CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
drowning on dry land.
season three, episodes
fifteen and sixteen.

          ONCE AGAIN, CASSIE HAD THE FEELING. The same feeling she'd had far too many times in her twenty three years of life. The bad feeling, that's always right. The feeling she had the day Denny died, when she almost got blown up, and many times before that.

So, she was staying in bed.

"Cassie, you can't just stay in bed all day," Derek rolled his eyes, staring at the small lump hidden under the covers that he assumed was her body.

After pulling Meredith out of the bathtub so she wouldn't drown herself less than ten minutes before, he really couldn't handle another person he cared about acting strange.

"I'm pretty sure I can," Cassie retorted, her voice muffled by the comforter.

"Okay, let me rephrase," he sighed. "I'm not going to let you stay in bed all day."

"What are you going to do? Drag me out by my hair?"

Derek smiled tightly. "If I have to, yes."

"Ugh, Derek!" Cassie groaned, throwing the covers down and sitting up to face him. She leaned against the headboard, her arms crossed over her chest. "It's only one day, just let me stay home."

"You're an intern, Cass. You don't just get to decide when you feel like coming in to work. You save lives for a living. Get up, get dressed, and get your ass out that door, now."

Cassie narrowed her eyes at him. "You totally stole that from Cristina."

"I— I may have called her."

"I'm not leaving this bed, Derek."

Derek sighed for the millionth time that morning, and sat on the edge of the bed. "What's wrong, Eeyore?"

Cassie glared at him for the nickname. "I am not Eeyore."

"You're totally Eeyore," he smirked, before turning more serious. "Tell me."

"I have the feeling," she blurted. "And before you say anything, I just want to remind you that whenever I have the feeling, people die."

"Cass—"

"My mom, Dylan the bomb squad guy, my dog Oreo. Remember Oreo?" she paused, reminiscing. "Anyway, the list goes on. Denny, your marriage with Addison—"

"Okay, I get it."

"I'm sorry, but it's true," Cassie shrugged. "This time, it might be me, Derek. I'm staying home."

"Are you sure that this isn't just you needing a day off?" Derek wondered. "I mean, you've been working really hard recently, maybe you just need some time to—"

"Sitting at home and waiting to get a call that someone I love is dead, is hardly a day off. I'm not going to work, and that's final."

He racked his brain for a solution to her worry, now accepting the fact that work wasn't an option.

"Why don't you at least leave the house? You could do something that you love, something that calms you."

She looked at him skeptically. "Like what?"

"Well, I know how much you love ferryboats. The weather is supposed to be perfect today," Derek suggested. "It'll be cold, but that's how you like it."

"I do love to wear sweaters," she shrugged.

"Exactly. It'll take your mind off of it."

Cassie considered this for a moment. "Yeah, that does sound nice, I guess. I don't know, maybe."

"Everything is going to fine, Cass. I promise," he smiled, heading for the door. At the last second, he turned around. "Hey Cassie?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you in case you die," he smiled.

She returned the smile. "I love you in case you die. Sorry in advance if that happens, by the way. My bad."

☆

"Where's Cassie?" Cristina asked as she got changed in the locker room.

"She's staying home," George said. "Apparently, she has the feeling again."

"Seriously? I told Shepherd exactly what to say," she huffed. "McDreamy totally McSucks."

In reality, Cristina was upset that she couldn't tell her the big news - she was engaged to Burke. The first people she wanted to tell were Cassie and Meredith, the latter being in a pissy mood, so she decided to wait. She knew how happy Cassie would be for her, so it sucked that she had to wait until the next day.

"She's staying home, so you could just call her," he suggested.

Cristina sighed. It's better than nothing, she thought. She dialed her number, and it picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Cass, I have something to tell you," Cristina grinned.

"What? It's really loud. Hold on."

"Where are you? It sounds windy."

"Sorry, I can't hear you, it's windy."

"Where are—"

"Cristina?"

"Cass, can you hear me?"

