The pain. The sheer, blinding pain. I was no stranger to pain, but I had to admit that this one hurt particularly bad. It went deeper than jealousy. It was the betrayal that hurt the most. I knew that Arthur was loyal and committed. If he had ended up kissing someone else, it wasn't because he wanted to, it was because he wanted to hurt me. The humiliation was a close second on my list of 'what feels the worst when you watch your not-boyfriend kiss another girl in front of you'. Except for a few whoops! from Gus, who was too drunk to realize what was happening, everybody was watching me in silence, analyzing my reaction, either feeling sorry for me or thinking that I deserved it. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, proof of the embarrassment I was being subjected to.

With as much dignity as I could muster, I stood up, grabbed my jacket and my bag from the back of a chair, and headed to the backyard. I had not even reached the sliding doors that I could hear both Cedric and Sigrid come down on Arthur aggressively. Good. It was a glorious feeling to see that your friends truly had your back.

I had almost reached the firepit when I heard the steps of someone running after me, and then felt a hand on my shoulder. I spun around.

It was not Arthur coming to grovel for my forgiveness, but Theo. Bitch, man-stealing Theo.

"Get the fuck off me," I growled, slapping her hand off me.

"Easy! I come in peace."

I snorted. "Please. I have nothing to say to you, stay away from me."

"Why are you so mad about a simple kiss? You said yourself that you guys are non-exclusive, and you agreed to it."

I waved her off and dismissed her. "Don't pretend you don't know exactly what you did." Like it was about him kissing someone else and not about her humiliating me on purpose.

"You can't expect him to be with only you if you're sleeping with other people," she insisted.

For some reason, I felt compelled to explain myself rather than just ignore her. Or punch her in the teeth.

"A big part of our agreement is that we don't know, let alone see, what the other partner is doing with others."

She had the audacity to laugh in my face. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Transparency about partners is the number one rule of an open relationship."

"What do you know?" I jutted my chin at her to express my condescension.

"Do you think you're the only one who's well-versed in polyamory and queer relationships, Abby?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure I know more about it than you do."

"I beg to differ. I'm pansexual, have been for fifteen years, and I've dipped my toes in polyamory a few times. I also have multiple queer friends, as you know. It's not a competition but I'd guess I've bathed in queer culture for much longer than you have. Just because you're into men and have experimented with a few women doesn't make you an expert on queerness. Have you even ever dated a woman?"

"What you're saying is bi erasure, if not borderline biphobic."

"And now you're throwing buzz words at me. I'm not saying you're not bisexual, identify as whatever you want, I don't give a shit. But don't come at me feeling superior and wanting to teach me about open relationships and queerness when, in fact, you don't have the faintest idea what it means to be in a queer relationship. I'm not even sure you know what it means to be in a straight relationship!"

I lost it.

I slapped her right across the cheek so hard she shut up for a good few seconds. The noise of the impact resonated in the quiet night. I wasn't even sorry. She had insulted me, and most importantly she had questioned my relationship with Josh. I couldn't let that happen. I knew very well how to be in a straight relationship. What I'd had with Josh was the most beautiful connection one could ever dream of.

"Don't!" She yelled at someone behind me, probably people who had started to run towards us to check on her and to separate us. "Go back inside and leave us alone! I've got this."

Whoever that was didn't insist.

I crossed my arms on my chest and looked at her with my deadliest stare.

"Okay, I deserved that one. You obviously have deep trauma from that past relationship of yours and it wasn't fair of me to attack you on that. I'm sorry."

Panic, suddenly. "What do you mean? What trauma? What do you know?"

"Please. You're not as subtle as you think you are. Everybody noticed the engagement ring and the tattoo on your left hand. There's clearly some unresolved stuff here. I don't pretend to know what it is, and I'm not sure I want to, but it's clear as day. And you just mysteriously dropped out of Caltech? Come on, girl, if you want to keep your secrets hidden, at least make up a good story for them. It would take me ten minutes of Googling the right thing to figure out your story."

"Then why didn't you just do that?" I challenged her.

