CHAPTER SIXTY SIX
holidaze.
season six, episode ten.

THANKSGIVING DAY

          CASSIE STOOD OUTSIDE OF HER PATIENT'S ROOM, WAITING FOR DEREK AS SHE MUNCHED ON A BOX OF COOKIES. Just after she took a bite, he appeared by her side holding the lab results they'd been waiting on. "Wan' a cookie?" Cassie offered in the midst of chewing, making him cringe. Derek glanced down at the box, seeing about a dozen sugar cookies, each of them frosted to look like a turkey.

Derek shook his head. "Where did you get those?"

"Mama Shepherd sent them to me," she shrugged, once again holding out the box for him to take one. "Seriously, they're really good, you should try one."

"Wait, mom sent you cookies?"

Cassie nodded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Yeah, she does every holiday. Why?" Glancing up to see the upset and slightly distraught frown on his face, Cassie paused, a small smile growing on her features. She let out a snort of amusement, teasingly waving the cookie in his face. "You didn't get any, did you?"

"No, I—" Derek stuttered, tripping over his words. Sending a resentful look at the half eaten turkey cookie in her hand, he narrowed his eyes at her. "Yes, I-I did, it's just—"

"Your mom loves me more than you," Cassie sing-songed, a wide grin taking residence on her face. "It's a bit ironic, if you consider the fact that we're not even related."

"You're not funny."

"Who said I was joking?"

With a roll of his eyes, Derek elbowed her in the ribs, making her let out a hearty chuckle as he handed her the lab results for their patient, Nicholas. "When you're done bullying me, feel free to take a look."

"So sensitive," she mumbled with a smile, which soon vanished as she read over the paper in her hands. "He has an arteriovenous malformation?" Derek nodded, taking the paper from her hands once she read through it all. "Poor kid."

"We've gotta get him into surgery right away," he sighed, motioning towards Nicholas' room where he was being checked over by Lexie. "Page Caldwell, have him meet us up in the OR."

"Page Robbins?" Cassie replied with faux obliviousness, reaching down to her pager and quickly typing in the blonde attending's number before he could do anything about it. "Yeah, you got it."

"No, I said—"

"Say no more, it's already done."

"I said Caldwell, not—"

"Cool, see you up there!"

Stunned as she hurried away without another word, Derek scoffed in disbelief, the box of cookies she'd forgotten to take with her catching his eye. One of the frosted turkeys stared right at him, making him shift slightly in place.

"She doesn't..." he mumbled to himself, shaking his head in denial. "No, she doesn't love her more than me... does she?"

☆

Cassie entered the scrub room with a frown after Nicholas' surgery, tearing off her mask in frustration and shoving it into the trash bin. In the OR, they realized that without an instrument small enough to fit through the eight year old's nose, there was no possible way of doing the surgery he needed to live. "So what, we're just sending him home to die?"

Arizona and Derek shared a glance, looking back to Cassie with matching frowns. "It's an inoperable AVM, Cass. There's nothing we can do."

"That's the thing," she shook her head, violently scrubbing off her hands in the sink. "It's not inoperable, we just don't have the right size tools to save him."

Arizona began washing her hands on Cassie's left, humming to herself in thought. "What if we made the tools?" Derek and Cassie turned to face her, heads tilted in inquiry. "I mean, we just need a smaller scope, right? Doctors invent stuff all the time, what's stopping us from doing the same?"

"We could get Mark to help," Derek added, looking over Cassie's shoulder at the blonde attending. "Ask the Chief to help fund the equipment—"

"And hopefully, Nicholas will be able to hang on long enough for us to finish it before the AVM blows," Arizona finished his thought, her face brightening up. "You really think we can do it?"

Derek shrugged. "It's worth a shot."

Cassie let a hopeful smile come over her features, eyes sparkling as she sent Arizona a grin. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

Laughing with a friendly wink, Arizona wiped off her hands with a towel, opening the door to the hallway as she made her exit. "Yeah, but I wouldn't mind hearing it again."

After the blonde left the room, there was a comfortable quietness for a moment, each of the siblings brainstorming ways to create the instrument as quick as possible.

Hesitantly, Cassie turned to Derek with a tense smile. "Hey, so we don't really need Mark for this, do we?" Derek sent her a deadpan look. "Listen, I-I'm just saying—"

"We need a plastic surgeon."

"I'm a genius, there's nothing he can do that I can't."

"Mark's an attending," Derek reminded her. "No offense, but despite your IQ, you're only a third year. So to answer your question, yes, we need him."

"If you would just hear me out—"

"Cass, I love you," he prefaced, an exhausted sigh coming out of his mouth. "But I'm not getting in the middle of whatever relationship crap you and Mark have going on this week."

"We're not in a relationship," Cassie corrected him, before giving him a once over with narrowed eyes. "Oh, and you suck, by the way."

Derek rolled his eyes. "No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I—"

"Yes you do."

☆

"This is the best Thanksgiving ever," Cristina said, her eyes focused on the banana she was suturing. Cassie took a bite of her sandwich, watching her technique in action. "No obnoxious relatives, no stupid traditions. No going going around the table and saying what we're grateful for."

"Yeah, I think we should do the opposite," Alex supplied, making Cassie raise a brow in interest. "Talk about what we're not grateful for."

"The merger," Cristina started with confidence.

"The Mercy Westers," Meredith added.

Alex nodded with a huff. "They're like the plague. I mean, they're stealing all our surgeries, eating all that pie at the nurses station."

"Men," Cassie said after a brief pause. "I'm not grateful for men. Or Derek." Meredith opened her mouth to speak, but the brunette cut her off before she could. "I know he's a man," she rolled her eyes, "but he gets a special mention."

Meredith took a bite of her salad. "What did Derek do?"

"He has me on a case with Mark because our patient needs a plastics guy."

Alex looked at her in question. "So, basically, you're mad at Shepherd 'cause he's doing his job?"

Cassie set down her sandwich, sending Alex a long glare, before turning to face Meredith and Cristina. Pointing to him with no intention of hiding it, she shrugged, a wry grin painted on her lips. "Like I said. Men."

Cristina snorted, making Alex toss a suture kit at her in retaliation. Meredith's attention was drawn to the stitches that Alex was practicing. "You're doing that wrong."

