Once I left the Agency headquarters, there wasn't much with me. All my stuff was already at my apartment. I still didn't go back there, though.

Instead, I found myself making my way to the on-campus dorm building where Penny lived.

"Coming!" She yelled from behind the closed door when I rapped on it, followed by a few noises like she'd knocked something on the floor, before opening it in an instant, blinking at me. Almost immediately, her eyes widened.

Mine did too. Her lipstick was smudged along her lips, wearing a sweatshirt that wasn't really hers. Too big and from the baseball team. I don't think it was hers.

"Hey, um..." I trailed off, stifling the urge to look over her shoulder. Someone else was in there. "You're busy. Sorry. I...I..."

"Jesus Christ, Dahlia." She whispered--her eyes still wide--before grabbing my arms and pulling me in a tight hug. I tried not to grimace when my throbbing cheekbone nudged against her shoulder. "It's almost been a whole week!"

I almost would've said something but then she pushed me away at arm's length, her gaze raking my face.

"Woah, where are your glasses? You look...weird without them."

I cleared my throat and glanced away. At the floor, at my shoes, and then back at her. Even though I hated wearing contact lenses, it wasn't really a choice at this moment.

"Are you free right now?" I asked her softly.

"We'll talk? You'll tell me everything?" She asked me. "I've been worried, Dahlia."

I nodded. As much as I can tell you, I thought. I wanted to. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to ask her to pull me in a hug again and let me cry. Just a little. I felt confused and a little scared and a little heartbroken. Orias was mad at me. He'd never been so mad at me.

Penny nodded back, then looked over her shoulder and inside her dorm room. When she looked back at me, her cheeks were flushed.

"You've got a boy in there." I blinked and a small, tired laugh left my lips. "Damn, Pen, why did you not just say--"

And then said boy appeared right behind her, all shirtless and tousled hair, and the smile dropped from my lips.

"Neo." I looked at him, then at Penny. She looked a little sheepish. "I...wasn't expecting this."

"Dahlia." He nodded in a mutual greeting, before grinning. "I see you dragged yourself into a fight."

Penny's eyes found my own before lingering over my cheek. A dark bruise that wasn't so dark, now that I had tons of concealer smeared over it.

"How did that happen, Dee? Are you all right?" She stepped towards me, concerned.

I stepped back and her brows furrowed.

"It wasn't a fight." My words were more towards Penny than Neo. I didn't even care what Neo thought. What I cared about was Penny hooking up with him. How was I supposed to tell her that most of Neo's actions weren't out of good intentions?

"I bumped into something." I shook my head, then crossed my arms before looking between them both. I wanted to frown but I didn't think Penny would've appreciated me being so judgemental. "So um, when did this happen?"

Penny's face reddened again.

"Why? Didn't take you as the jealous type, Winters." Neo was still grinning. That fool.

Penny's face reddened even more as she passed him a quick glare.

"I'm not jealous. This just surprised me." I shrugged, then finally frowned at Neo. "Don't do anything that might drag you into a fight, Neo." With me.

"Dee." Penny's voice had an edge of warning in it.

"I don't think you'll fight me, Dahlia." Neo leaned against the doorframe. All calm and casual and slinging an arm across Penny's shoulders. I clenched my jaw just a little. "People might see. Don't want that happening now, do we?"

I stared at him, feeling the tension in my shoulders. He knew. I gripped my elbows a little tighter and tried not to show the need to fidget. Or do something. Punch a wall. Punch Neo. How did he know about me?

"Might see what?" Penny broke the silence, looking at me and then at Neo with a frown.

"I should go." I pursed my lips, then neared Penny and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Be careful, Pen."

"Wait." She stopped me. "We were going to talk though. You've been gone for a week, Dahlia. I've been calling you, looking for you everywhere. What the hell is going on?"

I could feel Neo's gaze on me. It made my skin prick with anxiety and paranoia and exhaustion. God, I was tired. I wanted to go home.

