56: Insecurities.
Right after breakfast, everyone had to get to work and do their job. Donut strolled back to Twos office slowly, not wanting to be there so took his time. He frowned and observed the security cameras as he walked.. was it just him, or did there seem to be a lot more of these lately? Unsurprisingly.. Two had been quite fussy about the security recently due to all the attacks.
Donut traced the wall with his hand as he walked back. Gelatin had to go help with weaponry today for a little while since it was only Gaty there now, so Donut was going to be mostly alone today as well. This made him feel miserable, but he wasn't going to admit that.
He pushed the door to Twos office open, expecting to see Two in there, however, they were not, only Coiny was inside the room. Coiny didn't look at him, his sword hoisted over his shoulder. Donut slowed down once he realised it was just him, looking around wearily. "Where's Two?" He questioned, holding onto the door.
"Busy." Coiny replied coldly.
Donut took advantage of this, letting go of the door so it would close behind him, slowly pacing to where he would usually stand, not taking his eyes off Coiny. "Um.. Coiny-" he tried to start.
"What." Coiny muttered, not wanting to speak to him.
After last night he would never be able to see Coiny the same again. Coiny was clearly struggling a lot and he wasn't telling anyone about it. However he wasnt accepting that he was struggling, either.
"Are you okay?"
Coiny glared over to him, Donut taken aback since this was the first time Coiny had made eyecontact with him throughout the whole conversation. He looked fierce, as if he wanted to say something insulting or threatening to scare Donut.
Coiny gripped his sword tightly between his grasping hands. After yesterday and having Donut walk right in on his meltdown.. he had thought a lot. Two had tried to talk to him but he said he was fine. He just kept saying he was fine. It was fine. Everything was fine.
Coiny didn't want to be weak. He didn't want to show weakness or any signs of it, and especially not in front of anyone else. He didn't need to stress over these memories. He didn't need to know what happened in the past. He didn't need Firey or Pin or Blocky or Clock or any of them. He didn't need to have FRIENDS. Friends would just make him weaker and he didn't want them, he was strong and he was strong on his OWN, he didn't anyone else to feel strong - and he certainly didn't need their love.
He didn't care. Of course he didn't care, not at all. He didn't care about these memories anymore, Two was telling the truth and he trusted them, he only needed their approval because that was what mattered the most. The more approval he received the stronger he felt. The stronger he felt the more powerful he was, and the more powerful he was the more valued he would be to Two.
He didn't need to feel all those... emotions. If he just kept the fury and sadness buried deep deep down and stopped them from taking over, they would STAY down. He would tame himself to not care about his flashbacks - he would take control of himself once again. He wouldn't let his feelings be the downfall of him, he would keep them under his surveillance. Two clearly needed him and he simply couldn't be acting this way, Two DEPENDED on Coiny. He had to do this right and had to do what they wanted him to do.
Coiny hadn't realised the whole time he had just been staring at Donut without giving a response. He kept a straight face "...I'm fine."
"Really, because.." Donut noticed his threatning expression, and didn't really want to poke the bear with a stick but.. he was concerned about him. Coiny was seriously upset... and despite him knowing how dangerous Coiny could be from experiencing his threats in the past..well
"I just.. last night-"
"You will not even SPEAK of last night. To me? That night doesn't exist." He glowered, gripping his sword tightly within his hands, gripping it so hard his hands shook "To me? I don't even remember. So neither do YOU."
"You can't just.. bury your feelings. I don't care if you don't like me, I just think you should-"
"I'm warning you Donut." Coiny threatened, his voice wavering "I will cut you into two pieces and EAT you. Leave me alone and stop trying to interfere with me!" He yelled, unstable. He didn't want his shitty advice, he already knew he was right.
"I'm..just concerned. You completely wrecked your room, I don't want you to think I'm your enemy, we're on the same side-"
"I don't care about you. I don't want to hear what you have to say. Fuck OFF!" He pointed his sword at him, there being a scarily small amount of space between Donut and its pointed end. "I don't need you.. I don't need your concern. I'm FINE." He growled lowly, retracting his sword. "Is that clear?"
