Start song: Ghosting by Mother Mother

WARNINGS:
smut
slight non-con/confusion about consent

Ashley is in his bed when he wakes up, her face is tucked away into his neck and the rest of her is wrapped around him in a tight squeeze. As her best friend, he indulges her and leans into her hold, firstly to get comfortable and secondly to get warm. It's freezing in his room, two fans spin around him, both faced towards his bed.

This isn't the first time he's woken up to her in bed with him and it's probably not the last either. Every few days she'll climb in with him, they've talked about it a few times and mutually agreed that bed sharing was okay when they needed it. They never go to bed with the mindset of falling asleep together.

He's always asleep before her anyways, and always home before her. And Ashley's shifts run late and start late so she's rarely there, they're practically on opposite schedules. It works though, it always has. Tyler likes it this way and he's learned to enjoy Ashley crawling into his bed late at night. She gets scared, she gets nightmares and Tyler knows he makes her feel safe, there's no way he could ever tell her not to get into bed with him. He's used to it now and he knows she only sleeps with him when she needs to.

When Ashley yawns into his neck, Tyler yawns too and when she shifts, so does he. Yesterday's makeup is still on, mascara around her eyes, foundation sparse. She must've came straight into his room and passed out if she hadn't even washed her face.

Tyler touches her shoulder. "Are you okay?" He rasps, voice still fuddled with sleep. Ashley shrugs against him and Tyler lets his hand rub up and down her arm. It's meant to comfort and by the way she leans into the touch he knows it's working. "Did something happen?" Maybe it's not the right thing to ask but he worries about her.

It's not much of an answer but she nods her head against his chest and squeezes her arms around him.

"Your ex?" Tyler asks gently. Because it makes sense, her ex harassing her. He never leaves her alone, he's always been too obsessive.

Ashley grips the sleeve of his sweater, fingers curling around the fabric as she shakes her head. "No. Just-I went out last night."

"Where?"

"Bar, downtown" She tells him, voice wavering. She's nervous to talk and Tyler doesn't like where  this is heading. Early morning conversations with her never end where they start.

"And?"

"I saw Josh."

Tyler looks away. "And?"

Ashley rolls out of his arms, on her back, eyes on the ceiling. "He was with someone."

Tyler turns to her. "Okay." He leans his head on her shoulder. "We're not exclusive. It's not like that." Josh is just their neighbour who he's been having sex with, they haven't made any arrangements to be more. They haven't talked about being more. It's not his business. "What was he doing?" Is a question he asks anyways, because yeah, maybe he is a little interested in knowing what Josh gets up to.

Ashley just shakes her head and takes a deep breath. "It doesn't matter, y'know since you're not exclusive." Ashley smiles a little bit, clearly revenge for the lack of information he's given her about Josh, Tyler rolls his eyes.

And then Ashley sighs, a change of subject. "I met a girl while I was there." He expects her to smile again, Ashley doesn't, she looks away from him.

"Oh." Tyler picks at his lips, a distraction. "Anything happen?"

Ashley nods, her eyes shine with the distinct build up to tears. "I went to her place and we kissed and she went to touch me and I started crying."

"Ashley." He looks st her properly. Her eyes are teary.

"Don't know why," She runs a hand over his shaved head and falters when she remembers there's nothing there. "I don't panic when i'm with guys. Why should I get scared with girls?"

"Did she still touch you?" Is Tyler's biggest question.

Ashley's quiet. "No. She held me while I cried."

"Do you want to talk to me about it?" He asks, tone soft and quiet, he hopes it's comforting. He hopes he's comforting. He loves Ashley and he wants to be able to help her however he can.

"We've talked about it Tyler, you know everything about me, all of my trauma." She tells him. "And i'm not trying to be a bitch, just, we've had this conversation a million times."

He nods, she's not wrong. "We could put a little bit of money aside," He suggests, his hand reaches for hers, their fingers intertwine. "Get you in with a professional or maybe you could go back to group, it helped last time."

"Um," Ashley shuts her eyes before hesitantly nodding. "Actually maybe I should, go back to group just not the same one as last time y'know?" She's scared, has been for a long time but Tyler will always support her. "I liked it a lot, It scares me less then talking to someone one on one."

"We'll figure it out," He murmurs, conversation heavy in the air. He starts to sit up, ready to get out of bed. "I'll help you as much as I can, i'll even drive you over."

She flicks his shoulder. "You're such a good guy." Ashley grins at him, following his lead and sitting up a little, in favour for leaning against the wood of his headboard.

"If you say so." Tyler slowly gets up, pulling some of the covers with them as he scoots over to the end of his bed and steps down to stand, he expects Ashley to follow but instead she just looks at him as he grabs a sweater off the floor and slides it down over his bare chest. "What?" He asks, turning to face her.