"I am not," Alex scoffed.

"You are," Meredith insisted, taking the banana from him and plopping it in the middle of the table. "Can I show you?"

Cristina let out a sharp breath as she watched Meredith fix Alex's mistakes. "Private lessons with the Chief... man, those daddy issues are working for you."

"I wish my daddy issues got me special treatment," Cassie sighed, resting her chin on her fist.

Meredith narrowed her eyes, her posture rigid. "I don't have daddy issues," she lied. "He's teaching me."

"You're his bitch," Alex shrugged with a smirk.

"Well in that case," Meredith casually gestured to Cristina, "you're Teddy's bitch."

Cristina nodded to Cassie. "Fine, then she's Shepherd's bitch."

Cassie sighed, a soft, reminiscent look in her eye as she finished her lunch, speaking through a mouthful of food. "I used to be Mark's bitch." A beat later, her lips twitched downwards, her eyes fitting over the others as she played the words back in her mind. "That came out wrong."

"Maybe that's my problem," Alex glanced between them with a pout. "I'm nobody's bitch."

Cristina tilted her head with a mocking smile. "Oh, well, you were Izzie's bitch."

He narrowed his eyes. "You're the bitch."

"Izzie!" Cassie perked up, as if she'd just remembered something exceedingly important. "That's another one. I am not grateful for Izzie." Alex held a hand up in the air for a high five, which Cassie enthusiastically returned.

"You're telling me."

Getting an abrupt feeling that she was being watched, Cassie glanced to the left as she picked up her water to take a sip, halting in her movements when she was met with a semi-familiar pair of green eyes across the cafeteria.

Jackson didn't move, didn't say anything, didn't so much as acknowledge that he'd been caught staring. Uncomfortably shifting in her seat, Cassie sent him a look of contempt.

Alex noticed her unease, gently touching her arm to get her attention. "What's wrong?"

Looking away from Jackson, who was still staring at her as if she had three heads, Cassie rolled her shoulders back as she moved her gaze to meet Alex's.

"Men."

☆

Cassie let out a tired yawn, stretching back in her chair in the hospital's research library. Only a dim lamp lit up the area, aside from the computer she was using to look up potential materials they could use to create the instrument for Nicholas. The keys to the library rested on her left, as she was entrusted to lock up for the night when she was done.

Eyes fitting over the screen, she rubbed her eyes, letting out a groan at the sight of the time in bottom corner, reading 1:04 a.m.. Really, it wasn't her responsibility to find such things in the first place, but since Nicholas was her patient, she took over the responsibility anyways.

Hearing the door creak open, she jumped slightly at the unexpected sound, her head snapping towards the source.

Mark let the door close behind him, his demeanor making it obvious that he didn't expect to see her there, either. "Oh, uh, hey," he stuttered out, not moving any closer. "What are you— I mean, it's Thanksgiving."

Cassie wasn't sure how to respond. Really, she wasn't sure how to talk to him at all, considering how their last interaction went.

"I don't celebrate Thanksgiving," she shrugged, the reply coming out as a near whisper.

"I know," Mark nodded, shaking his head once to himself as if to clear his thoughts. "Yeah, I know that, I don't know why I..."

Cassie watched his struggle to find the right words, any words. He was at least as uncomfortable as she was, she thought idly, a nearly invisible smirk coming over her lips as she looked up at him. Her voice was soft when she asked, "What are you doing here?"

Mark bit the inside of his cheek, Derek's words replaying in the back of his head. Cass didn't just lose her best friend, Mark. She lost a piece of herself. And for what it's worth, I just... I don't think it's fair of you to blame her for taking time to find that again.

He didn't blame her.

Well, he did, at first. Not intentionally, not with his conscious mind, but he did. Mark didn't understand the weight of her grief, or why it was so complicated for her.

He was there when Cassie lost her mom, and Denny, but not once during those times did she quit her job, or leave someone behind. Leave him behind.

And so, he told her that. He told her how hurt he was, how much he loved her, how much he wished she would just wake up and realize that he was there for her, and that he wasn't going anywhere. It didn't make sense to Mark why this death was so much different than the others.

Now that it did, he wished he could take it all back.

"I'm sorry," he said simply. Cassie's brows caved inwards, more out of confusion than anything else. Mark just stared at her, snapping out of his thoughts moments later. "I, uh, I was planning to do some research for your AVM patient. Robbins filled me in."

He said the words I'm sorry, Cassie was sure of it. But, he also seemed quite intent on pretending that he didn't, so without much of an internal battle, she did the same.

"Join the club," Cassie huffed, gesturing to the computer screen as well as the numerous textbooks and notepads scattered across the desk. Mark raised a brow, almost as if he just now noticed the mess in front of her. "I'm serious," she smiled, finding humor in her own disaster. "I could use some help."

At first, Mark didn't make a move to join her.

It wasn't that he didn't want to. In fact, there was nothing he wanted to do more.

To most people, spending an entire holiday at the hospital while desperately researching a way to save a patient's life probably sounded depresssing; and normally, Mark would run for the hills at the mere thought of missing his beauty sleep.

But this was Cassie's patient, and it was Cassie asking him for help. How could he say no? But, on the other hand, he was supposed to be giving her time. Giving her space.

By the time Mark decided that he was definitely not going to help, that he was going to turn around and go straight back to where he came from, he'd already pulled up a chair beside her and started writing in one of the many notebook scattered across the desk.

Well, it's too late now, he thought to himself with a ghost of a smile, looking over at Cassie, who was intently focused on an article pulled up on the screen. Might as well make the most of it.

"Okay," Mark raised a brow. "So, where are we at?"

☆

CHRISTMAS EVE

"Hey Joe," Cassie waved, throwing her coat over the back of her favorite chair and taking a seat at the bar. The bartender returned the gesture, finishing up with his current customer and making his way towards her.

"Merry Christmas," he smiled down at her, his hands placed on the edge of the counter. "What is it today, scotch, vodka, or tequila?"

Pursing her lips in thought, Cassie shook her head. "Actually, I think I'll just get whatever festive drink you recommend. I am celebrating, after all."