Home. I'd been kicked out of my home. The only place left was my apartment. That didn't feel like a home either. No place seemed like home anymore.

The graveyard. Where my parents' graves lay. The parents I'd never even had a chance to see.

I didn't know where to go.

"I'll call you," I told her, gave her a reassuring smile, then turned around to leave. I was almost down the hallway when I realised that my phone wasn't with me. I still didn't know where it really was. So I turned around to tell Penny, but Neo was already onto her, devouring her with kisses right in the doorway. I heard her giggle.

Grimacing at the scene, I turned back around and left the building.

• • •

I still refused to go back to my apartment, so I went to the Reader's Den instead. Jon had told me that I was always welcome to crash at his bookshop if I wanted. It was small, but it seemed to be the only place that felt safe.

There was a note stuck outside, words that said the store was closed for a few days. I went inside with my spare key and locked the door behind me. The bookshop was quiet and empty. Dark and lonely. I didn't mind.

I went behind the counter and sagged down on the armchair Jon kept there. It smelled like old paper and cardboard boxes. Comforting, for some reason.

Picking up the landline, I dialled Jon's number. It went directly to his voicemail. Again and again and even the third time.

"Hey, Jon. It's Dahlia. I...um, still haven't found my phone. I'm calling from the shop. Your shop. Can you...can you call me back when you see this?" There was a beep and the line hung up.

Placing the phone back, I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes, tipping my head back against the chair.

And then there was this heaviness in my chest. Grasping my heart and crowding my throat. I pulled my knees up against my chest and pressed my face into them, trying to hold it back. The tears, the frustration, the confusion.

Why? I thought. Why did I have to protect Jamie. Why did I have to punch River. Why could I have not just listened to Orias like every other time and stayed away?

I couldn't wipe Orias's face from my head. The disappointed look in his eyes. He'd kicked me out. He'd been so so disappointed with me.

I gritted my teeth until my jaw hurt. Then I got up and moved towards the unpacked cardboard boxes that were still filled with books.

I worked the whole night and cleaned the shelves, wiping the nonexistent dust and calling Jon a few more times. It still kept going to his voicemail. I wondered if I should visit his house.

But then I thought against it and settled over on the purple couch. I cleared it off and laid down and closed my eyes and then I tried to forget it all. Just for a moment. I wished I had my parents' photograph with me. But it was still in my apartment. Away.

I didn't want to go back there.

I nearly dozed off on the couch, comforted by the numerous books and the quiet around me, only to jerk awake when a loud crash resounded in the atmosphere.

I sat up abruptly with wide eyes, blinking and trying to adjust my vision in the dark. The lights were out.

"Shit," I whispered under my breath, slowly getting up and trying not to make a sound as I got out from behind the shelves.

One of the windows near the door was smashed at the very center. A big enough hole for someone to get through. I grimaced and stepped back when I saw hundreds of tiny glass pieces all over the floor.

It could've just been teenagers wreaking havoc around town, but then I felt someone right behind me, a feeling that only passed as dreadful gut instinct, and I whipped around, curling my hand into a fist.

Only to be blocked.

"Fucking hell!" I exclaimed, yanking my wrist away from Jamie's grasp just to glare at him. "What is wrong with you? Can't you be a bit civil and not go around breaking in through windows?"

He blinked, looking surprised before frowning a little. "The door was locked."

"Yes, but you could've knocked!" I waved my hand around at the mess on the floor. "You broke a window. There's glass everywhere! I wanted a bloody peaceful night and I can't even have that!"

"Well." He had the nerve to shrug. "I wasn't sure you'd even be here."

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I pushed past him and pulled out the broom from behind one of the large boxes.

"Just step out of the way." I hissed and pushed him to the side, sweeping the glass shards around one corner.

"What?" He sounded bewildered behind me.

"Go stand somewhere else." I snapped.