"Josh is lucky to have you."

Tyler rolls his eyes, his cheeks flush pink. "He isn't my boyfriend."

"Not yet." Ashley laughs and pulls the covers around her.

"Not ever."

"Sure." Ashley smiles again. "If that's what you want to tell yourself."

*

The third time Tyler gets on his knees for Josh is later that night, he leaves Ashley in bed with a kiss to her cheek and when she demands to know what's going on. Tyler says nothing.

It happens fast just like last time, except time doesn't seem to move when he's with Josh anymore. There's always a pause when they're together, time seems to stop for them and then when they're done, it's like it never happened even though the memory is burned into his mind.

It's not supposed to go this way, Tyler's not expecting it to go this way but when he knocks on Josh's door and Josh lets him inside, Tyler falls to his knees within minutes of their friendly conversation. A quiet thump is the only noise to be made.

It makes sense in the moment for him to greet Josh like this, Josh did it to him, and when Josh's face goes through a slew of shock, confusion and then something else that Tyler doesn't understand, Tyler knows he's done something right. He thinks he's done something right.

Josh blinks, eyes tired. "Wait," He groans, pressing a hand to Tyler's head, curling his fingers in the hair at his crown and pushing him away. Tyler's flushed, embarrassed, mixed signals flash in his head, he's too impulsive for this, for relationships, mistakes are easy to make. He waits. "Want to eat first?" Tyler asks quietly, nervous, looking up at Josh with red cheeks.

"No." Josh grips his hair tighter and then releases with a huff, Tyler's scalp pulses. "I want-" He doesn't finish his thought, he looks down at Tyler through dark eyelashes instead and there's something about the bags under his eyes and the sickliness to his skin that makes Tyler feel uneasy. He ignores it.

"What do you want?" Tyler touches his thighs, firm and muscular under his fingers, he squeezes. "We can stop Josh, we don't have to do anything." He assures him, they don't need to, Tyler just wants to do something nice for him. He wants to do this for him because he can't stop thinking about it. "I-"

"No, uh-sorry. Sorry." Josh shuts his eyes for a moment, to refocus, to re-rebalance. "Had a long day, i'm a little out of it." His voice wavers.

"Josh." Tyler strokes up to his hips, . "Maybe we should just eat first, this can wait. I shouldn't have assumed you'd want to-"

Josh interrupts. "Please, I want it."

"You're sure?" Tyler raises an eyebrow.

He doesn't look sure. "Yes."

Tyler reaches to hold his hand, he squeezes and then presses a kiss to his palm. "Say it again."

Josh does.

"Okay." Tyler kisses his palm one last time.

He's doing something right.

Josh isn't hard when Tyler tentatively shoves his jeans down to his ankles and he's barely half way when Tyler wraps a delicate hand around him and starts to slowly jerk him off, his grip tight right underneath the head. Tyler mouths at his hip as he does this, his lips rough, greedy, he wants Josh to be his. So he bites, nibbles, and then kisses the same spot over and over until the skin there is red and wet.

Tyler expects judgement when he looks up with spit shining on his lips, there's no judgement though, Josh is into it, it's hot, his head is thrown back against the wall, he's groaning, he wants more. "Yeah, you're good. You're good." And he's panting and Tyler's pressing wet kisses against thighs and hips and pubic hair with the tiniest of smiles because having the power to make someone feel good makes him feel good. Josh deserves to feel good.

Josh feels good and he gasps a quiet. "Shit." When Tyler darts his tongue out and licks and sucks and makes his shaft wet with saliva. His cock glistens and Tyler wastes no time with anything. There shouldn't be a rush but there's excitement and anticipation and he wants Josh to come in his mouth.

He's doing something right.

And with a hands to Josh's hips and nails digging into the bones, he's still doing something right when he's swallowing down around Josh's slick cock in one smooth easy movement and burying his nose in pubic hair. Josh gasps and his hips twitch the moment Tyler does this. Normally Tyler would build up to it, a slow burn, kisses and broad licks up his shaft, a slow hand at his balls, but today he's changed the pace, his nails dig into skin and his jaw slackens just enough for Josh to properly grind down into his mouth, it's like Josh knows exactly what he wants without Tyler having to spell it out for him. Josh doesn't do it at first though, and when he does it's tentative and Tyler hums around him as encouragement.

The encouragent works, Josh thrusts abruptly and Tyler gags, there's spit on his chin and above his lips and pre-cum painting down his throat. Josh compliments him for it, the word pretty is whispered among other things and Tyler eats it up and Josh fucks his mouth.

