it. If God is real, why does he let all this shit happen in the world? You know, I don't really believe God is dead. I believe he's real and that's more terrifying than the thought of him being dead. Because if God isn't dead, then that means he's just letting all this shit happen."

"Well, God can be pretty harsh. There was that whole flooding the earth thing," I said.

"One time I told my mom that God was a jerk," Mikayla said.

"My mom would slap the shit out of me," I said, not even wanting to imagine her reaction.

Mikayla looked up at me. "She hit me so hard that my eye swelled shut for three days."

I stared at her for a minute as I let that register with me. Oh. Oh god. I was such an asshole. Who gave me permission to speak?

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling awkward. What did I say to that?

Mikayla stood up, eyeing me. "You don't belong here."

"I don't," I agreed. "But I didn't get much say in it."

Mikayla got that hard look back in her eyes. "What are you after?"

"What?" I shook my head. "I'm after a very long nap and a trip back home."

"No. You. Kaz. Why are you running with Kaz?" she demanded.

"Because he said he'd help me get through this hell," I said.

"That's it?" she asked, looking suspicious.

"Yes, that's it," I said. "Look, I'm not trying to kidnap him away to Vegas to marry him. I'm just trying to survive this shithole."

"Why are you here?" she said.

"You're a mystery too," I said.

"I vandalized a church when I was 15," she said.

"Damn girl, you do not fuck around with your internal religious struggle," I said in surprise.

She looked away from me. "I was angry, okay? I was angry. My brother was in jail, my dad was trying hard to fix the damage my mom had caused, and I'd just found out my best friend raped another friend of mine. I was so angry. What good is God? So I trashed the church. And now I'm here, because the priest promised not to press charges as long as I helped fix everything back up and as long as my dad sent me here to get me help."

Wow, gee golly, okay, that was a lot of information that I was not expecting to receive. Okie dokie Killian, don't say anything stupid.

"I bet you really nailed it to Jesus that day." Great job Killian, really fantastic.

She just stared at me and I realized she was waiting for me to tell her why I was here. This was so not fair. I didn't actually ask for her story.

"I'm here because my parents hate who I am." It slipped out of my mouth, a painful truth I was still trying to deny. "They hope this place changes me to be someone they approve of. I didn't do anything wrong. I really didn't."

Mikayla seemed to bite back whatever she wanted to say. At last, she settled on something. "Just don't screw with Kaz."

She turned and went into the dorm building, leaving me alone to stare after her. Well, this was already a strange and uncomfortable day.

I went into the dorm building and up to my room. Leo was in there, listening to music and mumbling along the lyrics to himself.

"Hey, Leo," I said, shutting the door. "Um, I just ran into Mikayla outside and she was...strange. She told me what got her sent here. The vandalism thing."

Leo turned his music down and frowned. "Ah, damn. Yea, Mika gets a little touchy on Sundays. I think today was really hard on her with the whole Jake thing she got the news about yesterday. She has a lot to think about." He turned to face me. "Look, I know Mika can come off as mean, but cut her some slack. She's handling a lot. She has been for too long. She definitely wins the award for most fucked up family. Her dad is great. But her mom..." He shook his head. "I'm surprised Mikayla turned out as well as she did, honestly."

"She said her brother was in jail," I said.

"He's still behind bars," Leo said with a shrug. "Like I said, they had it rough. Drake tried to make things better. But he..." He shook his head again. "It's not my business to tell. Sorry."

So much for living for the drama. "I get it, Leo. It's cool."

"I'm going to go check on her. She probably needed to get that off her chest and you were the first person she saw," Leo said, getting up.

He left the room and I looked around. I could always read or watch Netflix, but I felt restless with that information. Imagine being so pissed off at God that you trashed a church over it.

I left the room and made my way to Kaz's room, having nowhere else to go. Maybe he and Pete would be doing something more entertaining than standing around thinking about someone else's actions.

I pushed the door open and realized too late that I should've knocked. Kaz glanced over at me from his desk, but his Skype was up and I could see his parents on the screen.

"Oh," I said awkwardly. "I'm going to go watch Netflix and regret being born."