Joe pulled out a large glass filled with ice, mixing a signature cocktail and pouring it in the shaker. "Celebrating... what, the holiday?"

"No, actually," she told him, a proud smile on her face. "Something else."

☆

It was an hour later when Mark walked into the bar, simply planning to have a light drink after a long shift. He stopped in his tracks at the sight of Cassie sitting at the bar, sipping on something that was definitely not her usual shot of tequila.

"Cassandra Harper drinking a fruity cocktail," he amusedly observed, standing only a few feet behind her. Turning around at the sound of his voice, she sent him a playful roll of her eyes. "That's not something I ever thought I'd see."

"It's not fruity, it's festive. Besides, I'm celebrating," Cassie grinned at up him through hooded eyes. The alcohol was beginning to catch up with her, just enough so that her anxieties began to dissipate.

Mark returned the expression, flagging down Joe with a wave as he took a seat on her left. Waiting for the bartender, he raised a single brow in her direction, genuinely curious what she was referring to. "And why is that?"

Biting her lip, she opened her mouth to respond, only to be interrupted by Joe's appearance in front of the two. The bartender let a laugh slip from his lips at the sight of the two of them together, fondly recalling the last six months of a lonesome Cassie making conversation with him as he worked.

"What can I get for you two?"

"Double scotch, single malt," Mark ordered his usual, briefly glancing to the almost empty cup in front of the girl he loved. "And another of... whatever that is. Oh, and two waters, please, with lemon."

Cassie couldn't recall a single time in her life she'd seen Mark drink lemon water. "Lemon?"

"What?" he shrugged nonchalantly, the corners of his lips twitching upwards. "It's an antioxidant. I read an article that said—"

"—lemons contain phytonutrients, which protect your body against disease," she finished his sentence, eyes twinkling under the fairy lights above them. "The phytonutrients have powerful antioxidant properties, which prevent cell damage from oxidation, which is also a similar mechanism to those that cause rust."

Joe glanced between them, passing the beverages to them after handing them each a coaster. "I always forget how smart you are, Cassie," he commented, an amused tone to his voice.

Mark let out a heavy sigh, the grin still fully intact on his features. "I don't."

Pushing Mark's debit card away when he attempted to pay, Joe made a face of indifference. "Hey, I already told Cassie, they're on the house today." Mark sent him a look of confusion. "Oh, did she not tell you—"

Cassie casually cut him off. "I was about to."

Joe nodded in understanding, tossing a rag over his shoulder as he turned away. "I'll leave you to it."

"I, uh," Cassie started, unable to keep the smile away from her lips. "I had a doctors appointment today."

Mark wasn't sure what she was getting at. "A doctors appointment?"

"Just an annual check up," she told him, sensing the apprehension on his face. "Nothing out of the ordinary. Anyways, uh, they just did the normal stuff, checked my blood pressure, weighed me, asked me if there was anything I wanted to discuss."

"I'm lost," he hesitantly admitted.

Cassie took a swig of her drink, a light flush coming over her cheeks as his gaze burned into her skin. "I'm celebrating, because as of today—" she turned to face him, subconsciously leaning in closer, "—for the first time in two years, I'm officially at a healthy weight."

Mark forced himself to bite his cheek in order to keep the building shout of joy from coming out of his mouth. He'd never been more proud of her in his life, including the time he witnessed her beating the crap out of Izzie Stevens. And really, that was saying a lot.

Instead, he raised his glass, softly knocking it against her own as a toast. Cassie smiled at the action. "I'll drink to that." His eyes fitting over her body, which was adorned in a tight red dress in honor of the holiday, Mark finished his drink in a single gulp. "You look beautiful, by the way."

Her movements stilling, Cassie held her drink in mid air, the breath catching at the back of her throat. Mark didn't look away, and it belatedly occurred to Cassie that he knew exactly what he was doing.

"I know," is all she said, staring right back at him.

God, he almost forgot how much he missed her.

Feeling eyes on his back, Mark casually looked around the bar to avoid Cassie's burning gaze. His cheeks felt warm, either from the alcohol or her; at this point, he couldn't really tell.

Cassie watched carefully as his jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing into slits at something across the bar. She followed his eyeline, and even if she wasn't a genius, it was pretty damn obvious to her who the culprit was.

Ethan sat at a table with Callie and Arizona, each of them drinking some fancy holiday cocktail with a candy cane sticking out from the top. The two women seemed to be invested in the conversation, while he simply nodded as they spoke, his focus glued onto someone else, instead.

And as if by some twisted fate, or maybe the universe purposely acting to ruin Cassie's celebratory mood, Ethan wasn't the only person who's eyes were trained on the couple. Cassie saw Jackson just a split second before Mark did, her skin prickling as a disturbing chill ran down her back.

Sure, she looked hot; that, Cassie couldn't deny (nor would she want to). It wasn't unusual for people to stare, especially while dressed up like she was at the moment. Normally, it felt flattering, strangers taking a glimpse in her direction and stopping in their tracks. Cassie was a pretty girl, and she knew that. And lately, with the weight she'd gained, she felt even prettier than usual.

But this... this wasn't making her feel pretty. The gawking, the heated gazes with undefined intentions behind them. Two men, one who she knew and one who she'd barely spoken to, both of them making her feel the opposite of pretty.

Mark didn't like Ethan, that, he was sure of. He didn't really know the Avery kid; he seemed nice enough, but there was something off about him, something familiar, that he couldn't put his finger on. But sensing the way Cassie tensed beside him, he decided that not only did he dislike the two men — he hated them.

"It's fine," Cassie said lowly, once again facing the bar, twirling around her empty cup. Mark's glare faded as he looked back at her, a questioning glint in his eye when she gave him a knowing look. "Men suck, it happens. I can handle it."

"I know you can," Mark conceded, subconsciously scooting his stool closer to her side. Their legs grazed each other, the rough material of his jeans against her bare leg. "Doesn't mean you should have to."

"It's just Ethan," she retorted, saying the name as if it had some deeper meaning. "Seriously, I'm not worried about it. Dude has a staring problem, it's nothing new."

Humming to himself, his eyes narrowed in disbelief, Mark directed one last glare to the pediatric surgeon. He paused, only thinking for a split second before saying his next words. "So, what's his deal, anyways?"