"I can't hear you, I'll just call you back later, okay?"

"No, wait—"

"Okay, I love you, bye," Cassie said, hanging up the phone without waiting for a response.

Cristina rolled her eyes in annoyance, shoved her phone back into her locker, and left for morning rounds.

☆

Later that morning, the interns were practicing triage in the clinic. The exercise was run by Bailey, who was mildly irritated, since one of her interns didn't bother to show up.

In the middle of a scenario, the Chief entered with a serious facial expression. "People, look, I'm sorry. I have to interrupt the session for a moment."

"Do you need something, sir?"

"We just received word of a mass causality incident nearby. All available level one trauma centers have been asked to respond. I need to send a team into the field immediately."

Cristina furrowed her brows. "Is this a part of the exercise? Are we supposed to act appropriately, uh, tense?"

Webber shook his head solemnly. "This is not an exercise or a drill, Yang. This is an emergent situation and I need all hands on deck."

"Seriously?"

"What happened?"

"I don't have details, just orders. Also, can someone please call Dr. Harper and tell her to come in immediately? All hands, means all hands."

Bailey nodded. "Will do, Chief."

☆

Cassie couldn't move.

There was a loud ringing in her ears, the volume preventing her from hearing anything other than the beating of her own heart.

Questioning her consciousness, she slowly opened her eyes as far as they would go, and was met with nothing other than a blurry outline of whatever was above her.

She second Cassie smelled smoke, she froze.

Screams.

Fire.

Blood.

It slowly began to come back to her.

☆

Izzie, George, Alex, Meredith, and Bailey arrived at the scene. What they saw was the furthest thing from what they expected. It was utter destruction. There were injured people and support personnel everywhere, a ferry boat on fire, and the body count was already in the double digits.

Izzie looked around with wide eyes. "Holy mother of... Dr. Bailey, where do you need us?"

"Where should we start first?" Meredith asked.

George tilted his head when the resident didn't respond. "Dr. Bailey?"

"Okay, um, I don't have time to hold your hands," Bailey waved them off. "You know the protocol. Go do it."

"Do what?" Alex questioned.

"Go, help people."

☆

Cassie's breathing was shallow, causing her chest to move up and down at a rapid pace. She was too scared to move.

"You're okay," she whispered to herself, her eyes snapped open and unfocused. Water unknowingly pooled in her eyes, as her gaze frantically darted around the empty space surrounding her. "You're okay, you're okay, you're okay, you're okay."

Being a surgeon, Cassie was self aware enough to realize that she was in shock, but if anything, that made her even more nervous. When someone is in shock, it's nearly impossible for them to feel the extent of their injuries.

For all she knew, she could've been dying.

"Help!" a small voice startled her from her spiraling thoughts, echoing from a location Cassie couldn't decipher.

Finally able to see somewhat clearly, Cassie attempted to find the source of the plea. She was alone, underneath what looked like an abandoned overpass. The ferry was far enough away that no one was around, though she was laying only a few feet away from the edge of the water.

"Help me, please!" the voice screamed once again. Now fully alert, Cassie tilted her chin downwards so it was resting against her chest. "It hurts!"

She froze in place at the sight of a young girl, no older than six, with her arm trapped under what seemed to be a large piece of metal.

But the worst part, was that the girl was staring directly at her.

Cassie still couldn't move.

☆

"This doesn't make sense," Derek shook his head. "Ferryboats don't get in accidents. The moment you take one for granted, along comes a container ship... and bam." Burke just looked at him blankly, causing him to shrug. "I have a thing for ferryboats."

"Hm," Burke hummed.

"I mean, this whole day has just been... there's something wrong with Meredith. I asked her what's wrong, she says nothing. She tries to drown herself in the tub. Not... actually drown. I don't think. Something was going on, and she will not talk about it. I mean, we were fine, now it's like I'm living with a ghost."

"Huh."

