CHAPTER | SEVENTEEN | UMAYMAH | POV

I watched him from where I was on the bed: curled up with a pillow and his chest moving up and down to indicate that he was in fact sleeping. Sighing I began running my temples because it had now been two weeks since we had any sort of proper conversation.

Shoaib always began the day with praying much to my surprise but then continued to ignore my futile attempts to even apologise to him. It was a weird feeling though, no matter how much I tried I just didn't want to give up.

He had every right to be mad at me and if the situation was flipped to me then there's no doubt our reactions would be the same.

"Are you going to carry on staring at me?" His voice was so sudden that a squeal left my mouth and the pillow I was holding on to was now clenched at my chest, trying to slow down the harsh heartbeats.

I slowly turned my head towards his figure and made out the amused look on his face as if he was trying not to laugh at me. It had been weeks since I had gotten any sort of reaction out of him, and this was enough to bring a smile to my face.

"I was not staring. I was just, erm..." I couldn't think of a good enough reason to hide the fact that I was in fact staring at him sleeping.

The look on his face made it clear that I hadn't persuaded him at all. In fact I wouldn't believe what I had just said either, considering I had no excuse.

Rolling his eyes he began to turn away from before I quickly pulled his arm so that he could face me again. This time it was him who was startled but didn't have quite the same reaction as me; his eyes went wide for a second before composing himself and releasing my grip on him.

"Is something wrong?" He questioned, looking me expectantly for an answer.

I wanted to scream out everything about our situation was wrong: how he wouldn't talk to me and make me feel guilty for weeks about something so little that it feels absurd to think it even happened.

"I just want to go back to the way things were." I whispered softly.

I was being bold at the moment by reaching down and placing my head on his moving chest. The fact that he didn't push me away was enough confirmation to me make stay still as we were now.

"It feels stressful doesn't it? To think that everything you do can make things worse and you have to work so hard to make it right? It's what you do to me," he paused and I felt my heart beating faster, trying to digest exactly what he was saying to me. "You make me want to become a better person and I just want to have my rights as your husband, to see your hair. I feel like I'll never be good enough and even with the progress I'm making you'll never allow me to see it."

His words hit me. He wasn't angry at me - he was simply teaching me a lesson to portray what he goes through every time I deprive him of his rights. Was I really being too harsh on him?

Sitting up on the bed I crossed my legs and looked at him observingly. He too watched me, wanting what I was going to do or say next.

"Is it really that bad?"

"It just feels like I live with a stranger rather than my wife." He shrugged.

Getting up from the bed, I began to turn the lights on to our room since the amount of light was no where near visible enough to see things. I didn't look at him as my hands began going up to the material at the top of my head. It's true what they say about a hijabi being nervous when showing her hair to her husband for the first time. Was the wait going to be worth it?

Just as the material slid off my head, so did the thoughts about being nervous. However this time I did look up to see his reaction and the only thing I saw was a goofy smile on his face which made me want to roll my eyes. I began taking the hair band out, completely exposing my hair for him to see.

I watched as he slid off the bed and made his way towards me. When he reached me, he bent down to pick up the scarf that had fallen.

"You look beautiful Mash'Allah." I felt him give me a kiss on the cheek, bordering near my jaw line. The sensation made me close my eyes before I opened them again to see him smiling down at me.

"I'm sorry that I kept you waiting. I just thought it was the right thing to do." I admitted with a little guilt.

The smile didn't leave his face but it did leave mine. Not showing him my hair wasn't the only right I was depriving him of and it made me wonder whether his words had a double meaning to them.

My hair was now being caressed by him, but the thought of what else I wasn't letting him have from me made my cheeks turn warm.

"Shoaib?" I called out to him when I made sure that the warmth from my cheeks had reduced. He looked at me, beckoning to say what I wanted to, "my hair isn't the only thing I'm keeping from you." I stated slowly as I practiced in my head to make sure I was saying the right thing without making a fool of myself.

Bravery flooded through me when I finally took the opportunity to look up at what his reaction was. Strangely I couldn't tell what his reaction was towards my words.

"Umaymah you know I wouldn't push you into something you're not ready for." He stated and once again no emotion leaked through.

Me on the other hand had mixed emotions that included relief as well as longing. I wanted to consummate our marriage but I was scared to do so. I wasn't experienced and Shoaib definitely was.

"I know, but I want to." I persisted. Being in a big family allowed me to hide me feelings pretty well, especially when everyone in the household were nosy, so keeping my voice strong now was no problem.

"You want to, but you're scared. We can wait." His actions didn't justify what he was saying as he took my lips with his.

It didn't last long but it was enough to leave me breathless afterwards. I was glad that he wasn't pushing me into this; rather it was the other way round. The irony.

Deciding to leave the topic for now I lead him back to our bed and we both laid down. There were no pillows separating us anymore, so he had his arm around my waist, pulling me close while his other hand didn't want to leave the curls that framed my face.

Coming back to bed seemed pointless considering I had to be up in a few minutes anyway. It was the first Saturday of our two week break but instead of getting to spend it by relaxing, we had to attend one of my cousins wedding.

"We need to go in a bit." I stated but deep down I didn't want to get up.

"We can always ditch and hang out at home." He suggested and turning back to face him, I hit his arm for his stupidity.

"No. We're going, now get up." I detangled myself from him and got up to stretch my sore muscles.

Meanwhile Shoaib still laid in bed watching me. Rolling my eyes I went and grabbed the dress that hung outside our wardrobe that I was to be wearing today. My laziness didn't want me to get up but I was still excited for my cousin, Zahra, to be getting married.