At that moment, Cassie decided that she wanted to go home. "Yeah, no. We are so not doing this again."

"It's an innocent question," Mark said, his tone anything but innocent. "All I know is that you slept with him — which, may I just add, I am not judging you for — but that's obviously not the whole story."

Cassie really wanted to go home. "Oh?" she let out a laugh at the look on his face. "And what exactly do you think the whole story is?"

"I think you were in love with him."

There wasn't any shame in his voice. No hesitation, no question mark at the end of the sentence. Cassie wondered how they went from him calling her beautiful to... this... so fast, but she wasn't exactly surprised.

What did surprise her, however, was that the man who knew her better than anyone else, the man who had been there for her every single day over the past five years, the man who she was half convinced was her fucking soulmate... thought that it was even remotely possible for her to love anyone other than him.

"You're a real idiot, you know."

That wasn't the reply he was expecting.

Mark watched in utter confusion as Cassie got Joe's attention, ordering a straight shot of tequila. After what she just said, he almost joined her. "No, actually, I don't."

Cassie swore he had to be joking.

"You don't see it, do you?"

It was a genuine question, her eyes burning into his own. Green mixed with blue, disbelief mixed with confusion. Mark didn't say anything, at least, not verbally, but Cassie saw it written all over his face. He really didn't see it. For a brief moment, Cassie was intrigued how someone with such little common sense managed to be so intelligent.

Breaking eye contact, Cassie grasped the shot in the palm of her hand. In one smooth motion, she poured it into the back of her throat, slamming the glass onto the table while she let the alcohol burn it's way down to her stomach.

"Cass—"

"You were my first love, Mark," she blurted, her vision blurring as she trained her gaze back on his own. "You were my only love."

Taking in a sharp breath through his nose, Mark tilted his head down at her. A smug smirk played at his lips, and despite his efforts to tuck it away, Cassie saw right through him. "Would you believe me if I said you were mine?"

Cassie shrugged with a forced nonchalance. "Nope."

"Too bad," he mumbled, leaning into her personal space. "I've always found it important to tell the truth."

Cassie was about ninety percent sure she stopped breathing, and for a moment, she was very glad they were just across the street from the hospital, just in case she went into cardiac arrest.

"You told me you loved Addie," she playfully narrowed her eyes, leaning forward in mock inquiry. "And before you try to deny it, remember who you're talking to."

Mark didn't skip a beat with his reply, his voice low, gravelly. "If I recall, I said, and I quote, I thought I loved her, but I'm not even sure I know what real love feels like." His eyelids flickered when his gaze snapped down to her lips. "I suppose I have you to thank for teaching me."

Cassie's head tilted in the opposite direction of his own, and for half a second, Mark swore she was going to kiss him.

With her lips only a fraction of an inch away from the man next to her, Cassie cracked a smile, her next words coming out a whisper. "I have to go home."

Neither of them moved an inch. "No, you don't."

"I do," she insisted, her body language implying the exact opposite. "Because I'm drunk, and I look super hot, and I know that if I stay any longer... I'll end up doing something my therapist has strongly recommended I don't."

Pretending like he wasn't affected by the woman in front of him took Mark far more effort than he'd care to admit. "What makes you think I would want to do that... something?"

Cassie spared a quick glance downwards. "There's some pretty big evidence to suggest otherwise." He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off before he had the chance. "Goodnight, Mark."

In the blink of an eye, Cassie abruptly removed herself from her seat on the chair, tossing her jacket over the crook of her elbow. Mark watched carefully as she walked at a leisurely pace while exiting the bar, her hips swinging with every step.

Moments later, Joe came by to collect Cassie's empty glass, raising a brow at Mark as he did so. "You're not walking with her?"

"Yeah, uh," adjusting his posture, Mark cleared his throat. "I'm gonna need a minute."

☆

CHRISTMAS DAY

"And this goes through the nose into the base of the skull," Mark mumbled, working on a practice dummy as an example for what they will eventually do for Nicholas. Cassie watched him with wide eyes, unintentionally focusing more on his arm muscles than the actual demonstration. "And then I drill the bone off."

"What happens once you drill the holes?" Meredith wondered, violently snapping Cassie out of the daze she was in as she watched him work. Mark's gaze moved over to his ex-girlfriend for a brief moment, a smirk tugging at the side of his lips as Derek answered the question.

"We put miniature staple clips on the vessels."

"With what instrument?"

Cassie cleared her throat, willing her brain to stay focused as she responded. "We don't have it," she informed her, her tone downcast. She'd spent the entire month taking care of Nicholas, and the last thing she wanted was for him to die because they weren't prepared enough. "We still don't have it."

"But we will," Mark cut in, sending her a firm nod. Cassie looked up at him, the slightly hopeless expression she wore making him frown. "We will, Cass." Derek and Meredith shared a knowing glance while the other two stared at each other in silence. Derek sighed, before coughing loudly, startling Mark out of his stupor. "Oh, I— we, um, we're still trying to figure out how to build it, but we're on it, I swear."

Suddenly, Cassie jumped about a foot in the air when she felt a hand touch her arm, letting out a screech of surprise. Bailey stood behind her, unaffected when Cassie sent her an incredulous look. "What are you, a ninja?!"

Mark let out a laugh when Bailey completely ignored her, making Cassie toss a pen at him, which hit him directly in the forehead.

"I would like an invitation to your home for Christmas dinner," Bailey said to Meredith and Derek, her tone not implying that it was a question. Cassie smiled down at her, figuring that when it comes to Christmas, the more the merrier. "I know it's very late for me to be asking for such an invitation, given that it is, in fact, Christmas day." Mark and Cassie let out an identical snort of laughter. "However, I have a very worried father, and if I don't look like I have some sort of life, he'll never leave."

Cassie clapped her hands together, this time, making Bailey jump out of shock. "This is gonna be so fun!" she cheered, already planning the night ahead of her. "Oh, Dr. Bailey, Mrs. Shepherd sent me these awesome snowman cookies for the party, you should totally have one."

"The chocolate chip ones with the cream cheese frosting?" Mark raised a brow in acknowledgment. "Yeah, she sent me those too. They're pretty damn good, if you ask me."