"Out of respect for you! And for Arthur! He asked us not to dig on you, so we didn't."

"Arthur knows?"

"He knows as much as we do, which is just what we could figure out from the hints you've been dropping."

"Oh, so you guys talk and make assumptions about me, that's nice to hear. I should make a PowerPoint about my life, that ought to be more efficient," I spat.

"For fuck's sake, Abby," she said while shaking her head. "We've been friends with him for years and he's not the kind of guy to be easily into someone. Of course we've been talking about you! We're excited about you two, but we also want to make sure he's not making a mistake, that you're good for him. And so far, it's not looking too good. You lost a lot of points when you slept with Val."

"Surely Val has some blame in the matter. It takes two to tango and he came on to me."

"We gave him shit for that, don't you worry. But it doesn't change the fact that you fucked up."

She didn't even know about the biggest fuckup of all fuckups. I'd never thought I was particularly good for Arthur but hearing her say that I was outright bad for him made me want to scream.

For one, that was not totally true. Since we'd met, Arthur had considerably improved his social skills. I was the goddamn reason we were having a New Year's party in his house! I had made him more confident, more forward, more amenable. They had to have noticed that. For two, he wasn't the perfect helpless angel his friends made him out to be. He'd been mean, if not cruel, to me on several occasions. I wasn't the one who had initiated this whole sham of a relationship. He was. I had told him to run away, he just hadn't listened. But obviously he wasn't telling that part to his stupid friends.

I groaned, almost screamed, at the unfairness of the situation and left Theo where she was as I almost ran towards the swimming pool. My haven. I sat on the ledge and dipped my feet in the water. On that last night of December, it was freezing. I didn't care.

Just as I started to roll a cigarette, Theo handed me a straight. I took it from her hand and didn't bother to thank her. That's the least she could do. She sat next to me but did not dip her feet, crossing her legs beneath her instead. She took a cigarette too.

"Since when do you smoke?" I asked.

"I picked it up at college, but I don't do it often."

A 'social smoker', one might say. I didn't bother to reply.

"Just so you know, Arthur doesn't tell us much about you. You know how private he is. He just gives us a few insignificant details when he gets tired of our nagging, and then it's just us trying to piece everything together. He's very protective of your privacy, we didn't know about this whole open relationship joke until you guys mentioned it. Hell, we didn't even know you guys were having sex. Well, we did, but he never said so himself."

It was comforting to hear that Arthur, when he wasn't being a dick to me, had my back.

"And you should also know," Theo continued when I didn't reply, "that we are all still rooting for you."

That made me choke on my smoke. "You just said I fucked up."

"You did. But we know him, we're sure he did too."

"Well, yeah he did. We're just trying to get through each other's mistakes, I guess."

"That's a great thing. I wish you gave it an actual go, rather than half-ass it."

"What do you mean?"

"Abby, no offense, but that open relationship thing you guys have is ridiculous. You don't even have the faintest idea what a working open relationship is."

I brought a hand to my throat in outrate. "I sure do! I had one with Cedric that lasted for ages."

"Oh no, no, no. You and Cedric were fuck buddies. That's not an open relationship. An open relationship is more complex, and more serious. There needs to be rules and—"

"We have rules."

"Well, there needs to be better rules, especially one that says that every single partner needs to be disclosed to the other party. You need total transparency to make it work."

"I'm sure disclosure is not always a thing."

"Well, neither is fidelity in a monogamous relationship, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be."

I couldn't help but laugh at her comeback.

"Anyway, what I meant to say is that, if you really want an open relationship, you should set better foundations for it. But one would have to be blind not to see that the last thing you want is an open relationship. You two are crazy about each other. You don't want third parties."

"You didn't seem opposed to being a third party just now," I sniped. After all, she had just kissed the very man whose arms she was trying so hard to throw me into.

"Are you seriously jealous? Abby, I don't fancy Arthur like that at all, I did that to rile you up. He's like my brother. And I lean more towards women anyway. Men are too much trouble."

I laughed weakly, even though I didn't want to. It was hard to stay mad at someone like Theo. She had a very similar energy to Sigrid. Very loving and loyal but never afraid to call you out.