Surprisingly, he obliged and stepped aside, going over towards the shelf at a short distance and leaning against it. He wasn't in gear, just some dark jeans and an equally dark sweater. I looked away and continued cleaning the mess.

"So I suppose your Agency kicked you out."

I stiffened but didn't face him. I didn't bother giving him the satisfaction of a response either.

"Is that the reason why you seem so cranky?" He asked.

I heaved out a breath, pushed the broom away and stepped towards the broken window. Lifting my fingers to touch the big gaping hole, I jumped a little when Jamie spoke from right behind me, "Don't touch it, you fool."

I turned around and he was right there.

"What's your problem anyway?" I snapped at him. "What are you doing here?"

He didn't answer my question. Instead, his eyes darted across my face. Blue. So blue. And his voice didn't sound so nonchalant anymore when he spoke up. "Who did that?"

"Did what?"

He reached out his hand towards my face, almost near my cheek, but I flinched away.

He frowned then. "I wasn't going to hurt you."

"Not taking any chances." My voice was laced with sarcasm and his frown deepened even more.

"I healed your head for you."

"And? You want to bash it against the wall again just because I'm not grateful enough?"

He pulled back an inch and I think I saw the hurt in his eyes. Something twisted in my stomach and I clenched my jaw. Not his fault, I told myself. I went against the Agency and that's not his fault.

"I can heal it for you." He offered softly. I didn't want him to speak with me like that. Not with a softness I didn't deserve.

"No, you don't have to."

"I want to."

"I can't do this right now, Jamie. Okay?" My voice hitched a little and his eyes went a little wide. "I'm tired right now. Really tired. And I was looking forward to some sleep until you came barging in."

He blinked, pulled back another inch, then nodded. I hadn't expected him to agree so easily. Still, I hoped he'd leave.

"I don't want you to stay here. You should come back to the apartment."

"Not tonight." I sighed tiredly and leaned against the locked door behind me.

"Why not?" His eyes weren't leaving mine and my temples were starting to throb. "You'd rather stay in this dumpster?"

The fact that I didn't bother getting angry over his comment told me how exhausted I really was.

"I can't, Jamie." I looked up at him, trying to make him understand. Hoping he'd understand. "You know who I am. You are familiar with who I really am. The Agency knows that now. Orias knows that. They think I know about your--Ice Phantom's--real identity too."

"You do." He didn't seem perturbed by any of that.

"Of course, I do!" I exclaimed. "But I can't tell them that. I can't tell them who you really are."

Jamie went silent at that, sidestepped me and started examining the heavy lock on the shop doors.

"Just leave, will you?" I pleaded.

"When will we talk about this, Dahlia?" He asked me, not really looking at me. "You're lying to your Agency for me. To protect me, apparently. Even if I don't need your protection."

I sighed, accepting the fact that I wasn't going to be getting sleep anytime soon, and slid down on the floor, pulling my knees against my chest.

"You punched one of your men for me." He sounded a bit strange. "Why?"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" I raised my hands up in the air, then dropped them back on my knees. My eyelids felt heavy. "Choose the Agency over you. I don't fucking get you all. You want me to do something, I follow your orders, yet you still never are happy. And then I make a tiny mistake and it's all...bloody hell."

Jamie was silent again and I decided that I preferred this, this silence over anything else. Maybe he'd get bored and leave. Maybe he had some other intentions and wanted to steal something and maybe I didn't even fucking care.

I was a bit surprised, however, when he joined right beside me on the floor, sat down and faced me.

"You're not anyone's puppet." He told me.

"Gee, thanks. I'm flattered."

"I'm serious, Dahlia." His voice was still soft. Careful and cautious like he thought I might sock him in the face. Maybe I should. "You've got a right to make your own decisions."

"I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't." I glared at him. "I might not be alive and in the place I am today if it wasn't for Orias or the Agency."

He rolled his eyes at Orias's name. "That bastard has you wrapped all around his little finger, do you know that?"

