Namjoon.

I wonder if he is right. If maybe the best thing to do is just let this go. To forget it ever happened and move on. I wonder if maybe what happened all those years ago doesn't matter anymore, if perhaps it's time we all let it rest. But then again, that would go against everything I have thought about all these years, that would defeat the whole purpose of me ever looking for him to even begin with.

Admittedly, I have wanted reconciliation, I have wanted to make up, and to have him back in my arms, but that hope is slowly fading away with the millions of steps he taking to move on. I am more bent on him forgiving me now, all I want, ever wanted more than anything, is forgiveness from him.

He says he has moved on and doesn't want anything to do with the past, but it's clear he hasn't forgotten yet, he hasn't forgiven me either. He still wonders, he is still short of answers, and he is still angry at me. The only way he can move past that is, if he allows me give him answers, he only has to let me in to get over this. Doing this will not only allow him, but myself as well to get closure. Even if he might never forgive me, a bit of burden will ease off my shoulders knowing he has gotten the explanation and the answers he has been looking for. I'll feel a little better knowing he isn't suffering because of me anymore.

But he won't allow me, he won't allow anything from me. He is strangely defensive, like he dreads thinking about the past, or talking about it. Like there is something else from back there that is still largely present that he doesn't want me to know about. Maybe it's all in my head, or maybe I am reading it wrong, but this is Seokjin we are talking about, and I know him so cleanly, inside out, and I can tell he is hiding something from me, and it's oddly not the only thing that is wrong with his relationship with Jeon.

I know that sounds barely credible coming from an ex boyfriend point of view, given the jealousy and the anger that might be present for him moving on, and getting married, but something just doesn't add up fully between them. I can't tell if it's Seokjin, or Jeon, or maybe both of them, but it's there, there is something, not necessarily fishy, but...hidden, missing?

There are just perfect, too perfect.

Again, I know that just sounds like I am hating, but I could bet a million bucks something isn't right. My worries of course lie with Seokjin, and the last thing I would want for him is to get married, or get stuck with someone he doesn't want. I am not saying he doesn't want Jeon, I am just saying if anything, if something perhaps is there, then I wouldn't want him to fall into it. I mean he said it himself - he needed to be sure, and you only do that if there were doubts to begin with. Right?

All of it just makes me want to have that talk that he dreads so much, and sooner or later it's gonna need to happen, and this time I am not gonna let him leave without hearing it.

I walk out of the washrooms downstairs, making my way to the living room where Yoongi just texted me he is waiting at. The downstairs rooms are free for exploring, including the kitchen, the living room and the library. I've been walking around the unrestricted area after my talk with Seokjin, just clearing my mind alone and trying to not dwell on the fact that Seokjin is actually getting married. They have a beautiful home, it has Seokjin written all over it, with homey colours and a welcoming atmosphere. I see a lot of his little apartment from back then in here, smh.

Yoongi is sitting in the comfy chairs of the living room when I turn the corner. He looks so done with everything, eyes squinting over his phone screen in the dimly lit area. He hates parties, and the only reason he actually came was because it was official, his father had forced him, and he couldn't particularly say no, or decline the offer from Seokjin. Otherwise he wouldn't be here now, would probably be working or looking for a lay on a free night.

"I had Joy round up the boys so they can leave, I think it's getting late." He says as soon as he sees me. I think that's for the best, they don't get to go to a lot of parties like these, and when rare opportunities present themselves, they take proper advantage of it. It would be best to get them to leave before they get lost in the alcohol and the fun, and forget their public image. Plus, they have tight schedules tomorrow with me, and I'll really appreciate it if they are not hanged over or sleepy.

"Sounds great, I think we should leave too, I've had enough for one night." He tilts his head to the side, eyes narrowing. "You ok?" He asks, and a glance at his eyes and I know what he is referring too. "I am fine, I saw it coming." I reply to which he nods, but doesn't look convinced in the slightest.

I pocket my hands, sighing out when his gaze scrutinize me closely. He knows me so well, especially when it comes to Seokjin. He has seen the transition from how broken I was, to recently when I was getting on my feet, and I believe I am reeling back now, and he can clearly see that.