"All right, on that note, I'm going to let you mull things over," she said as she got to her feet. "Just so we're clear, I'm sorry I kissed Arthur, I'm sorry about what I said about your relationship, and I really hope you get your shit together soon and make the both of you happier by finally getting together for good. You're a cool gal, you'll make him happy."

"You speak like it's one hundred percent happening."

"I know."

She winked and took her leave, not without leaving her pack of cigarettes with me. I took another one and lit it right away. It didn't take long until I heard the footsteps of the man I'd expected to chase after me earlier, instead of Theo.

"Don't come any closer," I commanded when I could hear that he was less than ten feet behind me.

He stopped walking immediately.

"You sure took your goddamn time to come after me," I added.

"Theo stopped me. She said she needed to talk to you first. I came as soon as she was done."

I scoffed. As if Arthur could not outrank Theo in his own house, with his own girlf—whatever.

I heard him take another step towards me.

"Arthur, I swear to God if you come any closer, I'll . . . I'll jump in the water!"

That was a ridiculous threat. I loved that pool, and he knew it. But I did not have much to threaten him with, I just had to hope he was too chivalresque to want me to jump into cold water while drunk and upset.

He laughed.

"'Don't come closer or I'll jump,' huh? Very Titanic of you. Should we call you Rose?"

I struggled to contain a giggle. Knowing Arthur's lack of cinematographic culture, that was particularly adorable.

"That would make you Jack, except Jack would never kiss another girl," I replied, any trace of humor gone.

"And Rose would?"

I could visualize his raised eyebrow in my head.

I didn't reply and took a drag of my cigarette. This was not a time for back-and-forths. I had done nothing wrong, I would not allow him to turn this into my trial.

He took another step and I whipped my head around, glaring at him.

"Back off!" I barked.

He raised his hands in front of his chest, palms out.

"Okay, okay," he said while retreating. "Can I just turn on the water heater? I wouldn't want you to freeze."

All this time, he'd had a water heater? How was that the first time I ever heard of it?

"No! Just back off. Back off!"

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to call your bluff, darling. This water is too cold and you've spent too much time on your hair and makeup to risk ruining it. Even you wouldn't get in there right now."

Somehow, he knew me very well, yet simultaneously very little. I was the kind to rise to any sort of challenge. I wouldn't let stuff as trivial as cold water and ruined hair keep me away from shutting him up.

Arthur took a step closer and, just like that, I pushed off and landed in the water. Its coldness tightened my chest for a few seconds but let's be real, it was a pool in Southern California, not the Baltic Sea. It would take me a minute, two tops, to get acclimated to it.

"Darn it, Abril!"

I didn't look at him and swam straight to the infinity edge.

"What do you think of my bluff, cari?" I asked when I turned around to gloat.

As soon as I said that, I was humbled by a barefoot, glasses-free Arthur who dove headfirst only to emerge right next to me a second later. He stepped towards me and caged me in with his arms.

"'You jump, I jump,' right? I'm trying to be a good Jack."

This time I couldn't stop the laughter that burst out of my mouth.

"You're awfully cute when you quote, and re-enact, Titanic," I managed to say between two chuckles. "But that does not mean I'm not mad at you," I continued in a much graver voice.

"I know."

"How could you do that to me? In front of everyone."

"I'm sorry, Abril."

"I don't want your apology, I want an explanation!"

"I don't know! I drank a lot, I guess, and when Theo proposed that we do it, I didn't think and I went for it. It sounds stupid but that's just how it is. There's nothing more. I've never been interested in her that way. It was a stupid dare and I was drunk enough to accept it. And you agreed to it, so I didn't feel like I was doing something too awful."

Oh no. Not the 'you agreed to it' card.

"Do you really think I agreed to it? Of course I wasn't happy with it, but what was I supposed to say? She had me cornered, I couldn't just let her toy with me. And I was absolutely certain that you'd never agree to do that anyway."

"So you preferred to save your pride rather than to admit you have feelings for me and would be hurt if you saw me kiss someone else. That's great to hear."