"..I-"
Donut didn't get much of a chance to reply, because Two walked in the moment he was about to speak. They yawned and rubbed their eyes with the side of their fist "Wowza! It's getting cold out there.." they commented, walking past the two of them and trailing over to a window, grabbing its edge and pressing their face up against the glass to peer outside "So much snow.. and even more! Pretty cool, right?" They expected an answer, but didn't get one.
He looked at the two "Right?? Wait, you guys are aware I'm doing all this weather stuff, right?"
"I.. figured. It's..a good plan." Donut lied, as if it was nothing "It.. will really make matters worse for those in the forest.."
"Exactly! See Donut, you get me." They pat his back roughly, chuckling as this made him flinch. Their laugh faded as they noticed Coinys attitude. Two had no idea Donut was aware of Coinys situation, so Donut had to act like it.
Donut avoided looking at either of them and averted his gaze. Two put their hands on their waist "Heyy.. Coinyyy! Don't look so down. Cheer up bud, aye?" They elbowed him "What will make you feel better?"
"I feel fine."
"Goodness..you love that word, don't you?" Two sighed and shook their head, closing their eyes "Would you like to spend some time on the roof to get some fresh air? The snow shouldn't be as bad."
"I .." Coiny liked the idea but didn't want to admit that "I don't mind."
"Don't be so indecisive! Go on, go get some air. Donut will take you-" they lightly nudged him forward so he would walk, him stumbling "Gh." He gripped his sword "I'll take myself, thank you." He murmured, glaring at Donut slightly, before rushing off out the doors.
Donut just watched.. he felt helpless, like he couldn't help him. He was worried that this would spiral out of his control.. he had tried to ask him if he was okay but Coiny kept burying his problems. Was he going to ignore the memories and flashbacks? This could get really messy, quickly.
If Coiny kept lying to himself to play the tough guy, he would just make it worse.
He kind of wished he encouraged him more, helped him better - but he didn't know how. He felt like he wasn't doing a very good job at comforting him.. maybe he should have left this to Fries. Fries would have handled it better.. he has done everything better so far... he could have done a much better job.
No. Donut wanted something good to do as well. He was jealous of Fries' ability to do good things. This was Donuts task and he was going to do it. He wasn't going to mess up.. he could prove to himself he could be just as good as Fries.
----
Basketball, just as she promised, had taken food out so that she could give some to Snowball. She was still a little nervous given what happened the day prior; she hadn't expected her two friends to collide and be forced to get along. Honestly, she was still unsure if either of them were comfortable with it yet. However she did know that Tennisball would keep the secret... as long as she was safe. He trusted her, even if it wasn't how he would have handled Snowball himself.
He had a different opinion and he just..needed time to adjust to this new information. She understood that..
Snowball had been a little angry about it, but 90% of this anger was ego-fueled. He was just annoyed that he was forced into that situation. He didn't even like Tennisball, they hadn't really known each other before the war. He tripped him up a few times but that was it.
Snowball had been hanging out by a tree, enjoying the cold weather since it was easier for him to deal with it. He saw Basketball approaching in the distance, so he stood so he could greet her, cheering up slightly with her presence, but also over the fact Tennisball wasn't there.
She waved with her leg and quickly stumbled over, dropping down the bag of food that she was holding in her mouth into the snow in front of him. "H-Here! It's leftovers from our breakfast.." she breathed "Y-You doing okay?"
Snowball picked it up and immediately went looking for something to eat, fishing his hand around blindly "Thanks for coming.."
"Why wouldn't I?" she nervously chuckled, watching him get out food and take a bite. He seemed pretty hungry, but not as hungry as she had seen him be before. He shrugged, wiping his mouth with his hand "I don't know. Thought you'd get put off by the snow, or something." He suggested with muffled speech.. he also thought it would be because of Tb, however he didn't tell her that.