"It's ok to not be alright with him getting married. He is your ex, been your only ex for a long time, so it's fine if you feel some type of way about it." I do feel some type of way about it. I feel confused, I feel hurt, jealous, I feel...bad. It just isn't ok, it somehow just hurts from the inside, I realise plainly it's because I still harbour all these emotions for him. They don't specifically have a name, or a label, but they are there, there are things there that I still feel for him, strongly may add.

"Well there is nothing that can be done about it. It is what it is..." I reply shrugging and blinking back. Regardless of what I feel, Seokjin doesn't feel it anymore, all those fantasies and longing thoughts are just pointless really.

"I thought you texted Tae that we were leaving, where is he?" I ask for a change, not ready to talk further about the previous topic. Yoongi looks around, shaking his head to signal his confusion as well. The party outside is still raging, I assume so although I can't hear anything from inside these thick walls, and I am guessing Taehyung is out there, dancing or something.

He doesn't go out to a lot of parties by himself either, so he is probably having a time of his life, plus, he told me earlier he was going to ask Jimin out, and he looked pretty excited about that. I know he is grown, and could take care of himself but I just don't want him out alone by himself or with someone he barely knows.

Sigh. I make to turn on my heels to go look for him, but I am drawn in by a familiar sight, the view of a cute little boy at the top of the stairs.

He is in iron man pajamas, a plushie stuck to his side while he rubs his eyes and his air that is askew. I recognize him, that kid from yesterday in the office, the happy bubbly one, Seokjin's son?

Yoongi follows my line of sight, and so does the guard at the bottom of the stairs, who had been keeping watch and keeping people away from the upstairs area that is restricted. He curses lowly as soon as he sees the kid, scrambling off his position and  rushing up the stairs, taking two at a time.

I can't help myself as I watch the hushed interaction, which is basically the little boy pouting and looking anywhere but the guard, who seemingly...pleads? Hands holding gently onto to the boy.
The guard makes to turn him the direction he came from, but the kid just whines, pushing lazily to get his way, and trailing down the steps.

The security visibly sighs, taking out his phone to call someone, while he still carefully follows behind the boy who just looks around confused, sleepy still, and...cute.

"Who is that?" Yoongi asks amused, following the smile that has somehow found its way on my face. "um, it's Kim's son, I think." I reply, my eyes not leaving the kid.
"Really, I didn't think the rumors were true." Yoongi murmurs, turning to the scene before us once more. We are only an earshot away now, and we watch as the kid looks up at the woman, his nanny probably, who has joined the security guard, taking the boy in her arms.

"Let's go back to bed, yeah. Your Appa will be back soon." The nanny pleads.

"Where did he go, he is not in his room." The kid asks, looking up at the woman, who seems tired, but seemingly used to the scene.

"I want my Appa." Yoongi scoffs as the kid whines once more, refusing to budge when the nanny tries to lead him back upstairs. He just pouts, threatening to throw a tantrum or a scene, the nanny in front of him sighing out while the security behind them just shakes his head, not having the kid's bratty attitude.

The boy looks away, and just happens to meet my eyes, his sleepy face breaking into a smile at the sight of me in their living room. "Hey, mister, it's you." I can't help the laugh that escapes me at his recognition, somehow happy at his sight too. He ducks past his nanny, and rushes past Yoongi, then to me, myself, almost on instinct, kneeling down to be his height.

I don't know if it's because he is Seokjin's son, or because he looks so much like him, but I am fond of the kid, I've been since I met him the other day in the office. He is just so much of Seokjin, so much familiar, and just...it feels personal.

"Hey mister, your in our house." He says, smiling widely. The nanny and the security guy look at each other, then at Yoongi and me, the latter just kind of glaring at the two. "Will you watch him a minute while I go get his Appa?" The nanny pleads and I agree, both of us glancing at the security behind her, who stands his ground at her silent command, keeping watch on the boy, and on us of course

She leaves, and I immediately turn to the kid, noting his dimples and his eyes that have lit up even more. "Hey buddy, why are you not in bed?" I ask, trying to make a conversation with him, and just genuinely curious. His face falls, "I had a nightmare, and then I went to look for my Appa, and my dad but they weren't there." He reveals holding closer the plushie. I feel bad for him, little guy couldn't stay in his room alone because he was scared.