Derek scoffed, his hands on his hips, glaring at the two people his mother clearly seemed to like a lot more than himself. "She sent cookies to both of you, but not me? Seriously?"

Meredith looked up at him with an uncomfortable smile. "She sent me some too." Derek turned his frown to his wife. "Little reindeers with these edible antlers and... you know what, nevermind."

Out of the blue, Arizona rushed into the room, stress evident on her face. "The Chief just cut off our funding for the equipment."

"What?" Mark frowned, immediately looking at Cassie to see her reaction. The girl in question's face dropped, any trace of hope she had left diminishing. "Why would he do that?"

"We're way over budget," Arizona shrugged, clearly as upset as the others. "And Nicholas is running out of time."

Cassie shook her head, refusing to accept that a young boy was going to die because of money, of all things. "Screw this," she scoffed, taking off in the direction of the doors so she could find the Chief.

"Wait," Derek called out, making her halt in her steps. "Wait, I... I think I have an idea."

☆

"We want our bonuses to go towards finishing the prototype for Nicholas Jacobsen," Derek told Webber, standing between Arizona and Mark. Cassie stood on the opposite side of Arizona, her arms crossed as she silently formed a back up plan.

"Sorry, you can't do that."

Cassie felt as though there was something... off, about the Chief, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Her official medical diagnosis was that he may have a large stick lodged up his ass, or possibly something of a similar nature.

"No, but, it'll be like a donation," Arizona argued.

"They're our bonuses," Mark added, his tone hostile.

Webber didn't say a word in response. Cassie and Derek shared a knowing look, catching onto what was actually happening just seconds before the other two did. "There are no bonuses," Derek spoke, eyeing the Chief in a semi threatening manner. "That's what he's trying to say."

"There are... no bonuses this year," Webber conceded. Cassie couldn't tell if he was genuinely upset, or if it was an act. "I'm sorry."

The three attendings shared matching grimaces, not noticing when Cassie took a step forward with her arms crossed.

"How much?"

As everyone's eyes snapped over to the third year resident, she didn't look anywhere but at the Chief.

"Dr. Harper, I really don't think—"

"Tell me how much." Reaching down into the pocket of her white lab coat, Cassie pulled out her checkbook, flipping it open and clicking her pen. From a few feet away, Mark noticed how her checks were made out of a photo of three kittens in front of a rainbow with a pink background, but he figured the moment was a bit too serious to make a comment.

Derek frowned slightly, sending her a disapproving look. "Cass, I don't think it's a good idea for you to waste—"

"I have nearly five million dollars," Cassie interrupted him, her eyes still glued onto Webber. "I live with two roommates, have zero college debt due to scholarships, and continue to live like a person without a ton of money, since that's how I was raised my entire life." Scribbling down Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital onto the check, she clicked her pen two more times with a curt raise of her brow. "Tell me how much, Chief."

Webber sighed. "Three hundred thousand dollars."

Mark was sure that there was some kind of rule against paying someone three hundred grand on a pink kitten check, but alas, Cassie did it anyways.

"There," Cassie smiled bitterly, not upset that she payed, but upset with the fact that she had to pay in the first place. "Problem solved."

Just as the group turned to leave, Webber stopped them in their tracks. "One more thing, Harper," he said, hesitancy obvious in his tone. "Since you payed for the surgery... well, there's just a lot of politics and... I'm sorry, but... you can't be in the OR while they operate."

"What?" Arizona scoffed. "Chief, all due respect, but that's ridiculous, and borderline disrespectful, I mean—"

"As long as Nicholas gets the surgery," Cassie cut her off, masking the disappointment she felt. "I don't care." Turning on her heel to leave, she stopped in the doorway, slowly turning back to face the four surgeons. "Oh, and Merry Christmas, Chief."

☆

"Wait, how many people are we cooking for again?"

Cassie stood in Meredith's kitchen with a frown, skimming over a cookbook she'd found at Goodwill for only fifty cents. Lexie was busy mixing dough in a large bowl, leaning against the counter as she wiped the sweat from her forehead, not used to the manual labor it required.

"Uh, fifteen, I think?" Lexie estimated, breathing heavily. "Or maybe it was twenty. I-I'm pretty sure it was a multiple of five."

"Add eggs to dough mixture, and mix again until you reach a slime-like texture," Cassie read from the book, her frown only deepening as she did so. Glancing up towards Lexie, who seemed to be having just as many issues as she was, her face twisted into a look of genuine confusion. "The fuck is a slime-like texture?"

Pausing her movements to catch her breath, the second year resident set down the bowl next to the stove. "Do they mean gooey?" she wondered, moving towards Cassie so she could read it as well. "I feel like they mean gooey."

"I thought cookie dough was supposed to be hard."

"We're not making cookies."

"Oh. Wait, what are we making?"

"Lemon tart," Lexie reminded her, flipping the page of the cookbook backwards and pointing at the top of the page. "See, just like I said. Gooey."

When Derek and Meredith asked their younger sisters to be responsible for dessert, Cassie was about ninety percent sure that was they meant to say, was pick up some red and green cupcakes from the grocery store. Nonetheless, when she approached Lexie halfway through the day and asked her to come with on her break to help pick some out, Lexie suggested that it would be fun if they left work early to actually make a dessert.

They were at Meredith's house within thirty minutes of that conversation, using Lexie's key to get in, since she was still living in the attic.

"Mark likes lemon," Cassie found herself saying out loud, regretting it pretty much instantly. Lexie put her hands on her hips, tilting her head. "I-I was just making a connection—"

"Today is not about Mark Sloan," Lexie scolded her, despite her lips pulling upwards into a grin. "It's Christmas, Cass! Today is about family, and presents, and lemon tart, not ex-boyfriends and... sadness!"

"Easy for you to say, Lex," Cassie raised a brow. "You're in a happy, healthy relationship. You're not self sabotaging, or breaking peoples hearts, or giving your ex-boyfriend a boner because you're drunk and not thinking before you speak."

Her eyes wide, Lexie nodded slowly, taking it all in. "Okay, skipping past the whole boner thing," she laughed, making Cassie roll her eyes. "I mean, yeah, I love Rue more than anything, and we're happy, but it's not perfect. No relationship is, but none of that should even matter today."

