CHAPTER SIXTY ONE
now or never.
season five, episode twenty four.

tw: major character death

          CASSIE SLEPT SOUNDLY ON A TINY BED TO THE RIGHT OF IZZIE, A BIT OF HER DROOL FALLING ONTO GEORGE'S HOODIE. His legs were laying across her own as her head rested on his chest, their limbs tangled together in the small space. Meredith was asleep in a chair to their right, while Alex and Cristina slept hunched over in separate seats across the room.

After Izzie's surgery the night prior to remove a cancerous tumor from her brain, the residents refused to leave, just in case of a complication happening in the middle of the night.

Bailey quietly opened the door, glancing between her former interns as she picked up Izzie's chart. Alex woke up instantly, rubbing his eyes and leaning forward while the others stayed asleep.

"Any changes overnight?" Bailey whispered to Alex, waking up Cristina in the process.

"No," they chorused, finally waking up the others. Meredith groaned, throwing her blanket onto the ground as she stretched. Cassie sighed heavily, not opening her eyes right away.

George looked down, only to see a small wet patch on his chest. "Oh, gross, Cass." He gave her a petulant look. "Good morning to you too."

Sitting up slightly, not that there was much room to do so, Cassie gave him a guilty smile. "Oops?"

Bailey's pager went off, the sound acting as an alarm in Cassie's head. "Oh, it's the Chief," Bailey sighed. "Somebody better make a coffee run. You all look like hell."

George yawned, gently pushing Cassie up so he could get out of the makeshift bed. "I need to be in surgery in less than an hour."

Sluggishly, Cassie stood on her feet with a slight wobble, her dark purple eyebags more pronounced than usual. "I'm covering the ER today with Hunt."

As bad as such a fate was, spending the day with Izzie wasn't necessarily better. Cassie just hoped that Bailey was serious about the coffee run, because despite the ER never being a walk in the park, she had an odd feeling that today would be one of the bad days. An iced coffee was the least someone could do for her.

"Mer, you'll let us know if anything changes?"

Meredith nodded, waving the two off as they left the room together. "Yeah, of course."

As Cassie's feet dragged against the tiled floor, her mind finally caught up to her body, remembering what George had said to her the day before.

"So, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" she wondered, an unidentifiable feeling in her chest when she looked at him.

George's face fell, almost as if he had briefly forgotten what he planned to say. "Oh, right," he stuttered slightly, looking up and down the hallway. "Let's go somewhere more private, yeah?"

"Yeah," Cassie nodded curiously. "Okay."

☆

George brought her into the left stairwell on the fourth floor, one that happened to be rarely used, since it connected to the ICU; after all, moving a huge gurney up a flight of stairs was a bit unrealistic.

As if she wasn't confused enough, Cassie's nervousness grew when she saw Lily sitting on the step just below the landing, waiting for them expectantly.

"What's going on?" she tilted her head at the couple, who communicated silently through looks she couldn't decipher.

Lily stood up, moving to stand next to George. Cassie stared at the two, turning her body so she was directly facing them. She felt a bit like a child about to get a talking to from her parents after they found weed in her dresser drawer, and ever so slightly, she tensed.

George raised a brow at his fiancée. "Do you want to tell her, or should I?"

Lily shrugged, a soft smile on her face as she took his hand in her own. "I'll tell her."

"Tell me what?"

Exhaling deeply, Lily gave Cassie her full attention. "We're not getting married."

Cassie paused for a long moment, narrowing her eyes threateningly as her gaze snapped to George, cutting him off as he opened his mouth to speak.

"What did you do?!"

"Me?" George pouted in offense. "Why do you assume that I'm the one who did something?"

Lily snorted, raising a brow at him teasingly. "It's not like it would be the first time, honey."

Cassie pointed to her in agreement, nodding profusely. "What she said."

George rolled his eyes. "You didn't let us finish! What she meant, was that we're not getting married right now."

"Oh," Cassie raised her brows, looking between them as her features softened. "So you're not breaking up?"

"Of course not," Lily grinned amusedly. "He's the love of my life, Cassie. We wouldn't break up, even if we were a hundred years old and in a nursing home."

"Eh," George joked. "I'd say a hundred and one is the limit."