"Don't even get me started on Cassie," he sighed. "She refuses to go to work today because of a feeling. Granted, she's only had the feeling on days when someone dies, but I think it's more than that. Call it paranoia, or something else, but she's not okay. She's not okay, and she won't admit it."

"You're confiding in me?"

"Yes."

Burke looked at him. "Cristina and I are engaged."

"Congratulations," Derek said, surprised.

"I mean, she doesn't want to tell anyone. At least not until she tells Meredith and Cassie first."

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "They're different then other women."

"Yes, these women. Yes they are."

"I mean, maybe we'll never know them, really know them," he shrugged. "Now that you and Cristina are engaged, you'll have a lot of work to do."

"You and Yang are getting hitched?" Mark interrupted, clapping Burke on the shoulder.

Unfortunately, Cristina just so happened to be walking past at that very moment. "You told them?! I haven't told Mer or Cass yet!"

"Why not?" Derek wondered.

"Meredith was being all cranky, and when I called Cassie, she said that it was too loud and she'd call me back," Cristina shrugged.

"Too loud?" Derek asked, as realization slowly came across his features. "What did it sound like?"

"I— what?"

"What did it sound like?" he asked urgently.

"Derek?" Mark frowned. "You good?"

"Um," Cristina hesitated. "Windy? She, uh, she said it was windy."

Burke and Mark noticed the distress Derek was in, sharing a nervous look. "Shepherd?"

"Derek, you alright?"

"I think—" he gulped. "I think Cassie was on a ferryboat."

The four stared at each other in silence, eyes wide and hearts pounding.

☆

"Pull yourself together," Cassie mumbled, working up the courage to move. "You're fine. Just stand up. You're fine."

With the pained cries of the little girl echoing in her ears, she moved to her elbows.

A sharp pain shot through her chest, which was gone as soon as it came. But the girl needed her help, so she brushed it off.

The girl suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs, gaining Cassie's full attention. In one quick movement, she got to her feet and rushed over, disregarding the possibility that she really was injured.

"Hi sweetie," Cassie said, bending down on one knee in front of her. The girl backed away slightly, but couldn't move very far considering that her arm was stuck. "It's okay, I'm here to help. My name is Cassie, what's your name?"

"A-Anabelle," she whimpered quietly. "My mommy calls me Ana."

"Ana," Cassie said, attempting a smile in the hopes of calming her down. "I'm a doctor, so I don't want you to worry."

"It hurts."

"I know, sweetheart, but I can help. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay," Cassie breathed out, staring at the chunk of heavy machinery weighing down the tiny limb. "Okay."

☆

"What do you got? Okay, someone hand me some bandages. Okay, stop here," Derek ordered when he arrived on scene.

In the back of his mind, he knew that Cassie wasn't okay. He just... knew.

But he still had to be a doctor, so he convinced himself that she was okay. That it was all a misunderstanding, and she wasn't on that ferry.

"Derek," Meredith said, coming up to him.

"Meredith, hey, you got a free hand? Here, hold this bandage for me," he said as he noticed the look on her face. "You all right?"

"Yeah, it's just a lot."

"Have you heard from Cassie?"

"What?" she frowned. "No, not since I left this morning. She hasn't been answering her phone. Why?"

He hesitated for a moment, before shaking his head nonchalantly. "No reason."

☆

Pulse in her wrist is weak, but it's there, Cassie thought, mentally running through the standard trauma protocol she'd been taught. Vitals... I'm in the middle of an abandoned fucking highway, how the hell would I know her vitals.

Cassie watched in horror as the girl's arm turned a light shade of blue, signaling that the blood flow was being cut off.

If she didn't act fast, Ana would lose her arm.

"Ana," she said, attempting to be calm as she lightly pressed a nail into the girl's bicep. "Can you feel this?"

Ana shook her head, tears spilling from her eyes as she whimpered. "No."

The metal was heavy, but she could lift it; that wasn't the problem.

The problem, was that if she lifted the metal off Ana's arm before the limb was receiving oxygen, the sudden rush of blood may cause the girl's heart to fail completely.