My heart thudded and I eventually grew tired of glaring at him.

"He made you kill someone." His voice had an edge to it now. "You're a hero. Heroes don't kill people."

"I'm pretty sure they don't."

He sighed a bit frustratedly. "He uses you. Can't you see that? I see it. I saw it every time he told you to come after me. Stop Ice Phantom and his miserably evil plans. I've seen it for years."

I shook my head.

"He kicked you out just because of a little act of defiance. Even after all that loyalty of yours, he doesn't give a shit about you."

"Does it come with your powers? Mentally manipulating people?" I asked him.

He stared at me. He stared at me for a very long time.

"He'll hurt you, Dahlia," Jamie said. "I don't want him or his whole awful pack to hurt you."

"Orias wouldn't."

He sighed, defeated, and leaned back a little, his palms splayed on the floor on either side of him. "What if, let's say, your Agency's plans aren't as decent as they seem?"

"They aren't--"

"Just for the sake of this conversation, yes?"

I huffed frustratedly. "They recruit people to protect this city. From people like you."

"Ah, yes." He nodded. "That."

"Everything that the Agency is doing is for the good of--"

"Humanity, yes, I've heard it." He looked up at the ceiling. "But who believes in all that crap, that's the question."

I chose to remain silent and rubbed my face. Even the soft sting over my cheekbone felt more welcoming than this--this absurd conversation with Jamie.

"They have secrets."

"Just like everyone does," I told him. "Don't you?"

He blinked in surprise, looking down at me. "What?"

"I heard your family is dead." I gave him a look. "And I also heard that you killed them."

Jamie's eyes widened and he didn't say anything.

"Your aunt too. What I don't get is why you lied to me about that. It wasn't like I suspected you to be Ice Phantom at that time." I added, letting my legs stretch out in front of me. "Neither had I asked you to tell me about your family at that moment."

"I didn't lie about that." He spoke through gritted teeth. And yes, I realised as I glanced at him, he seemed mad. It was strangely relieving than when he was constantly saying shit about the Agency.

"'Course, you didn't," I muttered dryly.

"I didn't." His voice came out harsh as he leaned towards me. "I didn't kill my parents. They're alive and having a fucking perfect life without me."

I stiffened a little and so did the air around me. Not metaphorically. It really did feel like all the particles in the air had just stopped moving. Frozen.

A chill ran up my spine.

"And I didn't kill her either." He was seething now. My mouth went dry. "I didn't kill my aunt."

But there wasn't any hatred in his voice like there had been when he was talking about his parents. There wasn't any hate. Just underlying blame. I don't know how I caught it, but I did. His words were directed more towards himself than they were being thrown at me. Like he was trying to reassure himself that it wasn't him who'd killed his aunt.

I didn't know what to make of it.

But since hidden meanings weren't really what I was looking forward to right now, sleep-deprived and exhausted, I decided to come clean with him.

"Are you trying to convince yourself or me?" I asked him.

He blinked, a little disgruntled, and then glared at me. At least the anger was back. I didn't really know how to handle him when he wasn't angry.

"So..." I sighed and waved my hand in the air. "Since we're apparently going to chat all night, conversing like two not-so-mortal enemies, I'll be kind and ask you. Just for the sake of this conversation."

He seemed a little wounded like someone had just kicked his puppy or something.

Crossing my legs, I faced him. "How did she die?"

Jamie looked speechless. It was a look that I rarely ever saw on his face, or Ice Phantom's (not that I'd ever been able to see his face anyway).

"She..." He trailed off, eyeing me with those big blue eyes. I almost caved in, telling myself how insensitive I was being when I saw the immense sadness on his face. He wasn't even trying to hide it. Why not? Why wasn't he hiding it? Why show it to me now?

"Yes?" I prompted.

He looked away and down on the floor, his brows furrowing just a bit.

I waited and waited and would've finally given up when he spoke,

"She died in a fire."

