Warning for mentions of suicide, sort of a panic attack, homophobic slurs, and internalized homophobia

Tyler was waiting by his locker, going through something on his phone. It was after school and Josh was taking a test his teacher was forcing him to make up from when he was suspended.

It was Tuesday, the day after the incident with Dallon, and things were... awkward. Brendon hasn't been the same since. He skipped school the rest of the day before and didn't show up today until lunch. He was high off his ass too.

He was in the middle of texting his dad and telling him he was going to Josh's when he heard something hit the locker next to him, making him jump. He looked over and saw Frank grinning at him. He realized it was just his fist that hit the locker but he imagined the fist hitting him next and he gulped. "Um, hi," he spoke, trying not to start anything.

"Tyler, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Where's your big bad boyfriend? Not here to protect ya?"

Frank moved his arms so they were on each side of Tyler, trapping him against the locker. "T-taking a test," he stuttered, fear flooding his body. "Please don't hurt me," he squeaked.

"Why would I hurt ya?"

"Because you hurt Josh and you tried hurting me last time."

"I never went to hurt ya, jus' fuck ya up a little. Ya deserve it though, don' ya?" He gave Tyler a look of softness. "Fags deserve everythin' they get. Ya guys are toxic 'nd just pushin' your nasty views on other people."

"That's not true," Tyler replied, his eyes filling with tears.

"Yes it is 'nd we both know it. You're a freak if ya ain't straight. Ya know that. It's almost like you're tryna punish yaself by datin' a boy. Ya know it's bad 'nd you're goin' ta Hell for it. Ya know you're a freak. Ya know ya don' belong. Ya never will. Why don' ya just kill yaself? Ya'll be doin' everyone a favor includin' yaself," he continued. His voice was gentle and almost understanding but his words were not.

Tyler couldn't help it, the tears spilled down his cheeks. He was right. He was a freak for liking guys. He thought just because Josh didn't make him second guess himself that it was okay. But it wasn't.

"See? You're a fuckin' fairy. You're standin' here cryin' for no reason."

"Why the fuck are ya talkin' ta my boyfriend?"

Tyler and Frank both looked over to see Josh standing there, a snarl on his face. Frank backed away and held his hands up in surrender. "Jus' havin' a friendly conversation," he looked at Tyler one last time. "See ya around, faggot," he spat saliva towards Tyler before walking out down the hallway.

Tyler slowly slid to the ground, letting out a sob. He thought things were getting better. He thought he was getting more comfortable with himself. He wasn't. He was being stupid and naive. He was disgusted with himself.

Josh quickly ran over to him and bent down so he was at Tyler's height. "Did he touch ya at all?"

Tyler couldn't speak so he just shook his head. He could see Josh going into hug him but he flinched away, moving over slightly. "Don't touch me," he told him. His heart was racing so fast he thought it was going to beat out of his chest. "I'm gross."

"What the hell did he say ta ya?"

"He's right," Tyler sobbed out, not acknowledging Josh's question. "I'm worthless and disgusting and a fag—"

"Tyler ya better shut the fuck up right now," Josh interrupted, his voice stern. Tyler stopped and looked at him. He had a hurt look on his face and Tyler's never seen him like that before. "Forget whatever that asshole jus' said. He's jus' tryna get ta ya. Remember? If somethin' makes ya happy then everyone else can fuck off. Ya likin' boys don' mean shit."

Tyler didn't respond. He felt sick. He wanted to believe Josh but he's spent most of his life hating himself for who he was. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "That just triggered a lot."

"Can I hug ya now?" Tyler nodded and relaxed as soon as Josh's arms wrapped around him. "I love ya."

"I love you too. I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Don't be," Josh replied. "If that prick talks ta ya 'nd brings all this shit up again ya let me know, 'kay?"

Tyler nodded slightly. "Okay."

"C'mon, lets go," he helped his boyfriend up and the two held hands as they walked out to Josh's car. As soon as they got in Tyler was lighting a cigarette and inhaling gratefully.

"Do you think it'll ever stop?" Tyler asked, looking out the window as Josh drove to his house.

"What?"

"The never ending self hatred," he clarified.

Josh's grip on his hand tightened. "For your sake, I hope so."

Neither of them responded after that. Tyler knew Josh loved him and he loved Josh back and they made each other happy but Frank talking to him brought up that nagging feeling in the back of his brain telling him it wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it. He hasn't had that feeling for weeks but it returned just when he needed it the least.

Josh pulled into his driveway and the two walked in and up to Josh's room. Thankfully, Jordan wasn't there so Josh didn't have to kick him out.

The two crawled into his bed and laid there, Josh rubbing Tyler's back. The younger had homework but he didn't plan on doing it. He hasn't done his homework in days. He didn't have the motivation or energy to.

"I really do love ya," Josh piped up. "No matter what happened with anythin' don' forget that, okay?"

An uneasy feeling overcame Tyler upon hearing those words but he ignored them. He trusted Josh. He was probably just referring to if Frank caused Tyler to have another episode. "I love you too."

He meant it, he really did, but he felt bad for loving another man. And he didn't think he would ever completely get over that.