He went to set the bag beside the tree he had been sat by, sitting down too. He pat the side next to him to signal she could join. She gave a friendly smile at this, plotting herself next to him and letting out a long sigh, shivering and leaning bak "..It's..so cold. " she kicked some snow away from her "I suppose you quite like this weather, hm? She looked over to him after asking, curious.
He huffed, taking another bite of his food"Well! You know, of course." He grumbled, looking to the side as he chewed his food "Better than rain." He muffled.
"I'm glad you're able to deal with it.." she looked back into the distance "I was.. worried you wouldn't be so keen on meeting again. I understand that you're..-"
"I'm not upset." Snowball grouched, looking away childishly and swallowing. "I didn't mean that!" She defended quickly "Well.. I kind of did.. I know that you're uneasy about it."
He didn't reply, making a 'hmp' sound instead, frowning. She sighed softly "I.. get it. I'm sorry it happened.. you're not mad at me, are you?"
"....No..." he sighed longingly, before taking out more of the food, observing it and turning it sideways "I just...I don't know. I don't think I feel that comfortable around him currently." He admitted quietly "Wh-Whatever! Lets talk about something else.. " he didn't want to speak about Tb rights now, eating the food in his hand.
She looked down at the ground, watching the snow. It didn't do anything she just.. felt drawn to it "Well.. there's been quite a few escapes lately." She turned around the conversation topic, not wanting him to feel uncomfortable.
"Escapes?" Snowball perked up.
"Yeah.." she seemed almost happy about it. "Have you happened to come across any? Perhaps..Stapy? Scissors? Price Tag or Naily.."
"E-Er.." he tried to think, pushing the bag away to save the rest of the food for later. "Sorry, I haven't. Why?"
"Just curious.." she sighed softly, a little deflated by the news. "I..hope they're all okay. They're all so lucky being able to escape.." she shook her head, disappointed "But.. the outdoors can be just as fierce as Two.."
"You got that right." Snowball grumbled, angry at the mere thought of the numeral. He turned his attention to her, focusing on her features suddenly, almost in realisation of something. She didn't notice, perking up as he spoke "Hey.. can I ask a question?" He wondered.
"H-Hm?" She made a nervous chuckle "O-Of course, go ahead." She accepted, crossing her legs to preserve her warmth. It was snowing still, but luckily the tree shaded her from it. She felt oddly.. warmed by Snowballs presence anyways.
"Why.. do you wear that mask thing?"
She flinched, a little taken aback by this question out of nowhere "O-Oh, this?" She looked to the side "Well..because of my injuries." She trailed off.
"What about them?" He continued to ask.
"What's with your curiosity..? I just.. don't like them. So..I hide them." She quietly admitted "Th-Thats all.. Sb."
Snowball frowned at her, annoyed at this response "..I'm sure it isn't even that bad. What are you worried about?"
She bit her lip softly, worried over why he was asking all of this, and also over the fact she had to talk about it. "I-I don't know..Snowball. I just feel more comfortable like this. I like.. hiding it."
"You shouldn't.."
She chuckled again, concerned for why he was so invested in this "I don't understand why you're-"
She squeaked as he suddenly grabbed onto her mask and ripped it off of her, causing her to panic. She turned away from him, squeezing her eyes shut in instant fear "S-Snowball!" She gasped, not wanting to look at him. He didn't want him to see her like this.
"J-Just look at me! You're stressing out too much! I've never seen you without your mask...please?" He leaned closer to her, giving a pleading look.
"I-I want it to stay that way. S-Snowball, please." She begged, uncomfortable.
He rolled his eyes, before proceeding to place his hand on her side "Look.. I'm not going to judge you. I don't..know why you're so worried about this, please?" He asked "I.. don't want you too feel upset about yourself, y-you know." Helmumured.
She let out a shakey sigh, extremely reluctant to go through with this. She opened her eyes slowly, turning her body around to him. She looked to the side as she felt him observe her, causing her to feel even lore insecure about herself, despite her knowing he had good intentions.
"Basketball.. you look completely fine.." sure, she had a few scars and grazes, but it was hardly anything to hide herself over. "..What's the big deal?"