I looked at him in surprise, but he wasn't really looking at me. The silence felt heavy.

"She...she didn't let me help her." His voice fell down just above a whisper. And my heart thudded. Loud and painful. "Her house blew up. I was out. I didn't know what was happening until I came back. She was still alive when I went in. The...smoke and fire gets me a little..."

He trailed off, looking for the right word.

"Scared?" I offered.

"Agitated." He tipped his head back. I watched the movement of his throat as he swallowed. "I don't like it. Too much heat boggles my senses. I tried helping her out, but I...hurt people when I'm agitated. She was bleeding. Her back was bleeding. I think I did that. I don't remember. I tried to heal her but it kept getting worse. She...she died."

I stared at him in silence, horrifying silence, his words heavy and still lingering in the air.

He refused to meet my gaze and I felt awful. So awful. Why had I touched on this topic anyway? What was wrong with me?

"I...I'm sorry." My voice fell to a whisper. He breathed out a sad little laugh and my throat clenched.

"Not because of what happened to your...aunt," I added, because no one liked pity. "I just...I shouldn't have just forced you to tell me about her."

"You didn't." He told me, yet he still wasn't looking at me.

I felt horrible.

"I don't think it was your fault, Jamie," I told him, and I winced because I had just said the exact opposite of it a few seconds ago. Orias, I thought. Why had Orias told me the opposite of what Jamie was telling me?

"I know." I saw him clenching and unclenching his hands. "She made me promise."

"Yeah?"

He nodded briskly. "She was hurt and in pain yet the only thing she kept saying was that it wasn't my fault. She made me promise to not think otherwise."

All those times, I realised, when I'd thought he had a fear of fire. There was a reason behind it.

"I'm sorry for whatever I said before," I told him, furrowing my brows. Then rubbed my forehead. "Jesus."

He just shrugged.

"Maybe...maybe the Agency was wrong about you." He looked up at me, finally, and one corner of his lips tugged upwards. "I'm not saying that they lie. They must've...had a reason."

"Reasons." He hummed, then tilted his head a bit to the side. "How did your parents die?"

The sudden question threw me off-guard. I only stared at him for the first few seconds.

"Oh." I blinked. "They..." And then I frowned. Because they'd died in a fire too. "They died in a fire."

Jamie didn't seem surprised. He didn't seem like anything.

"That's what Orias told me," I added.

"Makes you wonder if he lied about that too, doesn't it?"

"No." I frowned, then glared at him. "Can you stop doing that? I get that you hate them, but you don't have to ingrain it in my head. I don't hate them, Jamie. They're my family."

He stared right back. "Family can hurt you too, Dahlia."

His parents, I thought. I wanted to ask him about them, but I didn't. Finding out about his aunt was enough for one night.

Shaking my head at no one in particular, I stood up, dusting off my pyjama bottoms. "You know what? This was nice. I appreciated our little chat. It's way past midnight now. You should go."

Jamie looked up at me with those big blue eyes and I had this crazy, stupid urge to go back down on my knees, grab his face and kiss him senseless. I wanted to. I wanted to tell him that everything was all right, I wanted to shield him away from all the horrible things that had happened in his past. Touch him and kiss him and feel his lips. I'd only done it once, and it ached inside me to think of the memory alone.

But I couldn't. I'd already ruined enough.

"What if I don't want to go?"

"Jamie--"

He stood up fast and stepped in front of me. So close and no space in between.

"There's something else." He told me and I frowned a little at the underlying urgency in his voice. Almost as if he wanted to get it out before I forced him out of here. "I...that day...at college."

I didn't have to ask him what day he was talking about. The day we kissed in that boys' restroom. Was he talking about the kiss? I pressed back against the counter, my eyes wide.

"What?" I breathed out.

He frowned, looked away, then back at me. Conflicted. "You did something."

My face heated up. "Wha...Jamie, that's like the worst way to phrase it. Are you for real?"