Cassie let out a heavy sigh, knowing deep down that Lexie was completely right. "Yeah, I-I know."

Brows furrowing at the fact that her attempt to brighten Cassie's mood resulted in it becoming even worse, Lexie perked up, snatching the cookbook from Cassie's hands and going back to her bowl of dough.

"Okay!" she clapped enthusiastically, reading the directions just like Cassie was a moment ago. "Add eggs to dough mixture. Where did you put the eggs?"

"Oh, here, I already cracked them." Lexie froze in place when Cassie handed her the bowl of eggs, looking back up to the younger girl with a look that screamed please, god, let this be a joke. "What's wrong?"

"Cassie, how many eggs did you put in here?"

Cassie was entirely serious when she said, "Twenty four." Lexie just stared at her. "What, is that not enough?"

"You put—" she stuttered over her words, looking down into the bowl filled to the top with twenty four individual egg yolks. "You cracked two dozen eggs?! Did you even read the instructions?"

Cassie nodded, not really sure what she did wrong. "Yes, I did. Well, I mean, not really, but I did look at the picture of the lady cooking at the top." Lexie bit the inside of her cheek, flipping the page to see what Cassie was talking about. Sure enough, there was a picture of an older blonde woman cooking the dessert, a package of two dozen eggs sitting front and center of the page. "Okay, uh, based on the fact that you look like you want to kill me... I'm gonna guess I was... wrong?"

"You could say that."

"Oh," Cassie furrowed her brows. "Sorry."

Once again, Lexie frowned at the fact that Cassie was upset on Christmas of all days. Considering the fact that the dessert seemed to be a failure (the dough Lexie made was definitely the wrong color, not that Cassie even realized), she figured it wouldn't hurt to get a little messy if it meant cheering her friend up.

Without thinking about it, Lexie stuck her hand in the bowl of freshly cracked eggs, gripping the yellow yolks tightly so they wouldn't slip out of her hold, and chucked them right at Cassie's face.

She slapped her non-egg covered hand over her mouth, watching as the yolks slowly slid down Cassie's face.

Cassie didn't move, didn't say anything other than, "I thought you were allergic to eggs."

Lexie shrugged, still stunned from her own actions. "Only if I eat them."

Her head moving up and down in understanding, Cassie took a slow step forwards, making Lexie back up against the counter. Her face completely deadpan, Cassie reached into the bowl of liquidy eggs, holding one in her hand and looking at it for a long moment. Lexie watched anxiously as she did so.

In the blink of a eye, a wicked grin grew on Cassie's features, not giving Lexie time to react before she smashed the egg right in the middle of her forehead.

"Oops," she smiled innocently, wiping her fingers off on the apron she wore.

Lexie shook her head in faux disbelief. "Oh, it is so on."

☆

Mark knocked on the front door to Meredith's house, holding a homemade platter of brownies in his hands. When no one answered, he knocked again, and again, before slowly coming to the realization that no one was planning to answer.

He could have sworn he overheard Lexie mention that she was going home early to cook with Cassie. With a roll of his eyes, he reached up to the top of the doorframe, taking hold of the spare key and opening the door himself.

The sound of clattering in the kitchen immediately stole his attention, as well as the... screeching?

With slow steps, almost as if he were the blonde bimbo in a horror movie going towards the scary noise instead of away, Mark made his way into the kitchen, nearly dropping the plate of brownies at the sight before him.

Lexie had Cassie in a headlock, smearing some sort of yellow paste all over her hair. Both of the girls were laughing harder than he'd ever seen them before, each of them covered head to toe in flour, eggs, and a load of other indiscernible ingredients.

Setting the brownies to the side, Mark crossed his arms over his chest, watching in a mixture of concern and entertainment as Cassie wiggled free from Lexie's hold and made a move to run across the kitchen, only to slip and fall straight onto her ass. Lexie let out a cackle, hunched over at the waist while she put out an arm to help her up. Cassie took her hand in her own, only to pull her down to the ground as well.

Lexie fell directly on top of Cassie, their foreheads knocking together. Cassie let out a groan, which was broken up in the midst of her laughter.

"Are—" Lexie wheezed, trying and failing to get up. "Are y-you okay?"

"Oh," Cassie held her hand over her head, her eyes scrunched close. "I think you gave me a concussion, you asshole."

"How am I the asshole?" Lexie snorted, finally gaining the strength to roll off of Cassie and onto the floor next to her. "You're the asshole."

"Am I interrupting something?" Mark spoke, humor evident in his tone. Startled from the noise, Cassie and Lexie both shot up from their place on the floor, once again hitting their heads against the other and letting out identical sounds of pain. Mark wasn't exactly sure what to do in this situation. "I made brownies. Uh, they're dairy free for you, little Grey, since Cass told me you can't have eggs."

"Ooh, I love brownies!" Lexie stumbled onto her feet, completely ignoring him in favor of getting first dibs at the dessert.

Cassie just stared at the ceiling, giggling quietly to herself. "So many eggs. So many eggs."

"You know," Mark started, backing away from Lexie to avoid getting flour on his nice shirt. "Everyone's gonna be here in, like, twenty minutes."

"Oh no," Lexie pouted, her mouth full of the brownie she picked from the center of the tray. "But wer' co'ered in foo'!"

"Help please," Cassie whined, holding a single arm in the air as she stared at Mark with puppy dog eyes. "My brain hurts too much to stand."

It only just occurred to Mark that the five empty wine bottles sitting on the counter were not, in fact, from the day before.

"Okay," he announced, clapping his hands together like a drill sargent. "Up and at 'em ladies, let's go."

Taking Cassie's hands in his own, he hoisted her to her feet, catching her at the waist so she could adjust her balance. Cassie's eyes were half shut, despite the giggle she let out at the abrupt action.

"Oh m' god, that's so cute!" Lexie cooed from across the room, one hand holding another brownie and one hand over her heart. "He's like, your knight in shining... metal, or something. Wait, wait, whats the word?"

"Armor?" Mark supplied with a deadpan expression.

Lexie nodded profusely. "Yeah, that!"