"Don't you dare turn this around. You humiliated me! And that was fucking painful, you know?"

"I mean . . . I'm sorry I hurt you, Abril, I truly am. But it was just one very brief closed-mouth kiss that meant nothing. I have to walk around knowing that you've had sex with at least eleven people since we got together – maybe even more, I didn't get the last update – while you remain the only person I'm with. I think I know a thing or two about being humiliated."

Only eleven. I had not slept with anyone since Arthur and I had had an argument about it a few weeks earlier. It just wasn't that interesting anymore. I couldn't stomach the idea of hurting him a bit more each time I took a new lover.

"You never saw me with any of those people," I countered his argument.

"And yet I still found out. It doesn't hurt less."

"Do you want me to go and kiss Cedric right now so you understand how knowing of something and seeing it happen are very different?"

"What do you want me to do, Abril? What's done is done. I can't take it back, and I am very sorry I did it. There's nothing more I can do. Besides, Theo has a point. You don't want exclusivity, right? Consider this my taking advantage of this deal you forced us into. It's not fair that you get to be with whoever you want and I am being demonized for doing to you a fraction of what you do to me."

"It's different!" I argued, and as I said it, I realized how hypocritical that sounded.

"How so? Because my list of partners is much shorter than yours?"

"Well . . ."

He scoffed. "I'm sure you don't need me to tell you how that's a flagrant case of double standards."

"It's just . . . You ruined everything," I confessed.

"What did I ruin?"

I looked straight at his chest. It felt too embarrassing to say it to his face.

"It was . . . our thing! You were the only person I slept with repeatedly, and I was the only person you'd been with after your ex. It was almost poetic."

"You love your symbols, don't you?" He scoffed.

"Is that bad?"

"No, it's quite lovely, actually. But you know I've not been with Theo, right? Last time I checked, we only exchanged a small kiss."

"I meant kissing too. I was the second woman you'd kissed but now there's a third one."

He chuckled. Like, a proper 'oh my sweet summer child' kind of chuckle.

"You're overestimating my innocence, darling. I kissed a couple girls in high school and college. You're not the second one."

"Oh."

Was I relieved, or disappointed? Unclear.

He brought a knuckle underneath my chin and forced me to look up, to meet his gaze.

"You know what I'm thinking?"

I shook my head.

"I'm thinking you act very much like someone who wants to be the only woman I'm with."

"No! I just—" I trailed off.

Did I? Did I really want to be the only one for him? No, absolutely not. That was too much responsibility, too much commitment. As long as I didn't know about the others, I was fine with sharing him. I just needed him to respect me and not go around kissing other girls in front of me.

"You just what?" He pressed.

I closed my eyes. I couldn't stand the intensity of his gaze. I wanted to bow my head but his fingers firmly planted under my chin stopped me.

"Abril, look at me!"

I caved. I was met by the most intense gaze of his. It was too dark for me to make out the golden brown of his irises, but I could easily imagine it.

"Tell me what you want," he commanded.

"I want you to not kiss somebody in front of me ever again."

"No."

"No?"

"No, that's not what you want."

"You think you know what I want better than I do, now?"

"Actually, I do. I know what you want and I'm tired of letting you figure it out on your own."

I snorted. The audacity!

"Abril, please be my exclusive partner. That's what I want, and that's what you want, too. Let's just cut to the chase."

"Don't be ridiculous, Arthur, we still have four months and a half before making this decision."

"I don't care about this six-month deadline. This is today, and today I want to be your one and only partner. I want to be your boyfriend."

For one second, and one second only, I considered it. I could work around the mediocre sex, I had plenty of sex toys for that, and one could always be taught how to be better in bed. As for the rest, he wasn't too bad. He was nice to me most of the time, he was patient, he always tried his best, he cared about me, he was understanding, he was caring and attentive. And he was quite cute too. His rower thighs in gym shorts were my damnation. Overall, he would make a good boyfriend.