Lily rolled her eyes fondly, giving him a loving kiss which George returned with a grin.

"Wait," Cassie held a hand up in the air. "You're not breaking up," she repeated, the confusion coming back at full force as her brows furrowed. "So, why are you pushing the wedding date?"

At this, George's smile fell.

Lily twisted her lips, her hand moving to softly rub his back in silent support. Cassie frowned, the weird feeling getting stronger.

"I'll let you two talk alone," Lily whispered in George's ear, causing him to nod reluctantly. She planted another kiss on his cheek, hugging him tightly before she left. Lily squeezed Cassie's shoulder as she passed by, the two women sharing brief smile as the intern headed down to the locker rooms.

"We should sit," George mumbled, taking Cassie's hand and sitting next to her on the top step. Cassie shivered a bit, missing the warmth that came from sleeping next to another person. "Are you cold?"

"A little," she shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm fine, just tell me."

"Here," he ignored her, taking off his stained hoodie and pushing it into her arms. "That should help."

Cassie gave him a look. "You're deflecting."

"No I'm not. Put it on."

Giving him a deadpan look, Cassie eventually gave in, throwing the grey hoodie over her shoulders and sticking her arms through the holes. She didn't zip it up, but it was plenty warm, since the sleeves were about twice the length of her arms.

"Okay," she gave him a sarcastic smile, dramatically flapping the sleeves. "I put it on, now tell me."

George stared at her for several seconds.

"I joined the army to be a trauma surgeon. My flight to Iraq leaves tomorrow morning."

Cassie didn't move a muscle, completely still as she stared at him with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry... what?"

Exhaling sharply, he took her hand in his own once again, tightening his grip as much as possible.

"You are, and have always been, my biggest supporter, Cass. You're my best friend, and I love you. I know that you think this is crazy, and maybe it is, but it's also right. This is what I'm meant to do, I know it."

"What about..." she trailed off, her voice just above a whisper. "What about Lily?"

"It's only three years," George smiled. "I'll write to her, and you, and the time will pass before either of you know it."

As Cassie held his hand in a death grip, her vision slowly became blurry. It wasn't until she opened her mouth, that her breath hitched as the tears began to fall.

"You're sure?" she confirmed, sniffling as her bottom lip quivered. "You're really sure that this is what you want?"

"I am."

Clenching her eyes shut for a long moment, Cassie opened them to see George smiling softly down at her.

"I—" she stuttered over her words, biting her lip to keep the sobs at bay. "I'm really going to miss you."

Cassie hadn't known him for a long time, but sometimes, it felt like she had. Like she'd spent her whole life with her best friend by her side, encouraging her in her relationship, making inside jokes, hugging her when she was sad. It was hard to imagine a world where George wouldn't do that anymore.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," George soothed, his smile still fully in tact. "This is good, Cass. This is a good thing. I'm happy."

Cassie nodded, trying to stop the tears but to no avail. George sighed, letting go of her hand and pulling her into his chest as she wrapped her arms around his torso.

"I'm sorry, it's just..." Cassie whispered, shaking her head. "You're my best friend in the whole world. You can't just expect me to say goodbye in less than 24 hours."

"This isn't a goodbye, Cass," George told her truthfully, holding her body tightly against his own. "It's just a see you later."

The two best friends sat in the quiet stairwell together, each of them trying to memorize the way the other felt in their arms before they no longer could.

After a few minutes, George's pager went off, causing Cassie to reluctantly pull away, sniffling once again as she wiped her nose. He stood, helping her up as he tucked his pager back in his pocket.

George sent her a faint smile, ruffling her hair as he began to walk away. He stopped in the doorway, looking back at the last second.

"I love you, Cass. I'll see you soon."

Cassie returned the smile, the expression contrasting against her wet cheeks.

"I love you more, Georgie."

Cassie watched George's back as he turned away from her, new tears making their way to the surface once he was out of sight.

☆

Making her way through the hallways, Cassie walked at a slow pace, not in any particular rush as she thought about her conversation with George. She was supposed to be in the ER, but figured that she shouldn't be working while feeling so emotional.

Her tears had dried, though her red cheeks remained puffy. As she came across Mark at a nurses station, she cringed, attempting and failing to get by without him noticing her.

