Blake opens the fridge door as he grabs out the food. He walks back to the kitchen bench and begins chopping the vegetables for a salad. As I gaze over my shoulder, I see out the windows and into the backyard. Jude and Thomas are setting up the outdoor area while we're supposed to be cooking. I've given up helping to reside on the couch. London was up all night crying and I'm pooped.

The sight of Blake whizzing around the kitchen makes things feel normal again, like when we first met and I'd come over. It feels odd to think that's how things were once before everything changed. We can't go back now, I don't know if I want that as an option either.

When I'm up at night by myself, things feel hard. Now that Blake's got more time to spend with me, it makes everything different. I feel like we're running efficiently, or perhaps he's just playing into my day dream that everything appears okay.

A knocking sound filters down the hall. Just a small glace at Blake gives me the immediate impression that he's far too busy preparing the food to have noticed the sound. I remove the blanket from my body and get off the couch. I quickly make my way to the door to answer it.

Tori stands on the other side, freshly dressed in light blue jeans and a black shirt. The bright smile makes me envious, but the small bag over her shoulder makes me confused. Blake must have agreed to let her spend the night here.

"Hi Ava," she says, excitement radiating from her. With a small spring on her step, she steps into the house.

"Hey." I slowly nod my head, still low on energy.

"How have you been?" She gives me a hug and looks around. I close the door and follow her down to the main section of the house. She drops her bag by the couch and walks into the kitchen to greet Blake. He stops chopping the food to wrap his arms around her.

"Hey Tori, you're early," says Blake, suddenly conscious about himself and the mess around him. The house is clean except for the kitchen bench. Blake's spent the morning marinating meat and preparing all sorts of dishes for the barbeque for lunch.

Kyle and my parents are coming along with a few of Tori and Blake's friends. I've never seen Blake or Tori's friends hang around them with London, so I'm curious to see how that plays out.

"I was so excited to see London, I couldn't wait."

"She's just upstairs, probably ready for a bottle soon," I explain.

Tori quickly abandons Blake to head towards the stairs. I let her go up while I follow in tow. Tori goes towards London's cot while I sit on the bed. She scoops her up and cuddles London to her chest.

"How are you my baby girl?" she coos happily.

London struggles in her arms, a dissatisfied look consuming her face. But I avoid mentioning anything as I gaze at the fresh bed sheets. At some point London will get used to this arrangement, it's a good idea she starts now. If Tori feels like she's being replaced, she might not ever leave.

"You look tired, Ava," comments Tori as she sits on the bed with me.

"Just exhausted." I shrug my shoulders. "Blake works while I'm all over the place caring for London. Sometimes I feel like it's just me all the time. It's been a while since Blake did a night feed or spent time with her after work. It's just a basic routine," I mutter.

I don't know why I tell Tori this. I'm supposed to be convincing her everything is okay. But at some point, I bet she'd understand what it feels like.

"I know how you feel." She nods her head. "When London was first born, there were some complications. I found it hard to recover and Blake wasn't really there for me during the feeding, burping or bathing. It wore me down, it made me crazy," she replies. "It's not his fault, we found it hard to adjust."

"I can see where you're coming from."

"People think they can judge me for leaving, but they can't. They don't understand what it's like to go through this by yourself. Sometimes I'd stand there and cry with London." Tori's confession leaves me reeling for more.

"Is that why you left?" I know why she left, but I needed to hear it from her lips.

"London wore me down to the point where I felt I'd never be the right person for her. Physically and emotionally, I couldn't keep going, so I left. They call me a horrible person, but it was either this or ... worse."

"Really?" Tori's shoulders slip forwards as she grips onto London tighter. She gently stokes her cheek before continuing on.

"For a while we ignored it, but eventually the problem was no longer avoidable. He told me to leave, so I did. I hated him for a long time, but it's the only thing that could have helped me." Her words sharply piece my heart. I don't know what to believe or what to say. Would giving her a hug help like Blake?

The avoidance of a name, but simply a, him, makes my stomach churn. Was she hinting that Blake told her to leave and pretended she'd left, or had there been an external factor that drove her out of Blake and London's life?

The more I dig into this mess, the dirtier it becomes. I'm beginning to give myself a name, and helper doesn't feel like a fitting title.

"I'm glad things are working out for the best now." I smile.

London grizzles while kicking her legs up in protest. The slight whiff of poo gives me the impression she needs a change.

"I'll leave you to change London and I'll help Blake downstairs." For a moment, Tori sits there puzzled, but then she screws her face up and nods her head.

"Are you sure?" She laughs.

"Positive." Getting up from the bed, I make my way downstairs.

Blake is almost finished in the kitchen, so I grab the containers and carry them outside. Jude is standing at the barbie with Thomas while Angela is sitting on the pool chairs. I pass the food to Jude before making a beeline over to Angela.

"Hey you," I say.

"Hi, drink?" she offers her large glass of clear liquid.

"Uh, I'm good, thank you." I smile.

As I take a seat, I look towards the boys. Blake walks out and hands the rest of the stuff to Jude, who places it on the bench. Before Blake has a chance to do much else, Jude's already passing over the tongs and apron. He then takes a step back and grabs his beer from the bench, knocking it back nervously.

Tori soon emerges from the house with London in her arms. Instead of walking towards us, she goes towards Jude and Blake. Jude holds up his beer bottle, which makes me frown. Blake steps in and takes London from Tori so she can take a seat near Jude.

I already know that Blake and Tori won't make it as parents together, but I wonder how Tori would go with Jude. Would their relationship withstand the hardships of raising a child, or is it build upon the idea of a dream? She's already passed along London to get closer to Jude.

If Jude and Tori were able to manage a relationship and a child, where would I be? Would I still live with my parents, would I see Blake often, would I be doing something different with my life?

As I'm raising someone else's child, I wonder if this is what I'm supposed to be doing or if this is something I've accidently done. I feel incredibly wrong for thinking it, but it doesn't stop me.

"Keep an eye on her," warns Angela, "I don't trust her, and I certainly don't like her." And with Angela's words ringing through my mind, it's a quick reminder for me to realise that Tori is the reason things would never be more that what they could be.

What is something you regret (sleeping in, an ex-partner?)