But he was not Josh. And I was not ready. The idea of being tied forever to someone else than the love of my life was terrifying. To the point that I started to feel my chest tighten and my breathing shallow. I was not in a closed space, but it sure felt like it. Like imaginary walls were closing in on me. The last time I had felt like that as intensely was that one time in the elevator. I was with Arthur too, then. The irony wasn't lost on me.

Because he knew me more than it made me comfortable to admit, Arthur sensed the shift in my breathing immediately and knew what to do. He took one of my hands and placed it on his chest. He took long, deliberate inhales, inviting me to copy his rhythm.

"Darling, there is no need to panic. I know it seems scary to commit to me right now, but I promise you, there's nothing to be afraid of. You're not signing a lifelong pact with your blood. Like I mentioned the other day, you can say yes today, and be done with me in a week if it doesn't work out. This is not a forever kind of commitment. It's a . . . 'for now' kind of thing."

I matched my breathing to his. When his chest lifted against my palm, I inhaled. When it lowered, I exhaled. The walls started receding a bit.

"You think those people you sleep with are the one thing that keeps you from falling for me, but I'll have to break it to you, Abril: you have already fallen for me. You sealed your fate the minute you decided to come back for a second time. And unless you run away for good right now, there's nothing you can do to avoid falling more."

"You've got it wrong. It's not about you. At all. It's about me. I'm not ready to be in a relationship."

"But you are in a relationship! You're so desperate not to be that you're making a lot of stupid decisions that hurt the both of us, but you're very much in a relationship with me already. Just cut the other people out and give us a chance to build something real, without the jealousy and the resentment."

"I can't."

"You're a scientist, right? Let's look at our options and choose the one with the most desirable outcome. Option number one, we get together for good now and we're both happy for as long as it lasts. Option number two, we stay as we are. You keep sleeping with other people, which makes me jealous, and I start seeing other people too – because why wouldn't I? – which makes you jealous. We're both miserable and, at the end of the six-month period, we decide to be exclusive. We end up in the same position as we would be in option one, except that we spend almost five more months being extremely unhappy. Option number three, same thing but we decide to break up instead of being exclusive. That's still too many months of unnecessary misery we have to go through. And option four, we part ways right here, right now. It would hurt really bad, but I'd rather hurt for good now than after a lot of time spent arguing back and forth. Make your choice, Abril, which outcome can you live with? Because, the way I look at it, the only acceptable route for is option one."

"That's not fair, you're just trying to make me choose right now instead of giving me the six months we had agreed on."

"Maybe I am. But look at the facts. Are you happy right now? Is it really what you want to do for the next few months?"

"I—"

"I'm begging you, Abril. Please. I—I really care about you, and even though you're making it very hard for me to be sure, I know you care about me too. Make me your special someone. Your only special someone. Let me be your boyfriend. You'll love it. And if we can't figure out the sex part, I'll buy you a vibrator and we'll make it work, one way or another."

I burst into laughter, the walls closing on me and the hand squeezing my chest disappeared with the sound of my laugh.

"Did you seriously just offer to buy me a vibrator, cariño?"

I didn't see it but I could feel him blush.

"Well . . . yes. If that's what we have to do, I'll do it."

"That's probably the most adorable thing you've ever said to me," I cooed. It really was. Sex toys were not part of Arthur's common subjects of conversation, I could guarantee it.

"How fitting it is that your favorite moment of mine is the one time I mention using a sex toy in the bedroom."

"How fitting indeed," I chuckled.

He smiled, his white teeth standing out in the darkness of the night.

"So, is that a yes?"

I sighed, resigned. "I have one condition."

"Tell me."

"Can we refrain from using labels such as girlfriend/boyfriend for the moment? Can we be . . . two people who exclusively date each other?"

"Darling, as long as I get you just for myself, you can call me your buddy for all I care. Is that a yes?"

I nodded.

I was terrified of jumping in such unknown waters, but Arthur had a point. Out of all the possible outcomes, that one was the best. I could not deal with more jealousy, either from him or from me, and I certainly didn't have it in me to just walk away. As scary as it was, exclusivity was our only option.

