I'm sorry I don't smile,
as much as I could, 
as much as I should. 

I'm sorry that I'm sad,
that tears kept coming and leaking,
that I kept having to leave.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
that I'm good enough for you but not for me,
that I'm a perfectionist whose feelings are a mess.

I'm sorry that I'm sick,
that most days I wish I was dead,
that your warnings don't scare me away.

I'm sorry that I think,
that I think way too much,
that I think more than I should. 

I'm sorry,
To you,
but even more so to me.