"No, no. Feel free to join me, O'Malley," Kaz said, waving me in. "We were almost done talking, anyways."

"Is that the new boy you were telling us about?" his mom asked. She had the same dark hair as Kaz, and they shared a lot of facial features.

Kaz tilted his computer so that his parents could see me. I waved and silently begged for death.

"That's O'Malley," Kaz said, turning the computer back on himself. "You'd love him, mom. He has manners most of the time."

"You better have manners all of the time, Casimir Warrick," she said, and her voice was stern but there was a smile on her face.

"Well, I could learn a thing or two about manners from O'Malley. He doesn't even talk back to the teachers," Kaz said, laughing.

"Kaz," his stepdad said, frowning. "You said you were going to stop talking back to your teachers."

"No, David, you told me to stop talking back to them and I said I might give it a try," Kaz said. "I still might give it a try. Someday. At a different school."

His mom heaved a sigh. "Oh, Kaz, you're giving me gray hairs, you really are. Well, David and I will let you and your friend go now."

"Alright, mom. I'll talk to you later," Kaz said.

"And Kaz? Good luck," his mom said, giving him a little wink. "I love you and I'll talk to you later."

"Love you too. Bye guys," Kaz said and ended the call. He turned in his chair to face me. "Alright O'Malley, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Where's Pete?" I asked.

"He went to health center to pick up a few refills for his medications," Kaz said. "You didn't answer my question."

I shrugged. "I'm bored, I guess. Not bored enough to break into Cam's car. But bored."

"Ah, that. He came into my room gave me a good punch to the ribs, asking if it was me who broke into his car. I told him I'm not very talented at breaking into cars," Kaz said. "Not technically a lie. Leo isn't very good at it, either."

"You don't strike me as the type of guy who's cute with his family," I couldn't help but say.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. "Why, because I like to steal? Hate to break it to you, O'Malley, but my parents are very family-oriented. I grew up with family game nights and family movie nights and family dinners and all that. My parents like to Skype me. And David was upset he didn't get to talk to me on the phone yesterday."

I just shook my head at that, my words gone. Kaz was closer with his stepdad than I was with my biological dad. My parents used to do that kind of family stuff with me, but it slowly stopped as I got older, and I found myself eating dinners alone and spending more time at friends' houses than my own. And now? Ha, like I'd ever get another not awkward family dinner.

I sat down at Pete's desk, thinking of my parents. Did they even love me anymore? They were disgusted by who I was. No, not by who I was. By who I loved.

"O'Malley?" Kaz waved a little to get my attention. "Hiding from the truth doesn't change it. Trust me."

"Look, I'm just not having a very good time with my parents, okay? I don't know how you are. They left you here. They dropped you here to change you," I said.

Kaz shook his head. "That's where you're wrong. My parents didn't have any other choice. Their options were to send me here or to have charges pressed against me for theft. I brought it on myself. They just did what they had to do to save my future."

I looked away from him, wishing my parents loved me that much. Instead, they sent me here to change me because they hated who I was.

"You don't have to change."

I looked at Kaz. "What?"

"You don't have to change," he repeated. "None of us do. Maybe we have some things about us that we shouldn't do. But we don't have to change. If you force someone to be who you want them to be, then you're killing the person they spent years becoming."

"Good for you that your parents accept you, but mine don't," I said, suddenly feeling betrayed and angry. I was their goddamn son, and they gave up on me. "And what they want to change is..." Is what? Is something permanent? If I changed for them, all I'd really be doing is hiding my true feelings. I'd have to hide my relationships from them. I'd have to censor a part of myself just like I had when I first realized I was gay. And I just couldn't do it anymore. But I also couldn't stand the way they looked at me now that they knew.

I couldn't win. I would never win this battle.

"Who cares what they want to change?" Kaz said. "You can't control what they approve or disapprove of. If they're good parents, they'll come to terms with whatever it is and love you regardless. And if they can't do that, then it's them that are the problem, not you."

He stood up and gestured at me to follow him. Another walk. Kaz and his walks.

Still, I didn't say anything as I followed him out of the dorm. We left the building and followed a path around the edge of campus.