I forced myself to swallow the big fat ball of guilt lodged in my throat, the guilt I had for dating somebody other than Josh, and I beamed at Arthur. He deserved that I looked as happy as he did for this new development in our relationship. And I was as happy as he was. My happiness was just tainted. It would always be.

What happened next took me by surprise. Arthur grabbed my thighs and wrapped them around his waist while his upper body pinned mine against the wall of the pool. His lips dove on mine with a speed and a hunger I had never felt from him before, sending fireworks in my bloodstream.

That's when the rest of the party started cheering on us and clapping. They had obviously witnessed the entire scene, and I prayed they had not heard anything.

I expected Arthur to stop everything as soon as he'd heard our friends, but he did no such thing. If anything, he brought our bodies closer, he squeezed me tighter, and he kissed me harder. The claps and cheers turned into whistles and saucy comments when our friends realized that their interruption had not stopped Arthur. I'm sure everybody was just as shocked as I was that he was so unfazed by our audience. I wasn't complaining, though.

His mouth left mine and explored my neck, causing me to tilt my head back and let out a few satisfied sighs. When he thrust his hips into mine, his hardening penis hitting me straight onto my core, I was not able to withhold a whimper.

"Yes, Art!" Val yelled from the house. "Get her!"

"It's Arthur, for fuck's sake!" I yelled back automatically.

Aforementioned Arthur stopped kissing me for a second and looked at me with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked. "I thought you didn't like being called 'Art'?"

He said nothing, but he smiled and he kissed me again, even stronger. He ground his crotch against mine ever so slightly, and neither the layers of clothes we were wearing, nor the water between us, nor the coldness of that night did anything to dampen the sensation. We were hot for each other in a way I doubt we had ever been, both equally hungry for the other's body.

"Cari, I think you need to stop."

The sheer panic in his eyes.

"What? Why? Do you not like it? I thought I was finally getting better."

"Oh, trust me, I like it very much. I like it too much, actually. If you don't stop, I'm going to have to take my clothes off and beg you to take me here and now."

"Oh," he said in a sad tone, as if I had told him I'd canceled Christmas.

Okay, mister!

"I mean, I'm totally in for a bit of exhibitionism if you are!" I offered since he seemed so disappointed to be cutting everything short. "I assumed you wouldn't be."

He laughed, visibly relieved that he had done nothing wrong, but also amused at my suggestion to have sex in front of his friends.

"You're correct, that is not something I would want to do."

He let go of my thighs, dropping me back on my feet. He grabbed my waist instead and rested his forehead against mine.

"I want you to know that I am aware of the sacrifice you're making for me right now. It did not go unnoticed, and I'll do everything I can to make it worth it. Thank you, Abril."

He kissed my lips once more.

"Either screw her or come back to the party!" My distinguished friend Sigrid yelled from where she and the others were still standing, just in front of the glass doors.

Arthur laughed again, surprising me once more.

"I think we ought to go," he said.

"I know . . ."

He brought his lips to my ear and murmured, "The other day, we sort of agreed that, should you agree to be exclusive with me, we would have sex in this swimming pool. I obviously will not do this now, but rest assured that I haven't forgotten and I intend to do it. Soon."

Sweet baby Jesus. My innocent Arthur was turning not so innocent anymore.

"I believe what I asked for exactly was for you to rail me in it while we watch the sunset."

"I know. I redacted your exotic language."

"Why wait? I'd be up for doing it right now."

"Come on, darling. You know me well enough to know that I can't do that."

"Ugh, it doesn't hurt to try. You've been bolder than usual tonight, it was worth a shot."

"I think your impressively high libido has started to rub on me."

"Yeah, I can feel it," I said with a wink, subtly increasing the pressure between our groins.

"Hey now," he said with a cheeky smile, taking a step back. "Let's get back to the others, shall we?"

He took my hand and escorted me out of the pool. The cold air on our drenched clothes froze us to our cores. We had not felt the cold while we were in the water, the temperature of our starving bodies being hot enough to keep us warm, but now that our spirits had gone back down, we could very much feel it. We grabbed our shoes and ran to the house.