It's not glamorous or slow by any means, Tyler struggles to breathe for a majority of it. He has to hide his teeth, keep his jaw slack and move his tongue all at the same time, but he likes it. And Josh won't even look at him, his head is tilted up towards the ceiling and the death grip he has on Tyler's hair isn't nice, it's rough and if he pulls any harder loose hair may follow.

Tears gather at his the ducts of his eyes and fall freely down his cheeks, warm and salty. He's not crying though, but somethings triggered his tears and his cheeks are wet and it's okay, he's okay. He's okay.

Tyler is okay, Tyler likes this, he loves it. Maybe Josh loves it too, his hips move on their own accord at this point, crave something of their own, Josh is not as controlled as he was last time they did this and the slowness from before is no longer there and is instead replaced with a want, and a determination to get off as fast as possible.

Tyler just sits back and takes as much as Josh gives. He wants whatever Josh will grant him with.

When the cock rocking into his mouth pulses, and hips stutter and the thrusts become less erratic, Tyler sucks and takes over. Hand open on Josh's stomach, mouth a hot suction around Josh's cock.

It's quick and messy when Josh orgasms, he moans, long and drawn and he breathes out a gentle little. "Tyler." and his thighs tremble, his back arches and his semen coats the inside of Tyler's mouth like it belongs there, Tyler has no complaints. He smacks his lips together and swallows without a second thought and then sucks Josh down again.

This is unexpected.

"Jesus christ." His knees buck and he whines and pulls on Tyler's hair so hard Tyler wants to cry. He doesn't cry again, he licks up his cock very gently until Josh is quietly whimpering into his hand. Tyler pulls off when Josh's dick starts to soften in his mouth, saliva clings as he moves away.

They're both panting, Tyler reaches down to palm at his dick and when he looks up at Josh he's expecting pink cheeks and a post-orgasm smile. Tyler feels like he might throw up. Josh has both of his hands over his face and he's shaking even if it's hard to notice, Tyler notices. He wants to throw up. Sick, the sickness he feels pulses in his veins, it burns.

"Josh." He rasps, he whispers, careful and tentative. He doesn't want to scare him. "Josh." He says again. No response.

Josh sniffs and he suddenly looks a lot smaller, vulnerable. "One sec."

Was that consensual? Fuck, Josh said yes, he said it twice. It was consensual. Tyler's sure but either way his throat seems to close up and his mouth dries as he waits for Josh to tell him what's going on. He needs Josh to say something. He says his name again, he can't get up. "Josh?"

Nothing. Tyler shuts his eyes and holds onto Josh to steady himself. He sinks down, sitting on his calves and pressing his forehead to one of Josh's thighs as he waits for him to say something. The silence is killer.

"Glad you're here." Josh says eventually, it's quiet. He slowly brings his hands away from his face, Tyler looks up and expects tears, there aren't any.

All of his weight is against the wall he's leaning on, unsurprisingly his cheeks are blotchy and pink and his chest is still heaving. He's everything Tyler wants, he looks fine. Josh is ok.

He needs to be okay for Tyler to be okay.
Relief buzzes underneath his skin when Josh looks at him with sincerity. It's what he needs.

Tyler's knee's ache when he finally shifts, a sharp pain at his joints. He needs to be more careful. "Me too." He wipes his mouth and collects the messy amount of pre-come, semen and spit that's accumulated and wipes it off on his clothes. Another consequence is the throb of his throat and the soreness of his jaw. "What now?"

"I think you should," He pauses and rubs his eyes, he's shaking, he hesitates once more. "G-Come eat,"

"Are you okay?" Tyler asks, he wants to believe that Josh is fine. "Was that too much?"

"No." Josh shakes his head. He helps Tyler to his feet, an arm wrapping around him and pulling him up. "Like I said, long day."

They walk to the kitchen together and it's quiet. Tyler holds onto Josh out of guilt that he's done something wrong, either way they're both wrapped around eachother, hip to hip, arm to arm, it's supposed to feel safe, Tyler feels safe. Josh tells him he feels safe too. But if that were true Tyler wouldn't be asking himself why is Josh still shaking if he's okay? And why is he trembling minutes after orgasm. Tyler doesn't understand and he accepts that he won't.

Josh pulls out plates and cleans up counter space while Tyler leans against the counter and replays that memory in his head. Josh said yes, Josh said it twice and he never asked for him to stop and-

"Are you still hard?" Josh is sliding on oven mitts when he asks this.

Tyler blinks, pulled out of his head at the words. And then he gulps before his cheeks go pink. "No." He'd went soft after Josh had panicked. It was inevitable, he's sure if Josh tried hard enough he could get it up again. Tyler doesn't want to, he knows Josh is in a bad headspace and he knows that what they just did, there was something wrong about it. He feels physically sick, bile rising whenever he thinks back to what they'd just done.