"Angel," Mark frowned in concern, placing both hands on her shoulders as he forced her to face him. "Are you okay?"

Cassie shrugged. "I'm fine. It's... it's fine."

"You're a terrible liar," he tilted his head down at her. "You can talk to me, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," she said distractedly.

Mark nodded, assuming that if she needed to talk, she would. "So, what I said yesterday about looking for an apartment—"

Cassie sighed, the memories of him asking her to move in, again, still fresh in her mind. "I don't have time for this, Mark. I need to get down to the pit."

"Cass, can't we at least talk about this?"

"We did," she instantly shot back with a raised eyebrow. "And if I recall, you said you'd wait until I was ready."

It was too harsh, she knew. He only wanted to make sure they were on the same page, that they were okay. But truthfully, she wasn't okay at all. Her best friend was leaving, and she wasn't sure that anything would be okay for a long while.

"I know, but I just—"

"I have to go," Cassie cut him off, moving past him and getting on the elevator without so much a glance in his direction.

☆

Owen snapped on his gloves, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw Cassie approaching, tying her yellow trauma gown in the process.

"Harper," he called out, gaining her attention, as well as Callie's, who was paged as well. "Where the hell have you been? We've got two incoming."

Cassie didn't make eye contact, sniffling once again and clearing her throat, since the crying blocked her sinuses. "Sorry, it won't happen again."

Observing her with furrowed brows, he lowered his voice in concern as they made their way to the ambulance bay. "You good?"

Cassie halfheartedly nodded, not verbally responding as she quickly tied her hair up in a bun and went up to the ambulance. Owen and Callie shared a look, not having time to discuss it as they followed after her.

The doors opened as the paramedic stepped out with the gurney, all of the doctors frowning at the sight before them.

It was a man, that much they knew; well, really, that was all they knew. He'd clearly been through something awful, something so violent and painful that his skin had nearly come off entirely, making him entirely unrecognizable. Cassie did her best not to cringe, but she did have to look away.

"Dude," Callie said in shock, staring at the bloodied and unrecognizable face of the patient.

"Unidentified male, dragged by a bus. He's clamped down, so we couldn't intubate," the paramedic informed them.

"Didn't they stop when they hit him?" Cassie questioned incredulously, moving to the side of the gurney as it was wheeled inside.

The paramedic shook his head. "The bus driver didn't even know he was there, until he got halfway down the block."

(That's horrifying, she thought to herself.)

"Doctors?" another paramedic spoke up, gesturing to an incoming ambulance. "We've got one more."

Owen thought for a moment, before turning to Cassie. "Harper, stay here. I'll page Grey for this one."

Stopping in her tracks, Cassie had to force herself to breathe in and out. As if her day couldn't get any worse, now her patient was being stolen right out from under her; by Owen fucking Hunt, of all people.

"But I'm covering the pit," Cassie argued, not wanting to miss out on an important case. "He's my patient!"

"No, that's your patient," Owen gestured to the ambulance. "I'll send Lennon out. Go, update me when you can. We've got this."

With a dramatic roll of her eyes, Cassie huffed, waiting for the ambulance to park. A few seconds later, Rue joined her, just as the paramedics brought the patient out.

"Unidentifed female, hit by a bus. She wasn't dragged like the other guy, but she's got some pretty major crush injuries to the abdomen."

Cassie nodded, not looking at the patient's face since she was observing her stomach. "Okay, page Dr. Bailey—"

"Oh my god!" Rue gasped, taking a step back in shock. Her gaze snapped upwards, meeting Cassie's confused expression. "She's not a Jane Doe, Dr. Harper."

Finally looking down, Cassie's blood ran cold at the sight of an unconscious Lily lying still on the gurney, bleeding profusely from multiple deep gashes lined across her stomach.

Seeing that her resident was frozen in shock, Rue looked away from her friend as she screamed through the doors to get the nurses attention.

"Page Dr. Bailey, now!"

☆

"She was just getting us lunch," Rue mumbled, staring blankly at Lily in the trauma room. Her eyes were dry, but she felt like she could barely move. "She... she was just getting us lunch."

Waiting impatiently for Bailey to arrive, Cassie scrambled around the trauma room, assessing Lily's injuries with the help of the ER nurses. Her mind was on autopilot, not able to fully grasp the situation as she worked.