She averted her eyes to him slowly "I-I don't know..Snowball. It just.. feels wrong."
Snowball let go of her, adjusting his glasses. He looked away, embarrassed to have to compliment her "Y-You don't look bad at all."
She weakly smiled, wishing she could believe him "Thank you..Snowball. I.. do want it back, though."
"Why?" He squinted back over to her. She exhaled, closing her eyes in slight impatience "I just dont think-"
She jumped at the sound of tearing, opening her eyes in terror as she watched him tear her mask into two pieces, chucking it into the snow as it was now useless. "S-SNOWBALL!" She shrieked "Wh-What have you done?!" She tried to grab the torn remains, however he fended her off, burying it into the snow to ruin it.
"What you could never do." He uttered, crossing his arms, " I showed you that you don't need to hide behind a mask anymore." He looked back at her fiercely.
"S-Snowballl!" She whined, cowering "Oh.. now I'll have to go back without one! E-Everyone will see me.." she whimpered, shaking her head in grief. She hadn't taken her mask off since the war... she usually ate her food on her own, because she didn't like taking her mask off in front of others. But this..?
Snowball rubbed the back of his head, trying to figure out what to say to her. "Look.. you..didn't need it. You..never did. You don't need to feel insecure. It..will just make you feel worse." He slowly explained.
She gazed over to him gradually, giving a soft expression "Snowball..i-it.. just helped me."
"It didn't.." he glared, but not in a threatning way "You may think it did, but it didn't. You just.. lied to yourself. Lied to..who you are."
"Snowball.. I-Its.." she looked down, miserable "I..don't feel very good like this. I-I don't like..being exposed. I don't like showing my injuries. "
He grabbed her suddenly, her becoming quite startled. He stared right at her, as if he was being serious "You are fine. You don't..need it. You never did. Don't..hide from others."
She waited a few moments, watching him get embarrassed and awkward due to the situation. He avoided eyecontact, looking to the side.. he kelt holding her, though. She gave a weak sigh, wanting to give in to him...in a way, he was right, it was true. "Y-You.. really think it's okay?"
"I know it is."
She looked down to the ground.. he seemed genuine- as if what he was saying came from deep within. It was so strange to see him like this.
"You..say all this like it's from experience.." she quietly pointed out.
He flinched as she revealed this, letting go of her and crossing his arms. "I.. well..I guess. " he huffed, muttering things. "I don't like who I used to be... I had a reason for the way I acted but... that didn't matter.. I shouldn't have acted that way.. so I stopped.. it took me a while to realise but.. I did."
She waited a few moments to process this.. was his "mask " the way he used to act? And treat people? To make himself feel better... she watched him as he sat there nervously, looking across to the snow-covered ground.
Well.. it would make sense if he used the method of making fun of others to make himself feel better. She didn't agree with it but.. she sympathised with him.
"Well.." she was a little annoyed he had destroyed her mask, but, if he had done it for good intentions, then.."If..if you stopped hiding then...I suppose I can too.. " she finally replied, him buried with his legs up against his body.
He didn't respond, clearly a little embarrassed to have talked about his problems like that. She gave him a reassuring smile, noticing that he needed comfort. "Thank you..Snowball. That was really nice of you.." she was honestly proud of him. It was an act of kindness in his eyes.. so, that's all that mattered.
He huffed defensively and kept his arms crossed, grunting "Y-Yeah..whatever.." he supposed .. but on the inside he was really glad it helped her. "..When do you have to go back?"
"Soon.." she sighed sadly, not looking forward to it "But ..I can stay here for a little longer.. " he perked up hearing this, her noticing "I..know you'd appreciate the company.." she comforted.
He tried to defend himself "W-Well! I!" He uncrossed his arms, groaning longingly.. she was right. "N-Ngh.. whatever. If you want.." he grouched. She giggled at his defensiveness, leaning against the tree comfortably..
She felt.. a little uncomfortable that she didn't have her mask on anymore but.. Snowballs advice was really sweet... maybe she would feel better about herself after all.
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