"I-" Josh starts, Tyler stares at his back, his shoulders tense and his muscles shift under his shirt, he drops his shoulders. "Sorry."

Sorry, sorry, sorry. "Why?"

"Don't know." He leans down and opens the oven, pulling out a pan, steam rises to the ceiling. "It doesn't matter." It's not honest but Tyler won't push him to tell him more. Maybe he should but he's scared to get more intimate than they already are, he doesn't want to get attached when he knows Josh probably won't want to be monogamous.

Silence eats the air and Tyler ends up sitting on the counter while Josh plates their food. There's something profound, deep inside him that's bothering both him and Josh at the same time but he doesn't know what it is.

They eventually move to the living room. Josh tells him that's where they're eating so that's where they go.

The curtains are open and light shines in and illuminates the entire room. Tyler imagines that its dark instead. It feels dark, it should be night, it feels like it should be night. They sit on the couch together, there's no question as to why, they're close so close, thigh to thigh, their feet touch. This is different then every other time they've been with eachother.

Tyler's hand shakes as he cuts into his lasagna. "Did I do something wrong?" He asks finally, glancing at Josh nervously. "Because you need to tell me if I did, I can do casual sex Josh but if you're going to react like-like, you did, I don't think I can." He stops there, the words rushing out of his mouth in waves. He wants to talk about consent and how Josh needs to tell him things but he can't bring himself to do it. Especially when Josh is looking at him like he is now.

A frown, a little bit of surprise and Josh is just staring at him, analyzing him maybe? Tyler doesn't care, he just wants them to be on the same page. He needs them to be on the same page. Josh's fork scrapes against his plate, a small smile is his lips when he answers. "No, you're fine, i'm just being stupid today. It's okay, don't worry. Trust me."

Trust him.

Tyler wants to. So he nods. "Okay. Good."

There's more to talk about but Tyler can't get the words out. So instead he smiles back at Josh and scoots closer.

"Ashley said she saw you last night." Tyler twirls his fork in his food, deciding to change the topic. "At a bar." He clarifies.

"I was working." Josh says easily and takes a bite of lasagna. "Didn't see her though." It's dismissive and Tyler doesn't know if it really means anything or if Josh is just lying. Tyler would never know either way. They barely know each-other and Tyler's gullible, his trust is too easily earned, especially when he wants to trust someone, that person currently being Josh.

They talk quietly after that, words flow freely despite how tense the atmosphere between them feels. But then Tyler asks him about work and Josh tells him about the types of drunks he encounters and the mood lifts dramatically. It's an easy subject to talk about and Josh has so much to say that by the time he's out of funny stories about customers and the way they think they can get away with anything, they're done eating and they're both smiling.

Josh's hand is also on his knee by the time they're done eating, and it's been slowly moving up, up, up and squeezing and touching and he's so careful with the way he's stroking up his leg, so gentle in his seduction that Tyler had barely noticed while they'd been laughing. Tyler's eyes widen when he notices. His hand goes on top of Josh's. "Josh." He says, fingers curling around fingers. "I—you don't like owe me anything man. You don't need to reciprocate."

Still, Josh's hand moves up again, prods at his crotch, presses down, Tyler squirms. "Shit." He shouldn't, he really shouldn't let Josh go through with this.

Josh's fingers ghost over his lower stomach. "Do you mind if I," He makes a hand motion with his free hand, Tyler blushes.

His immediate in head response is no, he should say no. Morally he knows that Josh probably isn't in a good head space to be doing this. But the way Josh looks at him, it's so sincere and soft and Tyler caves and he caves hard. "I-Okay, yeah." Tyler relaxes a little bit, leaning into the couch, spreading his legs. "If you want to." He murmurs. Ready to give Josh the chance to back out, ready to tell him he doesn't need to. Josh wouldn't do this if he didn't want to.

"I want to." Josh tells him and then moves to sit in his lap.

Tyler doesn't last very long, mostly because he isn't trying to and mostly because Josh is really good with his hands.

*

When he gets home, his bed is empty. Ashley isn't even home and it worries him. It's not particularly late but still, he likes knowing when she's safe.

She's off of his mind the moment he gets in bed though. Josh takes her place.

Josh is everywhere and Josh is confusing and Tyler barely knows how to act around him or what to say or do. He doesn't understand what Josh wants.

Tyler especially doesn't understand what he wants himself.

*

thank you for reading! i had a lot of issues with getting this chapter together, so i hope you enjoyed it

i definitely don't say this enough but i love you all!!!