Equals

Summary: Har pal. Har saans. Har kadam. Aap. Aap. Aap.

◇◇◇

Amrit finds herself distracted.

Veer lingers in her mind, the scent of his breath on each gulp of air she drags in.

She glances surreptitiously out of the library window at the sunlit grounds below. She could hear Veer's laughter and incoherent words being spoken.

Yashodara is riding a bicycle and Veer is guiding her. Squeals of the girl peals in the air as she struggles to keep the cycle balanced.

Veer holds it steady for her, his other hand on her back, his head bowed muttering words of encouragement that Amrit couldn't hear.

Yashodara nods, steeling herself and off they go peddling out of her vision.

"Shaam ko milte hai," he had said.

The words, the promise, makes her burn in a strange sort of fire. Amrit doodles on the top corner of her paper, where she had been taking down notes of her interview with that refugee girl.

Shaam ka ek waada, poore din par grehen laga jaata hai. Main aanken bicheyi kidkipar beithi suraj ke marne ka intezaar kar rahi hoon. Jo kabhi na kiya woh kar rahi hoon. Kudh ko kissi ke naam kar rahi hoon. Main kudh ko tujhe de doon, tu mujhko le jaayenga kahaan? Gehera samandar hai tu, kinara paau kahaan?
Kaun tu
Tera naam kya
Dil vich meri
Tera kaam kya
Aas hai ki pyaas hai
Paas hai ki kass hai
Kashmakash tera kaam kya
Kaun tu
Tera naam kya

"Dulhan Rani?"

Amrit jumps, and drops her pen.

It cracks on the carpet and ink starts to bleed, dark and ominous.

Dai ma stands beside her, looking over her shoulder at the words she had written. Amrit folds the paper into two and tucks it among the other papers on the desk. She is mentally thankful that the interview had long ended, or this woman might have walked in on her writing for aawaz.

"Ji Dai ma, what do you need?"

"Your dress for the evening gala has arrived. They have set up an European dress code and forgive me, this was all I could manage to prepare at such short notice. Will you come and take a look? In a couple of hours you'll have to start dressing if you plan to go by seven. That's the time Veer Baba mentioned?"

Just to stop the woman's incessant chatter Amrit follows her back to her room, leaving her papers as they were upon the desk.

It is only when she sees the dress that she understands why Dai ma's sword like eyes were glittering just so.

It is white. A pure, delicate, pearl white overlaid with intricate lace. And the sleeves were short bursts of the same lace cuddled together.

Wearing this in the English style would make her look ... like a widow. Amrit gritted her teeth, knowing the older woman was waiting for a reaction.

"It's beautiful. Thank you!" She said shortly.

"I'm sorry about the sleeves, Dulhan Rani. I've been told that you don't wear ..." her voice trails off looking pointedly at Amrit's forearm.

Amrit pauses for a moment. That, wasn't what she was concerned with. But perhaps, there was a way to avoid both issues and at the same time make one last appeal towards her slipping away relationship with her brother.

"I have some work to do. Aap jaaiye."

*

Uday and Vashma are leaving that day. A day was all Amrit has to save her relationship with her brother.

A day is all she has to reverse the damage Randheer's denial had caused. Therefore, she squares her shoulders and goes looking for them, with that heavy ornate basin of water and milk.

"Amru?" Uday's voice is full of surprise and hope. They had parted on a bitter note in the morning, Amrit refusing to see the error in her path, refusing to accept that her relationship was a lie.

Uday's heart has bled over the fact that she may not return to see him leave, blinded as she was by the light of her new, dangerous life.

But here she is, carrying a heavy basin nevertheless. He takes it from her hands immediately, setting it upon the nearest surface. There are rose petals floating upon the milk and the basin if full of red and ivory bangles. Randheer arrives behind Amrit just as Uday looks up.

"Yeh sub kya hai oye?"

"Chooriyan hai veerji," Amrit says softly and she extends a hesitant hand towards Vashma. "We may not be able to perform the likes of a marriage we want for you, but yeh choti choti rasmein toh kar hi sakthe hai. I know you will marry when you go to Bombay, I will not get to see that marriage. But I can see Vashma wearing these in your name can I not?"

Vashma comes to hug her at that.

"Amrit tu ne sach much yeh sab hamare liye kiya?" She mutters in her friends ear warmly. Amrit nods with tears in her eyes.

"The custom is for your maternal uncle to make you wear them but where there is none a brother could do that. I hope you will allow Randheer to do it for you?" She looks at Randheer questioningly now. "Aap karonge na Randheer?"