"Abdomens distended," Cassie said to no one in particular. "Call up for a CT, and get me the ultrasound."

"She was just getting us lunch—"

"Rue," Cassie snapped, trying to focus on the image the screen was showing. "I know she's your friend, and I know you're in shock, but I need you to either shut up and help me, or get the hell out."

All of a sudden, the machine flatlined, just as Bailey entered the room.

"Get me the paddles— charge to 200, clear!"

"What do we got?" Bailey questioned, moving to the other side of the trauma bed to help Cassie. "Wait, is she— is that Blair?"

"Charge to 250!" Cassie ignored her, her voice wavering as she repeatedly shocked Lily's chest. "Clear!"

Watching the monitor anxiously, the entire room let out a heavy sigh of relief when Lily's heartbeat came back at a slow pace.

"Okay, we need to get her up to the OR—"

"No, no, no, we need a CT," Cassie disagreed, her eyes wide and movements frantic. "She could have major bleeding that might not be visible, and what if she hit her head—"

Bailey frowned, looking between the two doctors. "Cassie, Cassie, breathe."

"She cannot die, Dr. Bailey!" Cassie raised her voice, startling everyone else in the room. "She's getting married! Oh, god, George! We need to page George! Someone page Dr. O'Malley—"

"Breathe," Bailey repeated, trying and failing to get her full attention. "If we wait for a CT, the chance of her abdominal aorta rupturing is too high, so we need to go now. And we can't page George, because he's in surgery."

Cassie gave the resident a threatening look, her features harsh. "Then get him out of surgery!"

"Cassie," Bailey frowned, attempting to reason with her while also calming her down. "He and Dr. Webber are in the middle of a very long, complicated surgery. He can't leave, and for the safety of the patient, we can't tell him while he's in the OR."

"Dr. Bailey, all due respect, but that's complete bullshit—"

"Is she okay?" a soft voice wondered from the doorway, drawing their attention. A young woman with short red hair stood before them, her arm in a sling and a few cuts on her face.

Rue narrowed her eyes as Bailey prepped the gurney for transport. "Who are you?"

"I'm Amanda," the woman introduced herself. "I-I don't know her, but her, and that man, they saved my life."

Cassie furrowed her brows. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"The bus was going to hit me, but that man pushed me out of the way. She tried to stop him, but... but it was too late." Amanda looked up, her eyes glistening. "Please tell me she's going to be okay."

Cassie looked from Amanda to Lily, her heart pounding as the bad feeling came back at full force.

☆

Cassie walked into the trauma room where John Doe was being treated, pausing in the doorway and quietly observing.

Mark, Derek, Callie, and Owen were all in the room for separate reasons, as well as Meredith, who just finished helping Derek drill a hole into the patient's head to relieve the pressure on his brain.

Owen looked up, finally noticing her. "Harper, what's the update?"

Everyone turned to look at her as Cassie spoke her next words, her voice shaking. "It's Lily," she told them, causing them all to pause their movements and look up at her in shock. "The other patient is Lily."

"Blair? Is she okay?"

"Bailey's bringing her up to the OR," she informed them, her face blank as she looked fixedly down at John Doe.

Meredith furrowed her brows, tilting her head in question. "Have you told George?"

Unknown to anyone in the room, the patient's eyes fluttered open at the question, before shutting only seconds later.

Cassie scoffed, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. "Bailey says we can't interrupt his surgery with the Chief, which is the most ridiculous fucking thing I've ever heard." Shaking her head, she looked down to the ground. "He deserves to know."

It was quiet for a moment, before Mark slowly made a move to rest his hand on her shoulder. "Cass, are you—"

Cassie stepped to the left, dodging his movements as she stared up at Owen. "I need you to save his life, Dr. Hunt."

Derek looked around the room with a frown, before turning back to his sister. "Trust me, we're doing our best—"

"Lily jumped in front of a bus for him," Cassie interrupted, her gaze not moving away from Owen's. "So whoever he is, he must be pretty damn important." They held eye contact for a few tense seconds, neither of them moving an inch. "Save his life."

With that, she turned on her heel, racing up to the OR to try and save Lily.