Our friends whistled at us once more when we got in, and some of them clapped Arthur on the back. He absolutely loathed the attention and became almost as red as his hair.

"Abril and I need to change into dry clothes. Why don't you all go back to the party? Entertain yourselves, we'll be back down soon."

"If you guys want to have sex right now, don't stop on our behalf!" Val called out as we climbed the stairs to Arthur's room. "We fully support it!"

We heard a few raucous laughs, evidence that our friends were, indeed, very supportive of us having sex in their presence. Everybody in that room more or less knew the struggle that had been relationship, they were just happy to see that the struggle was finally over. And they probably were dead curious to find out whether Arthur was capable of it.

He locked the door behind us and I undressed immediately. My clothes were soaked, freezing cold, and they clung to my body like a second skin. I managed to extirpate myself out of them with much trouble and I almost ran to the shower, where I turned on the water as hot as I could tolerate it.

I shampooed my hair once, then twice, and when I was about to put some conditioner on, I was surprised Arthur had not joined me yet. He couldn't possibly take that long to take his clothes off.

I stepped out of the shower and into the bedroom. Sure enough, Arthur was standing there, idle and cold, wearing only his wet underwear.

"You're dripping on the floor," he commented.

I ignored his remark.

"What are you doing here? You must be freezing. Come join me."

"No, no, you go ahead without me, I'll go when you're done."

"Arthur, don't be silly. I want you to shower with me. We've done it before. Come on!"

He looked around nervously.

"I'd rather not. It feels . . . inappropriate to do that while our friends are right downstairs."

"It's just a shower."

"It's a shower that you will want to turn into something more. And I can't do more knowing we have company in the house."

"Our friends would cheer on us if we had sex in front of them on the coffee table. There's no making them uncomfortable."

"But I am uncomfortable."

Yup, I had just signed up for what was going to be a tough ride.

"All right, let's just shower, then. But at least come with me."

"It's a bad idea. You'll get tempted."

"Listen, buddy. I've just agreed to let you be the only person to ever touch that body. You'd better come and enjoy it before I start regretting my choice."

That did it. He surrendered, dropped the underwear, and followed me into his shower. He hissed when the hot jet touched his skin.

I gave him a few minutes to clean himself, during which I applied my conditioner and washed my body, and then I practically jumped on him, like a cat in heat. Lips on lips, one hand on his butt, the other on his neck. He was taken aback but he kissed me back. For a few seconds.

"Abril, no," he said calmly but firmly.

"But I want to," I whined.

"I know. I want it too. Sort of. But I really can't do that now."

"Please!" I was getting desperate.

"Is that begging I hear? I told you it was a bad idea that I come in here, you have zero self-control."

I smacked his shoulder and pouted.

"It's not that I don't want to, you know."

He had a sneaky glance south and I followed his eyes. He was hard. That appeased me a little bit and made me smile.

"I promise we'll have sex soon, darling. As soon as everyone's gone."

"It's not until tomorrow," I whined.

"The wait will make it even better."

I scoffed but I let it go. We finished rinsing off quietly and rushed to put some clothes back on. Arthur placed one last kiss on my lips before we exited the room, ready to re-enter the party as an official couple. Blech.

We were welcomed on the other side of Arthur's door by a sea of disappointed people making all sorts of groans and boos.

"Come on, man! Seriously?" Val exclaimed.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Cali complained.

"I can't believe I put all that effort in just for you to not have sex anyway," Theo commented.

Only Sigrid was smiling, looking triumphant.

"Yes! Told you guys. Pay up!"

She extended an arm in front of her, demanding money from all the others. There were some more groans but, eventually, everybody ended up putting a ten in her open palm.

"They all said you were going to have sex in there, only I said you wouldn't. We bet money on it, and, surprise, surprise, I won!" Sigrid explained to me gleefully. "People think you're a tough bitch, but I know better. Deep down, you're a big old softie."

I burst out laughing. She was half right. If it was true that I was nicer than I appeared at first glance, I still had my moments. You did not want to cross swords with me in those moments. Arthur's face flushed a bright shade of red.

