I get out of the car as quickly as possible.  I feel dizzy.  I need space, air, something.  The rest of the car ride was so horrible and silent, and it was at least 90% my fault.  I need air.

Ted gets out behind me, and I feel weight find the small of my back.  "You okay?"

I need air even more, but I'm okay with the way that hand on my back makes me feel like I'm suffocating.  This is an okay tenseness.  An okay nervousness.  Okay butterflies.  Good butterflies.

"Yeah," I sigh stiffly.  And I don't think it's a lie.  I actually do feel okay, with him hovering behind me.  Him towering over me, even in heels.  If only Ted could hover behind me all night.

"Alright," he continues, low so only I can hear.  "Just let me know if you need anything."

And the weight disappears.  That security blanket's gone, and I have to waltz into this frat house with Ted merely by my side.  And Schlatt on the other, Carson and Cooper dragging behind us. 

Breathe.  Focus.

When we walk in, the music's loud, the light's are low, it's hot, and there's people everywhere.  I look over to Ted, and it's the first time I'm noticing what he's wearing.  Just a hoodie and jeans, but the hoodie hangs off of him so nicely.  Those big, round glasses.  His hair all fluffy on top of his head.  I have to look up so much just to see those details.

Over the music, Schlatt calls from my other side, "I'm going to find the alcohol, I'll let you guys know when I do."  And he's off, into the sea of people.  Once again, can't tell if he's joking or not.  I hate the way he leaves you knowing less than you did when you started talking to him.

I watch Cooper disappear silently behind the taller, presumably trying to follow him.  Then there was three.  Carson announces to us, "The other four should be here.  Wanna go look for them?"

Ted shakes his head, answering just as loudly, "Nah.  You just text me when you find them, we'll meet back up."

"Cool."

And we're alone.

Well, not alone, considering this place is jammed full of people trying not to bump into each other too much.  But it feels like Ted and I are the only people in the world as he stares down at me.

Not sure what to do, I offer, "Let's go find somewhere to sit down."

And with a nod, he's off.  Leading me through a house I have no idea who any one is or where anything is.  It's hard to keep up, he's so tall, but I swear he's doing it on purpose.  When Ted turns around to see if I'm following, I see him smirk as I try to squeeze past people to keep up.

"Slow poke," he laughs brightly, outstretching a hand.  And naturally, I latch on, letting him literally drag me behind him.  It's a thrill I've never felt yet love.  His hand is so big, covering the entirety of mine with our fingers laced together.  It's loud and hot and all around way crazier than any social event I've attended, and Ted's pulling me along through every part of it.

Finally, we stop at an empty spot on a leather couch.  Hand's still intertwined, he crashes down with no room on either side of him with all the people around.  Before I can catch up with what's going on, he's forcefully pulling me down on top of him.  I land with the most genuine, stupid girly giggle I've ever had.  And he smiles in that way only Ted can to light up an entire room.

Our faces are way closer now that we're eye level with each other, and I can smell him, see right into his chocolate eyes.  Our hands come apart only for his to land on my back again, and I love it.  My heart's bumping in time with the fast-paced music.  Ted and I are just drinking each other in. 

It feels like I'm a whole new person.  I've never been this exciting, this close to someone, this outgoing.  I haven't felt this teenage since high school, so free of responsibility, so full of butterflies in that high school crush kind of way, so willing to just put myself forward for someone.

"You seem better now," Ted says with his smile still wide as ever.

"I am," I reply honestly, latching onto his arm with one hand.

How is this me?  This feels like an out of body experience.  I'm literally sitting on the lap of the most beautiful guy ever, in the middle of a college party.  It's unreal that Y/n, the same Y/n who babysits on weekends and works fast food during the week, is actually right here right now.  And I love it more than I've ever loved anything.

"Fuck," Ted sighs. "Carson probably texted." Without a second thought, Ted leans up off the couch slightly, holding me just with that hand on my back, to retrieve the phone from his back pocket. Then I bounce back down with him, giggling again. I see Ted smile as he unlocks his phone, and it's so strange to have caused that.

"Yup," he confirms. "The other goobers are here."

I laugh once again, making him laugh too. "Who are they?" I ask, just to keep us sitting like this for longer.

Ted lists off, "Travis, Josh, Noah, and Charlie. Don't worry, they aren't nearly as cool as me."

"Well of course not," I play along. "No one is."

"I love that you can joke. I hate when girls can't just be loose and joke around every once in a while."

"I get that," I answer genuinely, still staring into Ted's eyes.

And we stay like that just a moment longer before Ted finally says, "Okay, let's find everyone else."

So I get up awkwardly, Ted towering over me once he's up. Way out of my regular comfort zone, I outstretch my hand to him. I don't know if it's the setting or Ted, but something's happening to me. And I don't mind it as Ted's hand finds mine so he can drag me back through the crowd.

It feels like forever yet not long enough when Ted finally stops. I almost bump into him, having to squeeze up next to him to see why we've stopped. And it's not because of his other friends that have apparently arrived.

It's Cooper.

Our eyes meet, being we're about equal height with my shoes, and I watch him quickly scan over the situation. Our hands interlocked, me pressed into Ted's side, everything. His face is stone cold, so I can't tell what he's thinking. I'm hoping it's nothing bad.

Ted saves us from the awkward by informing Cooper, "The other's are here, Carson just texted me."

"Okay," is all he says, just as flatly as Schlatt. Speaking of, the taller emerges from the crowd right behind Cooper, red Solo cup in hand. Guess he wasn't joking earlier.

"Hey, lovebirds!" he chuckles, smile showing for the first time as he looks us up and down. It feels so.. weird. Ted and I are being seen as, like, a thing. And I don't think I mind, but the look that's taking over Cooper's face is getting to me. Schlatt continues, "Want anything to drink, Y/n?"

Him directly addressing me is completely unexpected, and I feel my eyes go wide. "Oh, no, thanks," I smile back as I blush with embarrassment.

"So where you two going?" Schlatt questions, sipping from his cup of God-knows-what.

Ted answers for us, "The other four just got here."

"Who cares?" Schlatt chuckles deeply. "Show your new toy around the party, not off to our lame friends."

"Hey," Ted scolds jokingly, "Our friends are not lame!"

With a smirk that makes me shiver, Schlatt points out, "Didn't deny Y/n being your toy, though."

Cooper finally interjects, "Really, Schlatt, cut that shit out. You're the one acting like Y/n is a toy."

Here it goes again. Just like in the car. I'm making things tense, just by being here. How do I always manage to do that, no matter what the situation? Maybe that's why parties like this are out of my comfort zone. Because I make everyone uncomfortable.

Hell, I'm already out here being way more social than normal. Might as well make the most of it.

"Hey," I speak up, stronger than I think I ever have. Staring at Schlatt, I decide, "I'll take you up on that drink."

That smug grin appears again and he says, "Follow me, then."

I look up to Ted, feeling his hand squeeze tighter over mine before falling away. "Come get us when you find the others, alright?" He only nods, and I'm on my way, following Schlatt through the crowd of people this time. Cooper and Ted disappear behind us as I try to keep up. Am I slow or are these tall guys just super fast?

He finally stops at a small clearing where a bunch of those cheap, foldaway tables are lined against a wall. There's every kind of alcohol I've ever seen and then some as well as some punch, water, and snacks.

As Schlatt opens his mouth to talk, I interrupt, "I don't really want anything to drink. I just wanted to get away."

His face gives no clues as to what he's thinking, but that stupid grin makes me afraid to hear what he's about to say.