☆

A few hours later, Cassie, Bailey, and Rue stood over Lily's open abdomen, the OR dead silent as they worked, other than Bailey asking for surgical instruments.

As Cassie watched Bailey stop a massive bleed behind the liver, she let out a sharp huff of air, gaining the other two's attention.

"I don't get it," she mumbled, not looking up as she spoke. "I don't... I don't get it."

Bailey glanced up at her curiously. "Get what?"

"Lily is by far the most capable, mature intern I've ever met. I don't get why she would just throw her entire life away over a stranger."

Rue looked up at her resident, the sight of her friend's insides making her squeamish. "Maybe she thought that if she could save him, it would be worth it. It's heroic."

Cassie shook her head adamantly, barely hearing what Rue said. "It doesn't make sense."

☆

SIX HOURS LATER

Cassie and Bailey were still in surgery with Lily, following a few minor complications that kept them operating for longer than planned.

In between surgeries on John Doe, Callie found the Chief in the scrub room after his day long surgery finally ended.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Callie told him, glancing around the scrub room with a nervous expression. "I was just— I was looking for George."

"O'Malley?" Webber asked in confusion.

"Yeah, Cassie said he was in surgery with you," Callie nodded. "It's Lily, she was in an accident."

He frowned. "Is she okay?"

Callie shrugged, not completely sure. "They're still in surgery, so I need to find George, because he has no idea. Also, did you know he was joining the army? We planned an intervention, but I think after today, it'll need to wait. Anyways, did he leave already?"

"He never scrubbed in," Webber told her nonchalantly.

"Wait, what?"

"He told me he was enlisting. I sent him home, told him to spend the day with his mom since he was leaving so soon. He took off this morning."

☆

Bailey let out a sigh of relief as the bleeding in Lily's abdomen finally got under control, and she could officially start closing.

"Okay," she nodded. "Her recovery will be hell, but at least she's ali—"

"Dr. Bailey!" a scrub nurse shouted, her voice urgent. "You're being paged. It's Isobel Stevens, 911."

Cassie's head snapped upwards. "What?!"

"Okay, Cassie, you have this?" Bailey raised a brow, not asking so much as telling. She stepped backwards, ripping off her mask and racing towards the doors.

"Wait! Bailey, I—"

"Suture, suction, suture, close!" Bailey instructed, now yelling through the scrub room's glass. "You've got this!"

"Dr. Bailey!" Cassie yelled, her face scrunched up in confusion. Bailey ignored her, leaving to answer her urgent page. She scoffed, sharing an incredulous look with Rue as she switched sides of the table so she was in the place of the lead surgeon. "Okay, um, clamp."

As Rue helped her close Lily's abdomen, the intern straightened up, hesitantly speaking her next words. "I don't really have friends."

Cassie paused, looking up. "What?"

"I'm not someone people want to be friends with," Rue shrugged. "I'm mean, selfish, and I usually say the wrong thing. But Lily, for some reason, is always there for me when no one else is." Taking a deep breath, she bit the inside of her cheek. "I guess I'm just saying, I'm glad she's okay."

Cassie smiled under her mask, thinking the same thing. "Yeah, me too."

But as the monitors suddenly went haywire while Lily's stats dropped completely out of nowhere, it was apparent that they spoke too soon.

"Pulse ox down to 72."

"BP 190 over 80."

Cassie's smile slipped from her face, as she immediately looked around Lily's abdomen, frantically trying to find the source of her dropping vitals.

"I don't understand," she mumbled to herself, her eyes wide as she searched the stomach. "I don't understand, everything is perfect, I don't understand—"

"Page Bailey!" Rue ordered, doing the same as her resident but to no avail.

"Bailey's dealing with another page—"

"So page someone else!" Cassie snapped, turning for a brief moment to glare at the nurse. "Page Hunt, or Torres, or—"

"They're in surgery," the same nurse denied. "Their John Doe had complications, so they had to take him back up—"

"Pulse ox down to 56."

"Fuck!" Cassie cursed, continuing her search with her eyes wide as saucers. "This doesn't make any sense, I don't—"

"Doctor, what do you want to do?"

"Page someone!"