"'You're dripping on the floor'? 'Go ahead without me'? 'It's a bad idea'? What's wrong with you, dude?" Nate mocked him.

"Yeah, who says no to a shower with their girlfriend?" Gus added.

"You disappointed us all," Val concluded.

"I'm sorry, my friends," I chimed in because it was too funny not to, "I tried my best but he has a will of steel."

"I can't believe y'all underestimated your friend like that," Sigrid gloated. "If I were you, Arthur, I'd switch friends."

"I'm considering it," he muttered between his teeth.

"I hope you're buying me dinner with this money you earned on my back," I told Sig.

"In your dreams, honey. Your persistence almost made me lose. If I use this money on dinner, I'll take Arthur. His determination to not get laid earned me that money."

"Can we please, please, stop talking about my sex life?" Arthur interrupted the banter, his voice pained, his eyes dead set on the floor, and his cheeks redder than before.

"Or lack thereof," Val snickered, and I couldn't help but snort-laugh. Arthur glared at us.

"All right, friends," I interjected once I recovered a calm face. "Let us all go back to the party. As you might have guessed, I'm in desperate need of a drink."

We all laughed one last time, except Arthur, and we went back downstairs.

The rest of the night went amazingly well. We drank a lot, played some stupid games, counted down to midnight, and kissed on the first second of the new year. At some point, Cedric, Sigrid, and myself went outside for a cigarette and we caught up on each other's lives. I hadn't properly talked to Cedric in a while. I didn't want to be to be insensitive by talking to him about Arthur. And also, I didn't want him to gloat over the fact that he had predicted we would get together.

"See? I told you you guys would end up together. Took you long enough!" He said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

What have I just said?

His comment made us laugh. I had missed my friend. Sigrid wrapped her arm around me from my other side.

"We know it is scary to throw yourself out there after years spent swearing off relationships. We're proud of you, babe. This is your first step towards being okay. Are you reasonably happy right now?" She asked almost solemnly.

I took a deep breath, pondering her question.

"I'm as happy as I can be."

"That's all you need, babes."

"She's right, Abs. Just enjoy it, don't overthink it. You deserve this," Cedric agreed with a smile, and I felt a pang in my chest when I remembered all that he had missed in my life lately. Even though we'd said we wouldn't, we had drifted apart a little after he'd essentially said he loved me. I hoped he was over it. Seeing how he'd been flirting with Leo all night, I imagined he was just fine.

"Right. And while I do that, why don't you tell us what's going on between you and Leo."

"It's chill. We slept together a few times, that's pretty much it. We're taking it easy. No labels."

Sigrid rolled her eyes. "I swear to God, you two and your obsession with 'no labels', and 'we'll see where it goes', and 'it's chill'," she made air quotes with her finger for every single imitation, "are going to drive me crazy. Stop trying so hard to be cool and just date!"

"Funny that you mention it," Cedric retorted, "would you consider that you're dating Jeremy, then?"

"It's not the same. He's nineteen and I'm twenty-five, it's nothing serious, we're just having fun. There's nothing hotter than a young man who's trying to prove a point each time we're having sex."

"You might want to break the news to him because he doesn't seem aware of that. He won't shut up about you. I swear, if I hear him mention his 'hot Icelandic girlfriend' one more time, I'll punch him!"

"Dude, seriously? Ugh!"

"Stop trying so hard to be cool and just date!" He mocked her.

She gave him the middle finger, which made Cedric laugh.

"Don't be a smartass. I can't possibly date such a young guy, especially a frat boy!"

"And you think Leo can? I'm twenty-two and a frat boy. And she's thirty."

"Oh damn, I had not realized that."

"Right? Where are your words of wisdom now?" He snickered.

"I can't believe we're now living in an era where Abby is the only one of us dating someone," Sigrid pointed out.

"Yup," I agreed. "Looks like the tables have turned."

"You'd better not screw this up, babe," Sigrid advised me, not bothering to hide the slight threat in her tone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N: Rugby season is back! I am once again posting on my way back from a game.

Next chapter on Friday, please vote and comment.

Love,
Charlie.