The emotion with which he looks at her makes Amrit look away.

"Of cause," Randheer says. "And why would you not see their marriage. Aaj raat inke jaane se pehele kar dete hai na inki shaadi? There is only few of ours left for us now, it is better to marry with their blessings."

Amrit's eyes brim at the idea and Uday nods egarly. He places a hand on Amrit's head.

"Tu ek aisi hai joh hum dono ke apni hai. Tu aayengi na Amru?"

She has to nod, despite knowing she had plans for the evening Amrit resolves to make time for her brother and for her to witness his happiness.

"But Amrit," Vashma points out while dabbing at her eyes.

"There are too many bangles here."

That reminds Amrit the rest of what she had to ask.

"All of them are not for you Vashma. Half of it is for me. When I got married none of you were there, none of you could see. Yeh aas rehegayi dil mein." She looks at Uday. "Veerji will you make me wear my own set? Aap aaj jaaonge, uss ke baad main kisse poochoon? Meri ek aap hi toh hai apna -"

Uday pauses for a moment. He doesn't want to do this but Amrit's words touch his heart.

"Tu iss shaadi ko itni maanti hai Amru?" He asks slowly. "Tu uss aadmi ke liye chooriyaan pehenengi?"

"Pehenni toh bohot pehele thi veerji. Not that man, he is your brother in law." She reaches out and takes Uday's hand, looks into his eyes.

"Maine sach main shaadi ki hai unse. Pati hai woh meri. Aapse jhoot toh nahi bolungi."

Uday exhales deeply, the fight in him leaving. There is resentment in his eyes but there is acceptance too. He touches her cheek.

"If this is what you want."

He picks up some bangles and slides them into her wrist. There are tears in his eyes and tears trailing down her cheeks.

"Kush raho puttar. Suhagan raho hamesha."

More choori follow, until her wrists are covered with the reds and ivory, as it should be for a proper punjabi bride.

This, Amrit thinks for herself, would be the only custom she carries to her new family, to their different traditions. She looks up at Vashma.

"You should not take them off for forty days," she says. "And it's the sister in law who should take them off. While I might not be able to come to do it for you, I will send you Shagun ke tofein. Aap log jaake apna naya patha bhejiye mujhe."

It is later when she is coming out with Randheer that she allows doubts to seep into her conscience.

"Yeh shaadi ho paayengi na Randheer? Koi humein rokhenga toh nahi? Kuch unhoni toh nahi -"

"Kissi ko kuch pata hi nahi chalenga toh kya unhoni karenga koi?" Randheer reassures her.

He places a hand on her shoulder and smiles down at her.

"Mujhpar bharosa kijiye Amrit. Kissi ko kuch patha nahi chalenga. Iss baar yeh shaadi koi nahi rokhenga."

*

That scent of jasmin and sandalwood is making him heady and the silence is punctured by tinkling of bangles.

Veer wonders despite resolving not to, what Amrit was doing, for the umpteenth time. She is humming under her breath, a tune he is unfamiliar with.

Unable to help himself any longer Veer turns the door that keeps him from her.

It is unlocked and gives way easily. In the mirror Amrit catches his eye and he catches his breath.

God, good God!

She was a vision in white, delicate lace flowing down her petite frame. But her writs, her wrists were full of chooriyaan, those auspicious reds that symbolised a bride, a newlywed wife. His bride. His wife.

In the back of his head an unwanted thought bleeds into his conscious. Veer had heard something accidentally and he did want to ponder upon it.

"Yeh shaadi ho paayengi na Randheer? Koi humein rokhenga toh nahi? Kuch unhoni toh nahi -"

"Kissi ko kuch patha hi nahi chalenga toh kya unhoni karenga koi?"

"Mujhpar bharosa kijiye Amrit. Kissi ko kuch pata nahi chalenga. Iss baar yeh shaadi koi nahi rokhenga."

He stumps on that thought.

Crushes it into nothingness.

How could he even think something like that about Amrit, his Amrit.

But this secret of hers, he wanted to know. He needed to know. He was dying each day, suffocated by his own nightmares. What was this secret that Randheer was privy to and he wasn't?

"Aise kiyun dekh rahe hain aap?" Amrit asks him, self consciousness bleeding into her face and bringing with it an endearing colour. Her thick lashes drop over her eyes. "Achchi nahi hai?"

Veer steps up to her and stands behind her, admiring the vision they made in the mirror. Out of context, and softened by the ochre lights, he wants to brand upon his memory that sight of them together, brand it over any doubts that dared to prick him.