"Who—"

"Anyone!" Cassie screamed at the top of her lungs, her vision becoming unclear as the nurse jumped at the sound. "Page anyone who's more qualified than a third year resident and her fucking intern! Now!"

The anesthesiologist stood up, taking his flashlight and shining it in Lily's eyes. He tentatively looked up at Cassie, who was on the verge of a breakdown.

"Doctor—"

"What?!" Rue snapped, her nerves getting the best of her. "What do you want?!"

He moved down the curtain keeping the doctors from seeing Lily's face, once again shining a light in her eyes.

"Her pupils are fixed and dilated. There's no sign of brain activity."

Cassie froze.

And then, the machine flatlined.

☆

Cassie sat alone on an empty gurney, her legs crossed beneath her as she stared blankly at the wall.

22:40. That was Lily's time of death.

The numbers played on a constant loop in her head, plaguing her mind since she'd left the OR.

Mark turned the corner, out of breath from looking for his girlfriend for the past several hours. Cassie stayed still when she saw him approaching, looking ahead as if he weren't even there.

"What's the point?"

Mark frowned deeply, standing in front of her. She didn't move, staying level with his chest as she stared through him. "What do you mean?"

Slowly, she turned her gaze upwards to look him in the eye. "We save the lives of serial killers, and abusers, and rapists. People who deserve to suffer. And then we let innocent people, good people, people who deserve to live... we just... let them die." Cassie huffed, a wry smile painted on her lips. "So I'm asking, what's the fucking point?"

For a moment, Mark thought she was referring to someone else, until he remembered who her patient was.

"No," he breathed out in shock. "Blair is—"

"Dead," she cut him off, looking away once again. "Because of me. She must've bumped her head when she was hit, because there was damage to her brain."

"Cass, it wasn't your—"

"I knew we should've gotten that scan," Cassie mumbled, her face remaining expressionless. "I knew it." Playing with a loose thread on her scrubs, she lowered her voice to a whisper. "God, what's the fucking point?"

Choosing his next words very carefully, Mark watched as the woman he loved struggled to hold herself together. He sighed, knowing that what he was about to tell her would make that impossible.

"Cassie," he said slowly. "You need to come with me."

"No," she shook her head adamantly, moving to stand up. "No, I can't. I need to find George, and tell him... and tell him that his fiancée is dead."

"Cassie," Mark emphasized, his heart breaking for her as he held a hand out. "You really need to come with me."

Cassie furrowed her brows at his tone, the feeling in her chest getting stronger by the second.

☆

With her feet dragging against the floor and a numb feeling coursing throughout her body, Cassie walked through the door to the scrub room, meeting the eyes of nearly everyone she cared about.

In the corner, Callie was hyperventilating, being consoled by a sad looking Owen. Derek had an arm around Meredith, who was comforting Lexie as she cried into Rue's arms. Bailey seemed to be on the verge of tears, and Webber simply stood against the scrub sink, thinking of the best way to help the people of his hospital.

When Cassie entered, Lexie and Callie's cries only grew louder. Derek looked to Mark in confirmation, who curtly nodded in response; he told her.

"Where is he?" Cassie asked no one in particular, barely loud enough to be heard. Mark gestured to the OR, causing her to follow his gaze.

In the middle of the OR, still hooked up to tubes and wires to prepare for organ donation, was the lifeless body of George O'Malley.

Cassie felt her body go into shock, the pounding of her heart sending blood to rush through her ears. The pit at the bottom of her stomach exploded, her veins turning to ice as her feet rooted themselves in place.

Her body moved without her mind's consent, and within the blink of an eye, she was hovering above the OR table with George's cold, limp hand held tightly in her own.

Her features blank and posture rigid, Cassie's gaze moved from George's hand, up to his face, which was hardly recognizable.

With a shaking arm, she reached forward, softly brushing his cheek with a feather-light touch.

She didn't cry.

Taking a step away from the table, she turned around, her arms remaining at her sides as she moved in a zombie-like fashion back to the scrub room.

She ignored everyone's worried looks, stopping directly in front of Webber, who frowned in confusion.

Steadily, she removed her ID badge, placing it gently in his hand.

"I quit."

Cassie pushed past the group of doctors, not sparing them a single glance as she opened the scrub room door and left without another word.

..................... chile anyways so