She was my first cousin and being that I had to help in most of the preparations and I was glad for it - anything to keep my mind off what was happening at home. I smiled to myself remembering how excited she was whenever we did something that was for the wedding and even though she was older by a good three years, it still felt like I was the mature one trying to calm her down in public places.

"You know you need to get ready right?" I asked sarcastically with my back turned to him, trying to hide the smile playing on my face.

"Yeah, but unlike you it doesn't take me five years to do so." Glaring at his laughing frame I stomped out our room and into the bathroom. It was back to our joking selves and he knew that I wouldn't take his words to heart.

I did not take five years to get ready, in fact we took more or less the same time. Brushing him off, I stripped off my clothing and began scrubbing in the shower to get myself clean and feel more awake.

Finally done I took the dress out and put it on. The dress took the shape of my curves just a bit but it still hung loose enough to be modest. Because the wedding was separated, I could wear this, but on top I had to wear my abaya and hijab before getting to the women's side.

Clutching my pyjamas in one hand I walked back into the room where Shoaib was finally out of bed and now rubbing his red, tired eyes from sleep. His hair was messy but it definitely looked better than mine.

"You should take a shower now." I stated trying to look as if I was still offended by his last comment. Truthfully I had already gotten over it, but he didn't need to know that.

At my words he glanced up to look at me and a smirk formed on his features. I decided to ignore him for the time being and proceeded to grab my hair straightener and a few of the makeup products that I actually owned.

"You look really good." I felt his presence behind me as I plugged in the straightener and began separating strands of hair. He didn't do anything but stay still behind me.

"And you stink, so go take a shower." I stifled the giggle of watching his reflection in the mirror and seeing he had his lips set in a straight line and not in the smirk it usually was in.

Without another word he grabbed his suit and made his way to the bathroom like I did minutes ago. By the time he had come out again, my hair was nearly straightened and half was pinned to the top while the rest flowed down my back. My make up was now done as well with a dark red lip and winged eyeliner which took a lot of practice to finally get right.

When I finished taking in my appearance I turned right to see Shoaib was already dressed and had his hair neatly done and was now slipping his shoes on. I would have been lying if I said that he didn't look handsome in his attire.

Making my way over to him I sat beside him. "You look handsome Mash'Allah." I knew that he would have ignored me so I placed a kiss on his cheek and watched how there was now a red stain on his cheek. I slowly wiped it off until there was no trace of it left and looked at him.

"Thanks baby." He said and the smirk was back.

We both got up and I got my abaya and buttoned down until no cleavage was showing and grabbed a hijab to cover my hair. It all would be taken off by the time we got there so I didn't have to worry about my hair being ruined.

Twenty minutes later with food in our systems and a few more cheeky compliments, we were driving to the venue where the wedding was. Unlike ours, Zahra had decided to go all out on her special day, almost inviting the whole of our family which consisted of over 300 people itself. Not to mention the grooms side was massive as well.

"We're here." Shoaib's voice rang throughout my ears and we both stepped out into the cold weather of December.

Saying a final goodbye with a kiss we both made our way to where we were supposed to go. Women had already taken off their abaya's and hijabs when I got in to the women's section, and so I too began to take mine off and looking around for my mom, I decided to go join her.

Of course there were several people who I had to greet but finally my mothers frame came into view and I excitedly went to hug her.

"Asalaamalikum mom." I said while still holding her frame with mine.

Laughing she replied to me, "Walaikumasalaam. How have you been? Am I ready to be a grandma yet?" Around me people started laughing and voicing my moms question, much to my embarrassment.

I didn't want to have to tell everyone here that we hadn't even consummated our marriage, let alone be pregnant. The thought made my smile falter a little because I really wanted a new addition in our family, but remembering what my mother in law said about getting pregnant too early made me back away from the topic every time me and Shoaib talked. Perhaps we could talk about it tonight.

"I'm good Alhamdulilah and no, maybe a bit more time for that." With that I excused myself from the ladies and sat down at an empty table. Well empty until a little someone began running up to me.

In front of me stood a petite little girl whom I hadn't seen before. She was beautiful with green eyes and curly, brown hair like my own. For a minute I just stared until common sense brought me back into reality.

"Hey there, you okay?" I asked with a smile to look friendly.

Completely ignoring what I had just said, she leaped into my arms and brought her tiny arms around my neck, "mommy, you're here."

Startled I didn't know how to react to the toddlers words and by now a woman had already made her way towards us looking sympathetic.

"I'm so sorry about her." The woman attempted to pry the toddler away from me, but she wouldn't budge.

"That's okay, she can stay for a while. Though she just called me her mom and I think she's mistaken." I said out to her.

For a moment the women stared at me, taking in my features as if to confirm what the little was saying had been true.

"No wonder she won't let go of you. Her parents died in a car crash two weeks ago and you look exactly like her. She thinks that they've gone somewhere and she must be excited to have seen you." My heart fell at her words.

No child deserved to lose her parents at such a young age and I don't know what part of me willed me to do this, but holding the little girl closer, I stood up to face to woman.

"What if she wants to stay with me?" The question came out my mouth and even though I knew how silly and unrealistic it sounded I didn't care. I wanted the little girl.

***

Ramadan Mubarak all you beautiful people and I hope you're making the most of this month ❤️ I'm sorry for the poor quality of this chapter but it took me a long time to even write a decent paragraph, so please excuse this. Again thank you for your amazing support :D