"Parents are a really touchy subject around the Academy," he said after we had walked in silence for a few minutes. "I'm spoiled, really. My parents never left me wanting for love. But the others..." He shrugged. "Leo has his issues with his parents. They always want him to be like his sister. Be better, be better, be better, why are you such a bad son, be better. And Pete, well, I doubt he'll ever forgive them for making him take medication to alter his behavior. He hasn't been sober in years. Imagine living out your days with your real personality repressed by drugs all because your parents didn't know how else to handle you."

I bet my parents wished there was a drug that could repress your sexuality.

"Mikayla, oh man, her mom is fucked up," Kaz continued. "I mean really fucked up. Her dad's a real good guy. But one shitty parent is all it takes sometimes. And Beckett just can't stand his family. He's the favorite son, but being the favorite can be stressful. His parents wanted more and more from him, expected so much of him, that he finally broke and smashed it all...quite literally smashed it all. He just didn't want the pressure anymore."

"You know so much about them and yet it's me you're taking walks with," I said.

"Because I don't know you. Why would I want to walk with someone who I already know inside and out?" he said. "There's no fun in that."

"And you?" I said. "I barely know you."

"So, ask away. I'm an open guy," he said, grinning a little. "If you ask the right questions, you'll figure me out very quickly."

Well, I wanted to ask him what lawnmower had attacked his hair, but I figured that would be a little rude. So instead, I just kept quiet and walked alongside him.

I mean, what was the point? Kaz used me as a safety net for his schemes and I used him as a means of protection. This was just a mutual security measure, not a friendship.

After more silence, I finally decided to speak. "I don't get it, Kaz. I don't get why you're so determined to rope me in with the rest of you."

"You really haven't figured it out yet?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head. "No. You just keep saying that I'm useful."

He thought for a moment before shrugging. "Leave it at that."

"Cryptic people piss me off," I said, pouting.

He bumped my shoulder with his. "Good, it's not a successful day unless I piss at least someone off."

I rolled my eyes. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I felt my heart lurch in anxious anticipation. But when I checked my notification, it was just some porn account following me on Twitter, not Tanner texting me to tell me I was a moron who should burn in hell and never open my mouth again.

"Have you ever dated anyone?" I asked Kaz before I thought about it. Oh no. Oh, shit, no Killian, no. Bad Killian. This was a dangerous topic.

"Sort of," Kaz said. "It was...complicated, I guess. I want to say I regret it, but I'm a man who learns from my mistakes."

I waited for the inevitable moment where he'd ask me if I'd ever dated anyone before. That horribly awkward moment when I'd have to hope my stupid mouth didn't let something slip.

But Kaz never asked. He just kept walking with an easy-going expression on his face. He waited patiently for me to pick a different topic.

"Let's go back to the dorm," I said at last.

Kaz nodded and we looped around back to the building. We went inside and to Kaz's room, where the others were.

Leo and Mikayla were sitting together on the floor and I felt loneliness start to creep up on me as I watched them. Mikayla was laughing and Leo was pretending to be offended, but I could see the hint of a smile on his face. Pete laid on his bed watching them in drugged up amusement. Beckett was sitting on Kaz's bed, snickering.

"Try it again!" Mikayla said, getting her laughter under control.

"Why do you hate me!" Leo whined. "Fine, fine, here." He took a deep breath. "She sells seashells by the seashore."

Mikayla burst into a fresh round of laughter at Leo's horribly lisp-coated attempt at a tongue twister. Leo playfully hit her in the arm.

"Wow, that was a train wreck," Kaz said, leading me into the room.

"Fuck all of you. Leave my speech impediment alone," Leo said, scowling.

"Beck, how did you escape the dictators?" Kaz asked.

"I didn't. I told them I was coming here and if they wanted to stop me, I'd break a window to get out," Beckett said. "Where were you?"

"O'Malley and I took a little walk," Kaz said.

Beckett shot me a fierce glare. He gestured at Kaz to take his usual spot on his bed.

Kaz gestured at me to follow him and we climbed onto his bed. Beckett seemed annoyed that I was up there, but didn't complain as Kaz sat between us.

"So Kaz, what are your plans of terror for the week?" Leo asked, leaning against Mikayla and folding his hands behind his head.