Cassie only had one option, which she felt neither qualified nor confident enough to do. She needed to perform a bilateral fasciotomy, in order to relieve the pressure in the arm and restore blood flow.

Essentially, Cassie had to slash Ana's wrist, while the girl was still fully conscious.

"Okay," Cassie said out loud for the millionth time. "Ana, I need to make a cut on your arm, otherwise it won't feel any better. It might hurt a little bit at first, and it will be scary, but then it will be all better. Do you understand?"

Ana continued to cry, resting her head on Cassie's leg. "No."

"Ana," she sighed, "I need you to be brave, alright? Can you do that? Can you be brave?"

With tearful doe eyes, Ana looked up at her.

"Okay."

☆

"How are we doing?" Derek asked as Bailey loaded a patient into an ambulance.

"It's bad. A lot of survivors, so, it's something."

"Yeah, it is."

Bailey looked around the crowded dock. "Have you seen Stevens?"

"No."

"What about O'Malley? Grey?"

"Grey was— I saw Grey about ten minutes ago. She was on her way over to you with a kid." Derek frowned. "You haven't seen her?"

"Nope. I gotta head out with this one, so, keep an eye on my interns. All right?"

"I'll do my best," he nodded, stopping her before she could shut the doors. "Wait, Bailey, have you seen Cassie anywhere?"

"Wasn't she at home today?" Bailey frowned.

"She was thinking about taking a ride on a ferryboat. I think she, um..." he trailed off, giving her a knowing look.

Bailey's breath caught in her throat. "I'll, uh, I'll look when I get to the hospital, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm sure she's fine, Shepherd."

"Yeah. She's fine."

☆

"I need you to monitor Collins in 2323," Cristina said to a few doctors at the nurses station back at the hospital. "Page me if his systolic drops below ninety. I gave him a low dose of dig to lower his heart rate, and have either of you seen Dr. Grey or Dr. Harper?"

"Uh, I checked on her earlier, but she's a little sedate today," they said, "and no, I haven't."

Cristina shook her head. "Not Dr. Ellis Grey. Dr. Meredith Grey. And what do you mean, no?"

"No," the nurse repeated.

"Dr. Grey? Not since this morning," another nurse said. "Everyone has been trying to contact Dr. Harper, but we're coming up empty."

Cristina sighed worriedly. "Fine. Um, if there's anything emergent, page me in the pit."

☆

Cassie's hand shook as she held the sharp piece of glass between her fingers. The shock had begun to wear off, leaving her with a pounding headache.

As she was taking a moment to breathe, Cassie finally looked down at herself, nearly jumping at the sight of her disheveled state.

Cuts and bruises were visible under her ripped clothing, though they didn't hurt all that badly.

What concerned her, was the blood soaking the upper half of her shirt from an unknown source. Luckily, her top was black, so Ana wouldn't see it and get scared.

"Ana, I want you to hold this in your mouth," Cassie instructed, holding a bundled up piece of fabric she'd ripped off from the cardigan she was wearing.

"Why?" Ana pouted, still crying from the pain.

"Because," she said soothingly. "Sometimes, when people are hurt, they yell. Which is okay, but I need it to be really quiet when I do this."

The girl turned her head to the side. "No, don't wanna. Want my mommy."

Cassie sighed nervously. "I know, sweetheart, but you need to. You're so brave, Ana. I know this is scary, but can you keep being brave for me?"

Ana reluctantly nodded, taking the sweater in her mouth and biting down.

Cassie took a deep breath, moving the glass closer to her skin. She gave Ana one last reassuring smile.

And then, she made the cut.

☆

At the hospital, patients were being treated and the morgue was filling up. The doctors were busy, too busy to notice that two of their interns were nowhere in sight.

"How's she doing?" Alex asked Addison, referencing his patient that he saved from being crushed to death.

"Well, we won't know until we get her up to the OR," she shook her head. "She's still a Jane Doe?"