Veer tilts his head and breathes in that scent of her hair. His breath tickles along her throat and Amrit inhales jerkily. This touch of his warm exhales never cease to tingle. Her fists clench. His eyes are dark when they flicker back to hold hers in the mirror.

"Kash tum kudh ko humare nazron se dekh paati," he mutters and presses his face against hers. "Iss duniya mein tum se zaada kudh pe ghuroor kissi ki nahi hoti. Bohut koobsoorat ho tum, biwi sahab."

"Veer..."

"Hmm?"

Amrit swallows, her heart starts to pick up and she turns to face him. Her voice is suddenly breathy, full of a wonder that has not been there before.

"Aap se kuch keheni hai."

He bows to bring their eyes to a level.

"Kaho."

His eyes are so dark, sharp, deep, all consuming. She cannot hold his gaze anymore. Amrit drops her gaze, looks elsewhere and her cheeks heat up.

"Abhi nahi. Later. After the gala. Raat ko bataungi."

"Achcha," Veer's voice too drops into notes of nothing but a rough breath.

He takes her hand, pulls her closer, those bangles that fill her wrists chime. "Raat ko batane wali baat hai?"

If possible she blushes a shade closer to those bangles. For the life of her she cannot meet his eye.

And those hands, they have a mind of their own, trailing along her waist and up her back.

"Yeh bataiye, biwi sahab -" he continues unperturbed, that mischievous voice continuing.

"Did you think about me?"
Surprise makes her eyes lift into his. Veer smiles slowly.

"Did you think about what I said in the morning?"

She says nothing. Amrit wonders if he is talking about that stupid challenge of getting her to confess her secret or that other thing...

Veer mutters against her ear now, holding her in an embrace that is heated and full of statics, along the path that his hand trails across her back.

"Bataiye kya aap bhi shaam hone ka intezaar kar rahi thi?"

A tortured breath leaves her parted lips. Amrit is glad for a moment that Veer cannot see her face, she burrowes against his collar and his hands tightens on her waist.

Her arms come around him and holds. They cannot possibly be any closer. She is folded into him, his larger frames engulfing her, he mutters now against her throat.

"Hum aap ke baare mein soch rahe the. Thab se. Har pal. Har saans. Har kadam. Aap. Aap. Aap."

Each of those words are punctuated with a press of his heated mouth against the soft column of her throat.

"Kya aap humare baare mein soch rahi thi?" His mouth trails up, his stubble pricks deliciously along the smooth expense of skin.

The feeling is new, unfamiliar yet not utterly unwelcome. Amrit finds her fists clenching. Her mouth parting. Breath comes, thick and tortured and her chest heaves, flushed against the hard planes of his frame.

"Do you want me to stop?" Veer asks her.

"Nahi.." the word a keening, a tortured prayer slips from her mouth.

He starts sucking at her earlobe, making her shudder. Amrit had no idea her ears were that sensitive. Or a mouth could be so tantalising.

"Rokho - nahi."

Veer pulls back with one last tug at her earlobe. His pupils have swallowed his irises, his eyes so dark that Amrit feels afraid.

"Rokhoon? Ke nahi?"

His lips tug rather knowingly. He isn't asking because he doesn't know, he is asking because he likes to hear her answer.

"Bataiye?"

She stares up at him. Caught. Wordless. Desperate.

Did women really answer that sort of questions? Did they really talk about, in so many words, what they desired?

The word, as it conjures itself upon her conscious makes her burn. Was that what she was feeling? Desire?

Veer looks down at her, she is flushed. Her eyes are dark, hooded and enthralling. There is still that innocence to her. That innocence of a curious yet utterly oblivious woman, exploring her own desires for the first time. Learning, at the same time ruling this game of seduction.

It heats his blood, this knowledge that he treasures, nobody had evoked this goddess in her ever before. These blushes, glossy eyes, those sighs, plentiful and sensuous was all his to sow and reap again and again.

"What should I say?" She asks him, her voice muffled against him because she hides her face at that.

Veer touches a hand to her head careful not to muse the tastefully arranged hairdo.

"Tell me what you want."

She pulls back to look at him, curious, intrigued and still breathless.

"Aur meri pass bol hi na ho toh?"

"Bol hai, tum bol nahi rahi ho," he caressed her cheek with the back of his palm.

"Biwi sahab, relationship of spouses is different from others in a family. Baaki har rishtein mein koi Chota hota hai, koi bada hota hai. Kuch haddein hoti hai. Kuch niyam hote hai. Pati patni mein koi Chota bada nahi hota.