"We'll see when we get to class what I need to mock this week," Kaz said, shrugging.

"In the meantime...Let's do some betting!" Leo said.

So we played cards and bet candy, wasting the afternoon away. I felt normal as I hung out with them. And they seemed less like delinquents and more like regular kids as they argued and taunted each other and laughed at stupid jokes.

Sometimes Conversion Academy was a tolerable place.

***

We sat in Mr. Sternberg's class, watching him inspect his computer before putting up his latest PowerPoint. He paced the front of the room for a minute before apparently deciding on a way to start today's conversation.

"You delinquents need to learn how to speak when you go out into the real world. You lack filters, and that is unacceptable. Your parents are trusting us to fix you, so we'll teach you how to be respectable citizens," he started, and I rolled my eyes so hard that it actually hurt. "There are off limit topics- things that make people angry or trigger them..."

"Make them angry? Trigger them?" Kaz said, laughing. "Oh, please, this is gold."

"Casimir," Mr. Sternberg hissed. "You of all people could use this lesson."

"No, actually, you need a lesson," Kaz said, sitting up in his chair a bit. "You see, Sternberg, this is life. And like it or not, life comes with an ugly side. And that ugly side doesn't care if it makes you angry or triggers you...it's not going away. And triggers? What is this, Tumblr? That was a serious word that became a joke. Just because something upsets you, or makes you cry, or makes you uncomfortable, or brings up bad memories, or is something you don't want to talk about, it doesn't mean you're triggered. Now, if you had PTSD and it sent you into a raging panic attack, by all means use that word."

"Casimir, you are a despicable, insensitive little demon," Mr. Sternberg said, eyes blazing.

"I'm not insensitive. I'm just not going to monitor what I say all the time. If I spared everyone's feelings, I'd be mute. People are so easily offended and cry victim if they don't like what you're saying. There's a difference between being offensive and bringing up ugly topics," Kaz said. He looked around the classroom. "Rogan, buddy, are you triggered if I say the word orphan?"

"I'm pissed that you're calling me buddy, but that's about it," Rogan said.

"There, see? If anyone should get offended, it's Rogan. I mean, his parents didn't even want him," Kaz said. "Oops, there, see, that was offensive. That I would understand him taking offense to. But guess what? It's reality and something we should talk about. Hard things don't get easier just because you refuse to acknowledge them."

"Oh yes, Casimir, and what about you? Will you freely talk about hard topics? Will you talk about dead parents and being arrested?" Mr. Sternberg asked.

"Sure. Dad kicked the bucket when I was five, boohoo," Kaz said. "Stole some shit and got caught twice. Cops aren't as bad as people make them out to be nowadays, you know."

"You are an insensitive lowlife scum," Mr. Sternberg said coldly. "And I will fix you. Detention, Casimir. We'll talk more in detention."

Kaz shrugged, unconcerned. "Will we talk more, Sternberg? Or will you only talk about things that don't upset people?"

Mr. Sternberg ignored him and continued on with his lesson. When the class ended, we met up in the hallway.

"And you bitch when I rant!" Leo said, hitting Kaz in the shoulder.

"Well, ignorance and cowardice piss me off," Kaz said. "Hiding away from difficult topics is only hurting those who deal with them." He turned to Mikayla. "Not talking about rape...does that help your friend?"

Mikayla looked away angrily. "No."

"Exactly." Kaz motioned at us to move closer, and we did. "We have a new plan for tonight. We're breaking into the building again."

"Oh, no, count me out," I said, stepping away. "I value sleep too much."

"You also value your sanity, so you're going to come with us," Kaz said, smiling cheerfully. "You can't be one of us if you won't join along with what we do."

I groaned. "Kaz, you're going to get me arrested."

Kaz grinned. "Handcuffs kind of guy, huh O'Malley?"

I stared at him as he laughed and walked away. Leo shrugged at me and walked away with Mikayla, Pete following after them.

I shook my head and followed the four of them. The fact that Kaz didn't tell us his plans until we were in the middle of it scared me. Oh, man, I was way in over my head. Well, at least if I got arrested, my parents would have a real reason to be disappointed in me!