Ty's PO-oh my god someone's lighting fireworks outside wtf its not even summer why are you doing that shut up an let me write you can't even buy fireworks in my state there they are again please shut up no one cares about your flashy bombs i'm trying to write here because i actually have a life

I woke up in a hospital bed and gave a deep sigh. I was going to have to interact again with the monstrosity that was my creepy girlfriend.
I looked over to see that she was conveniently sitting in a chair near my bed, on her phone doing god-knows-what. Probably looking up the Team Crafted house on Google Maps or something.
"Kay," I said.
"Ty, this post hasn't gotten 10 likes in the last five minutes, do you think I should take it down?" Kay asked casually, not looking up from her phone.
"Kay," I said.
"What should the caption be? I want it to be something clever," Kay said.
"Kay," I said.
"Oh, how about #live?" Kay asked.
"KAY I HATE EVERYONE."
Kay looked up from her phone.
"Ty?! I'm talking to you and for once you're awake and responding to me in real life and not just in my head?" Kay asked in shock.
"Yes you idiot. I need to tell you something, I hate everyone," I said.
"But you tell me you hate everyone all the time," Kay replied, confused.
I sighed. "No, not I hate everyone, I have to tell you something besides I hate everyone, I hate everyone."
Kay blinked.
"Team Crafted and I are all in comas because somehow we were sent to Minecraft. Also I know what you did to my toaster you little poop nugget, I hate everyone."
"How were you sent to Minecraft? And how were you able to just get out of your coma like this?!" Kay asked.
I laughed. "Like hell I know how! But seriously, get Notch to take us out somehow, because you obviously know him on a personal level to where you can just contact him and have him come here all the way from Sweden to fix us, and not in the 'That's What She Said' way. I hate everyone," I told her.
Kay stared at me. "Wait, can you say all that again? I stopped listening after 'But seriously' and started listening again at 'I hate everyone'."
I sighed. "I'm falling back into the coma now, Kay. Do what I said, okay bye I hate everyone,"
And with that, I laid back down onto the bed and pretended to go back into the coma.
Kay started crying and doing the whole 'don't leave me' thing for like ten minutes, then she calmed down and started talking to me even though I was 'unconscious' again, like 'After we go to the bathroom, do you wanna smoke a cigarette, I really need one.' Then finally, I went back into the stupid coma again.