"Both are equals. Hum aap se Umra mein bade hai. Aap humse usoolon mein badi hai. Par yahaan, iss rishtein mein, ek doosre ke itne qareeb na aap humse badi hai, na hum aap se. Yahaan na koi niyam hain, na koi hadd."

With that he raised her hand and kissed her palm. Amrit dragged in a hiss of a breath. Veer turned her palm over and kissed each of her knuckles with deliberate slowness, all the while holding her gaze.

"

Hum utne hi aapki hain jitni aap hamare. Iss duniya mein aisa kuch nahi joh aap humse maangengi toh hum mana kar de, aisa kuch nahi joh aap humse kehe nahi sakthi. Samajhgayi aap?"

He doesn't mention the secret anymore, or about finding it out. Amrit half expects him to admonish her for withholding it but he doesn't. Instead he takes a box out of his pocket.

"Jaise tumhari yahaan yeh chooriyaan peheni jaati hai humarein yahaan nayi Dulhan yeh pehenti hai."

He opens the box and picks up the ornate ring inside it. As Amrit watches, Veer shows her how the jewel studded centre piece of the ring opens into a small well of sindoor.

"I'm supposed to fill your maang with this on our wedding night and only that once. Place blessings of generations upon that one woman who would sit beside me on the throne, someday."

Amrit swallows. Veer shuts the cap of the ring and holds out his hand.

"Haat dijiye apni."

She places her hand upon his but curls her fingers away from the ring. Veer looks at her quizzically.

"Maang bhar dijiye, Veer."

His fingers tighten around hers reflectively and he watches her, pointedly, sharply.

Amrit holds his gaze. Equals, she holds into that word. A promise of sorts.

Equals. No rule. No limit. No secret. Those dark eyes take her face, takes what he sees as a confirmation to her word.

Everything is so silent that Amrit hears the ring opening again in a deafening click.

Veer uses the ring itself to draw a line of thick, dark red along her parting. Some of it dusts across her face, leaving traces along her nose, her lashes flutter shut.

Veer drags a finger along her nose wiping off those traces of sindoor and takes her hand back in his, to slide the ring into her ring finger.

"Isse pehenne ka matlab hai ki aap humari hogayi. Jab tak aap suhaagan rahengi isse utarna nahi. As long as you wear it, wherever in the world you are, I will find you. I will get you back. You will remain mine."

"Why would you say that?"
Veer pauses for a moment, watches her with an unreadable look and reaches out a hand to place it upon her head.

"No reason," he smiles. "That's what the ring entails. Are you ready now? Chalein?" He opens a random drawer of her dressing table to place the ring box and inside is a crumpled piece of paper.

Amrit is wearing her shoes, picking off a shawl from where it was draped on a chair. Veer tucks the paper inside his pocket.

"Chaliyein - Kuwar sahab."

"After you," he gestures her to proceed and turns the lights of her room off himself. In a moment's delay, he unfolds the paper and reads it.

Keep him distracted. Bass aaj raat ki hi toh baat hai.

It says.

Veer clenches it in his fist. Amrit turns around and looks at him while standing at the threshold.

"Aaiye, Kuwar sahab."

He lets the crumpled piece of paper fall and reaches her in few long strides. His hand clasps hers, while his arm goes around her.

"Kya Hua?" Amrit asks.

"When you went out to the library in the morning did you lock this door Amrit?"

"I think so. Why?"

"Yaad karo. Koi aaya tha yahaan?"

He looks so agitated that Amrit places a cool hand on his hard beating heart.

"Veer..." her voice is soft. Soothing. "Baat kya hai?"

With effort Veer pulls himself together. Takes that hand of hers and kisses it.

"Koi tumhare saat ek ghatiya khel khelrahe hai. Jiss din milenge, chodenge nahi."

Amrit's eyes widens.

"Tum challo. Go ahead and sit in the car. I need to have a word with someone."

"Veer -"

"Baat karne jaa raha hoon. Katal nahi. Iss riyasat mein kuch log hai jine zeedi baat samajh nahi aati. Tum Challo. Hum aatein hai."

Abruptly he reaches in and kisses her forehead.

"Challo. Hum aatein hai."

**
I know I said 6PM, but I was hit with such a bout of melancholy early in the morning that I want a bit of conversation/ action to cheer me up. Hence posting early.
Please do vote and comment, cheer up a poor soul.
Thank you!