"Do you know where they are?" He asks, referring to his parents and I nod, the kid smiling. I feel Yoongi's eyes on me, questioning and curious, I don't think he is judging, but he's got a pretty confused expression on. "Yeah, they let me in, they said I should tell you go back to bed."

"But there's a monster." He gasps.

"Monsters aren't real." I counter, smiling. He smiles as well, "my Appa thinks so too." He mutters. He is just as free around me, so friendly and warm. I don't know if that's a kids thing, but I like it, I like his welcoming nature, a lot like Seokjin. "Is this your friend?" He motions to Yoongi, the older blinking at him, then at me.

"Yeah, ask him his name." I whisper playfully.

"My name is Jeonghan, what's your name, sir."

Jeonghan, so that's his name, it sounds nice as I say it in my head, simple, but classy. The kid turns to Yoongi, waiting. "It's Mr Min, you can call me Yoongi."

"Yoongi?" The kid tries the words, tilting his head to the side with a pout, before scaring the living daylights out of the older with his next words. "Can I call you uncle Yoon?" The CEO raises a brow at the kid, and I fight back a smile as the he fidgets with his fingers. Kids make him nervous, ha.

The moment is however interrupted when the front door sounds, the nanny from earlier, walking in with a rather anxious Seokjin in tow. He takes in the scene for a few seconds, just frozen, looking amongst the three of us almost...fearfully. This is the second time I have seen that reaction on him, with him strangely quiet, and just speechless. If I'd deduce anything from it I'd say he doesn't like me near his son, which I'd understand if that's the case. We are not in good terms at the moment, let alone friends, and maybe having me near his loved ones might be overwhelming.

"Appa, I made a friend. Uncle Yoon." he beams walking to the man who forces out a smile, ruffling his hair. Seokjin barely looks up, barely faces my direction, eyes trained solemnly on his son.

"Why are you up at this hour?" He scolds lightly, not heading to the kids earlier excitement. "It's really late, and we have plans tomorrow." He continues, sighing when the kid pouts. "I had a nightmare, and I went to look for you and daddy, but you weren't there." Seokjin visibly relaxes at that, ruffling his hair before pinching his cheek, a small smile finally showing on his face.

"Daddy and I went out to get some water ok, but I am back now, let's go back to bed, yeah?" The kid nods, Seokjin finally turning to us. Yoongi as usual looks professional, but I can't keep myself from staring, from longing and wanting him. This could be me, this could be us, with a son, a daughter perhaps. With him I could have had a family, we could be something bigger right now...

"I really do apologise for any inconvenience he might have caused..." He starts, tugging the smiling kid lovingly. "...he is a little too friendly at times." Seokjin effectively avoids my eyes despite addressing the both of us. Other than being angry at me from earlier, I also get the feeling that he doesn't want to make eye contact with me in this particular moment.

"Not at all, just friendly enough." Yoongi jokes and Seokjin manages a smile. "If you don't mind I'll take my leave now, enjoy the rest of your evening gentlemen." He bids, holding onto the kid and making his leave after a bow.

"Goodnight uncle Yoon, goodnight Mister." The kid waves enthusiastically, skipping past the security, and the nanny that scurries off after as well. "It's funny how he knows my name but still calls you Mister, yet you've met him a lot more times than me." Yoongi comments, laughing as we head out.

"I've only met him twice, the second time being this." I defend, letting out a scoff when I actually think about it. "That's just Jeonghan for you." 

"Yeah, kid kind acts like you, though." He laughs, and I raise a brow, snorting. "How so?"

"I don't know, kinda smart, nerdy. If I didn't know better I'd say he was your son." He laughs again, and I force out one as the magnitude of his words take weight.

My son.

Jeonghan, my son?

That sounds...I don't know how that sounds. It's of course absurd, and impossible. Sure, Jeonghan is six, and he might have been conceived seven years ago, which is when Seokjin and I separated, but it's also the same time he got with Jungkook.

He can't possibly be my son, with Seokjin. That would be preposterous. I mean it's highly unlikely that we had a baby together, and even if we did I would have known, Seokjin would have told me. Right?