"Yeah."

"To be in that condition and have no one that even knows," Addison sighed, a thoughtful look on her face.

"What?"

"She's all alone. It makes you think. I mean, if I went missing... would anyone even know I was gone?"

☆

Mark sat in the on call room, staring silently at the wall and trying to convince himself that this wasn't happening.

Callie opened the door, pausing in the frame when she realized she wasn't alone. "Oh, sorry, I— Mark? Woah, hey, are you alright?"

"Cassie," he mumbled. "Derek thinks she was on the ferryboat."

Callie's eyes widened. "Oh, my god."

Mark looked up at her, unshed tears in his eyes. "I can't lose her, Torres."

"I'm sure she's okay," she said, moving to sit down next to him. "I mean, Harper's a badass. She can survive anything."

"I can't lose her."

"You know, she's probably—"

Callie cut herself off as Mark began to cry, leaning into her for comfort.

"I can't lose her," he sobbed. "I-I can't lose her." She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, and he continued to cry into her chest. "I can't lose her."

☆

"I know it hurts, I know," Cassie sympathized as she ran the shard of glass vertically down Ana's wrist. "It's almost over, it's almost over."

Ana screamed at the top of her lungs, rightfully so, though it made it difficult for Cassie to concentrate on what she was doing.

Soon, blood began gushing from the cut. Cassie removed the sweater from the girl's mouth, applied pressure to the cut, and tied a tight knot to keep her from bleeding out.

With a grunt, she lifted the piece of metal, tossing it to the side and away from Ana.

The arm slowly regained color, making Cassie smile in relief.

She'd saved Ana's life.

She moved to sit while Ana calmed down, taking a moment to herself to avoid an oncoming panic attack. She looked out into the calm water, avoiding looking at the burning ferryboat not too far away.

Everything was okay after all.

Until it wasn't.

Cassie squinted, her gaze latched onto something floating on top of the water.

No, someone floating on top of the water.

Someone with blonde hair, wearing blue scrubs not unlike the ones she had in her locker back at the hospital.

It finally clicked.

"Oh my god," she gasped, her hand flying over her mouth. "Oh my god."

"Are you okay?" Ana wondered, holding her arm in the makeshift sling Cassie had made.

"Ana," Cassie said, deathly calm. "I need you to run. See those yellow tents over there?" she pointed across the water. "I need you to run, get search and rescue— the people in the bright coats, and bring them here, now."

Ana frowned. "But—"

"Run," Cassie ordered, taking off her shoes. "And tell them to hurry. Because to be honest, I don't really know how to swim."

☆

"HELP!"

Derek looked up from his patient, snapping his gaze upwards immediately to the source of the familiar voice.

"Cass?"

Cassie panted, spotting him from several yards away, screaming his name as she came up from the entrance to the water. "DEREK, HELP!"

What he saw in that moment, was an image he would never be able to get out of his head.

Cassie came up the stairs, dripping wet, supporting the weight of a dead Meredith Grey on her shoulders.

"Oh my god," he mumbled, water filling his eyes as he sprinted over to take his girlfriend's unconscious body from his sister's arms.

"She's dead, Derek," Cassie cried, her heart thumping in her chest, eyes wider than saucers, her tears mixing with blood and salt water. "I think she's dead."

Derek looked between them. "Cass, are you—"

"I'm fine!" she yelled, as if it were completely absurd he was concerned for her. "I'm fine, but she's not! You need to do something!"

In a split second, Derek made the choice to focus on Meredith. Cassie seemed to be fine, whereas Meredith definitely wasn't. It was the only logical option.

He loaded her into the ambulance, doing compressions, and spared one last concerned look at his sister before the ambulance doors shut.

Cassie stared after them, her breathing extremely labored.

All of a sudden, after Derek was gone and search and rescue had left to focus on another patient...

She collapsed.

And slowly...

When no one noticed...

She lost her pulse.

author's note —
uh oh spaghettio