He seemed confused for a moment. Then it went away just as quickly as he regarded me with an indecipherable look. "I'm not talking about the kiss."

Oh. Oh fuck. "Right," I whispered weakly. "What...are you saying then?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his already dishevelled hair. I remembered the softness. God, this was stupid. I got kicked out of the Agency just for befriending him. How would Orias react if he found out that I wanted more than just a kiss from Jamie? From Ice Phantom.

"You did something." He repeated. "You kissed me and you did something there and when you touched my hand--"

"You blew up." My voice came out strained. I had to clear my throat. "Yes, I do remember that. Why are we...not forgetting about it?"

"I didn't blow up." There was this hidden force in his words. "You know what blowing up is like. If I'd blown up, everything would've been ruined around us."

"Everything did get ruined around us." I deadpanned, crossing my arms self-consciously over my chest. "You iced over the whole restroom. I knocked my head on the counter and almost bled to death. Wasn't that dramatic enough?"

"No." He shook his head, running both his hands through his hair again and holding the strands back from his forehead. Jamie seemed frustrated. "You should've died."

"Okay." I stretched it out warily, trying to sidestep him when he grabbed my arm and held me in place. Just inches away. A soft whisper of a shiver ran down my spine.

"Dahlia," he whispered, his eyes so soft and pleading. "You did something to me."

I didn't understand what he was saying. Not any of his words were making sense. Though the way he was looking at me, I could've probably stared at him for eternity.

But then the landline rang, and the moment broke.

I tugged my arm away from him, watched him frown, and rounded the counter to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" I answered. My hands were shaking a bit.

"Dahlia!" A woman's voice came from the other end. She sounded a bit familiar. "Is this Dahlia? I tried phoning you multiple times but your number was switched off and--"

"Linda." I recognized her. Jon's wife. "Hey, yeah this is me. Dahlia. What happened? You sound strange."

I felt a movement behind me and saw Jamie from the corner of my eye, leaning against the counter right beside me. Our arms briefly touched and my breath hitched quietly.

"Dahlia, oh dear." Her voice was thick with emotion. "Jon's...I don't know what happened. I had barely just left the house and then there were these people and oh God, Jon was bleeding."

Everything fell completely dead silent around me.

"What?" I whispered.

"He's in the hospital. It's been hours now, I tried calling you but you weren't picking up." She continued in a rush. "I wouldn't have worried you, sweetie, but Jon asked me when they took him in the ambulance. I don't know--I don't know how this happened."

She sounded scared. Anguished. Crying.

My eyes widened. "What...where is he? What ambulance? What hospital? I'll be right there. Just...can you..."

Jamie nudged my arm and I looked at him and his brows were furrowed in concern. I was shaking. I think I was.

"You don't have to, sweetie." She murmured. "It's already too late and--"

"Linda." I forced it out. "Tell me. Please. Where is he?"

Jon was hurt. He was injured and bleeding.

Before Linda could've spoken anything, I blurted out. "Is he fine? I mean, did the doctors say anything? How bad is it? He's fine, right?"

She made a sound on the other end and my heart raced. She didn't say anything, no answers to my questions. All she did was tell me the hospital's name.

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me, told her I'd be there soon, and hung up.

"What happened?" Jamie asked me, sounding a little too cautious.

"There's...he...he's bleeding and I...I think..." My mind was racing with thoughts and thoughts and horrifying scenarios. The glass vial, I thought. Jon had been looking into it and all that hacked data from the Agency. All the stuff I had asked of him.

"Dahlia." Jamie gripped both of my arms tightly. I felt a little dizzy but grounded at the very same time. My head seemed to hum and tingle. Weird. "You're freaking out."

"No." I shook my head. Then shook it again. "We've...got to go. Can you--"

"Of course." He took my hand in his, intertwined our fingers, and started dragging me towards the door. I quickly put on my shoes and Jamie grabbed my jacket from where it hung. "Where?"

I told him where--the hospital.