Mark wasn't really sure how he was the one who ended up with the responsibility to take care of two drunk geniuses covered in food, but he wasn't exactly happy about it. "Hey, you know what sounds so so so cute?"

"Hm?"

"Showering."

Lexie gasped, as if she just had the best idea in the world. "There's a shower upstairs!"

"Wow," Mark replied with fake enthusiasm, gently pushing the two through the doorway. "What a lucky day for all of us."

"Wait, wait, wait," Cassie mumbled, lowering her voice to a serious whisper. "You know what we should do?" she whispered into Lexie's ear, who shook her head with a similar expression. "We should go... take a shower... upstairs."

Lexie looked up at her in awe. "You're a genius."

"Yeah, I-I knew that already."

Mark sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was going to be a very long twenty minutes.

☆

It took Mark a bit longer than twenty minutes to make the two presentable enough for the public eye.

"You're late," Derek noted, watching Mark walk down the stairs with a level of tiredness he'd only seen on the man after a twelve hour surgery. "And your brownies are missing a big chunk from the middle. Wait, why were you upstairs?"

"First of all, I was early," Mark corrected him, running a hand over his face. "And you can blame the Wonder Twins for the last two."

As if on cue, Cassie and Lexie stumbled down the stairs together, looking very pretty but still incredibly drunk. Lexie insisted on doing her own hair, which now had three random braids on the left side, yet somehow, still looked good. Cassie didn't care much, giving Mark creative freedom to do, in her words, a hairstyle that makes her look even hotter than usual, because she's been trying to find one, but they all make her look the normal level of hot.

But when Mark just gave her a half assed ponytail tied with a Christmas ribbon he found on the ground, that seemed to satisfy her needs.

"Hey!" Cassie shouted with a huge grin, starling Lexie and making her nearly miss the last step. Derek and Mark followed her gaze, just as she made a beeline towards Bailey. "Merry Christmas! Or Happy Holidays! I-I don't actually know what you celebrate."

The woman in question rolled her eyes, knowing from a single look that the resident was under the influence of something. "Merry Christmas, Cassie."

"Did you get the present yet?"

Bailey titled her head, not expecting any gifts since she only got her invite earlier that day. "What present?"

"Your present!" Cassie replied as if it were obvious, taking Bailey's hand in her own and leading her toward the tree in the corner of the room. A few people watched her, growing amused smiles when they saw Bailey's annoyance with the girl. "I put it under the tree, it should be here somewhere— ah, there it is!"

Bailey didn't have time to be shocked before Cassie shoved a semi-heavy gift bag in her arms, with a tag that read To The Coolest Teacher Ever, From: Your Favorite.

"Yeah, no one actually knew who that was for," Cristina spoke up from the corner of the room.

Cassie sent her a toothy smile when she finally realized she was there. "Cristina! Happy Hanukkah!"

"You too," she replied sarcastically, tossing back her fourth drink of the night.

Bailey shrunk slightly with all of the eyes drawn her way, including her father, who was much more startled by Cassie than the others. Reaching into the bag, she furrowed her brows as she came in contact with metal. As she pulled it out of the bag, a few people narrowed their eyes at it, almost like they knew they were missing something.

"What exactly is that?" Mark wondered aloud, having watched the whole interaction.

Cassie raised a brow at him, her facial expression telling him that he was crazy to not know. "It's an oboe, obviously."

Bailey wasn't entirely sure what to say. "You got me an oboe?"

"Yeah!" Cassie nodded, a genuine grin on her face. "You told me you played it, so I thought I'd get you a new and shiny one." Bailey didn't have the heart to tell her that she hadn't played the instrument since she was in high school, which was about twenty years prior. But Cassie caught on, the smile quickly slipping from her face. "Oh, if you don't like it, that's totally fine, I still have the receipt. I'm sure you can exchange it for something else at... at the... Oboe Store."

"No," Bailey quickly backtracked, holding onto tightly to the clarinet-like instrument. "No, I love it. Really, I-I do. Thank you, Cassie."

The smile grew on her face once again. "You like it? Honestly? Because it's really okay if you don't—"

"I love it," Bailey repeated with a grin, her tone managing to convince not only Cassie, but everyone else as well. Really, Bailey was touched that she even got her a gift in the first place, feeling a bit guilty for not doing the same.

"Cass, Lex, Mark!" Meredith called out from the dining room, standing in front of three piles of colorful wrapped boxed resting on the table. "Your presents are—"

"Ooh, presents!" Cassie and Lexie shouted in unison, abandoning whatever it was they were in the middle of and racing towards the blonde. Cassie tripped over her own feet, but luckily, the wall was there to break her fall. Mark remained unmoving, prompting Derek to send him a questioning look.

"No offense to them," Mark prefaced, "but I think I've had enough of the drunk geniuses to last a lifetime."

"You're in love with one of them," Derek said casually.

"Gee, thanks for the reminder."

☆

NEW YEAR'S EVE

Cassie shivered as she stepped off the elevator onto the fourth floor of apartments, her vision blurry due to the snowflakes stuck to her lashes. Dusting the remaining snow off her shoulders, she made her way to the door, knocking twice in quick succession.

Moments later, it swung open, a burst of warm air touching her cheeks. She shivered again due to the temperature change.

"Hey."

Mark wasn't sure if he should be surprised or not at her arrival. Of course, the one day Cassie had off that week just so happened to be the day they finished the instrument needed for Nicholas' surgery, so not only could she not scrub in, but she couldn't observe, either. But that didn't mean that he expected her on his doorstep; especially at such a late hour. Mark glanced down to his watch, raising a brow at the time.

11:56 p.m.

Four minutes until the new year, and four minutes until people across the world would kiss the person they love in celebration.

On second thought, Mark thought that maybe, the universe was just looking for new ways to punch him in the gut.

"Hey."

Cassie winced at the dampness of her coat, finally noticing that the material was starting to cling to her skin. "I, uh, I walked to the hospital, but they told me you already went home."

"You really shouldn't walk alone this late," Mark scolded her, worry coming over him despite the fact that the hospital was just across the street. "Especially on a night like this, I mean—"

"Oh, don't worry," she waved him off with a shrug. "I brought a knife."

For some reason, Mark was very inclined to ask to see the knife, but he resigned himself. "Right."

