"Gini ka m ga eji ya mee?" I said to myself. What am I supposed to do with her? Unanswered questions and unwanted burdens both weighed heavily on my shoulders. They are my constant companions, never leaving my side. Seventeen was too young to bear such duty.

Enyi was silent. Good. I was still very angry with him. Nathaniel, she had called him. I rubbed the headache that banged against my skull. It had arrived once I saw Enyi appear from the woods with an unconscious girl thrown over his shoulder. 

Anuli and Jioke soon joined us.

Anuli nodded her head respectfully. In Igbo—we always spoke in Igbo—she said, "She's in the tent. I sent Emeka to watch her."

She stepped back as Jioke stepped forward. "The others are worried. We need to tell them something."

"Do they recognize her?" I asked.

"Not yet, but they will. That hair—it's too distinctive. Soon, rumors will spread, and we will be compromised."

You think I don't know this? I couldn't say that. A leader couldn't say that. "We can't let that happen. We'll keep her hidden for now. Anuli, gather alma, take oil and water, and grind them together. Use the paste to dye her hair black. Do that first. Tonight, we will share three hour shifts to guard her, but we can't stay here. We'll have to move early in the morning." I prayed that would be enough.

"Do you have a location in mind?" Jioke asked.

"Yes, I do, but we're running out of safe places." I added that problem to my growing list. "We need to cook food, gather water, and take down camp."

"What about clothes?" Anuli interjected. "Tomorrow was supposed to be our wash day."

"Wash half of the dirty clothes today. We'll save the rest for later. After you guys are done supervising, relieve Emeka from duty. Jioke, you will take the first shift while Anuli sleeps. Enyi will follow, and then me."

I dismissed them with a wave of my hand.

Only Enyi remained. He towered over me, standing while I sat, but I wasn't intimidated. Even my anger was beginning to lessen. I felt emotionless.

"Kambili, I—"

"We call ourselves rebels, but in truth, we are children. Anuli celebrated her sixteenth birthday three weeks ago. Jioke is only fifteen. I am the leader, so I take responsibility for your mistake. I cannot be responsible for their deaths, Enyi," I whispered, allowing my shoulders to droop. "I can't."

"You won't."

"How? Tell me, Enyi," I begged him, "because right now, all I can see is our destruction."

"Navarie is losing control of his state, and soon his city, Celestia, will crumble. Verium will not survive him mishandling funds, stealing money from the people, and raising taxes to finance the extravagant life the First Family lives in their palace. The city is showing weakness. The people of Celestia are plagued by typhoid, the pox, and other viruses that should have been eradicated decades ago. Navarie is practically selling his daughters to the King of Elbonia and the Kassel of West Pacifica in an attempt to retain his power. Can't you see, Kambili? We're already winning."

"How does that help us? If what you're saying is true, it'll still take years before his reign truly ends. I can't think about the future. I need a solution for right now.

"We'll find a way."

"It might be too late. Navarie has probably already dispatched troops for her. How can we compete with trained guards? There are fifty of us to his thousands."

Enyi dropped to the ground, roping his arms around his knees. "It was a mistake, Kambili." His voice was scratchy like he was close to tears.

Placing my hand on his shoulder, I said softly, "A mistake that can ruin us all."

For as long as I've been on this Earth, I've known fear, and I'm tired. Tired of the constant plotting and endless hiding. Tired of putting on the performance that I was strong, brave, and confident, so that the young faces who looked up to me could find the courage they sought and stave off the ever- present fear that consumed us all.

I looked down at the boy who had once saved my life. We'd been together for three long years. Before Anuli, before Jioke, before all the others, there was Enyi, my brother, and me.

In that moment, I forgave him. He made a mistake, but then so did I. I never should have sent Enyi away to infiltrate Celestia six months ago. He'd warned me that it was too soon. We weren't ready, but I wasn't willing to listen.

"She was never supposed to be there." His normally steady eyes that I've long regarded as my lifeline amongst the chaos now clouded over with guilt and doubt. His short hairstyle aged him. I didn't like it. I missed his long locks and his old self-assurance.

"It was the night of her engagement ball. The First Family was supposed to stay in the ballroom with the rest of the guests. The staff was working. I thought it would be the perfect time to search the palace. I was just about to leave Navarie's study when I heard Celeste creep inside. I could have left without her ever noticing me, but then I saw the journal and the key in her hand."

"You thought it would be the journal," I said, nodding along. I would have done the same as him.

"I hoped it would be the journal. I didn't mean for her to hit her head and lose consciousness, but in the scuffle between us, she fell. I took her, praying that it wouldn't be in vain."

"You are sure that no one saw you with her?"

"I'm positive. Although, by now, they all probably know it was me."

"Olive, too?" He barely mentioned her in his official report to me, but something in the way he said her name made me think there was more to the story.

"She'll be the first to figure it out."

He fell silent, and I wondered if he was thinking about Olive and all that he'd left behind when he left Celestia and returned back to me. Three years ago, I would've asked him. Six months, I would've asked him, but after all these months apart, I felt a distance between us. We had separated from each other before, but not more than a few weeks. This time was different. Enyi was different, altered. I didn't know if Celeste had wrought this change in him, or this Olive of whom he so hesitantly spoke, but I could feel it nonetheless.

"What about the cook. Her name was Cookie, yes? How will she feel knowing that it was her decision to give you a job in the palace? Is she someone who we need to worry about?"

"I'm the last of her worries. I last saw her being dragged back to the palace. I don't know what she did, but I wouldn't wish Navarie's wrath on anyone. The only other person I can think of who might be suspicious is Brigit. She's that new worker I was telling you about. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but something about her is off. Right before Cookie fled, I heard her confide in Brigit, and that was the last I heard of Brigit. She disappeared. Then, there's Tristan and Liam, but they don't live in the city."

I watched him rattle off the names of these people I'd never know, feeling the bridge between us widen.

"They'll know I took Celeste, but they'll never connect Nathaniel Quill, the errand boy, with you or the group."

I shook my head. "We don't know what they know. We can only pray for deliverance. If Maximilian Navarie finds out that we stole his daughter, we will never rise again. Chukwu nyelu anyi aka."

*****

TRANSLATIONS: 

Gini ka m ga eji ya mee - What am I supposed to do with her? 

Chukwu nyelu anyi aka - God help us.