"Um, I talked to Arizona," Cassie changed the subject. "She said that Nicholas' surgery went really well. I mean, you were there, so you probably already know that, but, yeah," she shrugged, a smile on her face. "Looks like Denny's blood money continues to go to good use, which is... nice."

Mark saw right through the fake positivity, right through the walls she put up to avoid being seen as anything happy about the outcome of her patient. He saw the way her lips curved downwards at the edges, the way she wrung her fingers together like she usually does when she's perturbed, or when she talks about the people she's lost. Mark saw her.

"It's okay to be upset, Cass," he said softly, leaning against the doorframe. "He was your patient for a month, you had a right to—"

"I-I don't really want to talk about that," Cassie cut him off, knowing from experience that there was no use hiding how she felt from the man in front of her. "I just, um, I wanted to say thank you, for helping out on Nicholas' case. He wouldn't have lived without you."

"Or you," he reminded her with a smile. Cassie just nodded, sighing at the mention of the three hundred thousand dollars that prevented her from seeing her patient through to the end. Mark looked down at her, moving his body to the side a few inches. "Do you want to come in?"

That was a loaded question.

Cassie did want to go in. In fact, Cassie wanted to go in so badly, that it physically pained her not to.

But Cassie was also staring into the eyes of someone who had the ability to, with a simple glance in her direction, prompt her to make some choices that her therapist did not find particularly healthy.

"No," she answered after a moment.

Mark knew what the answer was going to be before she said it, but he figured it was worth a shot.

11:58 p.m.

He didn't know why he kept checking his watch.

If they were in an alternate universe, or maybe talking about something less depressing, he might make a cheeky comment at midnight. Something along the lines of, I heard that people who don't kiss someone on New Year's Eve get bad luck for ten years. But oh, nevermind, I'm sure you're the exception.

But Mark had enough self awareness to know when a joke like that would land, and when it would crash and burn. It just so happened to be the latter at the moment.

"I have something for you," he said out of the blue. Cassie furrowed her brows, a bit hesitant to see what it may be. Mark held a finger in the air, going back into his apartment for a few seconds, before coming back with a small box, tied with a bow put perfectly in the center. "Merry Christmas, Cass."

Cassie tilted her head. "Wrong holiday, Mark."

Nonetheless, she took the present from his hands, having an inkling that it was some form of an accessory based on the size.

"You were a bit, uh, preoccupied on Christmas, so I figured I'd wait," he explained, before adding as an afterthought, "also, it got delayed in the mail, so I just got it today."

"You didn't have to get me anything," she told him, a voice in the back of her head telling her to not accept it, despite not knowing what it was. "This box looks expensive, you shouldn't be getting me expensive stuff."

He rolled his eyes. "Just open it."

11:58 p.m.

Mark still didn't know what he was waiting for.

Pursing her lips with narrowed eyes, she gave him a long look of trepidation, before hesitantly untying the ribbon holding the box together. A small silver locket in the shape of a heart sat on a red velvet piece of fabric, connected to a chain long enough to form a necklace. Slowly, Cassie ran a finger over the flower detailing, in awe of the clearly expensive piece of jewelry.

"Mark, I can't—"

"Open it."

Cassie thought she did open it already, until she realized that he meant for her to open the actual locket. She was half expecting an engraved letter, or in usual Mark fashion, just a picture of her ex-boyfriend. Or maybe even Pumpkin, who had taken a liking to Mark more than his actual owner.

Her breath hitched in her throat when George's face clouded her vision.

It was a picture of them, taken at Joe's bar sometime during their intern year. Cassie was leaning into his shoulder, her eyes crinkling under the weight of her smile. George looked much more sober than herself, an arm around her shoulders and grinning as he usually did when a photo was being taken. 

Cassie didn't realize she was crying until she tasted the salt on her tongue.

Head snapping up, her gaze met his, doe-eyed and sad and happy and longing and mournful.

Mark never wanted her to cry. It had been almost nine months since George died, and he thought that at this point, it would be okay if he gave her something to remember him by. He never wanted her to cry, and more than anything, he never wanted to be the one responsible when she did.

11:59 p.m.

"I'm sorry," he told her honestly, regretting the gift a million times more than he planned to. "I'm sorry, I just... I know you miss him, and I thought that if I got you something small, you could wear it at work, but... I'm sorry, you don't have to—"

Cassie threw her arms around his shoulders, the locket clutched tightly in the palm of her hand.

"I love you so much," she whispered into his ear, and it took Mark an embarrassingly long moment to register what she said.

Arms moving slowly, as if she was going to break the second he touched her, his hands made their way to her lower back. When she didn't try to escape his hold, he let himself rub up and down in soothing motions, pressing her closer than before. Cassie shut her eyes tightly, allowing herself to feel him all around her.

"I love you more," Mark told her, nothing but honesty seeping in through his words.

11:59 p.m.

Cassie pulled back, her arms remaining secure around his neck. He let go of her back, a single hand coming up to wipe the tears from the apple of her cheek.

"I love you," she told him with a shaky breath, a flicker of regret in her eyes. "I love you, and I'm so sorry I can't— I want to be with you, I-I want to love you the way you deserve, but I just can't. I'm not ready."

"Then I'll wait," Mark whispered with a hint of a smile, completely sure of his decision. "I'll wait until you are."

11:59 p.m.

Cassie shook her head, eyes flickering down to his lips. "That's not fair to you, and you know it."

"Screw what's fair, Cass. I want you."

11:59 p.m.

Cassie didn't want to kiss him. She didn't want to screw up the progress she'd made, screw up them.

But, there was a way to compromise, she supposed.

Her lips pressed softly against his cheek, lingering for a beat longer than she'd intended.

Mark stopped moving, stopped breathing, stopped thinking. It wasn't until he heard the door open across the hall, that he even noticed the absence of her lips against his skin.

"Happy New Year, Mark," Cassie whispered, the door to her apartment shutting with a loud click.

12:00 a.m.

author's note —
this fever dream of a chapter is
over ten thousand words lol
also don't be surprised if there
are a million typos because i
wrote this on two hours of
sleep and my brain no longer
works

also, here's the (badly edited)
photo of cassie and george that
was in her locket <3